this is the fourth night in a row i have been awake past 10 o'clock. i'm too tired to say anything else.

by the way...

...I GOT ALL As ON MY REPORT CARD! woooohooooo! i was very happy. my dad wasn't as happy. he looked it over and asked me a question about the comment and that was it. he only said good job or something like that when my mother mentioned it. maeve nearly attacked me when she heard. but i was very happy with that. anyways that is just a sidenote.

...mental health days for everyone! i didn't go to school today hahahahaha. i woke up because maura was singing in the bathroom. then finn scratched on my door so i let her in, then she jumped on my bed and we both feel asleep for another hour. then i got up, ate some chinese food for breakfast. watched tv until pass 11 when i would have gotten out of school. then i didn't really do anything else. spent some time on the computer. read my book. did my nails. ate some lunch. it was very nice. then i rode my horse all wonderful.

...tonight is prom for those in the grades of 11 and 12 of hampshire regional high school or if you happen to be an underclassman invited by an upperclassman or invited from another school. we were driving by Mr. Lapan, like Japan with an L,'s house and there were a bunch of people out in their dresses and tuxes, so we pulled over and looked at them all. Then Monica ran over to us because she was there and talked with us for a bit. and while we were pulled over Ryan drove by, I was the only one who noticed. he was wearing an off-white colored tux. i hope he enjoys prom enough to go next year. and i can't wait to see all the pictures on facebook.

...i decided on my speech topic. itunes and ipods. i'm not too enthusiastic about it but it's a topic and i'm speaking in three weeks so i sort of have to know. so i only have three weekends, including this one, to work on it. woohoo. and i have an essay due with only two weekends that i have barely started. woohoo.

...i guess i really didn't have a lot to say. other than it's hard work being a drummer. i played on Band Hero yesterday then i bit today. i'm hungry. we are going to have pizza tonight, Rosemarie is coming over. so there you go. i don't think i have anything else to say.

so i really don't know people. abby was just saying. oh well. i got your message, i just deleted it as to not leave traces. and i'm gonna go to bed now. third night in a row i've gone to bed past 10 yay. and tomorrow i will post a lot because i do have a lot to talk about. but now it's too late. good night.

damn it. i mean darn it.

quote of the day: "It's only those who do nothing that make no mistakes, I suppose. – Joseph Conrad (1857-1924)"

toe.

my toe hurts. and it sounds so trivial, like haha your toe. it's just a toe. but you know it hurts when every time you take a step there is shooting pain. it doesn't matter where it is. but when you say toe everyone instantly rides it off as nothing. toes have muscles too. or maybe it is just because they don't care about other people's pain because they aren't feeling it. like when i mentioned to a few people that i was going to skip they didn't seem to care much, except for Ally because she wanted me in art class. Steph couldn't of cared less. (is it "could have cared less" or "couldn't have cared less". i guess couldn't have sounds correct when you say it like that but i think most people say could have. sarcastic? or do they just not realize it? i must admit i have probably said "couldn't have cared less" before) but anyways. skipping school for no good reason isn't something i do so it is sort of big to me. i have only missed one day of school because it was the day after we came back from a trip and we needed rest. and i needed to finish my math homework. you would think i would use my skip on a full day, not a half day but now all i'm missing is a quiz in spanish, working on my art project, and stupid science. so there you go. i'll be able to sleep in. maybe i'll sleep until 11 so i just sleep through school. woo.

i don't have much to say. what do you want to hear about? my "love" life? my "friend" life? important stuff? or do you just want to blabber on about nothing? i do not know. i am going to eat chinese tonight. i'm hungry. maybe i'll go read my magazine now. or maybe i'll tap into some emotions i don't want to. hm. let's go with the emotions. that would be a challenge.

attention was brought to me today when i was walking up to dump my tray. that is just a weird situation because you have to stand up in that cafeteria and walk over to the trash cans while most everyone else is sitting. and they watch you walk. it's almost like being on a runway. but attention was brought to me because Matt Cabral was in my way so while i was waiting for him to move Sam Hanson almost knocked my tray over because he leaned way back in his seat - it was a quick reaction - like his head jerked back. he said sorry and i moved on. that was reallyyyy it. not really a big deal but you know. you probably don't know but i don't feel like explaining so too bad for you. you better buy yourself a mind/feeling reading machine. can't afford one? they don't exist? well this is as close as you are going to get.

chinese food is here. time to eat. then not do homework. wooo!

you with the sad eyes. don't be discouraged.

the title has nothing to do with what im going to talk about. i'm just listening to glee. and now onto stuff that relates to the band concert in some way most likely.

i have a new life goal. be able to play the drums as well as Sam Hanson. i have more of a chance of becoming an international business woman. but you know. maybe that will be a college thing, learn how to play the drums. i'm sure my roommates will love me for that. for some reason out of all the instruments up there i liked the drums the best. sure you mostly are doing the same beat over and over but i like it. it's the heart of the music, keeping the beat. of course i liked the actual drum set the best, instead of those little drums that you hit with your hands. but the temple blocks and the other thingy which is like a xylophone but it's wooden. those were my favorite instruments. and the little things in the trombones/trumpet that Chris and the senior put in to make it sound weird. i liked those too. i have no idea what they are called but they are cool.

um abby you can fool me. i'm like a cat. but not really. but i know people. but i don't really. everyone thinks they know people but they they don't really. you can't know people if you don't know yourself and i don't know myself. not really. but let me continue. darn it. i'm forgetting exactly what she said but this is along the lines. "sometimes i can't believe Chris is single. just saying". you ain't just saying nothing. honest abby i do know that he is single and honestly i haven't ruled him out in my shopping. i don't know what you are thinking but you know how i roll. get to know the guy first before anything else. but you also know how that has gone, i don't know any guys. or have any guys as friends. and since i am still addressing you abby if you had said anything when Ryan was up doing his wonderful solo i would have murdered you. since maeve has very good ears.

so the high schoolers and middle schoolers did a very nice job with their music and all. but i was paying more attention to faces. what expression they have on their face when they are playing. or when they aren't playing and are waiting for their turn. little side conversations. tapping of the feet. i like watching them tap their feet to the beat. i especially like when they have on their black pants, white sneakers, and their pants are too short so you can see a bit of skin, and they are tapping their feet. today that was Jonny Forance. back in seventh grade when we got the in-school preview of band and such, i was watching him the whole time. i've grown up from him. i was watching a junior the whole time. well not the whole time. i tried to look at everyone at least once. there was the nice kid with the teal tie. and a whole bunch of people i could list. but there you go.

while i was watching the band play and abby was to my left, maeve to my right, and my mom to the right of her i had flash-forwards to the glee concert. i'm so excited for the glee concert. sooo excited. i don't even care that i will miss the Westhampton Memorial Parade and miss the band where i would actually have a chance of certain people seeing me. but you know glee is better.

a ton of people had the same lyrics as their status. and they were people that weren't even friends with each other so i had to go find the song. and i like it. so here are all the lyrics. after i say i might skip school on friday. with my mother's permission. she was the one who suggested it. i would love to do that. it's only a half day. a mental health day. we'll see.

can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now

yeah
i could use a dream or a genie or a wish
to go back to a place much simpler than this
cause after all the partyin and smashin and crashin
and all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
and all the pandemonium and all the madness
there comes a time where you fad into the blackness
and where you're staring at that phone in your lap
and you hoping but them people never call you back
but that's just how the story unfolds
you get another hand soon after you fold
and when your plans unravel
and they sayin what would you wish for
if you had one chance
so airplane airplane sorry i'm late
i'm on my way so don't close that gate
if i don't make that then i'll switch my flight
and i'll be right back at it by the end of the night

can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now
can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky
are like shotting stars
i could really use a wish right now

somebody take me back to the days
before this was a job, before i got paid
before it ever mattered what i had in my bank
yeah back when i was tryin to get into the subway
and back when i was rappin for the hell of it
but now a days we rappin to stay relevant
i'm guessin that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
then maybe yo maybe i'll go back to the days
before the poitics that we call the rap game
and back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
and back before i tried to cover up my sland
but this is for the cada, what's up bobby ray
so i can get a wish to end the politics
and get back to the music that started this shit
so here i stand and then again i say
i'm hoping we can make some wishes outta airplanes

can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now

that took me over five minutes to type all of that. i didn't copy and paste any of it. it's probably the longest lyrics i have ever hand typed. alright. time for bed. i have a Mrs. Schott math quiz tomorrow. it's really late 9:30. i was up to about 10:30 last night. wow. i'm really turning into a teenager.

like medicine

that is what this blog is like for me. just so you know.

but i'm not really concentrating on this blog now. it's 7:33 now. when did i start this?

now it's 7:45 and i haven't talked about anything i wanted to talk about. i was going to talk about more serious stuff. like how Mr. Smith said he felt a shift in the universe or something like that. but maybe not.

that might have something to do with the fact that i'm watching a tv show on hulu. and i'm trying to decide if i want to stay up to watch glee or not.

so i still haven't written anything and it's 8:10

i discovered this new show. that is what i have been watching. If I Can Dream. so they took five aspiring actors/models/singers and put them in a house to live in and they are going to help them break into the business. give them lessons, get them auditions, opportunities. such. they have a weekly tv show but they also have a live cam so you can go and watch them live. right now i'm watching Alex Lambert doing the dishes while singing shirtless. but now someone else's head has blocked my view. this is actually pretty fabulous. but i think i am going to get in the shower.

so much for my post actually about something. another useless blog post. it's 8:35.

boy shopping.

sounds like fun. it also sounds a bit degrading or sexist or whatnot. i don't mean it in a bad way, like guys are just objects to be bought or sold. mostly i was want to meet some new guys cause as you can see i'm going through a bit of a phase. but you know i might as well enjoy it while it lasts. so i'm going boy shopping with Dana. i started typing horse shopping instead of boy shopping there. good to know i still put horses before guys because that is the way the world works. but back to boy shopping because that is the title of this post you know. but we are going to go watch some of her school's sporting events. sounds good right? since the event at our school went so well, Dana picked up Alex well not really since he asked her to come but you know. maybe by the end of the game i'll have a guy from her school talking to me too. but i'm sort of excited. but before i go any farther let me type out all of our recent texts because then you might get where i am going from. yes. i am going to type them all because i am crazy and cannot copy and paste.

Me 2:23: Guess who i just saw driving?
Dana 2:24: MY LOVERRRRRRR
Me 2:25: Yes! he had a fany black sport car with silver stripe
Dana 2:26: i knowwww i saw it onlineee! on facebook. <3
Me 2:28: Well isnt that dandy
Me 2:34: Im jealous u can drive 2 school but i don't have my permit
Dana 3:28: lol. itsnot always that great :( dudddeeee i'm gonna get him to drive me around in his cool car!
Me 4:33: Dude u should.
Dana 6:19: dudeee yeahhh! I'LL DATE HIM!!!!
Me 6:21: DO IT!
Dana 6:22: lol wouldnt that be akward if i dated him?
Me 6:23: Nah it would be cute and give me hope that i cute [supposed to be 'could'] meet a cute guy while learning to drive
Dana 6:27: lol well i met him we just aren't dating. guys r just drama! hah,but i could make more friends @ ur school <3
Me 6:30: U should make more friends @ my school and i should at yours. we need 2 have a school related gathering soon. or u should transfer 2 hrhs
Dana 6:53: haha, well that would just be wonderful. if u let me know when something is happenign at your school i will definately go, i dont go to my school functions tho
Me 6:57: I never went 2 my school functions before i went with u so maybe we should start going to some of ours 2
Dana 6:58: lol. okay, pick a sport
Me 7:00: Well what sports r going on? track? baseball?
Dana 7:11: lets see, baseball, softball, track, lacrosse, crew, ultimate frisbee,and tennis
Me 7:13: gee wiz you have a lot of sports. which team is made up of the best people?
Dana 7:16: haha yeah & those r just spring sports! um...lacrosse boys r the hottest, baseball boys r the sweetest, crew boys r mixed, track boys r cute,but the track girls r bitchy, oh & softball girls r pretty bad
Me 7:20: Haha. that just made my night. i love how u know what each team is like. but your descriptions make it hard 2 choose. hot or sweet?
Dana 7:23: & that is why i am still single. well lacrosse is more fun to watch,but the boys r Assholes! i'd say the baseball boys r best dating potential & track boys r the funniest. well i guy we will have to watch them all!
Me 7:27: We do have 2 watch all of them now. give me a date and i'll convince my mother 2 drive me
Dana 7:28: haha, no we don't have to watch any of them if you don't want. i'll try to figure out some dates :0
Me 7:31: Dana u r talking 2 a girl who has 0 experience with guys so of course i want 2. my school doesnt have many oppurtunities. but not that im really looking.
Dana 7:33: lol, well honestly i think you would have better luck at your school. haha thats where i meet my boys ;) but of course we can go boy shopping at my school too
Me 7:36: i think it is bc we pretty much already know all the boys in our school. so i agree lets go boy shopping @ your school
Dana 7:37: lol okay i'll figure out when some games r
Me 7:38: Yay! im excited now
Dana 7:40: haha, well i wouldn't be. but i'll let you see for yourself & wont crush your dreams
Me 7:42: Even [if] my dreams relating to the other gender are crushed at least i will have fun spending time with you
Dana 7:45: awww your a sweetie pie. so the next baseball game i tommorow or thursday at 4?
Me 7:48: i wouldnt be able 2 do either because i babysit until 430 unless we go late
Dana 8:11: well tomorrow is supposed to be rainy. we can go a better day
Me 8:14: Do they have any later games or not on tues.thur? well how late do they normally go anyways?
Dana 8:15: um, well i asked my friend & he thought i started at 4,but he wasn't sure, so i can check a schedule
Me 8:15: Sounds fabulous


soo that's all. i need to have a backup plan incase my lake house plan falls through. but i had fun at the track meet and that was with boys i knew so it would be better with guys i didn't know so i can just admire their good looks without any personality attached to them.

and just for the record i will always pick sweet over hot. and now it is time for some sweet ice cream.

and once again.

vacation is over. almost. tomorrow will be back to school. of course. because days are just days and they keep going by. so that means tomorrow's Monday. great. but then we are close to the end of school. good. i'm ready for school to be over. i don't wanna do an english essay or speech or more math or stupid science or learn more about history or do a final history project or take more MCAS or go to gym but i wouldn't mind doing more art projects. school is almost done. almost. almost. then i'll be a junior and i'll have to get through another year.

today we spent most of the day looking at a lake house up in Orange. once we got into the town i kept my eyes open for places to go if we did get a lake house near there and when i get my license so i can drive there. i saw a sweet ice cream place. alsoi' i was looking for places where i would be able to meet places. i would have my lake house and my group of friends i would hang out with when i went up there so it wouldn't have to be with my family the whole time. and of course i would be able to find a cute boy who counts down the days until i come back up to the lake house. that is all i really want. i could care less about where the house is located, how much it costs, if i would have to share a bedroom or whatnot. i just want a cute boy near by that i can fall in love with. summer romance anyone?

i think that is really all. -sigh- i know that the second i stop looking for love that is when i will find it. but i don't see myself stopping anytime soon. i'm a teenage girl. even though i am more than that. i don't want to admit that i am about to go to school tomorrow and i don't know what i want to do for my speech. that was my goal. also my goal was to finish editing my novel this week. i got through 10 of the 80-something pages.

i'm tired. nighty night.

isn't that what blogs are for?

what is that "that" i speak of? talking about cute guys. duh. so on to the next boy. he scooped my ice cream for me at the ice cream store. he was adorable. he was knew there, you could tell because he had to ask the girl if he had scooped enough ice cream, which he hadn't so she scooped the rest. he wasn't a small skinny guy he was well built and tall. he was quiet and probably a bit nervous. he looked older than me. i have no idea what age, i'm never good at guessing ages. but i thought he was good looking. and then when my Aunt put some money in the tip jar and walked away him and the girl he was working with did a little high-five on the down low. it was cute. then i was singing along to Hey, Soul Sister on the radio a bit while eating my ice cream and i think he might have been singing/mouthing/saying it. or at least a line. maybe. or i could have been imaging it. anyways. he probably has a crush on that girl he was working with and was devastated when she left and he was stuck with this other girl. that's my theory. i might write a story about it. anyways when he were leaving he said a very quiet "have a nice day" or something like that and we made eye contact for a second before i went outside and i'll probably never see him again. but maybe if this blog does make it big he will read this. if you were working at Twist and Shake in Winthrop, MA on April 24, 2010 between 4:30 and 5:30 pm then call me.

i guess that is all for pathetic me. we're heading home soon. i'm glad. i'm not looking forward to school though. maybe just a little to get away from my family for at least six hours a day. but you know.

and the post before this one was the 350th. halfway to 400. woohoo! yippee!

you are most likely wondering why i called myself strange last night. i don't have a direct answer for that really. so i'm just going to ignore you and talk about my day yesterday.

i got my haircut. it is like a haircut i have had before so yeah. i haven't seen it yet non-blowdryed. i was about to get in the shower but my aunt beat me to it. anyways. so the little step-second-cousins came over for an hour and they are adorable. but after all that we went into the city via T. once i got past the partial motion sickness i liked it. seeing as those people. the intricate system all underground. but we went to the Boston Public Library, the first public library ever. it was huge and so beautiful. i wouldn't mind living near Boston just so I could go to that library and study. they had a lot of rooms with tables for people to just come and work on. they had a lot of computers. and it was just realllly cool. but it was one of those libraries where you felt like you had to be quiet. unlike our little Westhampton library but I wouldn't trade our library for that one.

then we walked over to the Prudential building which was also really cool. that was the first time i had been up it and you can see all of the city. we just hung out up there for a little while which was awesome. but right as we were leaving a cute guy was coming up with his family. of course. i had just spent an hour up there with no cute guys and when i leave that's when he comes up. but that's what you get when you go looking for love i guess.

then we went back on the T, switched from the green line, to the red line, then to the orange line. no lie there. and we were in China Town! wooo! it was very cool. it was mostly just a bunch of Chinese restaurants and a bunch of Chinese people walking around. we went to this little garden that was part of the big dig and it was very cool. there were a bunch of flowers and bamboo and was just awesome. then we ate in a chinese restaurant with chopsticks. i didn't use my fork once thank you very much.

now i have to backtrack because i forgot some stuff. on the bottom of the Prudential building is a big shopping mall. and guess who we saw when Maura was buying a hat? Scott Brown, our senator. it was so cool. we saw some women taking pictures with a guy and we were like who is that? so we went over there and saw who it was and got our picture taken! the Senator was standing right next to me and had his arm around me. awesomeeeee.

then we were in the Dunkin Donuts in the Prudential building and a gaggle of cute boys were there. one of them met my eyes for a second but then instantly looked away. isn't that weird how we train ourselves to do that? if you meet eyes with someone - look away because their a stranger or whatever the reason. i'm trying to untrain myself of that. we'll see how well it works. it's 12:23. and there was another cute boy spotting with his family but he didn't even look at me either. so oh well.

i bought a t-shirt that said Harvard on it because it was cute and my dad always brings up Harvard School of Business. wouldn't it be weird if i went to Harvard? that would be kind of awesome though. when people ask where I'm going to school instead of saying some school that no one has heard of before I would just simply reply "Harvard". ahh. that is awesome. but the odds of me getting in are very slim but if i end up Valedictorian who knows.

now i am going to see if i can get in the shower before we start our day. only two days left until we're back to school and i still don't have a speech topic.

i'm a so strange. and i would write all about my day in Boston but i'm a tired so i'm a go to bed and i'm a going to stop talking with "i'm a"

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

Very few of us are what we seem. – Agatha Christie (1890-1976)

Word of the Day for Friday, April 23, 2010

moil \MOYL\, intransitive verb:

1. To work with painful effort; to labor; to toil; to drudge.
2. To churn or swirl about continuously.

noun:
1. Toil; hard work; drudgery.
2. Confusion; turmoil.

Why should he toil and moil, and be at so much trouble to pick himself up out the mud, when, in a little while hence, the strong arm of his Uncle will raise and support him?
-- Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
He saw himself in the sleepless moil of early parenthood, and felt a plunging anxiety.
-- Alan Hollinghurst, The Spell
Moil comes from Middle English moillen, "to soak, to wet," hence "to soil, to soil one's hands, to work very hard," from Old French moillier, "to soften, especially by making wet," ultimately from Latin mollis, "soft."

i shouldn't be on here now?

why not? because i am worried for my health. okay that might be a bit of an exaggeration but you know. stupid facebook. it does things to your mind. you see pictures of people hanging out. status updates. it is all frustrating. maybe i should just delete mine. or maybe i should just get rid of all things electronic. like that would happen.

i am really quite tired. i'm at my aunt's house. tomorrow i'm getting my haircut. i have no idea what i am going to do. i have trouble making up my mind. like with everything. i will almost always give a neutral answer. if i give you a straight on answer it is because of two reasons a) i really mean it or b) i am just making up my mind so you won't get upset or whatever. make sense? but when i make a decision i normally stick with it. not to say that i don't have doubts because i do. i have a lot. all the time. about all sorts of things. i also regret a lot. maybe someday i won't as much. i have a lot to learn. i have a lot of growing to do. a lot of learning. jeez. i'm so young.

i like rest stops on the highway. you are surrounded by people who are all stopping on their journey. their journey that i don't have any idea what it is. there are all these people using the bathroom, getting something to eat, or just stretching their legs at the same place. they are all going somewhere by car - home, someplace far away, somewhere close. they all share something though, they decided to stop at a rest stop. i wish i could talk to all of them just to hear their story. especially that cute boy i saw there with his father. i wouldn't mind working at a rest area just so i could see all those different people past through. it's the same deal with the airport except even more so. i wouldn't mind just spending a day at an airport to people watch.

i really should go to sleep now. i started the last three paragraphs, including this one, with the letter "i" which is a strange letter with so much meaning. alright. tomorrow i might be going into the city after i get my haircut. ahhahhh.

i just got this error (4 now): "Conflicting edits

There was more than one attempt to edit this resource at the same time. This may have been because you double clicked on a link or a button or because someone else is also editing this blog or post.

Please hit the back button on your browser and try again. If the problem persists, please contact the Blogger Help Group. We apologize for the inconvenience."

it sort of scares me. i have gotten it before. but i never got it a while ago. has someone else gained access to my blog? can they see everything i write? it freaks me out. but that should be a sign to me that i shouldn't post such revealing stuff in my blog - right, like counting how many times i start a paragraph with "i" is revealing. anyways. i need sleep.

soooo

Dana didn't bail on me after all. she texted me, called me, and left me a message on facebook at about 5 o'clock. of course i had left my phone at home so i didn't get it until 6:40ish. the movie started at 7:40. so at first i didn't really want to go. but then she texted me saying we could make if i wanted to go. so i went for it. i took a five minute shower. got dressed and did my makeup in under ten minutes. and in less than 20 minutes i was out the door. we made it to the movie a little late but i had a fun time. the mall was really creepy with no one in it. most people don't go to the movies on a Wednesday night or hang around the mall after all the stores are closed. except for some creepers we stayed away from. so overall it was a good night. not fabulous but a step in the right direction for molly's social life.

this is sort of how my day went. have the dog wake me up. come downstairs watch tv while eating yogurt. burn a grilled cheese. do pointless things like facebook and Scribblenauts. attempt to edit my novel and fail. decide to get dressed around three in the afternoon which includes changing from my pjs into a t-shirt and sweatpants. play around with stilts. eat leftovers for lunch. do more pointless things. go to the barn and play with my horse. come back home, shower, actually get dressed into jeans and a nice shirt, and put my face on. eat dinner in the car, watch a movie, come back home, and write about it in my blog. fabulous.

tomorrow is another day. we will see what happens. hopefully by the end of the day I will be in Winthrop by the sea.

dana bailed on me. apparently she is going over Taylor's house instead. grand. i was planning on spending the day with her at the mall and maybe go see a movie. but nope. she never texted me back. wohoo. so another vacation day spent home doing nothing.

actually not nothing. i am now close to becoming an expert on the stilts my sister got. yeppers. i'm pretty fabulous. i read some. watched tv. played video games. and pretty much accomplished nothing. yayy.

i have nothing else to say. i'm tired. i have to go to the barn but i don't really want to. yipeee.

glee.

is amazing. fabulous. wonderful. and i just finished watching it.

so i'm gonna give you the low down. that's such a weird expression. low down. strange.

anyways the big sex context in tonight's episode was a bit awkward like it always is. i will be happy when i go back to watching it on my little computer screen with my headphones. but Finn was silly and had Sex with Santana but then lied and said he didn't because he didn't feel anything afterwards which kind of makes me mad. not the lying part. the part where he did it. Rachel wouldn't go through with it which made Jessie come to McKinley (eekk. more later). and Emma didn't do it either but i love her and i'm glad she didn't. so that's the sex part of this week's episode. moving on to the actual good stuff.

it was MADONNA week! woohoo. honestly i don't Madonna very well but I do know she is an icon. a bigg icon. and from this episode i like her a lot. all about empowering girls to be strong, confident, and capable. you don't know how wonderful that theme was in this episode. it was great. reallyyyyy. i'm trying to go through it again through my head. it's hard. it was so amazing.

JESSIE JOINED THE GLEE CLUB! AHHHH! i am so excited. he said he joined because of Rachel but he is most probably a spy. but still. Maeve thinks he is ugly but i do not think so at all. nooopeee. the more he is in the show and the more he sings the better. is he coming on tour? he's not said to be but mayyybeeee. it was weird watching him perform with all the glee kids in the last song but it was still kind of great. i cannn nottt wait until next week. and i'll have to wait until Wednesday to watch it. grr.

ummm Tina is amazing and Artie was a jerk for telling her to change but she showed him and then he apologized. and Rachel should really just cut all the crap with Jessie and get back together with Finn but you know that ain't gonna happen.

i have to say probably the best song was when the guys sang "What It Feels Like For a Girl" ahhahahhh. everyone should be forced to watch this show. seriously. and Kurt and Merceedes joining the Cherrios? woooooo. love this show. love love love this show.

it is weird that sometimes i get...jealous...that probably isn't the right word when i see people all GLEE enthusiastic like on Facebook and stuff - just random peeps - because it's like my show. it's my show and i'll share it with who i want to. but then i just said that everyone should have to watch this show. i'm just a wreck. but maybe you get what i mean. it's just weird.

there is probably something else i should talk about relating to this episode. but i can't think of anything. i'm tired. so i'm going to go up to bed, hold onto my ipod, and listen to glee songs all night long. sounds like a plan stan.

did you notice?

i didn't post at all yesterday. that is a good thing. but now i have to catch you up.

i had a wonderful day with Abby. the movie was wonderful. and i'm so glad i got to hang out with her. the movie was wonderful. i already said that. can you tell i'm sort of distracted? i'm on facebook and my sisters and Maura's friend are running around behind me. but i didn't come to talk to you about that day. i'm here because of this list i have discovered.

Deb Caletti wrote a book called The Secret Life of Prince Charming and apparently the mother of the main character has a list posted on their refrigerator of warning signs in boys. i like this list. none of them are a surprise to me because i'm a strong believer that i, we, girls everywhere deserve the best. and unfortunately that means i am often thinking to myself "she deserves better". so that is why i am going to post this list. it's long but it's worth reading.



edit: so this title works for that too. did you notice one of those warnings?

"cause what's inside will bring the boys"

"so save the plastic for the toys"

i just happened to check my blog and Abby had just posted! she was running for class president! yayyyy! and then i read her opening part and everything she said and it put me in a good mood. i'm also listening to the lyrics "I got soul but I'm not a solider" so that helps. the time is 1:23. so cool. soon my mother will be driving to abby house and then we will be going to the movies. i'm excited. i should clean up my room now but i really don't want to. i just spent forever doing my makeup because i was in that sort of mood. i think i am going to go blow dry my hair...oooo. but i just wanted to mention that blog made me happy. i'm gonna read it again. maybe do some copy and pasting onto here so i don't forget about it.

"here we go. i am trying something new.sorta'.

i am going for-drum roll- class president!

i am exctied and i have the best opening too. and because well i doubt anyone would take it....here it goes,

" good morning, many of you probably know me for my name, and that i am in your class, a smaller group of people know that i am in drama, and that i am part of improvers anonomus, and now it is obious too you all that i am running for class president, and my name is Abby Torrey"

well i think that is what i am going to do. and i guess my main points are really keeping us altogether as a all friends, meaning that we keep our chemistry with each other, we really are a wonderful group of young adults, and i don't want anything to change us, i really do want to look at being better at fundraising too, and get rid of thoes boxers....i would think that i would like to get that blog up and running again too. it really did help, or maybe get a facebook page going for our class where we can get info. i have some great ideas. i just hope the class will give me a chance. hmm

yes molly, the opening is based off of a blog you wrote, just in case you were wondering. : ) it was the one about how you never really know anyones stories, you will see them in the school, and you might know their name, but nothing else. what might their history be, and i feel that way in our class, a lot of people feel that way...well i am going to go now. Molly and i are going out."


now i must finish getting ready. my room can wait to be cleaned. maybe i'll just shove everything in the closet for a later date.

they won.

Ryan and Sam's band won the battle of the bands. too bad i missed it.

and my dad is currently bringing maura to get a cell phone.

scary.

my mother was completely freaked out. maura normally takes the bus home and has her key to get it and then calls my mom. today she was locked out of the house because she didn't have her key and she couldn't find the hidden key because it was pushed way far back in it's hiding place. my mother freaked out because maura wasn't answering the phone and she knew that there was a key for her to get in. so my mom called all over the place and then rushed home. she had Lori rush me home from the barn, i got here first. at first i was call out in the house and there was no response so i was a little scared then i went out on the porch and i saw all her stuff - her backpack, shoes. but she wasn't there. so i got a bit more worried but i was pretty calm. then i started call out around the house. the Maura stuck her head out of the door. she had gone around the house and come in the front door i had left open. then we went and saw that the key was there. and i could tell Maura was trying not to cry so we went inside. and we had barely been inside for more than two minutes when my mother speeds into the driveway and rushes in. then she sees Maura and gives her a big hug and Maura starts crying. then locks herself in the bathroom. then when she finally comes out Mommy makes her sit down and she talks to her and she starts crying again. but all is well now.

but my mother was extremely scared. freaked. worried. she thought about calling the police. think about it. your child is supposed to be picking up the phone but isn't. and you are miles away. what do you do? what if something had happened? it makes you realize how lucky you are that nothing bad happened and makes you value everything that you do have. and plus now my mom is going to try to get home earlier from the office. good for me.

when does tragedy strike? to who? why? doesn't it seem like everything bad happens to just some people while other people nothing bad ever happens. and i don't mean something bad like they get dumped by their boyfriend. i mean a lot bigger than that. a lot worse. if you haven't had anything horrid happen to you does that mean you are more likely to have something happen? or because you just had something awful happen nothing else is going to go wrong? i don't think it works like that. i think everyone has an equal chance. if even that. i don't know. it's weird.

on less serious matters today a girl in my class, Karly, said, "Molly you're hair is pretty. Sorry it's random but I was just thinking about it". I just said "Thank you" back. but that made my day. completely. just a little comment like that. but it also makes me wonder if i want to chop it all off. i kind of like my hair long but everyone's hair is long. not everyone's but a lot. i like it long but i also like change. i also like how Karly said that my hair is pretty, not pretty today. get what i'm saying? anyways. she made my day and she doesn't even know it. and she doesn't know that that might have been the last time she saw my hair that long. depending on if i cut it or not. so well. i am going to go look at pictures of people's hairs and see if i get inspired. chyep.

just another face in the crowd.

that is really what i am to anyone who isn't my friend. i'm just another girl in class. another girl you pass in the hallway that you don't talk to. another body taking up space. another teenage girl.

that sucks.

truly. there is no other way to say it because that's pretty much it. to almost all the world that is what i am. actually almost all the world doesn't even know i exist. grand.

you pass someone in the hallway. do you normally stop to say hi to them? normally not. do you think about them? maybe for a second but if you don't even know their name you just keep walking along. do you think about their life? what their problems are? what they are like? their personality? history? are they right handed or left handed? what are their talents? what is their story? nopppe. you probably do not think that and if you did what are you going to do about it? now all you have are a bunch of questions and no answers because the other person is already walking down the hallway and they probably didn't even give you a thought.

and what about when you pass someone or see someone and you think they are cute? you don't just walk up to them and say "i think you're cute". if you did they would probably think you were a creeper. it's not like they would run off saying "She thinks I'm cuteeee!". because of our stupid society we don't say things like that to people we just meet even if that i what we are thinking. sucks.

i guess that is all i wanted to say. why? because i pass a lot of people in the hallway that i think about. like today i was walking to my locker during class and I passed Sam who took one look at me and kept walking. and then walking from science i passed this kid i thought was cute that i had never seen before but i didn't say anything to him. i wouldn't of had the guts to anyways. and i always pass Ryan at least once in the day normally. and there are a bunch of kids who are in my class that i ponder but they probably don't even think about who i am really am. or maybe they do. i do not know.

i'm more tired today than i was yesterday. i'm going to go babysit now.

i have lost my good mood. it's my fault though. stupid molly. i wanna try to get it back before i get into the shower. then why the heck did i come here? this never puts me in a better mood. i should just turn off my computer and go to bed. i'm overtired. i'll forget all about this day tomorrow. thanks for that time. alrighty.

where do i begin? at the beginning duh.

but i'm not going to start at the beginning cause that's boring. and plus i don't know where the beginning is.

i have already listened to my new favorite glee song five times at least and i haven't even had i for 24 hours year. yippee.

everyone is getting these "formspring" things where people set up an account thing and they have their page and on their page people can post questions anonymously and then the person answers them and they are visible on their page. i like to read other people's but i don't think i will get one. it's sort of stupid. but it's intriguing at the same time. what will people ask? say? i just asked my first comment/question/whatever because they said they hadn't gotten a nice comment yet so what the heck. might as well take advantage of the internet and all its wonders.

i'm not sure what to say. i don't have anything to say. i'm tired. yippee. i survived my oral and the quiz. now i have a spanish test tomorrow so i'll study for a bit later.

i kind of want to talk about how no one knows who i am really am in school cause i never talk. i get nervous if i have to talk in front of the class for the smallest thing. but what the heck. it's just high school. eventually everyone in that school will work for me. i just have to get through a little more than two years. i don't care what they think yet why do i keep my mouth shut? cause it's easier that way.

whatever. i don't want to talk about that. i don't want to talk about anything really. so i won't. there.

i'm in a good mood.

i just finished watching glee. and it was good. but now it's over. and my mother had to ruin my buzz by telling me her favorite episode which was not the one i just watched. and the whole time i had to keep my face shielded away from my family. and i then these scenes would come up that would make me uncomfortable watching with my two younger sisters and mothers. but that's what you get when you are so big of a fan of something that everyone else becomes a fan of it.

gleeks hurrah.

quotation of the day.

"If all the world hated you and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved of you and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends. – Charlotte Bronte (1816-1855)"

think about that. hah.

it depends.

i'm tired when i think about how i should be studying for my spanish oral and my science quiz. but then when i think about how i am going to be watching glee in about an hour and a half i'm wide awake and excited.

i really should be studying. i really don't wanna. facebook is more attractive. and if i write in this blog then i have an excuse as to why i am not doing it. makes sense, right?

i should tell you a story. so i shall. once when i was still in elementary school, i think, i went over Ryan's house while his mother and my family did some real estate stuff. i think it was actually before sixth grade. but we didn't actually go outside. we played with water guns outside. we just gained up on Ryan the whole time. we were soaked by the end but it was fun. i barely remember it but i do remember. yeppers.

another story is about how i was almost late today but i wasn't. but i don't wanna tell that. i just wanna use the word wanna instead of proper grammar.

i can tell you about i still haven't gotten my two cavities filled so i probably have three cavities now. oh well. it's not my fault. my mother never set up an appointment for me.

it's scary to think about how i'm going to be going to driving school. and how some kids in my class are getting their license and such. i think the first time i realized that people my age were Driving (with a capital D) was when i saw Ryan driving on the road. but that was i believe before school started this year. and then the other time was when i saw a girl from my class driving into the school parking lot when i was leaving it. it was scary. and here i am. in a few months time i will hopefully be getting my permit and heading off to driving school. driving school will be part of my summer experience. maybe there will be some wonderful people in my class i could get to know. ;) that wink face is really creepy. i shouldn't have used it because this blog is creepy enough.

okay. now i need to go study or get in the shower or just sit here listening to glee songs waiting for 9:28 to get here.

only 25 hours until glee starts again.

back when glee ended for the season it seemed like April would never come fast enough and yet here it is and in 25 hours i will be sitting in front of the tv with my eyes glued to the screen waiting for it to start. tomorrow is going to be a long day. but then Abby and I can talk about it all during lunch on Wednesday.

guess what i did today? i fell off my horse but that's not a big deal. the big deal is i went to a track meet with Dana. you know a track meet with Ryan and Ian running. yeppers. and you know who else runs that is cute? Sam. but i have thought he was cute since seventh grade when him and other kid in the grade above us came in during chorus to play the drums for us. everyone was talking about how cute the other guy was but i didn't think he was that cute, i thought Sam was even when he was a little eighth grader. anyways that's sidetracking.

i was texting Dana for the first time every today and she said she was heading to Westhampton right then. i asked her why and she said she was going to the track meet. i knew there was a track meet because everyone was dressed up i just didn't know it was a home meet. i asked her who she was going with or going to see and she said she was going by herself and was going to watch Alex. so i sort of invited myself along. Dana's mom dropped her off at the barn and she hung out while i cleaned Pride's stall then we walked over to the school together. we sat in the grass to the side and watched everyone run around. i told her everyone's names and sometimes we would cheer for them but we must mostly talked about nothing really important.

What did Dana have to say about everyone? well i didn't tell her that i am a creeper when it comes to some of them but she thought that Ryan needed more meat and his hair was weird. she thought that Ian was cute and I had to agree. i thought he was extra cute today in history class when i noticed that his pants weren't long enough to go all the way down to his shoes so he had his dress pants on with his sneakers and you could see his socks and part of his leg. i thought that was cute at least. at one point when Ian was last place in a race Dana called out and said "Good Job Ian!" and I'm pretty sure he heard us because his cheeks turned red. I'm not sure if Dana noticed but I did. I've known Ian ever since we were 3 years old. he was the guy my grampa would always joke about me having crushes on. he would always call him "Eye-an" instead of "Eee-an". Like when the phone would ring he was tell me that I better get it because it is my boyfriend Eee-an. I guess I'm too old for him to do that now.

but it was an enjoyable time to watch everyone run around in circles. some of them even jumped over hurtles. oooh. then Alex came over to hang out with Dana and I left. apparently she was going to dinner at his house. oooo. isn't it strange how the boy who has been in my class ever since first grade ends up going out with the girl on my riding team? oh wait. i don't think they are officially going out. whateves.

isn't it strange how you can just look over a person because that is all they are - a person. all you see are the normal features of a human being. you may be attracted or revolted by those features but those are all you see. then you get to know the person and you perception of this person changes. isn't it weird? like how you didn't know that person's name because you never needed to know but once you were in the same class as them and were paired as partners you find that this person is actually pretty interesting. too bad we can't just show who we really are on the outside. you take one look at them and you know if you like them or not. there is none of that stupid talking jazz.

what am i thinking? i am thinking about how i am waiting for the right people to walk into my life. or for me to walk into theirs. that is what i am thinking about. i am thinking about how i am comfortable with that. waiting doesn't drive me crazy. some days it does and those are the days when i make up nonsense stories and act like a creeper. but i should be sleeping right now so i'm well rested for glee tomorrow. oops.

i almost made it.

through the whole day without a post. but right now i think i should be studying for a history quiz about stuff i have no idea about. what? anyways. today was a nice day. i realized that i left my notebook at Ally's house. that frustrates me. i sent her a message on facebook asking her to bring it to school tomorrow or i would come get it but she never responded. she was on facebook chat for a little while but i was too afraid to talk to her because it could have been her mother who does her farmville stuff. and the phone is even scarier. and her mother and father are scary too. so i just have to hope that she brings it to school. that has all my notes and school stuff in it. and if this history quiz allows us to use notes then i will need it. ahh. it sort of makes me nervous not having it. but it's my own fault. if i wanted it back that badly then i could have gotten it.

okay i wrote that paragrph before dinner. about an hour ago. tomorrow i have another day of school. my prediction is that it is going to go exactly how every other school day as gone. why do i think that? because i'm not going to do anything different. and the odds that someone else would do something to change my school day is not very likey. i'm listening to some music. gleeeeeeee is going to be on in about 49 hours. wow. 49 hours. that's not too long from now. i'm excited.

i don't have anything else to say. i just don't want to get ready for bed. that's like admitting that i have school tomorrow. it is also admitting that i have a quiz i didn't study for, i don't have my notebook, and it's quarter four. and that i have gym. and i'm sick and tired of school. it makes me want to throw up all my chinese food. i'm really tired. but i'm talking to Dana on facebook and i don't wanna leave her.

gargums. someday my life will be more than this. until then i shall continue my life and keep waiting. cause that is the way this world goes. stupid world.

i'm insane.

cause i do the same thing over and over while expecting different results. oh well.

right now i wish i was at the battle of the bands. but i'm not. why not? because i just found out about it about an hour ago and i wouldn't have been able to pull off in that short of time without a car. i wouldn't have wanted to go by myself. abby is babysitting and i wouldn't feel comfortable calling anyone else up that last minute. plus i wouldn't have a ride. my parents might have drove me there. but i'm not sure. see if i had my own car and my license i would have just driven up there by myself. but it would be different if my parents drove me up and dropped me off. then i wouldn't be able to leave whenever i wanted. and they would probably stay. or they might have not let me stay there by myself. anyways i'm not there. Ryan's there playing with his band. oh well. there will be more opportunities like this one when i'm older than sixteen and a half. i'm only fifteen and nine months and thirteen days.

now i'm at home in my sweats (pants and shirt) helping my little sister and her friend with their project. they didn't do a new moon parody. i'm upset. they should have done new moon on the moon. oh well. this will probably be good too. i just helped them. all i did was move this blue light up and down and all around while they were in a teleport.

if my calculations are correct then Ryan will be performing in 10 to 25 minutes. i will be eating pizza if it ever gets here. my dad went to get it but he got a flat tire. so then my mom went to get it while he was changing his tire. neither has come back yet. so i'm eating Lay's classic potato chips. i better stop now.

i got a letter saying i was invited to a People to People Leadership thingy. it says that my spanish teacher nominated me but i don't know if she really did or whatever. and they just said that i am going to get an official invitation soon. that is pretty much all it said. ohh welll.

i don't have much else to say. i'm still waiting for the pizza. i'm hungry. and sort of tired. glee comes back not tomorrow, not the next day, but the day after. oh em gee.

i bolded the important parts.

You are focusing on the big picture and long range planning when it comes to love, Cancer. Overall you are feeling optimistic and enthusiastic for the changes that lie ahead for you. If you are attached, you may find some new ideas are put forward that can change the shape of the direction you are on in your relationship. These ideas will be right in line with your own, and you will be happy with the results. Single? It may be time to make a few changes if you want to see some progress in your romantic affairs. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is referred to as insanity by Einstein.

i thought of something else to write about.

i'm still bored and even though i just posted the last post a few seconds ago i just thought of something else to write about. i already posted it before. it's my "write something about you" section on facebook.

"words will destroy you. or create you. just don't let them become you."

what the heck does that mean. i'm not really sure. i was just tired of seeing "write something about you here" so i just started writing and it seemed appropriate to write about words since that was what i was using. words are so weird. we think in words. we talk in words. they are the main way we get our point across. of course they is body language, tone of voice, but we don't use them as much as words. everything is words. maybe that's why i want to learn more languages. because for those people those words are their life. it's easy for us to just ramble on with our words. all they are is a bunch of lines. and somehow all those lines can convey someone's feelings and tell people to do it and make people happy and upset. what if suddenly we couldn't use words. they just disappeared. what would we do? grunt? hand gestures? that would go way back before we created words. strange.

but to talk about my quote. i made it up. i'm only quoting it because i want to. but words can destroy you easily. you say the wrong thing and suddenly that boy is running away, you don't get the job, and you find yourself in a situation you never ever ever dreamed of being in or wanted yourself to be in. words are stupid in that sense. but then if you say the right thing then suddenly you have a boy dreaming about you, the get the best job in the world, and you are in a situation you never actually believe you would be in because it is so amazing. all because of stupid words. some people make their career out of words by talking to people for a living or by writing a book made up of words. while other people avoid words. well not too many. because most jobs include words in some way, whether it be talking to other people or typing words on a computer. except for mimes. they have a cool wordless job.

but what about "you're having my baby" - sorry that's what glee soon just came. "what a lovely way of saying how much you love me". anyways. what about when i say "but don't let them become you". i guess i mean that don't let you become all talk. you talk and write but you don't do anything. actions. they don't require any words. but here i'm saying don't let them become you but by having this blog i am. if anyone read this blog without knowing me then i would become words to them. and that's it. so i don't know. it was stupid anyways. and probably no one will even read it on my profile. facebook is stupid. i should have never joined. i spend too much time on there. and i spend too much time on this blog. we need to go back to the good old days when you would go outside and walk around with the kids from your neighborhood instead of watching tv, playing video games, or going on the computer. that doesn't happen now. at least not in westhampton where the houses are miles apart.

okay.

i didn't really want to make a post. but i don't have anything else to do. i'm bored. it's 11:11 make a wish. and i already had breakfast. my riding lesson isn't until later even though I told Ally it was earlier as an excuse to not sleep over. i just don't like sleeping over the first time i go over. next time i will though. she's already planning for me, Abby, and her to take the school bus to her house then take the bus bus to Northampton and spend the day down there. and maybe this time bring some money to spend.

i have a total of 51 glee songs. and i have watched the sneak preview of Gives You Hell a BUNCH of times. i should have counted. but this morning alone i've probably watched it three times. it helps that i love that song anyways. but that is what is going to get me until tuesday. then i'll probably watch that episode over and over until the next week. when i will be watching it with Abby. maybe i'll invite Ally over that Tuesday and we can go see The Last Song or something in the movie theatre. or maybe not.

i don't have a plan of what to write about so i'm going to write about random things.

like how most high schoolers have never had a boy/girlfriend and have never been in love. the majority of them at least. interruption. i am listening to the gleers since Last Christmas. i just bought it. because i didn't realize it came out during the Christmas season. anyways. i just thought i would let you know that. even though it may seem like everyone has someone.

and i would like to point out my concern with guys has subsided. mostly because i don't really care. i guess. but friday there was a track meet. um. that's really all. i told you i didn't have anything to say. i could tell you about Ally and my's (what? my's?) adventure to Cumbies (that's Cumberland Farm. and Burgie is Williamsburg. according to Ally) and Subway and then A2Z and trying on dresses in Faces that we didn't have enough money for.

i'm trying to think of something else to say. i have a riding lesson later. maeve and rosemarie are going to make a new moon parody for their moon project. much more creative than ours. but i'm excited. i would like to help out but who knows if they will let me or if i really do want to.

right now i'm listening to a bunch of glee songs. i have all 51 of them on shuffle. this weekend is going to be kind of boring now that friday is done.

friday is almost over. it will be in 2 hours and 20 minutes

today was a good day. school was normal. i looked at some rat organs. you know. all typical. and afterwards i went over to Ally's just for the day. we hung out for a bit. her house is small but cute and messy but you suppose it would be since there isn't much room to put stuff. her two younger sisters are cute. her brother looks kind of cute in a little boy way but when he heard my name he said "isn't that a dog's name" but hey whatever. we walked around northampton for a while and that was nice, even though it was cold. i'm tired so i'm not going to go into details. maybe later. or not.

guess what? apparently the person who got bullied got suspended for 10 days because she lied. oh. i guess i should just shut up and stay out of her life. there you go.

i'm going to watch some tv. and maybe watch glee sneak previews some more. guess it's coming back on tuesday. woohoo!

let's chat. let us chat.

where to start. i'm kind of tired. i'm going to go walk in downtown noho tomorrow with Ally. it should be fun. yay. my mother is talking to her mother on the phone. and now she is off the phone. and now i am going to talk about serious stuff.

like politics. that's serious right? it's serious how just because I live in Massachusetts every assumes I'm a democrat. and now everyone bashes on republicans like that's the only reason they exist. seriously. they just assume that everyone hates George W. Bush and maybe if they do realize that not everyone hates them they don't care. i know that teachers aren't supposed to put their views out there but they do. they aren't like "I'M A DEMOCRAT AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO" but in english class yesterday we watched a music video about Pink bashing George Bush. ummm. if i told my father that he would probably be upset. and there are always side comments, normally directed towards George Bush, related to his grammar or other various problems. and there are always comments towards republicans in general. it's frustrating. especially for me. i'm not sure if i am a democrat or republican. people would assume that i'm a democrat because i live in MA and people might also assume i'm a republican because my parents are. the truth is i don't have enough information about either. all the democrats at school do is bash the republicans and all my parents do is tell me not to get brainwashed. i don't have any real concrete facts or whatever. it's like everyone just assumes that i know what a democrat believes and what a republican thinks. hopefully when i get into college i can take an unbiased course on politics. or maybe go to a school that isn't completely democratic. i hope you get where i'm coming from. and i hope you understand i don't judge people because they are democratic or republican. i judge them when they bash each other and when they believe that it is okay to make fun of a person just because they believe he deserves to be made fun of. they should be suspended.

yeah. so Ally said that she witnessed the bullying taking place in english class. whenever Megan would walk in they would all make noises and someone told her that a fat kid shouldn't wear a dress. people like Ally believe that they should of gotten suspended while other people think that Megan is making it all up for attention...cough Katelyn. i'm just proud of Megan for standing up and still coming to school and dealing with this all day. and dealing with having people talk about her while she is in the same room. IN THE SAME ROOM. they weren't talking about her behind her back they were talking about her in her face. it was disgusting. Katelyn, Paige, Mary, and Chantel were all doing in science. it's none of your business anyways so shut your mouth and stop talking about it. try to at least make her school experience a little bit better. i tried to do that today during science class. i think i at least put a smile on her face when i was holding up my rat and pretending she was running around. it may have just been because she was disgusted but you know.

gym class sucked. i consider it character building. we had to play whiffle ball and i can't hit the stupid ball. and i had to hit twice and i was the worse. the other "bad" players on the team only had to hit once if that. it sucked. but hey i kept my head up high, challenging them to say something. they didn't say anything. so whatever.

the mind. i think i have to talk about that. and about how it's weird. and strange. and just yeah. how does it work? why is it so strange? how do other people see me? what do they think? do they know that i think about them? do other people's mind work the same way mine does? this paragraph is pointless.

everyone has someone right. something. right? just that thing they are worried about. the thing they think about all the time. or maybe there is more than one. or maybe not. i don't know. i think about a lot of things. and a lot of people. if you cross my path at some point in the day then i have probably thought about you. like how Scott held the door open for me when i walked into the school from gym while every other guy just let it fall behind him. i notice things like that. and like how i notice a bunch of white vans that could easily hide a child drive by when i'm babysitting. and how Maddy gets annoyed at Matt when he pays attention to other girls. and i also see all the opportunities i have slip away. maybe i'm more observant than the normal person. maybe i'm not. maybe i'm just strange in general. i blame my DNA.

does this make sense?

words will destroy you. or create you. just don't let them become you.

remind me.

i need to talk about politics, the mind, and other things i can't explain.

this blog post is too important to have a title.

first off. i surprised myself today. i found out i am an expert rat skinner. when i found out we were doing rat dissection this week i was a bit worried. i'm not too great with graphic or gross things in movies so i wasn't sure how i would be in class. i was thinking that i would just sort of being watching. but then when we got to pick our groups I obviously went with Paige and Katelyn. but i knew they wouldn't do anything. so i sort of had to step up. mind over matter. and it actually wasn't that bad. i first had to pick the rat up by it's tail out of the solution then rinse it off. then we observed it while it was still in one piece. we had a lovely female. via facebook i was just told that her name is now Gloria. then came the skinning. we had to cut her skin down her middle then up each limb. so i started off doing that and then Katelyn did a bit of snipping and then Katelyn but they didn't do it very well. and then i took over and just went for it. i was much better at it. and then we had to peel the skin off. you had to literally pull it off. it took a little bit to get the hang of it but i did. i sort of pulled the skin away with the tweezers and used my fingers to help it along and hold the rest of the rat back. i didn't think about it. i just did it. and then the other group of all girls were having trouble skinning it. one girl looked like she was about to pass out and the other two were just grossed out. so i went and skinned their rat too under the condition they didn't make any "ewww" noises while i did it because i still didn't want to get queasy. and then we had to identify muscles that we had no idea about because Mr. Broaddus wasn't smart and didn't make us learn anatomy beforehand. and then we had to cut away the muscle away to get at the bone. i did that too. i got right into it. if anyone should win an award for the best rat dissection it should be me. or rat exploration as i like to call it.

in other big news. children at my school have gotten suspended for bullying. they aren't really children. they are in my grade. yeppers. you might not know but right now there is a big case going on about a girl from Holyoke who committed suicide - bullying as the reason why. who knows the whole story but the bulliers of that Holyoke girl - Phoebe Prince - are being charged for more, they aren't just being suspended. i'm not sure what the whole story is about Megan, the girl in my class who is being bullied, i don't know if she is just doing it for attention or if she really has a bad. she is one of those girls who automatically is the outcast, she is on the bigger side, and such. the other day when she wore a dress everyone was talking about it. people can be so mean. apparently some boys sent her a carnation as a joke during Valentine's Day. but you know Ben who i was talking about before? he got suspended for bullying. that is hard for me to comprehend but at the same time it isn't. i remember him when he was just a little boy, when he didn't have all those huge muscles, and he wasn't tall, and he couldn't get whatever he wanted. and now look at him suspended for bullying. and another girl who i can see getting suspended for bullying who did is Ange Weaver. i think she had/has a thing for Ben. anyways some other kids were suspended too but they aren't worth mentioning. tomorrow i am going to scope out who isn't there. i wonder if that is what Megan wanted - them to be suspended. I don't think it's really going to help her situation. they are just going to be pissed at her and stay away from her. maybe that is what she wants. i don't really want to talk about this anymore. all i know is that because of it missed half of my english period because they were having a meeting in there or something.

jeez. while all of that rat cutting and suspension and bullying drama was going on Abby was having drama of her own. hopefully she was able to be confident and stand up for herself. because having enemies only mean that you stood up for something in your life. got that from a facebook group Dakota joined - it was on my feed.

i should probably do my homework. it's six o'clock. good thing i don't have much.

and this weekend may be extended to Abby as well because Ally invited her. I never knew that those two were good friends. Ally probably invited her for the same reason i would have invited her. but i would feel a lot better if Abby came with us. it would be a good excuse to get her mind off of stupid drama at school. yeah i really need to do my homework now.

the words to say. or the hair to cut.

i was hoping i would get through the day with only one blog post but no such luck. i just finished all my homework, including starting some due on Thursday so here i am. i don't have something i really need to say. except that i wish i knew what to say to help Abby with her drama issues. but i have no idea. other than it sucks. but she can always rant or talk to me and i can guaranteed that i will listen.

i'm not sure what to do with my hair. i'm getting a hair cut. last time i did i was in a bad mood because we were rushed over to this new place and i had no idea what i wanted. i still didn't know if i wanted high lights or not. the hair dresser asked me if i would keep up with them and i was like like i don't know. i haven't. i haven't had a hair cut since August. it's April now. wohoo. but while i think i look kind of nice of long hair it's too average and blah. you know what i mean? but i'm not sure how good i look with short hair. too bad it's not acceptable in society to go bald. well i guess it sort of is, but not really for girls. nahh. so short seems to be the way to go but there is only so much you can do.

i should stop trying to make myself over my cutting my hair. i should change myself by upping my confidence. and opening my mouth more. but that takes a long time unlike cutting my hair where it changes from one day to the next. but oh well. this year is almost over. but i don't see me making a big change any time soon. and because i think that it won't happen. i just have the cards stacked against me, don't i? what do you mean against? not going to explain that question.

it's 8 o'clock.

i spend a lot of time on facebook. maybe because i don't have anything better to do in my downtime. maybe i should take up knitting. i already know how to knit. i just don't do it often. nah. i don't want to become my auntie julie. maybe i should actually learn something new. or i'll just write on this blog more often. ooh. i'll go with that last option.

i'm scared of a lot of things. nervous. apprehensive. you know. which is why when Abby suggested that she get me and Ryan together in some sort of group since Josh and Colin know him and she has heard he is very nice. i instantly said no. what did she expect me to say? but maybe if it was a really big group and it wasn't obvious that he is there because of me then maybe. but when is there going to be a big group like that? it's not like we are a group of big partiers. maybe i should have said yes because what do i have to lose? i could be crushed but hey it's all in good fun. at least i would get out of this slum where everyday is exactly the same and nothing happens. i can list the exciting days on my fingers. this friday/saturday. next tuesday. the tuesday after that. the weekend after that tuesday. may 30th. every other day will pretty much be the same as every other day. the only things that keeps me going a) hope that it isn't always going to be like this b) my future c) the little things. the little things that seem so important at the time but really don't matter. yep.

i think i will wrap this blog up by posting this lyrics that sum up my entire love life. now. past. and hopefully not future, well that's not entirely true. but whatever. (listen to the glee version) and do you know i have five songs titled "Crush" well actually three of them are the same song from the same artist, one is a music video and the other two are from different albums. those three are from David Archuleta. then I have one from Selena Gomez. and then the glee version. okay here we go. (not Here We Go Again because that is a Demi Lovato song and i'm not listening to her currently). Crush, "it's not like everything i do depends on you":

Ahh, crush, ahhh

I see ya blowin' me a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist
To understand what's going on baby
If you see something in my eye
Let's not over analyze
Don't go too deep with it baby

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll play loose
Not like we have a date with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

It's raising my adrenaline
You're banging on a heart of tin
Please don't make too much of it baby
Say the word "forevermore"
That's not what I'm looking for
All I can commit to is "maybe"

So let it be what it'll be
Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me
Here's what I'll do
I'll pay loose
Not like we have a date with destiny

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la, Sha-la-la-la

Vanilla skies
White picket fences in your eyes
A vision of you and me

It's just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It's just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I
Everything I do depends on you
Sha-la-la-la

Ahhhh hey yeah yeah yeah
Sha-la-la-la
Ohhh Oh Babe
Not like everything I do depends on you
Ahhhh hey yeah yeah yeah

subject of conversation.

apparently i was during someone's lunch table today. during gym Katelyn told me that during lunch her table was discussing me. she didn't tell me in those words but you know. she said that Ally just announced out of nowhere that i was going to movies with her on Friday. hmmm. katelyn sounded sort of shocked, like she thought that Ally was lying. but she is correct! then they had a 2 minute conversation about me. and my evil side. that would be Katelyn complaining about me. and they were probably also talking about how i told Shelbie off during lunch last year - what they don't know is that i now sit with Shelbie at lunch on B days. their conversation probably consisted of Katelyn complaining about me. but hey they can talk all they want. doesn't change me at all. anyways just thought i would mention that to you all.

and on the subject of Ally because now that she knows i talk about her in my lovely blog. she told me in art that Abby told her i have a blog and i write about her. it sounded like i was a creeper when she said it. i probably am. but Ally is wonderful. even though she ignores me in gym and such. i can get at least a smile out of her normally. so we'll see what friday is like. hopefully it goes well.

do i have anything else to talk about? not yet. i'm waiting for Abby to get back online so she can discuss something with me. right now her mother is online. i'm excited. i always enjoy talking to Abby. and we haven't talk too much lately. so i'm all anxious about it. it's like when someone says "i need to talk to you", until you talk to them all you are thinking about is what they need to talk to you about. is it good? bad? relates to me? to them? what? so that is sort of what i am experiencing now. maybe some algebra would take my mind off of it but nahhh. i got out of babysitting kind of early today so i deserve a little break. plus Abby was also going to make a comment after i said "i will have to walk to babysitting in the rain today" during lunch and i am wondering what it was she was going to say but instead did not say and told me she would tell me later. goodness.

today during gym Ben also knocked me over but i caught myself. it's not my fault that i enjoy playing soccer but am no good at it. so i try-ish. but everyone is so competitive and so good and so aggressive so they don't care if they run over a poor little girl or not. thankfully i am almost done with gym. i have about 24 more gym classes left. ever. woohoo! i can not wait until i am done with stupid gym.

i'm a tiny bit worried about my art grade. because on the last bunch of assignments i have gotten Bs and B+s. if i end up with a B average in that class i will be very upset. especially since i have a good chance of getting all As. that is my goal. my big fat goal and it all depends on how i did on that history test today (not so good i think), on how am going to do on the algebra test on thursday, how i did on that spanish quiz last week, how i will do on the spanish quiz on thursday, and how i did on my english essay. darn it all. i better do fabulous on all of those. i never got all As last year or so far this year so that is my goal.

i could keep rambling but then i would appear creeper than i already do. and hey if you want me to write about you in my blog - let me know and i shall.

shirts and ties.

i enjoy the days the boys have a game or track meet or whatever sport season it happens to be because they "dress up" meaning they wear their button up non-plaid shirt with a nice tie and dress pants. i don't know why boys don't dress up nicely everyday. they look very attractive when they do. maybe it would be different if everyone had to wear them for uniforms but i could get use to that. i actually wouldn't mind wearing uniforms, make morning easier, and i would be able to see guys all dressed up. maybe you don't see what i do when i see a guy all dressed up. but yeah. Ian looked adorable today, especially when he was falling asleep in algebra class. and for the two seconds i saw Ryan were pretty fabulous two seconds.

but that is all light convo. in more dark or deep or sad conversation - in the last three days two people i've known have died. i didn't know them personally but still. my gramma's mother died. and just the other day i found a necklace she had given me and i made sure i kept it even though it was broken because i knew it would be more valuable once she passed away. and then she did. and then do you know Grady and Max Childs? Grady is in Maeve's class and he has a disability, i'm not sure what. he has been in Maeve's class since Preschool. she told me that everyone was talking about it and she felt bad for Grady - he was in school. she felt so bad that she felt like crying. death is awful. and i don't want to talk more about it. but just shoving it aside doesn't mean it doesn't exist. it's still there whether i talk about it or not.

i'm nervous about friday and saturday. why you ask? right now it seems like i am going to be going to a movie with Ally and her mother and then sleeping over her house. let me try to paint of picture of Ally in your head. today she wore bright purple eyeshadow, she dropped out of French because she was failing, and at her family Easter party she got drunk because her family provided her with beer, wine, and other alcoholic beverages. not exactly the story you want to hear before you go sleep over her house. but of course that's not going to stop me. it's not like i'm going to become her just by hanging out with her. well i know that happens to some people but i'm not going to be with her for that long. just two days, not even two full days. and part of it will be spent watching a movie. and sleeping. it is all the other time that worries me because that will have to be filled with conversation. one period is one thing but a whole night is another. but at least it was her who brought up hanging out and it was her idea for this friday. sooooo chyeah.

i think that is all i have to say. oh no it's not. i have to give you a makeup update. hahaha. maybe this will become a makeup blog. but today i used a bronze eyeshadow and i'm not sure how much i liked it. i have lovely dark circles that are normally not covered up completely and my glasses create a shadow right there so it makes my eyes look darker and makes me look more tired. woohoo. but i have to keep trying different things. more one day, less another day. i have to try to find my style. it will take a while but i'll keep trying. one bad makeup day isn't the end of the world. and one good makeup day isn't going to change my life. makeup in general isn't going to change my life. yep.


OH. Ms. Lech made my day when she said she hates the Beatles right in front of Devin and Katelyn who did their history day documentary on the Beatles. especially Devin who is pretty much obsessed with the Beatles. and then today when i come home my lovely to-be-wonderful-friend Dakota posted her status update of: "I hate the Beatles. [:" it was fabulous. i don't have anything really against the Beatles but i'm not crazy about them and i don't know what the big deal is except for the fact that they spurred a revolution. i appreciate that. but you know. it was pretty fab.

now i think that is all. i better press post before i think of something else.

i caved.

did you notice i didn't post once yesterday? i was trying to go for another day but i couldn't do it. well i could of but why? right now a freshman girl, one of those girls you sort of love to hate and envy in a sort of weird way, is singing through my headphones. she posted a video of her singing I'd Lie by Taylor Swift and she is actually pretty good. Very good. If that was the first time I had heard that song and she was the one who put it on on itunes or whatever i would have bought it.

today is Easter. it was pretty decent. everything went well. i'm not going to go into detail because there is no need to. plus you are probably bored of my posts. i maybe can post more than once a day but who knows what you are thinking.

i'm tired. ohhh. i need to go watch a makeup tutorial online because i got lots of makeup for Easter so i have to figure out how to use it. i'm not going to post this yet because i'm sure that i'm going to need to write something else before i go to sleep.

i'm still watching videos 15 minutes later. i don't have all those concelors and foundations. basically just eyeshadow, black eyeliner, lipstick/gloss, blush, and that's all. but i guess i am getting some advice from it because i don't have anyone else to get advice from. no older sister and i would feel awkward asking my mother. but anyways that's what youtube is for. and trial and error. i just missed my fresh 5 minute tutorial because i was typing this. i'm ready for sleep.

i'm tired and i don't feel like posting but i'm bored and i have a few things to say. one i hope you noticed that i had 71 posts in the month of march. there are only 31 days. so that is an average of over two per day. that's obsessive. the second highest was 40 in September. the average is around 20. the least amount was 6 posts during March 2009. how ironic. the most posts in March 2010 and the least in 2009. ha

i have another song i just discovered. Someone, Somewhere by Jason Reeves. here are the lyrics. my favorite part is the beginning.

i just looked at a bunch of different lyric sites trying to find a site that didn't have "CHORUS" instead of writing out the whole thing. i couldn't find one that let me copy and past so i gave up. i'm too tired. today was a half day. yesterday i stayed up til 10. i still have a riding lesson later. i'm tired.

someone is waiting
someone who understands exactly how you feel
exactly how you feel..
someone is dreaming
someone is hoping just that this will be the day
that this will be the day..

that you take your eyes off the ground
out of the blue
and see that someone is looking right
back at you..

maybe that someone's me
maybe it's meant to be
lovers, strangers
sometimes bombs fall quietly..
maybe it's chemistry
maybe it's hard to see that someone is the right one
i hope that someone is me..

nobody's perfect
nobody's perfect no one really knows the truth
all we've got's a point of view..
and there's too many questions
there's too many questions and too many reasons not to try
there's too many reasons not to try..

but you should take your eyes off the ground
out of the blue
and see that someone is looking right
back at you..

CHORUS

where ya gonna go from here??
cause everything you need's out there
and you can have it if you dare
if you dare
there's someone somewhere..

CHORUS

"let's pretend to be teenagers"

for every bad babysitting day there is a good one. tuesday was a bad one but today was a good one. we played outside the whole time. hung out in only my tank-top, rolled up jeans, and barefooted. ate popsicles which i guessed the corny jokes on correctly. sat on a towel in the sun. watched as Ryan drove by in his car and watched as he didn't look at us. got told i was pretty by Annabeth, which means a lot to me even if it was just because i was wearing purple eyeshadow. got told that my hair looked better down. helped the children play a trick on their parents. forgot to play a trick on them. got told i had a spider in my hair several times. forgot about everything.

like how i am wanted to tutor a junior in my honors algebra class. WHAT? when my guidance counselor asked if i wanted to tutor i didn't think it was for a junior in an honors class. i was thinking more seventh grader. so i'm supposed to go to the library after school everyday to help her until like three, then i would walk to the barn. i don't even really like that girl. and i don't know any more than she does. so we are supposed to work together. that's not my style. my way is to just get it down, not figure out why it works or whatever. maybe i'll back out. when i told my mom she didn't really give me any solid opinion, like i shouldn't or i should. but i might have lessons after school on wednesday. then they'll try to do it on monday. gr. maybe it wasn't that girl then i would. maybe someone at a lower math level than i.

so i got called down to the guidance office during art and when i got back i told Ally why i went down and then she wanted me to tutor her in geometry. and she sounded serious. see that i wouldn't mind because i can get along with her and she is at a lower math level than i. but whateverrrs.

let me talk some more about Ally because i was rushed before. she makes art that much better because now i have someone to talk to. otherwise i would be at a table by myself like a looooooner. and then today when I was the only one in class Alice Miller didn't know when she was taking attendance - she had to ask if i was there. not for anyone else. and then Ally said "I don't like her." which makes me feel better. and it makes me feel better just thinking that i can possibly make friends. one day during gym she seemed to ignore but then last gym class we talked which made me feel better. hopefully we can talk again next gym class. cause those are the only classes we have together. and maybe if we actually hang out it won't be awkward or anything awful. and it makes me feel better thinking that she would want to bring me out for my birthday! wooooo!

so at the class meeting they mentioned going to Look Park for a barbeque like i mentioned and Ally said she would go if i went. so we're going. so on the bus ride home i was thinking about it and letting my imagination go. and one scene we, meaning me, Ally, Abby, and anyone else who wanted to, had to go and talk to as many people in our class as we could but only people we don't normally talk to. i think that idea is good and possible. and then my imagination brought it one step further - the day before i would have gotten my hair cut after school so no one would have scene it before the barbeque and then i would ditch the glasses (either be blind or contacts?) and then i would find some confidence and walk around like i was a new girl and see how many people fell for it. that would be cool but i don't think i could pull it off.

okay so imagine prom. it's so cliqued and such. and if the theme for our prom was "A Time to Treasure" like this year's, i wouldn't go. but if it was a masquerade on the other hand. like a REAL masquerade. everyone has to have masks and such to keep the identity a secret then i would go. i would sooooo go. maybe even enough to join the prom committee to make sure we got the masquerade theme. but only if someone...cough Abby...joined as well. but i think a masquerade would be awesome. in that sense that no one would know who everyone was so maybe guys would get up the guts to ask girls to dance. well maybe not exaclty like that because i'm sure they could probably figure out who most people are. but maybe the mask thing would make it better than your typical dance.

or maybe i'll hold an anti-prom at the Westhampton Town Hall. it won't cost $50 to get it and you can dress up only if you want to. it would be wonderful. you could wear a mask if you wanted. there would be some food. some music. you could bring your own music and give it to the DJ and he or she would play it. and you could just hang out with your friends, dance, or whatever.

masquerade or anti-prom? maybe i'll wait until it is actually junior prom. even though third quarter is almost over! woohooo! one stinkin quarter left.

i think that was all i wanted to talk about right now. well i can't think of anything else. i finished all my homework! yay! and it's almost time for dinner i believe. but my mother just sat down...where's mine? okay i'm boring you. oh. i know what to tell you about. so apparently two people reviewed our novel in the amazon contest. one person gave me constructive criticism the other one just said it was really boring and i need to learn how to tell a good story. it gets to me a little bit but not that badly. i didn't cry and i'm not really upset about it. whattteevverrrr it's my first novel and i can only get better. (:

since the musical just ended everyone is talking about next year's musical. or at least the people who were in this musical. and the musical that is going around is Grease. i love Grease. i haven't watched it in a long time so maybe my memory deceives me but i think i like it a lot. and Abby and Jayna want me to join. do i want to give up all that time for rehearsal? go through show weekend? i've seen the good and the bad. i'm not really sure if i'm up for it. or if i'm actress material. i did some little plays in elementary school, i was part of drama. i was Sebastian in the Little Mermaid during camp where i sang and danced and acted and memorized all my lines and performed in front of all the parents and other campers. so i'm capable. but do i wanna? and would there even be enough parts for everyone in Grease? there aren't a bunch of munchians or kids like in the Music Man. but i'm sure they will figure it out. or maybe not because their director isn't coming back. grand. but hey i have a year.

now i'm going to go look for a picture of Taylor Swift on Mix 93.1 to win tickets to her sold out show.

BIG NEWS!

THE BIG NEWS IS THAT there isn't any big news. april fools.

I hate April Fool's Day. but hey that was pretty good, wasn't it? you got all excited thinking i had finally made the move that would move the heroine's life in the right direction where she would get her prince charming and her life would be wonderful - or at least more exciting. you know like in your favorite book. too bad that didn't happen. but i thought of plenty of scenes where it could have happened. i have to leave in 10 minutes but i'll just keep talking until then.

so my latest i think i thought of either last night or this morning when i was still surrounded by the blanket of sleep (?). was that Ryan asked me to the junior prom. well it is because his friends convince him to ask a sophomore and when he does i was all smart and witty in replying him. i don't remember how i started out but i asked him if this was a one time thing, and if we were going to get together before, and if i was a one night thing i didn't want anything to do with it because i didn't want all this time i spent thinking about him to just end with one night. and yeah i don't remember much else. other than i ended up saying i would go and such.

today we had a class meeting and at first our class officers told us that we were in debt. that i could believe. but then they said that our class adviser quit on us because they were so frustrated. that i didn't believe. then i heard someone say "april fools" and then i realized they were lying. especially since our class advisers were right there. so it ends up we aren't in debt. and if everyone pays their dues then we would be in great shape.

but they mentioned going to Look Park for a barbeque sometime, hopefully soon. Ally said she would go if i went, she is the only one i talked to about it. i haven't talk to you about Ally though. it turns out i am capable of making new friends. sure it was kind of by default but it counts. she dropped out of french class a couple weeks after art started and joined our class. she happened to sit in the seat next to me, i don't know if Mr. Smith told her to sit there or whatever. but i sort of helped her along and we hit it off. well since she was the only one i talked to in that class, or the only one i wanted to talk to and i think it went the same way to me. and she said that for my birthday she would bring me to the midnight showing of Eclipse. i told her i wanted to bring Abby and maybe Stephanie and she said sure. her mom even said sure. then she said we had to hang out sometime. see i told you i could make friends. but anyways now i have to go babysit. so i'll tell you about our junior prom and lookpark more later.