You're the only song I want to hear.

so I am not sure why I am writing about this. but whatever. so remember back at the beginning of February how I was talking to that guy from tumblr? well today he posted that he was lonely so i went on MSN and of course he was on so i started talking to him. he is not doing too well. his father beats him. his father hit him with a wooden plank and cracked two of his ribs. just because his father doesn't like him. and i know that whole thing, don't believe what everyone tells you especially on the internet, but i believe him. and what sucks even more is that he sings in a band so he can barely breath and he has a gig on Friday, which is why he told me because I asked if he was excited for his gig. No, he didn't just tell this to me, he told me because I asked.

He's just a nice guy though. Yeah yeah he could be a perv or whatever but I don't think so. I've been on omegle, I can sort of tell when someone is a perv. He always tells me I'm so cute for saying things like "i'm sorry your day has been so bad, i'll try to make it a little bit better." And then I had him go and look at my tumblr and tell me if he thinks that I should change my theme or not and he says (he change his name on here to "You're the only song I want to hear"):
"You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:16:01 PM)
I like your theme lots
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:16:05 PM)
I also like your icon
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:16:10 PM)
You're really beautiful :')"

I think that's the first time a guy has ever called me beautiful, well I can't remember any other time. And it doesn't really count does it because it was through the internet. But I still appreciate it, even if he was just saying it. I don't hear compliments like that a lot.

Anyways the conversation goes on and I say thank you and I tell him that I got contacts so I don't actually wear my glasses anymore. He told me that I should put a new icon up on tumblr then, I said sure, because I was planning on doing that anyways. I tell him that he has pick which one though. So I give him the pictures that I posted up here the other day when I was going to the Harlem Globetrotters. now don't get on me for giving a stranger pictures of me, he sees me on tumblr anyways, and it's not like he knows my name, only that my first name is Molly but my tumblr URL gives that away.

Want to see what he says?:
"You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:35:00 PM)
Do number 4 as an icon
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:35:08 PM)
And fuck me you're gorgeous.
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:35:13 PM)
And you're so skinny!!!
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:35:17 PM)
I'm jealous!
molly. says: (6:35:59 PM)
Ahh thank you! And I will put up number 4 right nowww
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:36:09 PM)
Good :)
You're the only song I want to hear. says: (6:36:19 PM)
You're absolutely stunning Molly :')
molly. says: (6:36:31 PM)
ahaha, thank you so much."
Now I have to clear things up. In tumblr world people want to fuck other people all the time, it's not a big deal at all. I don't take it seriously. It means that you are really really good looking. And no, I didn't just give him pictures so he could compliment me, I wanted to know what picture to put up because I was going back and forth between a few. And the one he picked I did end up using. It made me smile a lot though.

I'm not insecure about how I look. I think I look pretty good. Lately more than before. But it stills feels so nice for someone to call you beautiful and not because they have to. When family or good friends say it, then it doesn't mean as much because you're like "yeah yeah yeah whatever." Phil Griffiths doesn't have to do that. He could just say "Pick number four" and that be it. But he says I'm stunning. It makes me feel happy.

Why though? Aren't looks not supposed to matter? Yeah they do. They do a lot. That's why I wear nice clothes and brush my hair and wear nice necklaces and put makeup on my face everyday. So there you go, call me vain for caring about how i look, call me stupid for talking to a guy on the internet, call me an idiot for listening as he compliments me, i don't care. right now i just need people to talk to and have contact with, talking to myself just isn't cutting it, and if the only person available for me to talk to is a nice guy in England, yeah I'm going to talk to him, so deal with it.

yeah i'm tired in more ways than one.

i'm such a lazy person.

i don't know what's come over me but lately i've had no motivation to do anything. like at all. i was just on omegle trying to find tumblr users. then i was getting bored with that so i started to talk to people and one guy from Norway was cool but i forgot to save the chat so i don't have it, then he said his mom showed up so he left. so that is all i've done for about an hour and half. such a cool kid.

why don't i have any motivation to do anything? i used to get my homework done right away. now i just don't want to. what's the next step, just not doing it at all? nah, because i couldn't stand being like "i didn't do my homework." the ids are going to kill me since i keep procrastinating on those. i have a bunch of VHS work to do because i procrastinated on that too. it sucks not having any motivation.

i think i'm going to go back to omegle even though i should do my spanish journal or ids or vhs stuff. gah i hate not having motivation.

you may be thinking to yourself, just do it. i don't want to. or you may be thinking get motivated. can't. not possible. i'm just in a lazy mood and i don't want to do anything. don't blame me. blame my hormones and my emotional state.

and we are close to the end.

of vacation. i just read that book i was supposed to read over vacation, i read it in less than two hours. as for IDSs? I wanted to get to number 25, I finished number 8 yesterday. procrastination at its finest. i know what i'm doing all week. one of the only reasons why i don't want to go to school is because i don't want to hear Katelyn say "how many IDSs do you have left?" and listen to her say "ZERO!" god, i hate it so much. i don't want to talk about her though, i'll put her off as long as possible, for the 12 hours i have left.

um. i don't know what to say. today i actually did something, i went to the mall with my family. awesome. but i did get some awesome shirts, it was worth my mom getting angry at maeve at the end. i don't know what i'll wear tomorrow! good thing about school, i can dress in nice clothes and people can actually see them. the day before i was at the barn all day, then what did I do Saturday night? nothing. i tried to see if Dana wanted to do something but she was in Boston. so i did nothing. it sucked a lot. like you don't understand what it feels like to stay home night after night and do nothing. it makes you feel like crap because you don't have any friends to go out with. yeah, i have friends, but none that i can go out with. it sucks so so so much. and you don't get it until you experience it. until you go for nine days where you are completely available to do something but don't because you can't because you don't have any friends to do anything with, you don't understand. at least with school i have an excuse for not doing anything.

blah. i was going to post about this conversation i had with abby:
abby lynn: and i know he wouldn't randomly stop texting you... me he might
[2/27/11 12:14:05 PM] Molly Ronan: and you just know this?
[2/27/11 12:15:12 PM] abby lynn: that he wouldn't stop texting you randomly? because you aren't a jerk to him
[2/27/11 12:15:26 PM] Molly Ronan: ohhh makes sense
[2/27/11 12:16:17 PM] abby lynn: and he likes you, not like, like like, but he enjoyes your company, and he wants to be nice to you. so he will tell you when he is going way
[2/27/11 12:16:36 PM] Molly Ronan: gooooood.
[2/27/11 12:17:25 PM] abby lynn: now what are your thoughts saying?

i did answer her truthfully but she asked a few seconds too late. now i'm going back and forth in my head if i should talk about what i was thinking or not. it's a toss up here. well seeing as i have nothing else to write about and nothing else to do. i was thinking that was good. but then i was like "just like" and i sort of took it as a challenge sort of thing. but then i was like "isn't that supposed to be the other way around, the guy trying to get the girl?" then i made myself shut up because i was getting into dangerous territory there.

now i'm going to go straight into dangerous territory. why am i so afraid to think about something more than texting every night? probably because i've never done it before. it's out of my comfort zone. i'm so good at writing and typing and communication like this, but make me talk? not so good. different is scary. well not always, it depends. i'm not someone who completely shuns change, just certain kinds of change. change that challenges me to do something or be something. what makes this also dangerous territory is because it's not concrete. my feelings change everyday. one day i could be like "PROM, OMG, YES!" and other days i'll be like "yeah about this prom, why am i even going again?" i don't like saying things about my feelings or about what i want because then i feel like i can't change my mind. which i can though and i do. but then there is the thing that maybe i'm building myself up here and making something out of nothing. the second i said that though i didn't believe it, you don't text someone every single night for two months and there isn't anything there. but if that's true, good lord what i am doing in this world? there's another problem. who knows? everything is so different in this world for everybody, what could be true for some person could be completely wrong for another. so stupid. and this whole paragraph didn't accomplish anything so let me write another one.

i don't want to be held accountable for my feelings. that way if this doesn't work out i can just say, i didn't really care anyways.

wow that was probably the most truthful statement i've said this entire post. like that just hit home right there. do i do that a lot? do i just shove my feelings and wants under the table so it seems like i'm fine no matter what happens? it sort of works though. you make it seem like you don't really want it so when you don't get it then it's not a big deal. i'm sure there is some term for that. i'm sure lots of people do it. i'm probably just one in the masses of people who like to pretend like their feelings don't matter.

so now is this the part of the blog where i say what i'm feeling and what i want and not worry about if it works out or not? that's scary. that's really scary.

i just left that there for about thirty minutes, now it's time for sleep. but i can't just leave this here, that's like backing down from a challenge. can't do. now where to start.

- i want him to talk to me.
- i want to go "out" with him, meaning like just do things together out of school.
- i want him to like me. i want him to like me a lot.

we hit another string, that last one. i don't want to change, i'm not going to chance. so i want him to like me as i am. that i think is the big one. but do i want specifically him to like me or anyone? right now, it's specifically him. if someone else came along, maybe i would want them to like me. i'm not one of those people who want everyone to like me, i could not care less if the majority of the people in my school liked me, i don't like most of them. but him? yeah i want him to like me. do i want him to like me more than friends? i don't know. that would be nice though wouldn't it? but i shouldn't want him to like me just because i want someone to, that's selfish.

there we go back and i don't know what exactly what i'm feeling. sorry abby for this jumble of a mess. but now you know where i stand. sort of. not really because i don't even know where i stand. goodness so complicated. but i'm making it more complicated than it needs to be.

i'm going to sleep now. i am not going to think about dealing with school tomorrow. i'm going to think about what cute outfit i'm going to wear and how i'm going to line my bottom lash line with white eye shadow and i'm going to look good. sounds like a plan.

i'm wearing my glasses for the first time in a long time. why? because i'm in my bed and i don't want to be bothered to get up and take my contacts out when i go to sleep. they feels so weird. and i look different. but yeah that's what i'm doing, chilling in my bed with my laptop and cellphone. everyone else is trying to go to sleep.

josh got a tumblr today. it wasn't that hard to convince him to make one. i pretty much said, you should make a tumblr. he didn't want to make one then, so i said how about tomorrow? and he made one. easy peasy. so far all he has done is made one text post himself, and reblogged me. the last post he reblogged from me was 12 pages in my blog, from February 6th. I was not expecting him to go back that far into my posts. I should have looked back there to make sure they were all quality. oh well, they're there. we will see how him having a tumblr goes though because tumblr if a very peculiar place. but i like it very much so i'm going back there now when i really should be going to sleep, maybe shortly. maybe if i get all my tumbling out now then i won't do it as much tomorrow and i'll actually do some IDSs! yeah like that would happen.

another day, what do you think i did?

if you guessed nothing, you guessed correctly. love it, no actually i don't. and what am i doing tomorrow? well i'm doing something, i have my riding lesson and then i'm helping at a little girl's birthday party. and then what i am doing? oh i don't know, maybe some more nothing. well Molly you have to have something planned for your last vacation night. nope. i don't. most likely tumblr. yeah, tumblr and i have a hot date Saturday night. just like we spent all day together today, it's getting really serious now. what about Sunday, what am I doing then, you ask? well nothing. oh how fabulous.

the only time i have gotten dressed this entire vacation is to go to my riding lesson(s), to go driving, to go to the Harlem Globetrotters, and...that's it. yay for pjs. gah. blah. well i did upgrade to sweatpants, a tshirt, and sweatshirt today. ooo, fancy. but i'll sleep in this tonight.

blah. i hate this. i hate not doing anything. vacation is supposed to be about hanging out and doing stuff with your friends, i haven't done that. i've barely done anything. i've barely even done homework. like this book i'm supposed to be reading, i'll probably end up reading that sunday night because i just don't have any motivation to, even though i know it's a good book. it just sucks. it sucks a lot.

i wish i could sing really well. i want to know what it feels like to sing a song and know you nailed it and no one could have sang it better than you just did. that's never going to happen though. but i can experience it through American Idol, maybe that is why i like it. i know a lot of people don't like it and think it is stupid but i love it because i love seeing people's dreams come true. i love seeing them get a chance because they are so good. that doesn't even completely explain it, but i'm not going to try anymore because you will never get it.

okay back to tumblr this is boring me.

I wish you could see me now.

I look good. I got dressed. I blow dried my hair for the first time in forever, partly because if I didn't it would have froze when I went outside. I did my makeup for the first time in like a week. My outfit looks pretty awesome. I just look good. Where am I going? To see the Harlem Globetrotters. Oh yeah, so cool. It's not even where I'm going, it's just that I'm going somewhere. This is the first time I'm going "out" this vacation, minus Justin Bieber but that doesn't really count because I said it doesn't. It feels good to be all dressed up. Sure, it would be better if I was going somewhere else...you know, but I'll take what I can get. But jeez, I clean up pretty good. I should have taken a picture of myself on the couch in my pjs eating a cookie so I could have before and after pictures, but you'll just get the after. I question if I should put these up because if it gets published or whatever. Who care, if by some rare chance people do end up reading this I'll just take them out. I want to show Abby though how good I can look. I want to show somebody, I can't make a big deal out of it in front of my family because yeah. But let me go pick what I am going to show you! :D

I couldn't decide which ones, so I picked seven, why not? And if you can believe, I look even better in person. Also, my wall is going to say "Believe it and you'll be walking on air" which is the URL for this blog but I haven't gotten around to cutting out the rest of the letters, maybe I'll do that now.

I should win an award

for being able to do absolutely nothing for long period of times. I tried to do some IDSs, I got through one sentence. For the rest of the time I've been awake I have done nothing. Youtube. Tumblr. TV. Paint nails. That's pretty much it. Why must I be so lazy and unproductive? Why can't I do something? I sort of want school just because I actually do stuff. Plus I don't feel as lame for not doing anything because I don't have time to do anything. My mother just arrived home, maybe we'll go to the mall. Maybe not. Who cares. Let me just do anything. Maybe I'll look at my 10 IDSs done while Katelyn brags about have all 50 done. Fabulous. Yay for doing nothing. Actually no. This sucks.

"the only thing that ain't blue is the sky 'round here"

so today has been another lazy-pajamas-all-day day. fabulous. good thing? Maeve won on the radio! Mix 93.1 always has all these contests where if you're the certain number caller then you win a prize. Whenever we call they are always busy. So we were home in our pjs, Maeve and Maura were upstairs listening to the radio, and I was downstairs. Maeve told me to listen for Lady Gaga's new song Born This Way and if I heard it call. So the radio girl says "So could this be Lady Gaga's new song?" and then of course it starts playing, and I call but it's busy. I yell up to Maeve and tell her it's busy. Then a few minutes later she runs downstairs and tells me it's Mix and she won, and I have to pretend to be her mom. So this lady comes on and says that my daughter won, and she asks for my name, and a phone number. So I give that to her and she says she'll call back in a little bit. So she calls back and says that someone will call at some point and tell us how to get the CD and asked if I wanted to put it under Maeve's name or mine, and that there was going to be a drawing for the tickets either Friday or Monday. And I was just like "Okay, great, thank you!" and that was it. Then after a few songs we heard Maeve on the radio. They had edited it so it went smoothly, Maeve was really nervous. It sounded awesome though. It was just awesome all together! So she won Lady Gaga's new CD before it is released and she is entered for a drawing to win tickets to her concert. We aren't even that big of Lady Gaga fans, we like her songs but they aren't our favorites. Actually, I don't own any of her songs, just the covers Glee did. But it is still super awesome that she won, we never win those things.

What else did I do today? Nothing else really. I baked some cookies and helped my mom make some quiche. I was proud of myself for making the cookies all by myself, I don't bake or cook...ever. So that was the only productive thing I did. I didn't do any homework, I didn't put away any clothes, and I didn't finish my wall. I was going to do stuff in my room but instead I curled up in my bed and watched youtube videos.

Now back to tumblr.

blahhhgahhhgrrrr. i was all excited because Abby was going to come over. she was going to be able to see my wall in my room that i decorated. then my family was going to the mall and she would come with us. now guess what? i'm doing nothing all day. i could go to the mall with my family but honestly that might just make me more crazy than being stuck in the house. so i'm just in a bad mood now. i'm hungry. i have to do homework. i have to put clothes away, actually i don't now that Abby isn't coming over, and I don't have to finish my wall either. all motivation i had this morning is gone. this sucks.

sort of annoyed.

I have lots to talk about but, right now I'm annoyed because I was ready to go to 4H fifteen minutes ago, so we could get there nice and early, but Lori's giving me a ride and she's not here yet. I wanted to be early today but noooo they aren't here yet. Wouldn't it be funny if they forgot to pick me up, that would be great actually. Then I wouldn't have to go and it wouldn't be my fault. Or I could show up late and it wouldn't be my fault. Well it's not y fault now and we're already going to be late. This sucks.

Today was a long horse full day. I don't feel like getting into it, I just want to the Brogles to show up already so we can leave. Garhargums.

youtube. [insert less than three here]

i forgot how much i love youtube. like seriously. i found one of my new favorites. FuzzyGrenade. he sings and plays the guitar. and he's funny. and he surprised his girlfriend with a song he wrote for her, it was very cute and simple. ah. i like him very much. i'll listen to him for the rest of the night. mhmm. the rest of the night consisted of cake, television, video games, and texting. so much fun i can't handle it.

Another successful day of doing nothing.

This is going to get old fast.
Today I:
- internet
- made breakfast
- prom dresses
- tumblr
- went driving with my dad
- talked to abby
- prom dresses
- tumblr
- kinect
- television
- helped my mom made dinner for two seconds
- tumblr
- this
- no history homework even though my mom is right next to me.

The most possible things I will do tonight:
- watch a movie
- text Abby and/or Josh
- tumblr
- not do homework.

This is just gah.

today consisted of:

- skipping riding lesson
- drawing prom dresses
- drawing random things
- tumblr
- television
- chinese food
- painting my nails
- shower
- tumblr
- television
- dinner
- the movie "Everybody Loves Babies"
- texting Josh
- looking at a ton of prom dresses online
- tumblr
- writing in this blog more than i should have
- doing absolutely nothing productive.

loser. blah.

i skipped my riding lesson. i got dressed and everything, then my mom was like, you don't have to go. so i didn't go. instead i sat at home and drew prom dresses. yeah, most girls go out with their friends to look at prom dresses, i stay at home and draw them. with colored pencils. so cool. i also went through a cook book and picked out stuff that i want to make. i want to make dinner this week. i also have lots of other things to do this week. want to hear them? Read book for history, IDSs, go through clothes, clean room, decorate wall in room, movie for Tobago, and that's it. so so so exciting.

i'm sick.

my throat hurts, my nose is running, and the inner part of my ears really hurt. and i'm tired. i don't want to ride. it's windy and cold out. i just want to go back to sleep. i want food but no one cooked anything so i have to find something myself. i just don't feel good, physically and mentally. i'm just blah and yuck. i want to curl up on the coach and watch tv forever and then go to sleep. someone needs to make me feel better. i'm not sure if that's possible. i just don't feel good. good thing the only thing i'm doing on this exciting saturday is my riding lesson, no plans for me. ah molly stop feeling bad for yourself. suck it up and get ready to go to the barn.

I wasn't going to post a post tonight because I'm tired and my thoughts shouldn't be trusted but then tomorrow i'll forget about what i wanted to talk about.

Everyone acts a little bit different in a group. Like Katelyn is more sarcastic and snappy. I sure I am different too. With that group of people I can tell you at least one thing differently that they did today when we went out than how they normally act in school.

It was a good time though. The movie was what was expected, for me at least. It made me smile. I'm not going to go on a rant about how people judge people like Justin Bieber and such, because I've done that before and I'm too tired.

Josh and Nicole didn't end up coming. Which was fine, it was actually probably better off that way. But the weird thing is neither of them texted me to say "hey we just got home and are exhausted so we aren't coming." I had texted both of them after school saying good luck with your concert and if you already finished it, how did go? But nope, no response. I can understand that it might take them a while to respond but i figure once they were home they would at least send something. Today is the first day, minus the time when I couldn't use my cellphone, that Josh hasn't texted me, since when we first started texting. At first I was really sad but then I realized that he has texted me everyday up to today. I haven't texted someone that many days in a row ever. So yeah. But still I am wondering why both Josh and Nicole never texted me today.

I'm tired. I stayed up to 11:11 to get my wish now I should sleep because I do have a riding lesson in the morning.

Blah. How come I just went out with my friends yet I'm not feeling all happy and saying "that was a great time, we should it again"? Isn't that what is supposed to happen? I'm just sitting here like, yeah whatever. This was supposed to be a great time yet it was just okay. I guess that's what I get for building things up. You just get disappointed. Expectations and disappointment. That is the theme of this blog post, because there are plenty of examples of that here.

Friday!

I have lots to talk about, I haven't posted since Tuesday.

First there is a sophomore boy in my study hall who is awesome. Almost everyday when we leave he holds the door open for me. Like legit. There are only six of us in that study hall so normally I'm one of the last ones out. One day he held the door open for everyone. I don't know if he does this in all of his classes or just this one. But it makes me happy every time he does. It's simple, but I appreciate it so much. I always try to hold the door open for people when I can, but just not at school. Oh let me mention his name, Andrew Krebs. So the moral of paragraph, Andrew is fabulous for holding open the door for me everyday. And I always say Thank you, every time.

I'm going to see the Justin Bieber movie today. The people who are coming with me: Abby, Katelyn, Paige (Katelyn's friend), Mollie, Sarah, and if their concert gets out in time Josh and Nicole. We also invited a different Paige but she's not coming, and Cindy from APUSH but she is going to the basketball game tonight. But it should be good. I know Sarah probably doesn't go out often because she doesn't have that many friends and she is really quiet. So I'm glad she is coming. She was so excited when I asked her. It should be a fun time.

I managed to finished both of my papers that I was stressing about before six o'clock. It was fine. This week is over and now I'm on vacation. The only homework I have is to read a book for history and do a whole bunch of IDSs because I've barely done any. I don't have much planned this vacation so I will be able to relax and get some of that done.

I guess I don't have as much to talk about as I thought I did. I can't wait for tonight. I'm sure that I'll think of something later to talk about. Oh. I have to mention my driving appointment. Chris Durham was driving when I was observing and when I was driving Alex Fontane was observing. Both of them are from my school, yep.

I'm watching American Idol now. I love watching this show, especially watching that one guy who you know is in his element. He isn't cocky, but he is confident because he is good, but he appreciates when people compliment him, and he is just an all around amazing person. That's what I love seeing. Now I'm going to continue watching it.

If you didn't notice every paragraph except one, and this one, start with "I". Oh I just remembered that I wanted to show you some statistics we got in history class, but I'll do that later because I'm sitting on the couch and I don't want to get up. So, later, but maybe if you're reading this you'll just keep reading and in two seconds you'll read it.

"Yep. anything on the internet is available to everyone, though some are only for those who know how, its kind of scary too, when you think about it, that nothing you say via internet is really safe, or post on facebook lol, kind of a sobering thought" - Josh during a text conversation about the internet.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking about the internet. I was thinking about this blog. This blog could be amazing when exposed at the right time, then it would be fabulous. if it leaked without my consent and was given then it would seem like a scandal and it will be looked down upon instead of admired.

Scary. Now I'm going to finish watching Glee and going to sleep. So tired, but hey I'm a teenager I don't mind being tired day after day.

Children, specifically my children.

So I haven't gotten back to the history homework yet. But I was thinking if this blog was published or whatever what about my children? When would I let them read it? Probably when they are at the age that I wrote it, if it's when I started writing it, then 14. But the real cool part is when they are having trouble or whatever and say "You don't understand!" I can just say "See my book, page 128" or whatever. Ha. They can't pull that on me, because they can see I went through the same things as a teenager. But if I don't show it in here? Oh, then I'll have to do the whole old fashioned parenting thing, I wouldn't be able to rely on my teenager self to guide my current teenager children. Anyways back to drinking my hot chocolate and listening to Alex Goot (hey Alex ;) <- there's me hoping that some day that shout-out will mean something) before more history homework.

What's the meaning of "valentine"?

Just wondering. So you think about that. I'm not going to mention Valentine's Day again because now I'm getting kind of sick of it.

I don't really have something to write about, I just needed to take a break from my term paper and I am not allowing myself to go on tumblr today because I will get sucked in. I should actually go do some IDSs. I'll do that when my sisters are at circus. It's only four, I have plenty of time to do stuff today.

Will this blog ever actually become something? I like to think it will but how do I know? I don't. I don't know what my future is going to be like. I know what I would like it to be like but the odds of that happening is slim. Nothing turns out how you think it will. That scares me a bit. Mostly because I think of so many scenarios and if none of those are going to happen, then what is? Sometimes I catch myself thinking something and I have to tell myself to stop because if I think that, it will probably never happen, because if I thought it and it happens then I can predict the future. That's only for some things though.

Right now in my life I'm a nobody. People don't care if I, Molly Ronan, listen to their music. People don't care if I, Molly Ronan, like them. People don't care if I, Molly Ronan, wear their clothes. People don't care if I, Molly Ronan, do anything. That's the difference between me and "celebrities." People care about them. Why? Why care about them and not me? Because they are a teen pop star? Because everyone else cares about them? One day will you care about me? And why do I care if you care about me? I can stand on my own, even if everybody hates me. I know that isn't the case, I know my family cares about me, I know Abby cares about me, Josh must care about me a little bit to keep texting me and help set up that surprise party, Katelyn has to care about me after all I've done for her, and I have other friends who care for me too. Why do I want more? Why do I want people to care about me? Why do I want more people to be interested in my life? Is it because I think that my life is worthy of that attention? Right now, it isn't. One day I want it to be though. Why do I want that? I don't even know. Does everybody want that? I think so to a certain extent.

So I guess this blog is me holding onto the want to be significant. I want people to care about my life. People that I don't care about, I want them to care about me. HOLD IT. That was a bold statement. But that's what fans are aren't they? People that care about you, but you don't care about them. You do care about them in the masses, but not individually. When you have more than a billion viewers on youtube, what's one less? Then again, what does the word "care" mean? I'm not going to get into that. I ask too many questions that I can't answer.

I'm cold. I want some hot chocolate.

I get less work done during the entire weekend than I do on one school night.

I want these necklaces.

There are these necklaces on etsy.com that are molecules. They are on a silver chain and a there is a little silver charm in the shape of molecules such as, serotonin (happiness, satisfaction), dopamine (love, passion, pleasure, reward), and acetylcholine (learning, memory, dreaming). But the cheapest one is fifty dollars! I want the dopamine long necklace! Ah. She also has earrings for forty dollars, bracelets for a hundred, or i could get the dopamine molecule on a keychain for sixty dollars! I want that necklace! All of the necklaces early, but that dopamine one is my first choice.

Why am I telling you this? Because maybe I'll have it one day and I can look back and be like, oh I really wanted that back then. Also, I am tired.

Gues what one of my vocab words this week is?

Procrastination. Ha. Because that's what I'm doing now. I really shouldn't procrastinate. But I don't want to do work. If I keep this mindset for the rest of my life I'm never going to become a successful businesswoman. Well, I'll save doing work for then.

I was supposed to have a driving appointment...now, but he moved it to tomorrow. So instead I get to procrastinate all day today. Gah. I really should do something. Maybe. Maybe not.

Yesterday Abby said she was talking to my "future boyfriend," do you guys (referring to possible future readers) know who she was talking about? Probably if you actually read this thing. When was the last time I mentioned him? Going to look. February 8th and before that the 4th. It's the 12th. Actually that is a good while. Anyways. Why did I mention this, other than the fact that I am doing this instead of homework. I don't know. I guess it is because it sort of made me think. Now whatever I say next don't hold to me, I overthink everything.

But is that what is going to happen eventually? You know when a girl is interested in a guy and he seems interested in her back, they start dating, correct? I don't really know, I've never had it happen before. But what does that even entail? I know it is different for every couple. So I can't look at Abby's relationship and expect that have that. I can't really base my relationships off anything, except what I want and expect, and that will change with different people. Gasp, did I just hint at the fact that in my life i'll have more than one boyfriend? Yeah I did. But blah. My mind is all messy right now. Let's focus on the guy that might actually have the label "boyfriend" is in the future. Do I think he could be? Yes. Do I think it might end up that he never is? Yes. I don't know. It's like I'm in high school so everything is sort of hard. I've read things about in college, when you meet someone you're interested in you immediately go out with them and skip the whole "friends" part, but that doesn't mean you are "boyfriend/girlfriend." But for some reason in high school the steps go like this: friends, then boyfriend/girlfriend. There is almost no in between. I'm not ready for that jump, because it seems so huge to me. I don't want to jump half-heartedly. I want to be ready. I think I'm moving in the right direction though. The other day Josh waited while I got my stuff at my locker to talk to me. Everyone else had already gone off but he waited and talked to me. I didn't talk to him much because I had a driving appointment I had to get to, and that had been an extremely long and tiring day but I was glad he did. And I still text him every night and he always texts me back. And in the next two weeks there are two possible out-of-school outings where I would see him, Justin Bieber movie and sledding.

Now don't forget just two posts ago I said that I was happy being single. And I am. I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. I've gone through 16 years of my life without one, I can go a while longer. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't have a boyfriend if the opportunity arose. It's all complicated thoughts. Really this is all in my head. It's not that big of deal, because I am just going to keep doing what I've been doing, because that is where we're at. But still blah.

Another thought. Why are people friends with me? I mean I am different than everybody, that what makes me me. But why did the choose me instead of someone else? Why do they want to spend time with me? Why don't they ask their other friend to come with them? Why do they text me everyday? Why not someone else? There are more than 6 billion people in the world, why me? I'm not asking because I don't think I'm worthy, I am just really curious. It just makes me think.

Enough thinking.

If given one month to live in perfect health, after which you would be gravely ill, what would you do?

I've been thinking about this. It is different than the what would you do if you had no fear question. The truth is I would probably keep doing what I'm doing because I wouldn't know what being ill would include. Maybe as it got closer and closer I would realize that I would never be able to do that again. I would try to do everything possible. I would ride all the time. I would go ice skating. I would go out to the movies. I would spend more time with all my friends. I would just pay attention to the little things. I don't think I would go on a huge trip because when I'm ill that is not what I would miss, I would miss being able to walk through the hallways everyday at school and knowing exactly when I will see my friends. I would miss being able to come home after school and just chill out. I would miss walking into homeroom each morning. I would miss all those little things that I wouldn't be able to do anymore.

Now let's change the question. What would you do if you had been ill for a month, you were healthy for a month, and then you were going to be ill again. I can't answer that correctly because I haven't been gravely ill before. But I think that month of health would mean so much more to you. You could treasure every little thing. I think you would make more of that month than some people do in their entire life.

It's amazing how the worth of a month can change. Like right now I just want to get through February as fast as possible because 1) spring 2) license 3) closer to the end of junior year. I'm looking forward. I'm not treasuring the now, which I would do if I knew that this was the last month I had to enjoy it. But this could be my last month. I don't know that. So why don't I treasure every little thing? I'm not sure if I really know how. I don't know if I ever will. I hope I will, because that is something not a lot of people are able to do. I just hope that when I do learn how to treasure everything it won't be because of something horrible.

Now what have I gotten from this post? For the rest of today I am probably going to pay attention to the little things. Like how I can look over and see Maeve on her computer. How the cats are just chilling out. How I'm at home with my family and we're all just happily being together. How my phone could vibrate at any second because someone wanted to talk to me. How I can talk to Abby through the computer. Will this last? Probably not. Why? Because other things will get on my mind. I'll start worrying about how I have a history quiz and a history test tomorrow. I'll start worrying about how I have so much to get done. I'll start complaining about how I'm sick of my life and how it is so boring. That wouldn't happen if this was the month before I was going to be ill because the thing that would always be on my mind would be that this is my last month.

Thank goodness that isn't the case.

701.

i don't really have anything to talk about. you probably get sick of me saying that. but now i feel like i should just post in here. blah. maybe i should get out of the habit of just posting in here when I have nothing better to do. I don't even have anything to talk about. Blah. I need something to talk about. Let me ask Abby. Now I just have to wait for her to text back, because I always text back faster than everyone else texts me back. That's because I have nothing better to do. Stays at home and does nothing all day. Anyways. Let me go on tumblr for a bit. Never mind, I have been texted.

We have three topics for tonight. The first is prom.

Prom is one of those things I have mixed feelings about. But let me say straight up, I'm going. I'm not one of those people who hate prom so much that they don't go. I do think it gets built up way too much and is overrated. I mean it's kind of weird to think that everyone spends so much effort looking nice for this, and after a few hours it's over and all that effort and worries and build up to it doesn't even matter any more. And all the drama about finding the right dress. It's like just give me the stupid dress, I'll throw some makeup on, brush my hair, pick out a necklace, go have fun, and be done with prom. I think it will be fun and it will be a good time, but only if you don't let the drama get to you. Because you know at least one girl will leave prom crying or heartbroken. So it's better not to have any expectations and just go to have a good time. I think that's all about prom. I'm sure I forgot something.

Second is the next holiday coming up which is Valentine's Day. I was going to save this for later but why not do it now? So Valentine's Day. For some reason this year I'm not so "ew this day." I mean, I'm not super excited but I can see how it is a nice sweet day. I like the idea that people are going to show their affection and be nice. It's an excuse to be extra special. I mean, while for me nothing will happen and it's just another day, I can appreciate that someday it might be a nice day for me. I'm not bitter like "why does Valentine's Day exists, it's so stupid, because i'm so single" because I don't really mind being single. One day I won't be and then I can enjoy Valentine's Day. I can see how if you are lonely that the holiday can be super annoying but I'm not, so. To conclude: I think Valentine's Day is a sweet little holiday. Past years, I disagreed. Maybe that is because I'm in a happier more content place now then I was back then...I think I am at least.

Last is how Abby's hair is like Medusa. It really isn't at all. Because Medusa had really long hair, and Abby's is the opposite. But what about hair cuts in general? Like how Taylor Mathew's got a haircut and OH MY GOD, he looks so hot. And I don't use the word hot often. I mean, he looked good before but now he looks REALLY good. REALLY REALLY good. He had long hair like chin length maybe? Let me go check. Yeah he had hair chin length that flopped over his forehead, but not over his eyes. Now it's short on the sides and there is still some on the top but it isn't on his forehead. Goodness, he looks so good. I met and talked to this guy. Ah. It's amazing how hair can do that. Hair is such a big part of what we see what we look at people. Why? I don't know. But I do it too. I do it all the time. Like you just saw. Anyways. This isn't really go anywhere.

I believe this blog post is over now.

post 700.

when someone tells you "Then stay up a bit =) Missing a bit of sleep wont hurt" what do you do? do you go to sleep or do you stay up a bit? I guess that depends on who just texted you saying that. Well in my case I said "Okay. (: but its your fault when I'm exhausted tomorrow morning. XD" which gets me a response of "I can live with that XD"

so now i'm listening to Nicki Minaj songs on repeat. well four of them. Moment 4 Life, Super Bass, Fly, and Girls Fall Like Dominoes. so good. this girl is such a good rapper/singer. i'm not normally into rap but this girl is so good. i got josh hooked on her too. i mean she is so awesome. i'm going to get some good quotes from her songs.

"i came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive, I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly."
"me against them. me against enemies, me against friends, somehow they both seem to become one."
"a sea full of sharks and they all smell blood."
"everybody wanna try to box me in, suffocating every time it locks me in."
"cause i'm not a word, i am not a line, i am not a girl that can ever be defined."
"he always in the air but he never fly coach"
"boy you got my heartbeat runnin away beatin like a drum and its comin your way can't you hear that boom baroom boom"
"i fly with the stars in the skies, i am no longer trying to survive, i believe that lie is a prize, but to live doesn't mean you're alive"
"I get what I desire, it's my empire. and yes, i call the shots, i am the umpire, i sprinkle holy water upon the vampire"
"in this very moment i'm king"
"no i'm not lucky, i'm blessed"
"shout out to my haters, sorry that you couldn't faze me"
"i don't know, this night just remind me of everything they deprived me of"
"i wish that i could have this moment for life cause in this moment, i just feel so alive."
"they go the long way, but we take the short cuts"
"they judge me like the girls on trial"

she is so good. <3

Here's my problem.

Actually I'm not sure what my problem is. I don't think I really have one. Or I have a lot of little ones. But I'm a lazy person. I should be doing homework because i have a driving appointment from 5 to 7 so I should get it done, but nope I don't want to. Ah. This is becoming worse and worse. Procrastination, once it gets ahold of you, it just keeps squeezing tighter and tighter.

This blog has become a tool for my procrastination. If I'm actually "doing" something then I don't feel like I should go do my homework. I wanted to tell you about my phone. You know how the other day I took off the option that said only keep up to 200 posts? Well since then I'll show you how they have increased. My mother is up to 220. Abby has 357. And Josh has 485. Yeah. I'm going to put back the whole only 200 option because my phone is going to explode if I have any more text messages saved. If I can just find where I can do that...Okay I have no idea. I guess I'll figure that out another time. Just kidding, I found it. Oh and I can change how many it saves. Well 200 is fine with me. But it didn't delete the other ones, I guess it just won't add any more. We'll see later.

I'm going to make a post about Valentine's Day eventually. Maybe tomorrow or later today. So make your guesses now about what I'll say about it. Now I'm curious to see if I've posted anything about it in previous years. I am going to end this post and go look.

Oh and I just want to tell someone this. Today we were in chem doing a lab and someone was playing with something on the side of the bench and Mr. Cole told them to stop. So I went and looked at what it was, it was an experiment that Chem Honors was doing. And the one at our lab table was Josh's! I didn't know that he was in chem honors, I thought it might be, but I didn't know for sure. So I left him a little note on the paper towel it was on, I said "Hi! :)" expect the smilie face was upright. I'm not going to say anything about it to him today, and see if he notices. Then I'll ask him tomorrow. But there you go. Now to do some investigation on my blog.

Why do we like certain things?

Why do I like Glee but other people don't? What makes us so different? Our DNA is pretty darn close to each other, which just a few differences. Yet we seem so different. Why? What makes me like what I like? How come people have different friends? Why don't we all like the same people and hate the same people? How come we all have different beliefs?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

That's not why I actually started this blog but I like where it went. I do like Glee though, I just watched the Superbowl episode and it made me smile. Glee always does. When I was watching Rachel and Puck sing I couldn't stop smiling and my leg was bouncing up and down. That's why I wanted to wait until my family left before I watched it, because I look like a fool. Anyways.

Now I'm in a good mood. And I'm listening to some good music I just bought by Ellie Goulding. So yay! I should do some history homework. Sure. Or find an international business news article. That works as well. Whatever!

"To Claire; From Sonny"

I just watched this very sad video on YouTube. It came up on my tumblr dashboard so I watched it. It was very sad. The voice over was Sonny writing a letter to Claire. At first it just seemed like they broke up, but he still had feelings for her. And about the day when they had a fight and she walked away. And then you figure out that she died. And the day when they had that fight and she walked away, she got hit by a car.

Goodness. Something like that could happen at any second. It's so sad. And what would be the last thing you said to them? And then they would be just gone.

):

lalalala.

i've done practically nothing today. i think i get less done on weekends than on a normal day. that's bad. i should do something. but i don't want to. blah. i hate being in this mood. i need to just get out of the house but i can't. so. this sucks. people should text me. but nooo why would anyone do that. gah. i need to do something creative. maybe i'll try drawing something. but what? i'll figure something out.

coincidence?

so i just watched the movie called "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" and while I was, I was texting Josh - until he played his videogame but you know. anyways the coincidence was that the song between the main character and his "girl" was the song "Secrets" by Onerepublic. which i love anyways. but the other day josh had asked for music suggestions, and then i asked for some in return. and one of them he said was "secrets" so i asked if that was by Onerepublic, and he said yeah it was, and that he liked it and such.

So what are the odds that the movie my sisters decide to watch has that song in it and that I decide to watch it, because they had watched a movie earlier that I didn't watch. And what are the odds that he would have mentioned that song, he said he just listed the songs he listened to most recently, and that i would ask him about that one song.

Anyways I should go to sleep. Does it annoy you when I switch from using capitals to not? That's the kind of thing that really annoys me, but on my blog I don't care at all. I do what I want.

Oh, wow.

Um.
I was going to come make this blog and say how it's only 7 o'clock and I feel like it's 11 but then I saw something on facebook.
it said "Bella Brogle is single." which wasn't a big surprise to me. But then below it, "Timber Lewiniski is in a relationship and it's complicated." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Now it just changed to "Timber Lewiniski is single." He must have saw Bella's status. How long did that last? Well good thing I have this blog so I can check. Hold on a second. Actually, you don't have to because when you read this it will be right there for you. January 25th. That is when the relationship started. It is now February 5th. That lasted a week and a half. Well part of that might be because Bella got her phone taken away because of the Ds on her report card.

Well I guess now I can say "I told you so," which is funny because I'm listening to Carrie Underwood's song "I Told You So" that came on shuffle. But still. I feel for Bella a bit, but I'm not going to get into that. You honestly didn't expect a relationship based on texts to last.

Anyways, I'm still tired. And I'm not really sure what to do. I think I'll watch the shaytards. That sounds like a good plan.

He's too nice.

He should just tell me to shut up and stop sending him text messages so long that it takes three separate messages to send all that nonsense over, instead of sending me "goodnight to you too =)" messages.

He should just not respond to messages that are completely pointless, instead of texting back in two minutes.

He should just tell me that i should stop texting him because he really doesn't like to talk to me, instead of saying "hi =)" back every time I text him first saying "hi (:".

He should just stop communicating with me completely, instead of talking to me on the way to english, after spanish, after school, and after the improv show all in the same day.

But I really hope he doesn't.

Oh heyyy

I'm not really sure where to start. Now every time I say that I think of Abby saying "start at the beginning." Which is good and all but sometimes it is better to start somewhere other than the beginning? I don't know, I'm too tired to think. I should make this blog post short. Like that will happen.

I went to the improv/a capella show today. It was very good. I wish I could sing. You know? Because then I could sing. Well I can sing, just not well. there is a difference. You know Abby and I could get into a lot of trouble together if we were both in the a capella group. Um. Those people in that show are all such fabulous people. I wonder what they are going to do in the future. What their life is going to become. For a lot of them I probably will never know. Oh well.

Umm. I wish I was sitting next to Josh during that show, but instead I was next to Katelyn and Mollie, who are both perfectly wonderful people, but seeing as I sort of told him to go...but anyways. And when we were getting ready to leave I was looking to see if Abby was still around and I didn't see her but Maura said "You'll see her tomorrow" and I was like, "No, I won't. Tomorrow's Saturday." and she said, "Yeah you will, to get ice cream" and I got really excited.

So I am weird and someone on tumblr the other day said, "I'm bored, anyone want to talk?" and I was bored at the time. I can't remember exactly why, but I was doing nothing. So I replied and said sure. But by that time he was going to sleep. So I finally talked to him today and he is actually a pretty cool guy. Sure he could be a forty year old creeper in his mother's basement but eh whatever. I just wanted to mention him because I told him about this blog, so when it become famous he can be all like "YEAH!" because he already knew about it, so here is me writing proof that he did indeed. And he gave me his first song that his band recorded. I was the first one out of the band to get a copy of it. So when he is famous I can say that I was the first one to ever have one of his songs. Pretty awesome. Anyways I should mention his name, Phil something. I don't know that, because it is the internet and the internet is scary.

I'm so tired. This post was pointless. Fabulous. Pointless posts, like I don't have enough of those already. Oh I remembered, I wanted to post in people's tumblr ask boxes about how they were fabulous. Alright.

MOLLY IS GROWING AND BECOMING A BETTER PERSON.

yep. so today i got up in front of my whole junior class and talked to them. wait, did i really do that? wow i guess i did. yeah we had an assembly about classes we could take next year and our guidance counselor was like "hey Molly and Emily, do you want to come up and talk about the virtual class you're taking?" while the thing was going on. there was no warning or anything, just hey come on up. so i went and Emily went. and it was fine. i wasn't really nervous or freaked out. and i didn't care what everyone was thinking. i didn't care that Katherine was probably glaring at me because she didn't get it. i didn't care if people were thinking "wow she's weird" because i don't care one bit about them. and what makes me happy is that i can say that pretty confidently now. i couldn't say that truthfully a few years ago. a few years ago if i had to get up in front of everyone i would have freaked out. now it's not a big deal. seriously it wasn't a big deal, afterwards i just sat down and then went on with my day.

awww, Molly is becoming a big girl. look at her, not caring what other people think, and talking to a group of people. i'm pretty proud of myself you know. i sat next to Josh. yeah i didn't really talk to him but you know i'm getting there. and i know i am getting somewhere. my teenage years aren't going to complete waste because now i can get in front of my whole junior class and talk to them without shaking or freaking out. pretty good, i'd say.

so that's all i had to say. now i am going to see what classes i want to take next year so i can see that i definitely don't have enough room for all of them. i'm also going to do some stuff for my online class. alright.

Found My New Favorite Song.

This Is The New Year by Ian Axel. I really love the music video, it is what I was trying to do with my Thinking Sunshine video but I only had Maeve and Maura so it didn't work. Anyways I really like it.

And this is my 690th post. Any guessing to when I'll reach 700?

Walden!

"I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well."
"Our life is frittered away by detail."
"It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves."
"That if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them…."
This is the quote I was referring to yesterday, I thought it was from Emerson but it was actually Thoreau: "Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises?"
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
"The sun is but a morning star."

And there is Walden by Henry David Thoreau, or the quotes that I liked the best out of the little parts that I had to read. Now I am done with homework on this lovely snowday! And it's 1:33. Pretty good.

Now I have something to talk about.

Katelyn has created this joke that she thinks is HILARIOUS. calling me Hellen Keller. I have nothing against Hellen Keller but it gets annoying when are are called her all the time.

It started because I got my contacts. And how I was supposed to take them out after 6 hours but I was going to wear them for another hour. And Katelyn said I was going to go blind. Then what would happen if I was blind. I admit it was funny at first thinking what would happen if I was blind, but then there is a point when you have to stop. Katelyn didn't stop. All day she made comments and jokes about if I was blind. And then at bowling my name was Hellen Keller, and I didn't even get a say. Yeah I didn't like those Katelyn created names so much. It wasn't just that one day, she made comments day afterwards as well. And now I just received a message on facebook with the subject "LOL" then a link to a page for Hellen Keller and then "ajsdhfl;sdkfhdklasj;fh;lsakfhsa;lkfjsdalfkjsadlkfjassdfsadfsd" which means Katelyn thinks it is hilarious that she has a page on facebook. I don't even want to click on the link and it see it.

But I can't say anything to her. Katelyn doesn't have a great home life, actually life in general, and me saying anything would just make her so mad and upset. Plus I know why she is saying it, because her family can't afford contacts even if she wanted to get them. She says she doesn't them but I'm sure that is just because 1) she is insecure with what she looks like and 2) they would cost too much.

So I am just going to sit her quietly while she makes all these jokes about if I was blind. It's not even a thing to joke about, because there are people who are blind and there is nothing they can do about it. Life sucks for them and here you are laughing about it. Gah it annoys me so much.

hi.
um. i didn't really have a plan about what to post about.

just so you know i want to be successful and significant. that's what the builder on extreme home makeover said. but then i am remembered of a quote from Emerson, which of course i can't find now. but it was mentioned in English class. maybe you know what i'm talking about, maybe you don't. i'm too tired to care. like i'm really tired. i need a snow day tomorrow so i can sleep in.

i felt like i had things to talk about. oh Justin Bieber was on the Brown Family Extreme Home Makeover. and honestly he is just a normal guy. when he was talking to the girl just one-on-one (minus the cameras) you know he was just your average awkward teenage guy. sure maybe i'm not obsessed with his music, but i don't hate it, and i don't hate him. i don't understand how people can hate him. it's like it is cool to hate him now. the second he does something to deserve my hate then i'll hate him, but until then i don't - but i don't love him either. he is just an average kid who worked really hard to get to where he is now. but hey i can't control if you hate him or not.

what else, what else. i'm a boring person today. but today is the first day of February, and we got an early dismissal today. we really shouldn't of had school because the roads were bad. but hey that's alright. for some reason i thought it was seven but then i checked the time and it is only 4:23, hey that's like 234 or 432!

maybe i should catch up on youtube videos or do homework. shruggg. i was thinking it would be nice if i made some of my friends things to Valentines. not the cheezy valentines but like a little necklace or something. but i am not very crafty. maybe i'll google easy necklaces to make. but i'm not going to make them if they aren't something that i would wear. like Katelyn gave me a bracelet once, i don't think it was for a reason, but i never wore it. but that's okay it's the thought that counts. or i what i want to make are the starburst bracelets, i just need some starbursts. i would go get some if i had my license and it wasn't a blizzard outside.

so enough of this pointless blog. i should try not posting unless i have something meaningful to say.