"every little past frustration."

"take out all your so called problems. better put them in quotations. say what you need to say. say what you need to say. say what you need to say. say what you need to say..."

i don't really have anything to say to you. lies.

"fighting with the shadows in your head. living out the same old moment. knowing you'd be better off instead if you could only say what you need to say..."

i'm listening to that song right now in case you couldn't figure that out. so i'm typing it as the lyrics play in my ear drums.

now i'm too tired to follow what they are saying and put it into my fingers.

so glee. yeah. sold out. everywhere. except they just just just added a new show in New York but it's on a Sunday. tickets go on sale tomorrow. yikers. i don't know if my mom would want us going to a concert in New York City on a Sunday night. or maybe she'll just buy some secondhand ones. and i don't know if Abby is coming or if she even wants to come or whatever. ahhh. i just want to see them. and i want to know that i am going to see them and be certain about that. nothing's certain.

it's supposed to rain tomorrow. i'm scared. cause my horse doesn't like the rain. and we are supposed to be jumping tomorrow in our lesson. i've already fallen off once you would think that I wouldn't be scared to do it again. i survived. but i'm scared. really quite nervous. ahagaksghahahh.

do you realize that this little moments hardly matter in the big scheme of thing but they are what make up the big scheme. to get to adulthood you have to get through the little moments now. you have to eat everyday. you have to go through the motions. i've never really gotten that. but i do now.

what if i'm not doing enough? what if there is some girl somewhere else who is just doing that much more and will get everything i want? well then good for her. i applaud her. i really really do. she deserves it. maybe i won't get what i want. but i'm not going to give up until there is no other choice but i'm sure that will never be the case. cause i have the determination. thanks.

ooh. i just got an email. Aeropostale is hosting a contest to get $5,000 college scholarship. not to mention a chance to represent Aero in their fall campaign. i'm sure it says "chance" because they will want a pretty face. i don't care about that as much as i care about the $5,000. i might as well start racking in the scholarships now. my dad said my family doesn't qualify for financial aide cause my dad makes too much. but hey doesn't mean i can't get scholarships. i'm going to prove that i'm a real teen. well i already know i am and i know that you already know that i am but i just have to somehow prove it to a bunch of clothing people. and if i do i get $5000 for college. sweet. if only the website would load.