Life's moving really fast right now.

I think I'm going to handle this blog by making it a sort of list.

- I have something going on every weekend coming up. Tomorrow I have the parade, today I had my riding lesson, I wrote an essay, then I went out to dinner (which I looked fabulous at by the way), and then Friday I had my lesson, ate dinner in two seconds, then went to the play. And next weekend I have regionals, then the weekend after that I'm competing at Zones if I make it, if I don't I'll go support my team anyways. Then the weekend after that I have 4H State stuff. Then I have three weekend and then it's the big AP test/prom/horse show weekend. That's so quick. Like so quick.

- Prom's starting to scare me because it's so close. I feel like I need to have a dress. I'm afraid that before the prom taking pictures and stuff is going to be weird or I won't get to do it with my friends. I probably won't. It will probably be either I go with Abby, Colin, and whoever else is with that. Or I go with Katelyn and Mollie. Or somehow we all end up together. I don't know. And then if I"m going to go with someone. I do want to. It seemed obvious two days ago that I might end up going with Josh but then what if I went to Adam? Or I go with no one, and I would. I'm going no matter if I go with someone or not. The actual "proming" is the scary part, I think when we get there and settle down we'll have a really good time. It's just coming up so soon.

- It's going to be summer. What am I going to do all summer? I'm pretty sure I'm not horse showing. So I am probably going to get a job. I would love to go to Boston for the summer, and I mentioned that at my dad's birthday dinner, and my mom seemed to support the idea and I don't think my dad liked it at first but he seemed more used to it by the end of the conversation. But that's soon too. How is that going to work out? Do I have to figure that all out now? And what's my relationships going to be like with all my friends then? Am I going to want to go away all summer? Right now I really want to but what if that changes?

- I didn't get Adam's number today because my lesson ran late and I only saw him at one point right when he was finishing and I was with Sam and I just didn't say anything thinking I would see him again, but I didn't. I'm not worried about that because I'll say something in study hall on Monday. I'm not as nervous thinking about talking him or whatever. He's probably more nervous than I am. But at some point today I felt rushed, like I should have gotten his number already. Like it's too late. And then I felt that way with Josh too, like our relationship should be more than just texting each other everyday, i should be talking to him in school and we should be doing something out of school. I don't know why I felt rushed, but suddenly I felt like that part of my life was going really slow when everything else was going fast.

- College. Every once and a while I'll be like "I haven't seen any colleges yet, I need to do that." But I'm not feeling the real pressure yet. If it's June and I still haven't seen any yet then I'll feel a bit worried. I was planning on seeing some during April Break when we go down to Auntie Lorrie's but apparently my dad has some plan to bring us someplace else during April Break so that might not happen. I think the feeling like I'm falling behind with the college search, even though I'm not, is because Josh has already gone to see two and I'm just like yeahhh...i have a list? And then my mom was talking about it today too and it's like it's happening so fast.

- I just got a sudden feeling of being overwhelmed. Like everything just came crashing down on me there and now I sort of feel like crying. I don't know why. I haven't talked to Abby in forever and then I don't know what to talk to her about when I text her. I feel like I'm just texting Josh nonsense all the time. I feel like I'm not doing enough yet I'm doing too much. Did you know that my dad's friend/work partner guy's sons can't go on the internet or use the computer except for school and they don't have cellphones? All they do is school work and you know productive stuff. They're both really talented apparently. I wonder what it's like for them. I wonder if they feel overwhelmed and stressed. I would like to talk to them. Maybe it's better like that. What if I gave up all electronics? Well I would never talk to Josh. I would barely talk to Abby. I wouldn't get distracted during my homework. I would read more. I would be forced to talk to Josh and Abby more out of school because I couldn't tell them things via texts but still that wouldn't be a lot. Maybe I should do that. Nah, why would I do that?

- I don't know what else to write about now. I don't feel like that helped at all. What was I expecting to get out of this? Maybe that this feeling in my stomach would go away. It's still there, if anything it's worse. I don't even know what it is. I want to talk to someone about this but I don't even know how to explain it, so it would be pointless even mentioning anything. Like I don't know where I'm going with the conversation with Abby about me going to Boston over the summer. Earlier today and yesterday I was feeling great, like I was on top of the world, but now I just sunk right back down to where I was last week. My mind needs to shut up. Why do I feel like crying again? This sucks. This needs to stop. I don't know how to make it stop.

- Oh on a good note I want to talk about Bella. You know how she was in the text-only relationship? Well she broke up with him. Thank God. He's a handful. Ever since the breakup he's posted crazy emotional statuses, want to hear one? "You left me in the dark, no matter how much i call out. you arnt coming bk. i see you lurking behind your curtain. answer me. the pain is unbearable. come out, for we were meant together.
- Okay I'm in a better mood now. So I'm going to stop this very long blog post now. It's 10:18pm in case you were wondering.