so i am reading old posts. i just started at the first post and keep pressing "Newer post" after I finish that one. i was cute back then and actually pretty similar to myself now. but i found something that i thought was pretty cute/relevant. me talking about my crush on Josh back in 9th grade.
"i think the only reason i am saying all of that is because i haven't been in love yet. yes i have had lots of crushes but i haven't loved any of them. i may have thought i did. i didn't. not even close. i still don't have anyone. of course there is one crush - that 7th period person. but honestly i don't think i really do. really do what? like him. love him. whatever. i definitely don't love him. sorry. that was harsh. but it's true. actually it wasn't harsh at all. it sucks. especially since i don't think that any guy has any feelings for me what so ever. YAY! that means that i'm an ugly little anti-social smart girl who just drags her way through life and no one is really sure if she has any friends or not or if she is just a freak who is trying to be cool and fit in which isn't really working out for her and she should just give up."
i'm not going to post this yet until i'm done reading old posts for tonight, just incase he pops up again and i want to copy and paste. before this i had said something about him and Jon sitting with us at lunch one day and how it was awkward and they'll probably never sit with us again. but anyways, i thought that prior one was very cute. i posted it on March 18, 2009. and look at that two years from then, I'm texting him everyday. makes me smile.
March 31, 2009:
then we saw a worm. a big one. it got bigger then smaller. but it was still bigger. we all made a circle around it and sort of traveled with it. then everyone except for Josh and Ryan sort of moved on but they kept following it. you realize that now that worm is going to be the one thing we always remember about this day. that worm.
right after we saw that Josh and Ryan were still with the worm Colin said a story about how Josh use to pick up all the worms on the pavement and put on them on the grass after a rain storm. then Devin flung herself on Josh saying how sweet he is and is he single? i despise her. seriously.
that was when we had that scary day when a kid burned himself and we had to spend forever outside.
April 1st, 2009:
"we had to do this skit in a group. we didn't get to pick our group. i got stuck in probably the worse possible group. I'm not going to say names cause really names don't matter it is their personality that matters. One girl didn't want to be with us at all, you could tell she pretty much hated us, i'm not friends with her and i don't want to be friends with her at all before and after this. so she was no help. i'll name Josh's name. he was fine. the only one that actually contributed something other than some poorly made signs. the poorly made signs go the next guy. idiot. he didn't do anything either except for being stupid, getting off topic, and just generally not doing anything productive. he was set on having handcuffs that we made him not use in the end. the last would be a 10th grader. i'm in 9th grade. yep, he failed last year. that says something right there. he kept getting distracted, talking about other things. he didn't do crap either. then you have me. i had just received a 100 on the last test. the highest in the grade. and i didn't just get it. Mr. Touchette announced it in front of the whole class. they must have all been loving me getting my 100 while they were looking at their 52.
anyways. the days we were suppose to work on it were completely unsuccessful. i did most of the script at home. we read it through once. we didn't even act it out. and...show time! we bombed it. it was suppose to be 5 minutes, i doubt it was even 3 minutes. then the two idiots left the stage when they weren't suppose to. bye bye! the only the okay part was Mr. T had us write what we contributed to the group on a piece of paper. i wonder what they put on. actually i can tell you. the girl: "conclusion and introduction after Molly pushed me to do it and it took me almost one class period to just write the conclusion!" the guy: "i made some signs that looked awful. i also made some handcuffs which were a waste of paper and staples. i also wasted staples by stapling them into the air." the 10th grader: "nothing. except for talk about things off topic and yell at Cody." hopefully Josh thought of something good to put down since i can't think of anything, probably since i am on the topic of horribleness."
oh God, i hated that so much. it caused me more stress than it was worth. and i had to do all of it. and it was so stupid. but hey, now it doesn't matter one bit.
woahh, i know that the last time i went to the dentist they said i had two cavities and that i haven't been back there yet. but i didn't realize that was two years ago. it was on May 19, 2009. woooahhh. i found out recently that my mom decided not to go back there again but i didn't realize it was that long. but that's fine by me. i don't like the dentist.
i read all the way up to July 15th and now i'm done for tonight. but i think i have changed since then. i think i have more self-confidence than i did back then. i was so so quiet and always the one on the outside and it annoyed me so much. now if i'm with a group of friends i'll probably be of the loudest. and if i don't feel like talking then i won't but it won't be because i'm insecure. i guess i have grown up a lot. it's hard to sort of explain. it's not a big transformation. it's more of a quiet subtle one inside, that most people won't notice unless they really remember what i was like back in 9th grade.
but now it's 11:32 and i'm going to go to sleep before it's Sunday.
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