in the last thirty seven hours, 37 that is, i have taken my AP test, gone to prom, ran a horse show, and only slept for 6 of those 37 hours.

and i am sick and tired of seeing prom pictures on facebook. so sick of it. and i haven't even looked at any. the only prom pictures i have looked at were Abby's and I only looked at them on my phone during the show. i haven't even looked at my own prom pictures. i don't even want to. and my profile picture isn't going to be a picture of me at prom or in prom attire. i'm not beautiful because i put on a dress, get my hair done, and put on some makeup - i'm just beautiful all the time. hahaha, okay right molly, you believe that. but still i just don't like the whole idea of it. maybe i'll change my mind but right now i'm completely anti-prom.

i did have fun though. it was extremely awkward at some parts. like when we were first got there. and the limo ride there. and half the time i was dancing. and especially when i was slow dancing with Adam. he's too tall. and he didn't talk to me, he just looked around the room. that was stupid. but Adam was extremely nice the whole time, not ditching me or anything. so can't complain there.

yep, i still wish I went with Josh. very much so.

the horse show was one of the most stressful things i could have done the day after AP test and prom. i was running around making sure people were doing what they were supposed to, then i had to do what i was supposed to do, and make sure everything was happening like it should. and i don't know how i did it. at the end i almost broke down. i was this close to crying. my eyes were watering up. but i held it together. then i almost did again when i got home and my dad said to me "it doesn't take that much energy to be civil" and i was about this close to ripping his head off. but unfortunately my anger emotions are linked to my tears. especially since he got chinese food, but he didn't get forks or spoons for anyone else, just himself. and he didn't get drinks for anyone. he just started eating while we were doing the rest of this. and he gives me a hard time for being in a bad mood. i'm sure he got to sleep in nice and late.

and Abby I just, like less than five minutes ago, read your blog post. so you probably know by now that i'm not mad at or with you. i think i was just frustrating that my life wasn't all fabulous. and i always have these high expectations for both myself and everyone surrounding me. especially the people i'm closest too. which isn't fair at all. you didn't have to do anything. so you didn't do anything wrong. but i was pretty upset that i practically struggled through the whole thing by myself. but i did it. i don't think that has sunk in yet. i still feel like something else is going to be thrown at me and i'm going to have to figure out how to get through it. watch, something will. i don't trust when i'm relaxed and everything's quiet. something's going to happen. hopefully it's something good.

ah what else. my surprise was that Dana and Bella came over. thank goodness for my mother. she's the real reason i didn't break down and completely die this weekend. if i had to get ready for prom by myself i probably would have but she made sure i had my friends there. and i'm crying now typing this. i love my mom so much. she looks out for me and realizes what i need when i don't even know it. i don't think she realizes how much i love her and appreciate her and the tears just keep streaming down my face.

alright. what else. nothing. i think i'm probably going to go to sleep. it's not even 8 yet, it's 7:52. i'm so dead. i made it through the weekend of hell though. goodnessss.