beauty.

i'm going to talk about something somewhat serious instead of just telling you about my day. beauty and looks and everything. i'm not sure where i'm going with this or how i'm going to go get there. but let's try.

when everyone gets dressed up for prom everyone says how beautiful and great everyone looks. i've gotten many comments about how i looked nice/beautiful/stunning/pretty at prom. so i don't usually? do i have to put on makeup, get my hair done, and put on a dress in order to look beautiful? and who says that's beautiful? society, obviously. that's what we've been raised on. we hear what other people think is beautiful so be begin to think the same thing. it happens at a really young age before you know what's happening.

is that why most girls don't think they're beautiful? i don't think i have met one girl that was one hundred confident that they are beautiful. i don't think i am. i don't think i'm ugly. i'm not completely insecure. i'll wear makeup sometimes but more often than not I won't. I have no problem leaving the house with no make up on. i've left the house without brushing my hair before. but at the same time, i don't think i'm beautiful. for me beautiful is some girl who is...beautiful. you can just tell by looking at her. but then sometimes i think that everyone is beautiful. i'm on the fence about if i reserve the word beautiful for someone who i really think is, or if all girls are. but then am i lying? the trouble here is that i don't have my definition of beautiful all sorted out.

okay, let's move on to when you get complimented on how you look. how do you take it? do you believe them? does it mean something to you? i think it depends on who says it and when they say it. when your parents or close friends say it, it probably doesn't mean much. but what about like when Adam told me that I looked nice at prom? I said thanks, but I feel like it's obligatory for him to say something because I'm his date. and like how half the girls at prom tell you that you look nice and then you say quickly "you, too!". so if this doesn't mean much, then who's opinion means a lot? i think the ultimate compliment, for me at least, would be when a guy that i really like tells me that I look beautiful when I'm not dressed up, I'm just my normal self, and he's looking me in the eyes when he says it and just the way he says it I can tell that he really means it and believes it. Otherwise it's like, you look beautiful 1) because you have on a bunch of makeup and you hair looks nice 2) because i have to say it for one reason or another. I hope that one day someone call tell me that I look beautiful like I described before and I'll just feel like I'm walking on air.

yes, that was an intentional use of my URL, but very appropriate.

but now, why is it so important to look pretty or beautiful? society again. but going back up to my ideal situation, when he says that he can't just be saying it about looks, he says to say it about personality too. like the idea that your beauty shines in and out. and that once you really know someone, their looks don't matter, because when you look at them you just see the real person.

does this even make sense?
let's try to sum it up.
- people use the word "beautiful" too often, when they don't actually mean it, so it's lost its value
- people are too obsessed with beauty and looking good on the outside
- i still want someone to call me beautiful and really mean it.