Start this year off right.

WITH 650 POSTS! YEAH! when was my 600th post? let me check. December 1st. Look at that. I've posted 50 times in a month. WAIT i think that is wrong, let me check the posts that i started but never finished or posted because for some reason they count those. oh so there was one that i never posted about the weird word search thing. but i just posted it now. now i think it is accurate.

i'm in a good mood. maeve is watching a movie and yelling at the tv. i had a nice dinner with my family. i got some homework done. i'm exhausted but that's okay. i don't really care that i have to go back to school in a little more than a day. i'll have my schedule back. and everything should be fine. and then soon i'll be on vacation. now the only reason i don't want to go on vacation would be because i wouldn't be able to text josh. but i think i'm getting ahead of myself there. we'll see where we stand with that in three weeks. i can't imagine we'll continue texting each other this much then. because already i'm not hanging on the phone as much. sure i still am. but not as much. i took a three hour nap up in my room today and i left my phone downstairs. see? i'm getting better. i wish you could hear the tone of voice i'm thinking all of this. because you probably don't get what i'm actually saying. that's part of the challenge of being a writer though.

so my mother pretty much said today that we are going to sell Pride. she asked me if i wanted to ride him and i said no. and then she went on to say that there is probably a better match for him. i started crying when she said "it's nothing that you did or didn't do, or that he did or didn't to, it's just not a right match." but i cried silently and was over that pretty quick. it's going to be so hard though. and telling people? how am i supposed to tell people without starting to cry? it sucks. so much.

thank goodness i can text josh and not worry about it. see how my life has changed so much? before i was moping about who knows what and then now all i talk about in this blog is texting josh, texting josh, texting josh. ahh. and nope my family still doesn't know. i wish i had said something in the car, i could have just said that i was texting abby, nicole, and josh. and they probably wouldn't have said anything. oh welll. maybe i'll have another chance eventually. of course i will. it's not like it's a big secret. i am just sort of scared. because this is the first time anything like this has happened, you know? none of my sisters have friends who are guys. you mention a guy at our dinner table and my father makes some sort of comment about if we have a crush on him or something. well my father is in for a surprise then.

but then again i'm getting ahead of myself. you see i'm not an irrational teenager. i don't think i am going to marry him because i've sent him a few texts (cough, cough, a few? how about 180?). sure i'm thinking about boyfriend girlfriend dating stuff but that's realistic. i'm thinking about being friends. i'm not changing my everyday life to conform to his texts. i still did homework. i took a nap even though he could have texted me at any second. i still ate dinner with my family. i'm not hiding up in my room texting him. i'm right smack dap in the middle of the kitchen. i'm not looking too far ahead. i'm taking it one day at a time. today? i'm going to text him until i want to go sleep. which might end up being soon. cause i'm tired. i'm not squealing and going crazy. yes, i do that little jumping thing/belly flop almost every time he texts me but that's reasonable too, mostly because i can't control that - that's emotions and chemicals and whatever else that is. i'm not obsessing. i think i'm being reasonable. right?

oh and Krisi posted some pictures up on her facebook and i started going through them. they were of Nicole, Tasha, and her. and then Josh was there. which made me smile. and then i got to the last picture and he was on his phone. which made me smile even more. because in the pictures that were taken at katelyn's party i'm probably on my phone for at least one of them too. and i'm assuming that it was me who he was texting, it could have been anymore but i guess that isn't the point.

okay. now i should stop writing in this blog. you're probably getting sick of reading about me going on and on. well you should probably get used to it because there will probably be another post like this tomorrow and then most definitely one like in on monday. so there you go.

i'm trying to think if there is something else i should be writing about. but i can't really think of one. so yeah. post number 650 over.