178.

so i enjoy writing this blog. i mean it has been going on since Januray, which is 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, 9 months ago. haha. what does that say about my social skills?

anyways when i write this not everything comes out right or how i see it. when i am writing this blog i'm just writing i'm not thinking. well i am but i'm not thinking about what word sounds right where or editing it or something. i'll maybe delete no more than a sentence but really sometimes thinks don't come out right or come out incorrectly.

so now you are all probably excepting me to correct something i said in my last blog and i would be the only probably is i don't know what to correct. my thoughts and feelings and beliefs are sooooo messed up that i can't put them on paper and get my point completely across so someone other than me can understand them. but the other thing is i have to be completely honest with this blog and if for some reason i'm not being completely honest then something has to change whether it be making it so only i can read this blog or rethinking my way of writing it.

being completely honest the thing i need to correct is the cute new boy. cause i think i might have come off a little differently than i wanted to but it hasn't been long enough for me to read my blog yet. you realize that i won't read a blog until months have passed after i have written it. i probably won't read these words again until November or later most likely. i already have these thoughts and feelings in me now and i put them on paper, i don't need to revisit them until i know they are completely gone.

i sort of segwayed off there. partly to avoid the topic i'm suppose to be writing about now. maybe i'll do it in bullet points. that might work. ready? 1) i am not a stalker. the definition of a stalker is Devin. k? any questions about that please ask me because i do not feel the need to explain now 2) i'm not sure what to put here for number two. ah figured it out. i'm not obsessed. last year i was verging on obsessed and i'm not going back there 3) i care but i don't. i'm sticking with my whatever happens happens 4) i don't want to change anything. ha. lie. i don't want to create unnecessary drama and such, i want it to happen on it's own. 5) i don't have guts when it comes to people. riding around an 1000 pound beast? tons of guts. people? none. 6) -pause while i'm thinking- i'm hungry so i think i am wrapping this blog up. any questions ect, please direct them to me and me only. i will probably have more to write about later if i have time with babysitting and homework which i haven't started yet. and i think this blog was kind of pointless.