day twentyone.

challenge one - day twentyone - a person you can't live without
well my mother, father, maeve, and maura. but other than my family would be Abby. that was easy.

challenge two - day twentyone - your favorite subject to study
what? the way that is worded is weird. but i like spanish. and english. and i think i would enjoy a business class. or maybe psych class, which i could have taken this year but i thought it would be too much. i haven't been able to study enough subjects to answer this question correctly. because i am not sure if taking a class in school is "studying a subject"

okay so now the part where i you know talk about my life. do you realize that no matter how much i write you'll never get the whole story? there will always be pieces missing. there will be parts of my life that make me who i am that i won't write about. because every little thing that happens helps shape me into who i will be. and everything that has happened has made me into who i am now.

today was the last day of school before vacation. it went very well. i was in a good mood all day and the AP test went well and i am wearing a fabulous necklace right now and it's all just fabulous. this morning before i was leaving to go to school i got a text from Abby saying "Dear molly. please bring your book to school today. :) and bring you too. Love abby" so i was like okay dokay. knowing that it probably had something to do with josh since you know that story. and i asked her why during homeroom but she "because" and i just accepted that answer. but it turns out i brought it back home with me today without even taking it out of my bag! -_- if you want to read the stupid book then just ask me. i don't bite. honestly. but i can say that yet i won't talk to him. my excuse is that i don't have anything to talk to him about. DARN IT. I JUST REMEMBERED NOW THAT I COULD HAVE ASKED HIM ABOUT THE CONCERT. DAMN IT. yes i did just swear. that is how frustrated i am right now. but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at me. my expression hasn't changed since i started writing this. my mother and sister are sitting at the table right now and they have no clue. but yeah i had said to myself last night that i should ask him and i just like yeah okay i will. AND THEN I FORGOT UNTIL NOW. and i legit forgot. it wasn't like i remembered and was like "i don't wanna" i really FORGOT AGHAGHAGAHHHH. missed my chance. damn it. yes i just swore again.

now we're going to change the subject so i stop swearing. let's talk about beauty. i firmly believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. also how beautiful you think someone, or something, is can change when you learn more about that someone/something. like you might think this painting isn't that good looking the first time you see it. then you see it some more and talk to the artist and you find out about the amount of work that went into that painting. and you begin to see it differently. you appreciate it and you see the beauty in it. it might end up being your favorite painting. it wasn't instantly your favorite but eventually it became your favorite. that's the same with people. when you see someone you have an impression of them immediately, whether you want to have an impression or not. like "he's cute" or "she's so good looking, i wish i looked like her" and the same thing for a guy too. you make assumptions off of how someone looks. but let's just get back to if someone is beautiful or not. so you meet a guy and isn't drop-dead gorgeous but he isn't ugly. he's somewhat cute but not extremely. but then you get to know this guy. and you find that you like his PERSONALITY more and more. then i think the way you look at him chances too. suddenly you think he is more attractive. you're attracted to his personality but the way you see his looks begin to change because of that. so now you're dating this guy and you think that his is gorgeous. OKAY CHANGING THE STORY BECAUSE I COULDN'T MAKE MY POINT THERE. you're a guy and there's the girl. and when you first met this girl you didn't think she was that attractive. but then blah, blah, blah, personality, you like her more, blah, blah, now you're dating. and now you tell her that she is the prettiest girl in the whole universe. you tell her that she is beautiful. you didn't think that when you first met her. she hasn't changed. she still looks the same. but how come now you're telling her she is beautiful? are you lying? i don't think you are. i think that now that you have gotten to know this girl you truly believe she is beautiful, you just didn't see it before.

whoa that was a big paragraph. what do you get what i'm saying? about beauty? but that is beauty when someone is looking at someone else. what about looking at yourself? half the time when i look at myself in the mirror i don't think i look good. i see my pimples staring at me. my hair is crap. my whole face shape just looks horrible. and that is how i think everyone else sees me too. but then the other half of the time i look in the mirror and i think i look great. my skin isn't perfect but it isn't horrible. my hair looks fabulous. and i just look great. but what changes? i don't completely change from day to day? actually this can happen within seconds. why? that i don't have an answer to. but yeah i don't always like how i look. i think Maeve and Maura are both prettier than me. and i think that other people don't think i look pretty. but i'm hoping that someday a guy will be able to say so me "you look beautiful" and be telling the truth.

that's deep yo. but we needed some deep stuff because i've been talking about trivial stuff in my life and you can't think that all i care about is all that stuff. i think that has been enough. i believe that we are going to go see abby somewhat soon and maybe go see some christmas lights. alright. over and out.