:3

hi. (:
um. I have lots of things to talk about but I want to record a few texts from last night. ohhahah, isn't that like some funny website with ridiculous texts? yeah no, these are nice texts. i just want to have them on here so i can look back and read them and see if i can feel what i'm feeling now again. and i want to share it with whoever happens to read this for whatever reason. if you've read this all the way through then you've seen how Josh has gone just from a guy in my class to the guy that i text every night. after i told Abby what i'm going to tell you shortly she said, "Heheh i love watching you guys grow...its very neat" so i guess i want to give that to everyone who ends up reading this. i don't know who is going to read this blog, if anyone. i don't know how they're going to stumble upon this, or why they're going to read this, but if i can just give them a glimpse into this happiness and maybe make them happy, then i'm happy. does that make sense? i hope it does.

but after i posted that post about wanting to text someone, i texted Josh, and he texted me right back. i don't know if family was still over or not, and i don't really care, because he saved me from going insane. and then after i had dinner he was telling me about how he was thinking about not going to school today, and i said yeah that makes sense and such, then i said "but I'll miss seeing you tomorrow at school!" and he said "Ill miss seeing you too =)" which made me smile. maybe he was just being polite, but still it made me happy.

and then i went on to complain and vent and write a mini-novel about Wylie and how if I don't have a horse to show for the summer, I might go to Boston and work there. and he responded with "I see.. you can complain all you want though, ill listen =) though i kinda hope you get a good horse too, cuz i have a better chance of seeing you more when youre not in boston" And Boston is looking less and less appealing...

okay, let me go look at that list of other things I needed to talk about that I posted a few days ago. and just so you know, within the past four days, i have texted Josh more than 100 times, which is far more than anyone else. the runner up to that is Abby, with 95 messages within the last five days. okay, back to that list

yesterday i did 12 IDS, the day before i did 13. that's a lot for me. but i did it. i finished all the IDS. pretty proud of myself.

oh goodness, there's a huge Beauty and the Beast story but I've already told it a ton i don't really feel like telling it again, so i'll give you the short version. wanted to see play because Danny and Sierra in it. Dana and I go to high school. No one there. Decide to go to movies. Talk to my mom on facebook via my phone. At elementary school. Turn around. Drive past elementary school three times until we find it behind the library. 15 minutes late. Enter the first door we see. End up backstage. Get brought around to where we were supposed to come in. Only available seats in the front where people who reserved them never showed up. Run to the front after Sierra's done singing a song. Watch the show. Afterwards wait around to see if Danny or Sierra come out. Of course Sierra's mother's right there. Talk to her and somehow make it seem like I'm only there to see Sierra. Sierra comes out and it's extremely awkward. Danny never comes out. Go home. Send Danny a message on facebook and he hasn't responded.

The only other thing I want to saw about that is I hope Sierra hasn't turned into some stuck-up snob, which is what she seemed like when I saw her for two seconds. I liked her when she was little. Now that she's all grown up and beautiful and can sing and land the lead in the musical I hope she doesn't get all...eww. But no grand reunion there.

Wylie's back at his owner's. Yep. He's lame. I don't know what the chances of him coming back are. First off he needs to get better. Then if we haven't found another horse, or changed our mind, or the owner changed her mind, or something happens, then he might come back. But who knows. Whatever. It's like everything I touch just withers away. AJ lasted a week. Pride's gone. Calvin didn't happen. Now Wylie's not going to happen. And I wanted to show at regionals too. I just imagined myself at regionals showing then hanging out with my friends. I would make Abby and Josh come. and it would be a grand ole time.

About that, two nights ago I was trying to fall asleep and I realized that none of my friends have seen me ride (I mean the ones who don't also ride). Riding is what I do. It's one of the only things that I put a lot of time into in order to be good. Yet none of my friends have actually seen me ride. Which is kind of annoying. I've seen Abby in improv, plays, concerts, at work, yet she hasn't seen me ride. I've gone to a dance class with Katelyn, yet she hasn't seen me ride. I know that riding isn't something that puts on performances for people to come and watch and it isn't the easiest thing to come and see. But it's not like we go to California to ride. I ride at the barn in Westhampton all the time, and most of the horse shows are around here, especially during the summer. Abby's been to the barn, but never seen me on a horse. And Abby, don't freak out and feel bad and try to rush over to see me ride, because that's just stupid and not the same. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me, because obviously it does or I wouldn't be writing this. It's just like...more than four years and never seen me do what I love to do and what I'm good at. I guess I'm not alone, I can't remember any of Bella's friends coming to watch her ride. Whatever.

So I'm kind of done with Adam, like completely. It's so stupid. He comes onto facebook and doesn't talk to me. He has my number but he never texts me. He didn't make one effort to communicate with me over vacation, except for when I showed up at the barn and he said hi. Oh wow. Great. Today during study hall I sort of smiled at him then started talking to Renee. I know that's kind of childish but I don't want to talk to him. When he came onto facebook a few minutes ago and I really didn't want to talk to him, but I knew I should. So I said "hey Adam" and he didn't say anything for a few minutes then he goes offline. Comeeeee onnn, I already know that I messed up badly and am going with the wrong guy, I don't need this too. And we have to buy prom tickets this week and pick our tables. I know that he will want to sit with his friends and I'm going to want to sit with my friends, so yeah, I'm going to have to talk to him but if he logs off of facebook! I really just want prom to be over with. It's stupid anyways. I do want to get dressed up a bit because I know I'll look good. But the people that really matter don't have to see me look good, they don't care what I look like. So I really just want to get prom over and done.

Um, I think that's all I have to talk about. Thank you, come again.