so today wasn't a good day. why? did something happen? nope. it just wasn't a good day. i'll run through it because this blog is becoming a way for me to get everything down on paper and just run through my day again so then i can put it aside but it will never be gone. i went back and read one of my blogs from six months ago. i felt the exact same i did then. i couldn't read the whole blog. i made myself do something else to get it off my mind. you might not be able to feel it like i do when you read this but when i reread something i wrote i know exactly what i was thinking and feeling. my goal as a writer in general is to get who is reading my work to feel that too. but that's not my goal for this blog.
so i was exhausted this morning. picture day. i walked into homeroom and this huge rock just landed on my emotions and feelings and ever since then it dragged me down all day. so yeah the Friend. he was pretty much asleep on the desk so i didn't feel comfortable enough to go over there and then people were saying "Wake up Sawyer!" and such and i didn't feel like my self enough to talk to someone i wasn't 100% with. when you aren't friends with someone and they don't know you enough and there is still a chance they won't wanna be friends with you it's hard to talk to them on those days you are just down in the dumps. Abby, Katelyn, Stephanie. i can talk to them in any mood and i know they will still be there no matter what. anyone else? i don't trust myself enough.
so anyways homeroon was suckily sucky. then period one was fine spanish is always boring. period two was pretty good. office aide always makes me smile a bit. oh and today is 9/11. i didn't realize that until Mr. T said something in homeroom. the teachers were telling stories about what they remembered on that day in the office. i can't remember. i don't remember it happening at all. i wish i had something to remember about it but i don't. i can't tell you where i was, what i was doing. the only thing that could be a memory but i probably just made it up was sitting in a circle in the 1st grade classroom but i was in 2nd grade. "never forget" is sort of the slogan i guess for 9/11 but i've already forgotten.
science was kind of boring. my tummy was growling throughout the whole thing. i can't eat breakfast in the morning really. i always have something but i always have to eat it in little bites and i can never finish it, even if it is a minimuffin. my brain just sort of stops me and says don't eat anymore. it's not my tummy it's my brain and i sort of feel like throwing up. i haven't thrown up yet but that is sort of the feeling. it happens during lunch too. i'm starving but then i can't eat anymore. it's more of a mental thing i think. my body isn't use to this schedule yet.
oh my goodness. the creepiest part of the day was after lunch, lunch was kind of boring and such but anyways gym class. we didn't have to participate because we had pictures right after so of course i didn't. almost all the boys participated minus Kyle Kulon and Matt Cabral, Kyle probably because he forgot his clothes and Matt because he is a creeper. so Paige, Katelyn, and I sat on the floor next to the bleachers and the other girls sat on the bleachers. Marianne was the only girl who participated. so the beginning was fine then the creeper himself came and sat down next to Katelyn, Paige on the other side of her, then me. he asked if i got his comments on facebook and i acted like i didn't cause i deleted all of them. if he does it again i can probably say that it is facebookual harassment. anyways he was sitting criss-cross applesause and he took Katelyn's foot and put it on his knee and began tying her shoe. then he moved it so it was right in the middle of his legs. awkward. i just sort of ignored them and then Matt Cabral laid down on his back in front of the Katelyn and Paige which was just like okayyyy then Katelyn put her legs on his. that would have been awkward enough if i like Matt as a friend but i don't. that would have been awkward enough if they had been dating but they aren't. that was just like, what did i see in that boy again and why is my friend doing that? yeah so that is why i don't tell Katelyn again anymore well not just that reason and why i don't talk to the creeper anymore.
then we had algebra. didn't talk to The Friend at all. then we walked to pictures and i had a chance to talk to him and he had a chance to talk to me but instead of walking with me and Steph he waited for Devin and Heather and walked with them. ouch. but also i didn't have the guts to say anything. i know he saw us but whatever. it's one step at a time.
pictures Steph and I were together then Abby came then Abby left then Shelbie arrived and Steph got all snarky like. i don't like talking to Steph when she is near Shelbie or Michelle cause she sort of changes into another person i don't like being near her. thankfully Abby came back or else pictures would have been a complete nightmare with me just standing there by myself looking awkward. so we go through that with this cute-ish picture guy taking a picture who was easy and that was it. then i talked to Abby Szat for a bit and Abby went off with her other friends, that i'm not really friends with. and i talked to Katelyn for a bit.
okay now i might sound like a creeper but i automatically look for The Friend in a room. he was over with Abby and those peeps at first then he left the gymnasium then came back. yeah i saw all that, it helps that i was standing near the door. then he went right past me to talk to Devin and Heather. no big deal. i'm sort of more frustrated talking about it now because of something that happens in 7th period. then Katelyn leaves and i go to talk to Abby. we don't do much talking just poking and pushing which is fine because just knowing that i have one friend who will do anything for me and i would do anything for her is amazing. and just being near her at one point in the day is wonderful since we don't have any classes together which makes each day even harder to get through. then i went back to algebra. no time to talk to The Friend since The Snot started going over stuff.
we went off to english next. i sit too far away from him for communication. but Katelyn annoyed me sooo much during that class. she didn't get the diagramming and she got almost all of them wrong so she was freaking out and i told her i would help her, what did she need help on and she replied "everything!" so i decided i would talk to her once she got over that and talked normally. so i just left her to do her worksheet by herself and i did mine by myself. better that way. The Friend worked with Jon, Josh, and Heather again. oh my god Heather annoys me too. she like screamed/laughed when Sawyer moved his desk because it hurt her knee! oh my goodness! like shut up and get over it. it's okay the first time but it you do your screaming/laughing about three times or more during the same period it is soooooooooo annoying and i don't like her at all. when she talks about her knee she makes it sound like everyone should feel so bad for her and gahh. at least Devin didn't work with them.
then history class. Katelyn and I went out and i'm not sure how The Friend ended up walking with us/talking to us. but Katelyn said that she thought we had a sub in history and he said that he hadn't had a sub since 6th grade. and then we talked about the pool on the fourth floor then he stopped and got a drink and Katelyn and I kept walking. then the computer lab was locked so when The Friend caught up he was like "wait. where are we going?" so i tried my best to explain that we were suppose to go to the computer lab but since we had a sub we probably didn't so then we went down to history and i think we might of had some sort of conversation but i'm not sure. the only reason that this happened was because Heather and Devin leave each class early because of her crutches. the one reason i like her crutches.
then we had some reading to do and some questions. who were the first people to get up and move? Devin and Heather. Sawyer had already started to read the stuff, I knew because
WAIT. i need to backtrack. i missed a very important part. when Heather and Devin left at the end of english there was a bit of time left and i kept glanced over at The Friend because that is what i do, you know? i am a bit strange like that. but he was either looking at me when i did or he looked at me when i did so we kept catching eyes but it was sort of like we looked away right away. none of those stupid locking eyes things like in the movie. at one point i thought he was going to come over and talk to me but instead he stopped and talking to Jess and Emily. so that only thing of him being completely lost that you told me Abby? yeah not true. he talks to pretty much everyone now. so i would think about ditching this effort to become friends if it wasn't that i have this strange desire to warn him about everything that is going to happen to him because he is new here which i can't do unless i am friends with him, plus he seems like the kind of guy i sort of need to be friends with just to make myself a better person. then when we were out of the classroom that other stuff in the hallway happened.
i really wish that i knew what he was thinking every time we looked at each other. was he thinking i was a creep for looking at him so much? or was he thinking exactly what i was thinking? i really wish i could read minds. like REALLY wish i could. it would make things easier. cause he if thought i was a creep well not sure what i would do but at least i would know.
now it is dinner time.
okay so now back to history class. i'll copy and paste and continue:
then we had some reading to do and some questions. who were the first people to get up and move? Devin and Heather. Sawyer had already started to read the stuff, I knew because I had looked back there at Steph. when Devin and Heather came over to him he said "what are you doing here?" and one of them said "you looked lonely". they frustrate me. maybe it would be different if i actually liked them but i don't.
then Katelyn wanted to use my reading since hers was in her locker. i was like noooo just go get it but she is a lazy annoying friend of mine and she didn't want to. so instead she gave me her locker number and combination and i asked Mr. Wickman to go out and get it. which i did. i got it for her and brought it back. yeahhhh looking back not too keen on the idea of doing that for her. anyways we all sort of just worked on our stuff and if we had questions asked each other. everyone was sort of talking and the threesome behind us The Friend, Stalker, and The Other One were doing more talking than working i believe, i don't think they finished but i did. so did Katelyn and Steph. then at one point Devin was like "i'm moving over here cause i can't concentrate" or before that "come on we need to work" and Heather said "come on! party pooper!" or something to that effect. and i learned from listening to their conversation that Devin noticed The Friend was wearing transformers on his shirt and The Friend said that teachers had been thinking they were masks or something all day. i have good ears. mhmm. then Devin and Heather left. yesterday this was when he talked to us. he didn't talk to us at all. kind of frustrating but with the day i had been having it was excepted.
now is when i come to the part where i am suppose to clear up any confusion that you and i are feeling. i do not want to be in a relationship with The Friend. i do not want anyone but the right girl to be in a relationship with The Friend. is that weird that i want that? is it weird that i feel like warning him about what is most likely going to happen to him this school year which is 1) almost every single girl in school will fall for him 2) two months later you find out who are your real friends because everyone else will just leave because once they get to know you better they decide they don't like you 3) you now continue your life as a HRHSer instead of the new kid. i wish i could just warn him about all of it but really i don't think i can. not now at least and by the time i get to that point, if i ever do, it will be too late. but isn't that what friends do? look out for each other? right? so maybe it is a little weird that right now it only goes one way and not the other, at least that i know of. currently i have no idea what he thinks of me if he thinks of me at all. which sucks.
WAIT AGAIN. i forgot a major piece that was making me even more frustrated at everyone around me. near the end of class Steph wrote a note and gave it to Katelyn and all I saw was the word "gay" and then i asked if i could read it and this is what it said. i have it but i don't have to look at it cause i remember it. "Devin said he isn't gay that he is hers". Steph and Devin have gym together so it must have been a topic of discussion. then they were talking about if he was gay or not, and that more people said he was than wasn't. SHUT UP. his sexual orientation isn't any of your freaking business. and it is extremely rude and awful to be talking about it when he is sitting right behind us. and Devin? you have a boyfriend. and when you were asked about him by either Sawyer or Heather, and i don't like the idea of Sawyer asking you about him cause just noooooo. i think they asked if you were going to break up with him and you replied "i don't know". okay. i don't like much about relationships but if you don't know if you want to break up with someone or not, it probably means you should because you don't care about him enough to know for certain that you don't want to break up with him. plus Devin if Sawyer is yours then shouldn't you break up with your boyfriend cause or else you might begin a thing called cheating.
so let's get the facts straight. how many girls do i know like Sawyer or at least i think i know? Devin. Heather. Katelyn. Becca. Kayla. and about Kayla, look at what she posted on his wall "
0 comments:
Post a Comment