tellll meeee.

ahhhh. so i went to visit Abby when she was working after dropping Maeve at circus. and i'm trying to think of how this came up. oh now i remember. i was saying that i didn't want to go home and do homework. she said that i should go over Josh's house. and i was like noooo way, that would be sketchy. and at first she said no it wouldn't. then i said think back to before you started dating Colin and if you showed up at his house. then she agreed with me that it would be sketchy. but then she said that Josh and I were really close. and I was ready to jump in and contradict that because we text each other a lot but we still aren't close enough to say something to each other every time we see each other. then she said something about how she knows something. and of course i ask her what and she says she can't tell me because Josh would kill her. so then that gets me going. now i really want to know what it is. but she won't tell me. and then she told me that it was what was going on in Josh's head and it took her 3 hours to get him to tell her. and that i would find out soon. and that i would be upset if she told me because it would be better if he told me.

it's driving me crazy. it has to be something good or else she would have said that it was something bad, or wouldn't have mentioned it. but she said that i will find out soon and it will make sense then. and it's somehow connected to how she thinks that we're close, even though that's debatable. true, i pretty much tell him anything and everything, well to a point. like how i told him that i wasn't going to be in school, but i didn't tell anyone else. and how when i was freaking out the day before vacation, i texted him and no one else. stuff like that. but i don't know if it's the same way. if i'm the one that he texts when he has something he wants to talk about. i can say that when i went over his house, he wasn't texting anyone, so either he was being polite or the people who he usually texts where there.

i'm overanalyzing stuff aren't i? i do that though. and then Abby said something to the effect of "why do you care so much?" and i said "you know whyy" and she said something like "you've never admitted it" so then i said "i do care." and i do. and it's scary that i care so much. i don't like that. i don't like that my feelings are dependent on someone else. you know what i'm saying? alright, i'm going to stop this post and go text Josh before i fall asleep.