i told you i'm up and i'm down.

i'm yes and you're no. isn't that a song? hello goodbye maybe? hold on let me check this out. okay well the "i'm up and i'm down" isn't part of hello goodbye but that other stuff is and i think that it's part of a different song. whatever though.

so yeah i'm in a bit of a better mood. my family was the only family that showed up for the spain meeting which was fine. kind of awkward but i was actually kind of proud that i had this family. i had a family that cared about me and you know i kind of liked showing them off, even if it was just to my teacher. now i'm excited for the trip, it should be a lot of fun.

then i'm sort of down because i still haven't had contact with adam. i'm just like gahaha, you don't ask a girl out to prom then don't talk to her. you already did the hard part, she said yes, so now you talk to her. i'm texting josh now. so of course i'm doubting myself like, oh i should have went with josh instead. i have never done well with options. but there isn't an option because i would never go back on my word to adam. and then have to tell everyone in addition to that? no way. so adam needs to get his act together and talk to me. does he think he's just going to avoid me until the night of prom? um no. but see i'm jumping to conclusions here. maybe he got his phone taken away, which is why he isn't texting me back or maybe it isn't working, or maybe he had the wrong number for me. or maybe he read my text message and was like "ehh yeah no i don't want to talk to her, i only asked her out to prom because i needed a date and didn't want to go by myself." that would suck.

i need to stop thinking. but adam needs to talk to me. and i need sleep.

wow all this neediness. stuff was more less complicated when boys weren't interested in me.

oh i saw this thing on tumblr that hit home. let me go find it. "Though Cancers can effortlessly attract potential partners, they never feel sure that their partner loves them for who they are." If I had read this at the beginning of this school year i would have been like...me? attracting "potential partners"? you got to be kidding me. but now i can't really say that can i? that makes me feel pretty good actually in a selfish kind of way. i know that you aren't supposed to let other people influence you and how a girl doesn't need a guy to make her feel good, but it does feel good to know that someone, maybe two, people like you. i must be doing something right, right? but the second part of that quote too. it's like they like "me" but do they really like me. they like what they've seen of me, or what they think i am. that's scary. cause what happens when they find out who i am really am, then do they leave? is that what happens? well peace suckers i'm gonna be who i'm gonna be.

yeah i'm in a better mood now.