crap.

hi. today i am going to talk to you about friends. wait, you wanted a new topic? sorry but you ain't getting one. well you are getting a slight difference because i'm branching off from The Friend. i could talk about him more but today was no different from yesterday, or the day before that. so The Friend isn't much of a friend.

i'm going to talk about Abby. i barely see her at all which makes it extremely hard. i see her for more than five minutes every other day at lunch and lunch is lunch. anyways so now our relationship consists of that and talking to each other about our days and venting. but i have come to a topic that i am not use to. friends wanting to commit suicide and such. i actually don't know what Michelle did but just from listening to what other people have said that is what i think. every time i hear suicide i think of Colin thanks to him saying he was going to commit suicide the one and only time i talked to him online. you don't joke about stuff like that and i don't know if he remember it or not but that has permanently scared my image of him. i can't look or have a conversation with him without thinking of it. so way to go Colin.

but what i really beat myself up on is whenever Abby vents i try to think of something to say back and i can't so i end up giving her advice which isn't necessarily needed and i end up sounding sort of stupid. i really wish it could be kind of like the movies and books where the best friend know each other inside out and don't even have to talk to know how the other is feeling. we aren't that close. i have never had someone that close. we are twins but most people use the word twin, other than its true meaning, for people that are extremely alike or friends that are really close. we are more like true twins. real twins are never as close as sister twins. they are like siblings. we have our own friends in a way. we aren't with each other all the time. but i really wish we had at least one class together so instead of this year tearing as apart it would bring us together.

just to record this: this morning i woke up at 7:10. i was in that car at 7:20. so why have i been waking up at 6:30 when i can get ready in 10 minutes? anyways i wasn't awake throughout all of homeroom and before which made it so i didn't have to talk to her. she has seriously been on my nerves but i have no one else to talk to during the following classes: biology, gym, english. so i'm stuck with her. and it sort of stinks. plus if i got rid of her i bring my amazing three friends down to a wonderful two.

at least when i own my own powerfully company i won't need any friends. as for the family part? well hopefully i can find a husband between all of that. i will be like the lady in The Proposal and maybe i will have to pretend to marry one of my workers but then end up falling in love with him and then i would be all set. but really i'm trying to take each day one at a time but keep my eye on the prize, the reason why i am going through hi!school and putting up with all this, for lack of a better word, shit.