the words to say. or the hair to cut.

i was hoping i would get through the day with only one blog post but no such luck. i just finished all my homework, including starting some due on Thursday so here i am. i don't have something i really need to say. except that i wish i knew what to say to help Abby with her drama issues. but i have no idea. other than it sucks. but she can always rant or talk to me and i can guaranteed that i will listen.

i'm not sure what to do with my hair. i'm getting a hair cut. last time i did i was in a bad mood because we were rushed over to this new place and i had no idea what i wanted. i still didn't know if i wanted high lights or not. the hair dresser asked me if i would keep up with them and i was like like i don't know. i haven't. i haven't had a hair cut since August. it's April now. wohoo. but while i think i look kind of nice of long hair it's too average and blah. you know what i mean? but i'm not sure how good i look with short hair. too bad it's not acceptable in society to go bald. well i guess it sort of is, but not really for girls. nahh. so short seems to be the way to go but there is only so much you can do.

i should stop trying to make myself over my cutting my hair. i should change myself by upping my confidence. and opening my mouth more. but that takes a long time unlike cutting my hair where it changes from one day to the next. but oh well. this year is almost over. but i don't see me making a big change any time soon. and because i think that it won't happen. i just have the cards stacked against me, don't i? what do you mean against? not going to explain that question.

it's 8 o'clock.

i spend a lot of time on facebook. maybe because i don't have anything better to do in my downtime. maybe i should take up knitting. i already know how to knit. i just don't do it often. nah. i don't want to become my auntie julie. maybe i should actually learn something new. or i'll just write on this blog more often. ooh. i'll go with that last option.

i'm scared of a lot of things. nervous. apprehensive. you know. which is why when Abby suggested that she get me and Ryan together in some sort of group since Josh and Colin know him and she has heard he is very nice. i instantly said no. what did she expect me to say? but maybe if it was a really big group and it wasn't obvious that he is there because of me then maybe. but when is there going to be a big group like that? it's not like we are a group of big partiers. maybe i should have said yes because what do i have to lose? i could be crushed but hey it's all in good fun. at least i would get out of this slum where everyday is exactly the same and nothing happens. i can list the exciting days on my fingers. this friday/saturday. next tuesday. the tuesday after that. the weekend after that tuesday. may 30th. every other day will pretty much be the same as every other day. the only things that keeps me going a) hope that it isn't always going to be like this b) my future c) the little things. the little things that seem so important at the time but really don't matter. yep.

i think i will wrap this blog up by posting this lyrics that sum up my entire love life. now. past. and hopefully not future, well that's not entirely true. but whatever. (listen to the glee version) and do you know i have five songs titled "Crush" well actually three of them are the same song from the same artist, one is a music video and the other two are from different albums. those three are from David Archuleta. then I have one from Selena Gomez. and then the glee version. okay here we go. (not Here We Go Again because that is a Demi Lovato song and i'm not listening to her currently). Crush, "it's not like everything i do depends on you":

Ahh, crush, ahhh

I see ya blowin' me a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist
To understand what's going on baby
If you see something in my eye
Let's not over analyze
Don't go too deep with it baby

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll play loose
Not like we have a date with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

It's raising my adrenaline
You're banging on a heart of tin
Please don't make too much of it baby
Say the word "forevermore"
That's not what I'm looking for
All I can commit to is "maybe"

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll pay loose
Not like we have a date with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

Vanilla skies
White picket fences in your eyes
A vision of you and me

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I
Everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la

Ahhhh hey yeah yeah yeah
Sha-la-la-la
Ohhh Oh Babe
Not like everything I do depends on you
Ahhhh hey yeah yeah yeah