finished the book.

i think i started it yesterday? well i was on like page 13 this morning and now it's done. and i was right. Josh turned out to be a jerk only interested in Hannah's mother and Finn was perfect for her. obviously. i'm glad it all ended up happily ever after - it gives me hope that my happily ever after can really happen too.

ah. i'm worried about a spanish quiz. first time in a long time. i have an 89 in that class. i have to do on this quiz to bring it up. an 89 might not sound bad but it sort of is to me. i've been a straight A student since the beginning of time. the only acceptable 80 is in an honors class, especially not in spanish where that is known as an easier class. goodness. and this could be the quarter where i have all As if my algebra grade stays up. oh goodness. well at least i'm worrying about school. the way i've been talking in this blog lately it seemed like all i worry about is guys and how i look. unfortunately my life consists of more than that or fortunately. maybe i should study some more for spanish. goodness. goodness. that's really annoying how i have said goodness a bunch of times in this paragraph. goodness.

do you know me? truly know me? Finn seemed to know Hannah so well and i can't believe that a guy could actually know a girl that well. just by her facial expressions and how she says things. maybe that's because it is a fiction book. but i can hope that maybe someday i'll find someone who can. maybe it won't happen while i'm in high school. maybe it will. maybe it would if i opened up more. but the guy won't need me to open up. i won't need to do anything for him and he won't need to do anything for me. we can just be.

look at me. the hopeless romantic. i never thought about myself as one till now. but i am. pretty much. too bad. that means i have more expectations to be disappointed than the non hopeless romantic. i should shut up now and maybe study. or start reading another book before i have to read a book for english class. those are never as good as the lovely books i enjoy reading.

ahhhh. ah. ah. i'm not really screaming. i'm sitting here calmly telling myself that everything will work out. that things will get better. and that they aren't all that bad now but they can get better. well they could get worse but hopefully there is more than this out there. because my life is boring. the most exciting part is writing this blog.

i forgot to mention how much i love my job (end sarcasm). the dog got out of his crate, tipped over the trash can, destroyed all the trash, threw the trash all over the living room and kitchen, pooped and peed in the house, and made me clean it all up. well the girls weren't going to do it of course. i should get a raise.

sigh. okay. i should stop now. and in case you were wondering the woman i babysit for gave me a ride home. i saw Ryan's car in his driveway. because i'm creepy like that and look when i drive or walk by. the hopeless romantic side of me is saying "he could be looking out of the window waiting for you to walk by and every time you look up he hopes that you will see him but he tells himself that you aren't looking at him or his house or his car, you are just walking by and don't care about him. but he hopes that maybe one day he figure you out". but we both know that isn't true.

thanks to my buddy Tony Oller (i don't really know him don't think that something amazing happened in my life. i'm just kidding) introduced me (he didn't really) to Savannah and her sound If You Only Knew because he is in the music video. but here are the lyrics to it. i think i'll end with those. for real. and now i'm listening to the song as well.

If you only knew that I think about you
In a kinda secret way
I say kind of 'cause
Well it's obvious
I must be feeling these things

Too bad you can't tell 'cause...

If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane to know
That you feel the same as I do
If You Only Knew

If you only knew I write songs about you
In the lyrics of the feel
I imagine us chillin' out and stuff
When I close my eyes this is real

Singing out your name
If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane to know
That you feel the same as I do
And then maybe someday
You'd write me a song too
If I had it my way
If you only knew
If you only knew

If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane!
If you only knew it would be a dream come true
Standing next to you
Yeah I might go insane to know
That you feel the same as I do
If You Only Knew

end of song but you knew i couldn't end with that. tomorrow i'm going to write about my school day but in a way that tells you what i'm really thinking and looking for throughout the day.