do me a favor, tell me what you think about me. tell me how you want this to be. go on a limb and just dream.

sometimes Miley Cyrus has good lyrics. if you don't believe me look at the title.

but i need to just write this blog because i've been thinking about it and my thoughts are confusing me and i'm not going to get anything done until i write this. i woke up at 9 today and couldn't get back to sleep because my mind wouldn't shut up.

so the plan yesterday was for me and abby to meet up with Colin, Josh, and Nicole, see a movie, get some dinner, and hang out in Northampton. when i told my mother she was said "so is it like a double date with Nicole?" and i said "I guess you could call it that" and then she proceeded to say "or is it more like a group outing" and i said "more like that." but then what happens when Nicole doesn't show up? and you end up sitting in the Josh for the entire movie and at dinner? i don't think so.

but the movie was good. before the movie talking was fine. and it wasn't all too awkward. josh needs to stop moving his hands and arms around when watching a movie. i'm not sure if placing his hand down on the seat next to him near me was supposed to be a "move" or whatever but my hands stayed sort of crossed around my body the whole time. not ready for that, sorry. but i consider the movie a success because i didn't pass out and managed to watch the whole thing. it was a good choice though because abby and i liked it and the boys liked it and it wasn't romantic or girly or sad or awkward to watch or anything.

and then we visited my Uncle Dana. i'm sure he probably thought it was a double date thing. but i like my Uncle Dana, i barely see him. and when we were leaving i'm pretty sure he said something like "watch over her" and then abby said something but i couldn't hear because i was already out of the store. for some reason i was the leader everywhere. i guess i knew my way around northampton the best? or maybe because i sort of organized it? not really sure. but anyways yeah i was almost always first. but josh almost always ended up next to me.

we shopped around in faces and thornes and then threw snowballs at each other. or just put snow in my hair. i didn't really mind that much.

the only things i would have changed are i would have liked Nicole to be there, and i would have liked to be less tired because i was really tired.

so heres the next thing i guess. where do josh and i stand? well ever since i got his number we have texted every night. every night we say good night to each other and i will wait until i get the goodnight text back before i go to sleep. throughout the whole night he followed me around through the stores and walked next to me and such. at school we talk when we can but a lot of the time we don't know what to say or whatever. we are already planning to do some other stuff together. and when i go away we decided that we would email each other and give each other updates.

i'm not going to be vague because i can't do that right now. i need to figure out my thoughts. the big question is friends or more than friends? right now the answer that jumps to my mind right away is friends. after last night that answer is clearer. is it possible in the future to be more than friends? sure it's possible but that doesn't mean its going to happen. we still couldn't really have a conversation together without abby. and i wasn't nervous. i'm not sure what that means. but i wasn't nervous, i was more...cautious, if that is the word. like when i wasn't sure what to say, i didn't say anything. and i listened. and watched. i guess. i don't know. it's complicated.

so this didn't really help me figure out where my mind is right now. but it made it sort of clear that what i am going to be doing is the same thing that i have been doing and see where it goes from there. right? yeah.

let's wrap this up. yesterday was a good day. it wasn't fabulous like "OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS BOY I WANT TO SEE HIM EVERYDAY AND I WANT TO TEXT HIM NONSTOP" because it wasn't like that at all. and i feel like i should write more about this but i can't think of anything else to write. so. i guess i'll stop now.