so things are somewhat better now.

i picked out some nailpolish to bring to Mollie's house and i was forgetting about everything. then i went outside to leave and i realized that i left my keys in the house. and all the doors were locked. and i thought that there wasn't a spare key. so i called the home phone twice and Maeve didn't answer. Maeve's the only one home and she was upstairs in her bedroom. I also called her cellphone but it went straight to voicemail. So then I decided to throw rocks at her window. Which I did. And that made me laugh and put me in a better mood. after I threw a few rocks I walked around the side of the house to the door out to the deck and Maeve was downstairs now, so she let me in. she said she was trying to sleep. but ahhh, i would do that.

i got my nails done by Mollie and was in an okay mood and my nails came out pretty good. so then i came home and constructed a system of going through two units of IDS and FRQs then doing some of my practice test. then my mom came home and i ate some dinner. then i finished going through the answers the practice test. then i put my dress on with my jewelry and all of that. that sort of killed the mood.

there's an illusion in the world that when you put on a dress then suddenly you're gorgeous. it's not true. i put on all my stuff and didn't feel gorgeous, or beautiful, or even pretty. which was a disappointment. i need to stop setting this expectations for people, and things now. but now i'm just sort of like. this sucks. i hope that i'll look better with my hair down nicely and makeup on. but if i have to do my own makeup then it might not look so hot cause all i really have is some eyeshadow and mascara and some foundation like stuff. whatever. i don't even care at this point. i'll suffer through the whole pre-prom thing at my house and at Adam Beaupre's house. I can tell already it's going to suck. i just hope that the actual prom will go somewhat well.

blah i still feel sort of bad. i haven't talked to anyone since i got home, except for my family and Mollie, so i've just been suffering in my stress. actually i've been handling it pretty well by myself. not like a have a choice. whatever. i'm going to watch youtube videos, get in the shower, and go to sleep and then somehow make it through tomorrow.

in 12 hours i'll have 10 minutes until I start the AP test and then in 24 hours I will have already been at prom for almost two hours. not looking forward to it. at all.