You're supposed to share stories right?

Well I told Katelyn, Mollie, and Sarah about my little prom dilemma today. I was going to tell them at lunch but I couldn't because Colin was sitting right there. If he was listening he might have been able to figure out what I was going to say something about Josh before I caught myself. I shouldn't have even mentioned anything right then because then they were hounding me for the rest of lunch to tell them. So I wrote Katelyn a letter at the end of spanish and they three of them read it. It really just said about how I think Josh was going to ask me, and how Adam hasn't talked to me and I'm wondering if he is avoiding me and if he only asked me to prom because he wanted a date. I don't blame him for that by the way, and I wouldn't mind it as much if there wasn't someone else.

One of the reasons why I decided to tell them today is because it sort of hit me in the gut today during 1st period. We did a driving while texting simulation thing during our english class. And of course I have english the same period as Josh and Adam. Adam avoided me completely, just saying. Josh ended up behind me while we were watching the simulation thing. I wasn't paying attention to their conversation but they started talking about prom and Josh said that he wasn't going, why would he go? And I was just thought in my head, the only reason why he isn't going is because i'm not going with him. he could go with another girl, right? or find a group of friends but that would be awkward sort of. he could go with Jayna. yeah, i should be going with Josh because I don't want him to go with anyone else.

So now what do I do?

Well I'm going to ask Adam why he asked me to prom in the first place. It's probably going to end up having to be via some sort of technology because today after study hall when I went to talk to him, he went the other way. He always goes the same way as me, but today? nope. and yesterday his backpack was so interesting. I mean if he liked me, he would talk to me, right? so he must have just asked me because he needed a date. and right now, i'm just like whatever. any feelings I had for Adam are leaving very quickly.

so here's one situation in my head. Adam says that he only asked me because he needed a date. So I say something like, well there's someone who actually likes me and what to go with me, and how I don't really want to go with him if he's just using me and doesn't like me. And he'll be like...okay, whatever, i understand. And then I'll be like, Josh? Sorry I sort of messed up, but would you want to go to prom with me? And I hope he would say yes or else I'm completely screwed.

another situation. I explain the whole thing to Josh. About how when I said yes to Adam I didn't know that he wasn't going to talk to me, and I didn't know if Josh was going to ask me or not, and how I would rather be going with Josh, but I can't go back on my word. And he'll understand and we'll plan our own outing that will be more fun than prom. I'll still have to deal with stupid prom but at least I'll know that Josh knows where I stand and I won't care what happens at prom.

the second situation doesn't sound half bad. I'll just have to actually tell Josh. Probably through text since I never see him or have the chance to talk to him without anyone else around. That will make for an awkward day the next, but that's better than him wondering, right? I don't know.

Katelyn says that I shouldn't go back on my word to Adam saying that I would go with him. My mom never suggested that I change my mind, so I'm guessing she agrees with Adam. Abby thinks that I could change my mind. I feel like that's kind of selfish though. But I can imagine myself doing it more so than before. Everyday that goes back that I have no contact with Adam and I talk to Josh I can see it happening more and more.

I can survive one night though. Maybe I could survive it more so if...I don't know. This is too much thinking for me. It's a stupid night, why is it so complicated? I want to hear what Mollie has to say at lunch tomorrow. And what Abby says after she reads this. And if I go prom dress shopping with Bella and Maeve, I'll probably ask them.

I never used to tell anyone anything like this, except for Abby. No one knew who I had crushes on. At all. Now it's like so many people are talking about it. But I want their opinions and I trust them and why should I hold this whole burden on my own?

I need to stop thinking about this for a bit. Tumblr? I think so.