Hi. I'm in study hall right now. I can't do this. I did my spanish article but I can't focus on research. I'm going to be stressed out doing research later because I don't have nearly enough sources. I have like a few links. So I really need to do some but I can't. I don't have any concentration or motivation. Instead I'm just messing up my life. Well not really. Well kind of. I don't know. I'll tell you. So Josh and I held hand up to english but when we got to english class he tried to kiss me and I sort of just pushed through him and was like uhhh no. I don't know why. I sort of panicked. I'm not used to this whole being a girlfriend thing. It's weird. It's overwhelming too. I guess I wasn't comfortable kissing him right there in front of everyone in the hallway and everyone in my classroom that could see. I feel so bad now though. Especially since last night I was telling him what was happening in Glee and I was freaking out over how Rachel wouldn't let Finn kiss him and how they just needed to get together and how they were both stupid but then how it ended up they did get together and ladida. Then I don't let him kiss me. I'm sorry. It's not like I don't like him or I don't want to kiss him. It's just. Ah too fast. I'm just a little kid. I'm not used to having a boyfriend and the whole couple stuff. Josh has had a girlfriend before, so he's probably ready to just go back to the high points of his old relationship. Yeahhh it's going to take me a bit to get there. I still feel like I'm doing things wrong or messing stuff up. Like I'm trying but I'm not trying hard enough. Like I'm not living up to the expectations. I'm just falling flat on my face and looking like a fool doing it. Blah. And I'm getting myself all nervous and worked up wondering what he's thinking and how I'm going to tell him all of this.

Ahhh, I'll figure it out though, right?