I'm wondering if you have ever felt like this, or know what I'm taking about.

When there is that person who you are always aware of. Like when you're in a room, you might not be looking at them, but you're either watching out of the corner of your eye or looking around the rest of the room to make sure they haven't moved. And everything you talk about to the people around you, you're aware that he could be listening, so you try not to say something stupid. And then you are questioning yourself, and your thoughts go something like this: "Should I say something to him? But what should I say? Do I look alright? Maybe I should just stay quiet and see if he says something." And then he doesn't and you're like "I should have said something" and then you come up with the perfect line, but it's too late.

Now you could be saying, just relax Molly. If you want to say something, then say it, don't stress out over finding something to say. And if he wants to say something to you, then he'll say it, don't stress over him saying anything. And don't worry about where he is in the room or what you look like, just relax, be you, and you'll be fine.

But it's not that easy. Because if you don't say something to him then maybe he'll think that you don't want to talk to him, and then he'll never talk to you. Then you'll never talk. And then if you don't pay attention to where he is and such, then you could do something really stupid in front of him. Which is sort of a big deal when you're first getting to know someone, because now their limited knowledge of you includes that. Like getting one question wrong out of three, versus getting one question wrong out of a hundred. Get what I'm saying?

It's stressful having to be on top of your game all the time at school. Well not all the time, I know exactly when I have to. Coming it to school, see who's at lockers, then before homeroom, then walking from homeroom to English, then walking from English to the stairs. And then during 2nd period and lunch I have someone else I have to be aware of. Then after 4th period, after 6th period, then at the end of the day. Pretty much goes like that.

I know I shouldn't worry or even think about it. But I do. And I don't really realize it then, but it sort of takes a toll on you having to be aware all that time. Worrying about if you should say something. If you're doing the right thing. It's stupid actually. I would rather just get past this stupid stage to the point where whenever we see each other we just say hi and talk about random things and it's not stressful. Or if I don't say something it's not a big deal either. Like with Abby, whenever I see her I always say something, or make a face at her, or wave, or whatever. It's the whole in between that annoys me, when you don't know exactly how you're supposed to act and it's awkward like.

And I'm hungry still. I had a chicken salad wrap thingy and it was good but now I'm hungry again. Today I've eaten: Reeses Puffs (reeses puffs, reeses puffs, peanut-butter chocolately flavor!), chicken quesadilla, nachos, M&M cookie, chicken salad wrap. That should be plenty enough. Actually I guess it's past dinner time now and I haven't had dinner yet, so I shouldn't blame myself. My mom's bringing home chinese food so I'll hold out for that.

Um, my plan today was to study for history and I did not do any of that. I did a lot of 4H stuff though. Um. I think this blog post is done.