i need to do something. i have been stuck at home all day. i'm hungry. and i'm still in my pjs. all i have had to eat today is a piece of pizza, milk, crackers, and some better cheddar. yup. goodness. school is starting. and i am starting to feel a bit nervous. mostly about my schedule. i had psychology but i am switching out of that class and into graphic design instead, with Katelyn. ah. but i am not sure if i want to take ceramics instead and then graphic design second semester. but i don't know. that is mostly whats got me nervous. i wish i had my schedule concreted down.

it seems like it was just last year before school started. there is no way i'm in 11th grade. no way. but goodness. i don't know what to do. i just want the first day of school to be over.

i have to go to the barn shortly. but i am so unmotivated today. ah. i think i am going to go work on that sketchbook. and maybe do some organizing in my room. good bye.

i should write a blog post.

Abby you should tell me how to make this blog more interesting because it is boring. Even though I do write songs, give you cool facts, and give you life lessons about what to do when facing a cute boy on vacation with your family.

It's 10:07pm and i should really be asleep now because i am so tired and i should start getting into the school mode but whatever.

i don't really have a plan about what to post because a lot has happened since i last posted. sort of that whole trip to seven states. Massachusetts. Connecticut. New York. New Jersey. Delaware. Maryland. Virginia. I live in MA. We passed through CT and got stuck in traffic in practically the whole state on the way home. We passed through both New York and New Jersey. My family lives in Delaware so we stayed there and did our first geocaches. We stayed at my aunt's beach condo in Ocean City, Maryland which was really nice. I like towns like that. I want to get a condo there or someplace similar that isn't seven hours away. We saw the "wild" ponies on Assateague in Virginia and my cousin and his fiancée met us there. And we were a few minutes away from Pennsylvania but we never actually went into it. That's a lot of states.

Something that sort of got me was when we were driving to the beach house from Chincoteague you could see the ferris wheel from the boardwalk (which was really cool but it would have been cooler if i wasn't there with my family and i wasn't exhuasted). and i thought about all the people on that ferris wheel. people get on and people get off. people with lives and stories and thoughts and feelings. they just get on and get off without talking to the person waiting in line next to them. we just don't even think about the people around us. we don't talk to strangers. stranger danger. but they are just people. why are we missing out on so many lives? we block ourselves out from the people around us just because that is what we are used to doing. It sucks.

When we were at the boardwalk I had my camera and I was taking pictures like a tourist. But I wanted to take pictures of the people walking by. I wanted to get their face the second they looked at me before they went on with their lives. I wanted to take a picture of them as they tried to figure out if that person was real or not because she wasn't moving. I wanted to have a picture of that family walking by. But you don't take pictures of people. Not without them noticing. They might not want their picture to be taken. People automatically act different when they see a camera. If they know it is going to be documented then they may not do something or do something they wouldn't do otherwise. What I want to do is get some sort of hidden camera and take picture of random people then put them on some sort of blog, maybe tumblr, and they share them with the world. Share all those beautiful faces. But that is probably breaking some sort of law of posting a picture of someone without their permission. But anyways.

We went to this park to do some geocaching around 7 so it was getting dark out. It was light when we got there and dark when we left. There was a concert going on. I was walking to the car to leave with Maeve and everyone else was following. Right when we got to our car there was a boy maybe around my age or a little younger was walking from the other direction with fishing poles and he stopped at the car next to us. Our eyes caught but then we just looked away pretending like we didn't see each other because that is what you do. Then my family got there and his family got there and we drove away as they loaded up their fishing stuff. I had my window down and our eyes met again but I looked away first. I wished I hadn't looked away. I wished I had kept looking at him. But I didn't. I didn't even get to see what state he was from because the trunk of his car was up so i couldn't see his license plate. but if you happened to be at Northside Park in Ocean City, Maryland on August 29th 2010 with what seemed like your mother, father, and younger sister and you have brown hair and would have been around 16 on that date - hi.

i am in a thoughtful mood but i can't pick a subject to type about. what do you want me to talk about? i really wish i could jump into the future see who is reading this and personally ask them. then i would write about what they want me to right now. but i can't. that sucks. "that sucks" is just a weird term but i still use it anyways. it's better than swearing.

really i should be sleeping now. but i can only stay up all night tonight and tomorrow and then i have to crack the whip because i have school the next day. is it weird that i already have a facebook status for Wednesday? i'll tell you what i am thinking but i could change my mind. "People keep saying that I have to go to this thing called 'school' tomorrow. What is that? And they say I'm going to be a junior but I'm too little for that." What do you think of that?

I want to talk to Danny. Or have some interaction with people I enjoy talking to. Maybe Adam Munska wouldn't hurt. Or a new kid? If there is a new boy in our class this year jeez lousie. we will have to see. ninth and tenth grade both i had a crush on the new guy and i didn't really do anything about it. which turned out to be good for me. but anyways. i can't wait for school to start. i don't think i have changed much. i always want to have the big self changing summer i haven't had it yet. maybe i never will. maybe it is just all the small experience building up to make me into the wonderful person i will be. but still it would be nice to get some recognition now. you can't force that though.

you can't force people to like you or to listen to you. you can only talk and say what you need to say (cue singing now). but i don't do that. does that make me any less of a person? i have thoughts and opinions just read the last 479 posts, 480 including this one. 20 until 500. who would have known. oh does anyone have any guesses on what day i will reach 500 posts? well seeing as school is coming up i'm going to guess Tuesday. a week from tomorrow. That means I have to post more than twice a day. okay that might be pushing it. But before Friday the 10th. By then I would have been in school for more than a week.

I am really excited to see Abby at work again. Is that weird? It's not my job but I love seeing her behind that counter with her coworkers. I think that is half of the fun of a job (or the only fun) - the coworkers. you get to meet these people you wouldn't otherwise and you create a sort of bond because you are working together. it's different then going to school with a person because you both have a job to do. you get to know each other in a different way. that is one of the reasons why i would want a job. if not the main reason. forget the money, i just want to have some coworkers. that's weird too.

now i am running out of things to say. for now. i am sure tomorrow i will have another couple hundred words to say.

i want to do this

i think i good life skill is learning when to keep your mouth shut and when to say something. it's just a very good skill to have.

i should put together a book or something with advice. oooh. you know that sketchbook i am supposed to be making that i haven't started? maybe i can include advice. i don't know. we will see where that goes. maybe tomorrow since i will be home all day tomorrow.

i'm the only one downstairs. everyone else went to bed. they aren't asleep yet but they are you know going to bed. i'm not. i want to treasure the last night where i will really be able to stay up late without worrying about it.

i've always wanted a transformation. like maybe if i looked different i would act different then people would treat me differently. that's true though isn't it? people treat you different and look at you differently depending on how you look. but i don't know anyone to give me a makeover. maybe contacts would be a start but i'm afraid that i look better with glasses than without them. but i don't know. why do looks matter so much?

i'm starting to feel tired now. the lack of sleep is starting to affect me. or is it effect me? i don't care enough to look it up.

i wonder what is happening somewhere else right now. i wonder what some other 16 year old girl somewhere else is thinking. i wonder. but i do not know.

OMG. i just realized i haven't seen Taylor Swift's new music video for Mine. what kind of fan am I? come on come on loaddddd. black screen, spinning ball of doom. YES! i just had to pause the movie to write that yes now i am going to go and watch it. ahh so excited. that was wonderful. i enjoy all the guys in Taylor Swift's music videos, Lucas Till? i mean come on, Taylor has good taste. it was kind of funny watching Taylor Swift with this children that were supposed to be her children when she looked so young. oh wait. some people that young do have children. but still. it was a good music video.

maybe now i should go to sleep. let me watch the You Belong With Me music video because that is still my favorite then i will. watched it. i still love that music video so much. Lucas Till's expression when he holds up his notepad with the little note on it. i love it so much. i was going to say that i don't like how she has to take off her glasses and put on some makeup and a dress to get him to notice her but he already had the paper that said "I love you." so that means he loved her before the dance. good thing there. but Taylor Swift is so gorgeous and so talented and so wonderful. i like her a lot. and now i am going to go to bed. i'll probably bring my ipod upstairs with me and watch that music video again. night.

edit: it is 11:13pm right now and i just finished that post. it took me about an hour of writing pretty much the whole time. yeahhhh welcome home!

what to do when you encounter a cute boy during your family vacation.

1. avoid eye contact. what if he said something to you in front of your family?
2. steal glances at him to try to let him know that you are interested in him without letting your family know.
3. keep tabs on him the whole time you could possibly see him. see who he is talking to and try to figure out what kind of person he is.
4. fantasize about him and what he would say to you and what you would say back if your family wasnt there.
5. try to make yourself look good to increase your chances of something happening, a.k.a. him talking to you.
6. pay more attention to him than to the rest of the family vacation.
7. pinch yourself and tell yourself to knock it off because nothing is ever going to happen and who says you want it to happen? long distance relationships never work and meeting a new guy when you are with your family every two seconds never works either.

my mind is being blown by Cool Facts on my ipod.

there are only even number rows of kernals on corn.
only 55 percent of americans know that the sun is a star
if you plant an apple seed it will most likely grow a different type of apple
babies are color blind when they are born (so they dont care if they are wearing blue or pink)
each person in the world could have 53 legos
rstuv and mnop are words
there is a 51.2% of being born a boy
a giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue
babies start dreaming before they are born

i wrote this on our way up but then the app quit. im surprised it saved.

there was a cute boy in DSW today. he was wearing all gray. like legit. his hat was gray, his sweatshirt was gray, his skinny jeans were gray, and his shoes were gray. that was all though. he had the long diagonal sweeping hair cut thing going on. but he was very good looking. he was there with what i thought was his sister. but i will never see him again.

now i have to go to sleep.
and tonight was the night i was bitten with the geocaching bug. great.

edit: i just wanted to mention that i spent a whole day in a new state, went shopping, was almost attacked by ghosts, it was my sister's birthday, and all i decided to talk about was a cute boy. righy-o then. and happy birthday maura.

thank goodness Taylor Mathews made it though, i was worried for a second there.

top ten = tour? i hope so.

five states in five days.

Massachusetts.
Connecticut.
New York.
New Jersey.
Delaware.
and this weekend I'll be in Maryland. we are going to go see the Chincoteague and Assateague ponies! I am so excited! I am also excitedish to go to the beach and go shopping. the ponies will definitely be the highlight though.

but i saw someone from our school at a rest stop in New Jersey. Sam Preston. she was in my art class and i don't like her very much. my mom was just about to say "wouldn't be be weird if we saw someone we knew" when i said "that girl goes to my school" and my mom turned around and acted like she was going to say something to her and i said "don't talk to her! i don't like her!" and she was gone. poof back on the highway. but it was weird.

now i have to go be social and not just stay on my computer the whole time. more tomorrow?

i only voted for Taylor Mathews 60 times. i feel like that is nothing compared to my 110 last time. but i can't be up til 2 tonight.

goodnight.
if Taylor Mathews doesn't make it i am going to blame those 50 times i didn't vote tonight that i voted last time.

i'm gonna write a song and sing it in my head.

Danny Danny Danny Hentz, Danny Danny Danny Hentz, Danny Danny Danny Hentz is on facebook chat.
Danny Danny Danny Hentz is online.
I want Danny Danny Danny Hentz to talk to me.
I would talk to Danny Danny Danny Hentz first but that would seem desperate slash weird slash not right.
But what if Danny Danny Danny Hentz is waiting for me to talk to him first?
But what if Danny Danny Danny Hentz doesn't want to talk to me?
Danny Danny Danny Hentz, I don't have much else to do so why don't you talk to me?
Goodness gracias Danny Danny Danny Hentz.
This isn't creepy or anything.
I'm just watching America's Got Talent and I'm kind of bored and Danny Danny Danny Hentz is torturing me by being online and not talking to me.
Abby Abby Abby Torrey I wish you were online so I could share my sorrow with someone.
Should I talk to him or should I not?
I may not have another chance.
But still.
This sucks.
But not really.
Now it's a commercial on AGT.
I don't know what else to say in this song.
I came this close to talking to Danny Danny Hentz but instead of clicking Enter i Xed out because i thought about what i posted on his wall and i thought it would be too soon.
gah but i do want to talk to him.
if you want to talk to him then why don't you?
because of all the stupid mind stuff. that stuff is stupid though. right?
ahahahh i just sent him a message.
i'm a silly girl.
but whatever it's almost 11 at night.
it affects my mind.
i can't look to see if he is responding or not.
i'm just going to...just kidding he sent me a message
at least it looks like he is excited to talk to me but who knows.
i need to not respond so quickly.
i type too fast.
i should watch Prince Poppycock instead.
okay i will.
i didn't give him much to respond to. maybe that is why he isn't.
or maybe he is talking to people he actually likes talking to.
and he responded but i don't have anything else to say.
so what do i do? that's a song by papa roach.
i guess i just won't respond unless i can think of something.
Abby Torrey where are you?
Lalalalalalalala.
Almost time to vote for Taylor Mathews.
I better get ready.
He didn't have the best night so I have to vote to secure that I will see him on tour or else it isn't worth even going.

So I am kind of glad that I talked to him cause see here:
Me
I just figured out where you heard of The Blue Van: the iPad commercial.
10:49pmDanny
YES EXACTLY!!
it's "there goes my love!"
10:50pmMe
YES! I figured it out! That is one of the songs I downloaded too.
10:52pmDanny
cool man! hope you like it
10:56pmMe
So far so good. Thanks again! Hit me up next time you hear a good song on a commercial.
10:57pmDanny
hahaha totally i have this sick app on my phone that analyzes songs
so i usually never miss a beat
10:59pmMe
sorry Safari "unexpectedly quit" and analyzes? like says how good a song is?
11:00pmDanny
no tells me what song is which
11:00pmMe
ohhhhh that makes sense.
11:00pmDanny
hahahaha
"this. song rooooocks!"
hahaha
11:01pmMe
haha that is what i was thinking. i was wondering if you had to tune it to your music taste or something. XD
11:01pmDanny
ummmm no my friend you are confuseddd
hey unfortunately i've g2g i'm being kicked off
11:02pmMe
i think i am all set now. haha.
11:02pmDanny
hahaha ttyl
11:02pmMe
alrighty! bye!
11:02pmDanny
byebye

I iwsh I had thought of something better to say and i'm thinking and i'm thinking before he goes offline and i've got nothing. but here are the ups of this convo: he said "my friend" and he said "ttyl" thank you very much. and now he is offline. i'm kind of happy with that convo. i know i said i wasn't going to talk to him but that didn't turn out that badly did it? it lasted all of 10 minutes but it seemed longer than that. how long did yesterday's convo last? That lasted 20 minutes. Oooo. Double the time. Anyways there you go.
it's 11:22pm.

we're quietly waiting.
wondering if we should.
but we don't.
cause if we do.
we could fail.
we could make a mistake.
we could.
but the hope.
we could win.
we could make it happen.
we could.
but we keep waiting.
waiting for him to make the move.
waiting for time to pass.
waiting for it to start.
we wonder what it holds.
the future.
we know what the past was.
but we want more.
but we don't do anything.
to get what we want.
we keep waiting.
cause the risk is too high.
we keep waiting.
cause it could happen.
we keep waiting.
cause it is better that way.
we keep waiting.
cause that is all we have done.
we keep waiting.
cause we are scared.
we are waiting.

help!

i don't really need help but that is the theme of my sketchbook. i'm doing a project called "The Sketchbook Project" their description of it is: "it's like a concert tour but with sketchbooks". so i just got this book and i have to fill it up with artwork and then it will travel around the US. i'm supposed to be creative but so far all i have is "Help! I'm not an artist" because I'm not. But I paid almost $50 for this so we will see how it goes.

but my conversation with Danny went fairly well except for when he left. but he posted on my wall:
Danny Hentz hey i'm sooooo sorry for logging off!!! i got called off the computer and came back too late :( but enjoy the music i shared!!! :D
16 hours ago · Comment · Like · See Wall-to-Wall
and then i responded with:
Hey no problem, that's what I figured. And yes, thank you! We have to do that again because it was very successful. (:
5 hours ago · Comment · Like

so yeah but i got four good songs out of that. but i am still wondering what the heck he was saying at the end there. but anyways now this means i probably won't talk to him for a week or two unless he contacts me first. cause that is how it goes. i haven't gotten around to Xing out of his convo yet so it is still there on my facebook page it's just gray.

i should be doing homework but i seriously don't want to. i don't have anything else to do. i could start on my sketchbook but that is scary. there are about 45 pages front and back so about 100 pages i have to fill with art! that is very scary. i have until January. woo.

i want Abby to be online so i can talk to her, i guess i could text her but i don't have anything to say to her really.

so excitedish.

Me
Danny Hentz I need your musical advice.
9:23pmDanny
go!
:P
9:24pmMe
I have a $25 iTunes giftcard that really wants to be spent but I do not have any songs I need to buy so I have been asking everyone for suggestions.
In return I will give you a song title and its artist
for payment of your services
9:25pmDanny
Alpha Rev is a great new artist!
they started in 2005
hold on one sec
9:25pmMe
okay dokay i'll add them to the list
9:25pmDanny
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=alpha+rev
9:26pmMe
listening to New Morning now.
9:26pmDanny
good!
and then a good band would be Bishop Allen
9:27pmMe
and for you: Florence & The Machine
I think I have heard this song before, I'm not sure where though
9:27pmDanny
haha
yeeeah
9:29pmMe
New Morning is definitely worth spending 0.99 on i'll see if i can get the whole album from the library for free
9:29pmDanny
and look up the band The Blue Van and their album Man Up
9:30pmMe
youtubing it now. and how can you bold words? that's just too cool.
Danny
use a * on each side of the thing you wanna highlight hahaha
bold* haha
9:33pmMe
like *this*?
nopeee
9:35pmMe
oh this song i just discovered the other day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqOlC1iyTyA
9:36pmMe
and The Blue Van -thumbs up-
9:36pmDanny
good song and I know right?
9:37pmMe
For sure
Me
I know you have listened to Train before but have you heard their song "Words" from their album Save Me, San Francisco?
9:41pmDanny
not yet man!!! hahaha
9:41pmMe
man, that's some good stuff
9:41pmDanny
i'm just gonna save this convo so there's no writing involved cuz i'm sure you'll gimme more music hahahaha
9:42pmMe
i definitely will be giving you more music but i am not sure you what you are saying there with saving the convo so there is no writing involved, reword?
9:43pmDanny
hold brb
9:44pmMe
okayy
...then he went offline sometime before 10:00pm and now he is still offline. if he didn't want to talk to me he could have said "i have to go" then go offline instead of saying "brb" which gives me the illusion that he is coming back but apparently not. i've been waiting for like a half an hour. i don't call that being right back. sort of disappointed now but it was a good convo. i didn't have to wait two hours for him to reply to each thingy-ma-bober and it wasn't awkward at all. except for that last piece when i had no idea what he was saying. but it sounded promising like he expected to talk to me longer but something came up. I think I am going to go to sleep soon though. Hopefully he will send me a message or a text saying why he never came back on. If he did that would be fabulous, if not I'll have to give him a hard time about it next time he is online or i'll text him or something. anyways tomorrow is Maura's birthday party and I will be texting Abby about this guy she was working with at Mt. Tom's hopefully. nighty night.

yipppeee. i'm happy.

i saw Abby today! i love her very much and i love seeing her at her job. seriously. i would have went back again today but my family wasn't digging that. and i extremely liked her co-worker today. he was very cute. at 9:30 i am going to text Abby and start questioning her. once i get my license i am going to go visit Abby all the time, that is if she still has her job then which i hope she does. but i was glad i saw her. very glad.

and my cousin Eric is here. he was up in Boston then Cape Cod for a while now he is spending a few days with us. it's kind of weird because normally he is here with his mother and father. this is the first time it is just him by himself and not during Christmas. he just graduated college. he's cool though. i like him. i don't get to see him often so it is kind of awkward there too. but right now i'm liking him more than Sean because last time i saw Sean he pretty much ignored us in favor for the adults. all because you are getting married doesn't mean you can forget about your cousins. but on Wednesday we are going to Delaware to Eric's house to visit my aunt, my mom's sister, and my uncle. and then we are going to go to the beach and go to Chincoteague Island which i am super excited about. and I spelled that right on the first time. but i'm excited. then it's back to school.

anyways i should get off the computer and do some homework. righty-o. tomorrow Maura has her birthday party. Dana is coming, it was Maura's idea to invite her. we are either swimming or bowling depending on the weather. so yippee. and now i'm off.

facebook stats on Aug 23rd 2010.

Molly Ronan has 196 friends. 39 of them are male, 130 are female, and 27 are confused about their gender.

Based on her Facebook profile, Molly has a 89% chance of getting married and is likely to have 8 children over her reproductive years.

She will make about $10,780,145 in her life and pay $3,234,043 in taxes.

In Molly's life, she will have spent 26 years sleeping, and 643 hours on the toilet.

She will probably live to be about 82 years old. 177 people will attend her funeral with 11 of them expecting some kind of inheritance.
____
I think this makes sense minus the 8 children. 3 sounds a bit better.

this is so middle school.

i received this facebook message two minutes ago:

Rebecca Sieracki August 23 at 11:01am
Hey I feel like your ignoring me and I have no idea as to why? I don't know if I did something to make you mad at me or something but can you please just tell me why or what I did?

what the heck? who sends messages like that? i haven't even talked or had contact with Becca all summer. she hasn't tried to contact me and i haven't either. that doesn't mean i hate her. i haven't talked to Steph or Ally at all either. she sent me a message asking for my address not to long ago and i just forgot she sent it so i didn't reply. plus i didn't feel like just giving out my address for no reason. but this message makes me mad. i wasn't mad at her before but now i am. because really? now i am going to try to respond to this in a reasonable manner.

okay i wrote this but i haven't sent it yet because i feel like the ending might be pushing it:
Hi,
Becca I am not ignoring you, I have no idea why you would think that. The only time I even heard from you all summer was that last message and I got it on my phone so I forgot to respond to it because it didn't alert me on my computer. It wasn't on purpose. I am not mad at you because there is no way I could be mad at you because I haven't even talked to you since the end of school and I wasn't mad at you then. So relax and don't be paranoid.

What do you think? Too bad I can't actually get your opinion before I send it. If I wait too long to send it then she might think i am ignoring her even more. Maybe i'll change "don't be paranoid" to "don't worry, I'll see you when school starts!" and i'll give her my address. hopefully she doesn't show up and start to stalk me.

i love this boy.

okay that title was kind of deceiving and evil like. but it's the kind of love like you love ice cream or you love summer. plus i've never met this boy so i don't LOVE him like you are thinking. but i just used that title because i do love him just like i love my cellphone. alrighty then. who is this boy?

Charlie McDonnell. and I really really hope he reads this one day. Hi Charlie. WAIT. I take back that hi. -points finger- I FOUND YOU. okay I don't think that really counts but I want one of those pin that says "I Found Charlie". So that was an old video but that is what I am spending my Sunday morning (the second to last Sunday before school starts, my last Sunday morning spent at home before school starts) doing, watching old Charlieissocoollike videos because unfortunetly i have not watched all of them yet. i am actually a fairly new charlieissocoollike subscriber because I never knew he existed until my sister's friend posted his Bieber Fever video on facebook and i absolutely loved that video and all his other ones on youtube. that was a little while ago though. maybe about a month? then why am I writing about him now?

because i just watched probably my favorite video of his so far. he posted it on January 25th 2010. and i really really really like it. so go watch it. i'm going to go watch it again now so you can pretend i'm watching it at the same time as you even though I'm really not. http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike#p/u/22/O5ZwnmJgC-g i'm about to click play now...and NOW.

so that was just as good the second time. i did have the pause it to answer the phone, it was my sister's friend but not the one who posted Charlie's video on her facebook wall. anyways.

yeah i really do like this guy on youtube. i like all his videos. but i like the ones when he has longer hair better but he looks cute with short hair too.

i loved his video about how to understand teenage girls and now i have to go watch the one about understanding teenage boys because i do need to know that. hahahahaha so that was pretty funny. now i know exactly what to do.

other fabulous videos that i am watching now because i am lazy and i don't want to do anything. it's 3:15 and i'm still in my p.j.s thank you very much Charlie: A Song About Acne, (SIDE NOTE, he has short hair because he cut it all off for charity. awwwww. that makes more sense), I was going to list some but I'm getting bored of Charlie. YES CHARLIE I AM BORED OF YOU. I've been watching him for a few hours like. but i am still watching him. geez. i am going to stop in five four three two one. when i counted that down he said "um" two times. HAHAHA. i just watched another video about some girls that called him it made me smile. anyways i really am stopping now because i'm hungry i need to take a shower and i need to get dressed and i didn't use any commas there ha.

just kidding i'm watching him make balloon animals. that was a fabulous video as well. now i am really done. i just Xed out of his channel. goodness. what time did i start making this at? it's 3:31pm now.

anyways bye Charlie. hope to see you in real life? yeah probably not but who knows maybe years from now i'll actually be successful and can meet whoever i want. so this youtube star is on my list of people i want to meet. or should i say you are, because maybe you are Charlie and you are reading this. sorry if your name is Charlie but not the Charlie McDonnel: Youtube Star I'm talking about because then it just sucks to be you. so hi to all the other Charlies out there reading this.

i feel kind of stupid typing i'm someone named Charlie is actually reading this because he isn't...not now at least. see there i go again talking like he may read this in the future. i'm going to shut up now.

it's 3:34pm on Sunday and bye Charlie.


p.s. i'm going to be really sad when you turn 20 because then you are no longer a teenager while i still am so that sucks. four years older than me. anyways. bye Charlie.

8 ways to win my heart.

1. Talk to me.
2. Be polite and chivalrous.
3. Destroy all my stereotypes.
4. Be passionate about something or have a hobby or do something other than play video games all day.
5. Care.
6. Show an interest in my life outside of school because I do have one.
7. Show my facebook and cellphone some love.
8. Make me feel comfortable.


there you go. and the nine that i actually posted on tumblr:

1. It is really hard for me to make friends or talk to people. I need a guide. Or I would like to just type all my conversations.
2. I have high expectations for myself once I’m out of school.
3. I love to sing but I’m really bad at it.
4. I tend to quit when I’m not good at something. Examples: Soccer in fourth grade when I was the reason our team lost according to one girl. Irish dancing when I didn’t practice as much as the other girls and I couldn’t stretch like the other girls and I was in a class lower than all the girls my age. Chorus in 7th grade when it was the only grade I had in the 80s because of stupid sight reading.
5. The only thing I haven’t quit yet is horseback riding but I have thought about it before.
6. I wrote a book.
7. During the summer I always say “this will be my year” and it never is.
8. “Your welcome” annoys me so much.
9. The majority of people don’t know the eight things above this that you now know.

and guess who i saw today? Jacob the farrier. yep. and Adam. all i said to Adam was hi, i'm good how are you? and that was it. i didn't even say bye because he left when i went down to get Murray. and i didn't say anything to Jacob except when I passed Meika and said "Meika stop slobbering him" because she got it pretty bad all over his back. It was cute though.

yeah so i wasn't really thinking about all the cute guys when i got dressed today so i just put on a t-shirt. i was going between this camp t-shirt and the hardrock shirt. i wished i picked the Hard Rock shirt.

i have a horse show tomorrow. i'm not really looking forward to it. but i'll be fine. not including the horse show i only have five full days at home before school starts. the rest will be spent in Delaware.

this morning Danny was online facebook chat but it was because some other previous-senior told him to. so i didn't talk to him. yeah whatever. i don't think i should really go out of my way to talk to him. but i don't know. i didn't go out of my way to talk to Adam but I stuff to do. and plus i think i'll be better off if i wait a bit and let him get used to the whole barn and working thing. i've been at that barn for about five years so i've been there longer than most of the people there. i'm used to it by now.

but there you go.

>.<

why the heck am i going to a horse show tomorrow? why do i show at all?

just a few things to tell you.

today so far as been pretty good day. Abby visited me at the barn! It made me very happy. Sure she was only there for a minute but she showed up and it was a very nice surprise. I was thinking and I don't think Abby has ever seen Pride before but I could be wrong about that. I can't remember. but yes.

Adam was there. I didn't really talk to him. he said hi first. i said hi. i gave him my wheelbarrow when i was done with it and he passed by me once and i didn't say anything and the next time he asked how it was going and i said good and i asked him how his birthday was. and that was it. i rode and i saw him a few times but i was riding so i didn't say anything. and then he was cleaning the stall next to where pride was but i didn't know what to say to him so i didn't say anything and he didn't say anything. and then i was rescuing a dragonfly and then he was leaving and he said bye and i said bye and he was gone and i was stuck waiting for my mom. there you go. not very exciting. tomorrow he will be there again though. yippee.

but i think i am going to decide that i am going to let the guy make the first move. he if wants to talk to me, then he will. if he wants my phone number then he will ask. if he wants to text me then he will. is that a good thing i decided? Abby? should i go out of my way to text Danny or talk to Adam or should i wait for them to make the first move? i don't know.

okay so on tumblr they are doing something where you post something everyday. here:
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
i am not sure if i should do it on tumblr or not. i did the first one but i kind of didn't get the point of it. now i do after seeing a bunch of people's maybe i'll do it again. on tumblr? errrr i don't know.

okay so guess i what i did? i made a new ten things and posted it up on tumblr. wanna see it?
Why not?
10 things to ten people, not necessarily people with tumblrs.

1. I love you but sometimes I feel left out. It’s supposed to be the three of us, right? But it seems like it is more the two of you and then me. I shouldn’t complain though.

2. I blame you for ruining the friendship I had but I don’t know if we ever had that friendship. I think I just saw who you really are. Or maybe it was me that changed while you changed in a different way or didn’t change at all.

3. My life would be so much worse without you. I would be so lost and so alone. Thank you.

4. You drive me crazy sometimes. I don’t know if I want to stay close or try to break away.

5. I really want to know what you think about me. I would ask you if it wasn’t a question not accepted by society. Plus you would probably lie and I wouldn’t know the truth. But after that short time you must have some impression and I want to know what it is before I make a fool out of myself.

6. Do you look at me differently now than before? In a better way? For a good reason? I think that maybe the only reason you would is because you were sort of forced to. You didn’t ask me to be there. You didn’t ask for me to talk to you. I’m there and I talked to you anyways. Are you glad?

7. When I look at you I really don’t like you. At all. You used to be my best friend ever but then you decided to ditch me. Did you even like me in the first place? Well now I don’t think very highly of you. And truthfully I hate when other people think highly of you, it’s like you are a snake hiding behind some wonderful personality and I’m the only one who knows what you are capable of.

8. It took over a year of knowing you to become friends but I am glad we are. I am just worried that I’ll ruin it by saying the wrong thing or not being a girl with a huge personality. I am not sure if I fit into your life like I should.

9. Thank you so much. I wouldn’t be who am I now without you. I owe so much to you. So much.

10. If you are wondering if I want you to, I want you to.

and here is who each one is to:
1. Maeve
2. Bella
3. Abby
4. Katelyn
5. Danny
6. Adam
7. Shannon (I needed one negative one in there, right?)
8. Dana
9. My mom and dad
10. Everyone who reads that tumblr post meaning the 7 followers i have

so i think i am going to do day two now on here and think about it and then post another day two on tumblr tomorrow. sound like a plan?
Nine Things About Yourself.
1. You don't know the first thing about me.
2. I would rather type or write all my conversations with everyone instead of doing the whole talking face-to-face thing.
3. I have high expectations for myself once I am out of school.
4. I love to sing but I am so bad at it.
5. I tend to quit when I'm not good at something. Examples: Soccer in fourth grade when I was the reason our team lost according to one girl. Irish dancing when I didn't practice as much as the other girls and I couldn't stretch like the other girls and I was in a class lower than all the girls my age. Chorus in 7th grade when it was the only grade I had in the 80s.
6. The only thing I haven't quit yet is horseback riding but I have thought about it before.
7. I feel left out so much in so many things. I blame my personality but I'm not going to change it.
8. It takes me a long time to make friends. I need a guide or something.
9. If you talk to me, I don't bite and I will try my hardest not to scare you away but I would really like it if you did.
10. Your welcome annoys me so much.

It was supposed to be nine but there is 10. I am not going to post them on tumblr now. Tomorrow I may. Now what am I going to do? I do not know.

oh my goodness gracias this whole staying on the computer all day thing is getting to me.

why is it getting to me? because i somehow found the courage to talk to Adam Munska on facebook. he is still online now actually i just don't know what else to say. so it was pretty darn awkward but hey i did it. and tomorrow i will have to see him. but at least i know he is getting there around 10 which is around when i will be there. and now he is offline. yipppee. yeah i probably shouldn't have done that but whatever, right? now i'll include it for your viewing pleasure.

Me
hey are you working tomorrow?
7:32pm
Adam
yep
i'll probably be there at about 10
7:33pm
Me
me too, i have a horse show on Saturday to get ready for
7:34pm
Adam
ah ok cool
7:34pm
Me
i shall see you there then
7:35pm
Adam
hahah alright cya
7:37pm
Adam is offline.

i'm so wonderful at online talk aren't it? yeah no. what i said about getting his number? yeah if our texts are going to be that awkward i shouldn't even bother. but i did it so yeah.

shhhh my parents might bring me to an 18+ concert.

rebellious. but not that rebellious since it is my parents that would bring me...

10 things.

you know since i spend so much time on the computer i might as well do this too. i saw on Cam Cote's tumblr that he did a list of ten things that you want to tell ten different people. the point is you don't say who would would tell it to. i guess a lot of people do it but his was the first i've ever seen. so i'm going to do it on here but i'll tell you who. maybe. but when i was coming on here i got like four errors so maybe that is a sign that i shouldn't but i'm going to anyways.

1. Thank you extremely much for being my friend, like seriously, I love you very much.
2. You better get your butt over to the barn soon as in tomorrow morning.
3. What do you think of me? Seriously, I'm curious, but it would be weird to just ask wouldn't it?
4. How many girls stare at you when you go to different barns?
5. What do you keep to yourself and not tell anyone?
6. What does it feel like to have an older sister?
7. Do you see what you do to your "friends"?
8. Would you talk to me if you could?
9. Well if you're wondering, I want you to.
10. Thank you.

So that was a bit harder than I thought mostly because I couldn't think of 10 people i wanted to say something to and it turned out to be a bunch of questions. but now i'll tell you the thoughts behind them before i forget.

1. Abby Torrey.
2. Adam Munska. Seriously.
3. Danny Hentz. And i would ask if it wouldn't be so weird.
4. Jacob the farrier-to-be. But a lot of girls ride so i am guessing at the different barns he goes to with John there are probably a ton of girls like me so I'm just wondering. And this applies to Danny too but just in general places, not at the barn obviously.
5. I guess I was thinking Maeve at first but this really applies to everyone. Seriously everyone. In my family. My friends. People I don't talk to. People I don't know exist.
6. This is to Maura and Maeve.
7. Bella Brogle and how our friendship was pretty much destroyed because I don't trust her one bit and I probably wouldn't invite her to the movies with me.
8. Everyone.
9. Everyone in conjunction with that last one. In addition to any guy who may be thinking about asking me out not that anyone is.
10. My parents. And to everyone for reading this.

i feel like i am on the computer and facebook way too much.

hey guess what

i can post from my phone which is what i am doing now. hold on text message let's see if this stays. yes it does, victory.

i need to work on typing faster on this thing. i am sure it will come.

i am currently at the barn watching maeve ride flyboy. i am done with everything i need to do. there is a cute boy here though. his name is Jacob. he is working with the farrier John Turrati. he looks like he is around my age but I don't really know. i saw him for a bit on Monday when they fixed Murray's shoe and now they are back. John never introduced me which is sad. i dont have the guts to talk to him but there is never an oppurtinity. he will probably never be back, why never? because the farrier only comes every 6 weeks and then ill be in school. and maybe he will be too.

and now it sounds like john might be leaving because he turned his truck on. yep he is. bye jacob, ill probably never see you again. i can hear him sweeping now. then he will leave and that will be that.

so. still waitibg for him to leave. the truck is running. still sweeping. dust pan. let me

sigh and then sigh.

i am in one of those moods where i am tired and thinking and sort of curious. i don't know. i can't get into the mood whenever i want to.

then it is sort of destroyed when your cellphone goes off telling you have a new text message so you rush to see what it is and it ends up it isn't important anyways.

the way this whole life thing is set up is weird. it makes it hard. well i guess that goes without saying. but not hard in the sense you may think but i don't know what you are thinking. that is another hard thing. i am talking about the whole relationships with other people. and please don't use the word relationship in the way like you're dating someone, i mean relations with someone. everyone is going through life with facebook and cellphones, myself included, but how much are we missing out on. about other people. we just take for granted the other people in our lives. we don't take the time to talk to them. you see a stranger in big y, you just walk right by. you meet someone in driving school, you never talk to them again because it isn't convenient. even your friends, how well do you really know them? other than their favorite color. seriously. i am guilty of this too. it's just the normal and we don't know how to do anything else. if i was going to go change this i don't how know to. all we can do is communicate but sometimes that makes it hard. we can talk but that only says so much. we need to figure out other ways. i don't know. i am just typing.

i'm a simple girl. i don't think i'm that complex. you just have to take the time to talk to me. more than once. actually a lot. i can't make friends easily. maybe because i think that way. i pay attention to little things or at least i try to. i'm not perfect. but it takes me a long time to consider myself a friend. sure i have almost 200 friends on facebook but i don't count pretty much any of them. why the heck is it so hard? it can't be something you can just learn, you must have been born with some of it. like your personality.

i have simple emotions. what i feel everyday isn't something new. i'm sure a million other girls felt the other way. that's just the way it is whether i like it or not. if i could i would share my emotions with everyone. that's a lie and a half. if i wanted to share my emotions with everyone this blog wouldn't be private now would it. but still. gah.

i want to get to know people. seriously. why? because they are so darn interesting. but not really. that's not a good answer. but we just push people aside to stereotypes all the time. she's friend with that girl. he looks like he isn't very nice. and while some of those stereotypes may be true what about the rest? you can't get to know someone through their facebook status updates.

i've had blog posts like this before and really they are useless. they will sit here and maybe Abby will read them. they won't make a difference. maybe they help me, maybe they don't. they aren't going to make a change in my life. i will still freak out the next time i see Danny online because of this plan i figure out as an excuse to talk to me. i will still hold my breath every time i hear a car drive by until i see that it isn't Adam's green truck. i will see check both of their facebook pages every single day. i will just hope that they are doing the same to me when i know they really aren't.

and i will still eat ice cream. and sleep. and ride. and then procrastinate on my AP homework. and go on the computer. and not get to know people. and i want to go to sleep and eat ice cream right now.

and the song that sort of inspired this wonderful post:
Simple Girl - Dale Earnhart Jr
i bought it yesterday and i've already listened to it 17 times
now i would include the lyrics but i can't find them. it is an unknown song by a small time guy. probably a simple guy.

see you tomorrrrrrrow.

hey talk to me on facebook or something and maybe we'll fall in love with each other.

you can tell how each month was for me by the number of posts i posted.

this month i have already posted 22, this will be the 23rd, and it is only the 16th. wonderful. last month i posted a total of 24. and June i posted 27 which is FREAKING AMAZING since i was born on the 27th of June. April for some reason was a big month but not as big as March. in 2009 i barely posted except for in September and October. wonder why. but not really. and just so you know in 2009 i posted 180 times and in 2010 SO FAR, we still have four and a half months left, i posted 262 times. yeah. we are almost at our two year mark. yippeee.

and now i have to do one of those correction posts things. just to you know clear things up because all you have to go off of is this lovely blog, you can't see me out of it. you probably don't get the tone of voice i am saying everything so maybe you don't get me at all. oh well. but i want to say that i'm not turning into some boy crazy girl. i'm not going to give up on school and horse back riding so i can focus on "boy hunting". i'm smarter than that. seriously. i just do the whole girl thing where there is a new guy so i think about him a lot then he sort of fades away when nothing else happens. that will happen here too. Danny hasn't texted me back, which i expected since i didn't send it when i wanted to (gahhh), and whatever. maybe next time he comes online i will show him the Walking on Air music video or this new song i sort of love called "Simple Girl" by Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.. And when it comes to Adam i actually have a chance of something happening and it just not ending. he will be working at the barn all through school and i'll see him at school. good probability there.

well i thought there was a good probability i would see him at the barn today but i did not. i knew he was working today because his name was on the stall list. i was there from 9:30 to 12 and he was not there. every single other day he has worked he has gotten there by 11 but not today. maybe that's because Emily wasn't working. or i can hope it is because he was hoping to see me so he went at a different time. not likely. but i'll be up there early every day this week so here is to tomorrow.

now i really should do something productive because i haven't since i got home. AP work here i come.

okay so maybe i am driving myself a little bit crazy.

first do you want to see the rest of the convo? of course you do.

Danny: matt morrison? maybe and some of the black crowes! :) Received: Sun, Aug 15 1:47
Molly: Matt morrison! i love him on glee but i havent actually listened to any of his solo stuff. and now i have to google black crowes. ever heard of kerli? Sent: 2:05pm
Danny: nope any good? Received: 2:06pm
Molly: She kind of takes some getting used to, you have to listen to the song more than once. but i love her sng walking on air ATTEMPTED to send at: 2:10 BUT I just realized it didn't go through so I just sent it now at 8:00pm

that sucks. i just realized my last text didn't go through. and i just thought that he didn't have anything to say back. that really sucks. gah.

but i was at the office waiting to go to CVS and i was on the computer, on facebook of course, and he was online. i kept checking to see if he was still on there. and he was still online when i had to leave. it killed me to leave first but i did.

and now i'm home and he wasn't online when i first went on but now he is. and he was for a while. now he is "sleeping" which means facebook is still open but he hasn't done anything for a while. and i keep checking to see if he is still on.

but that really sucks that that text didn't send. gah.

edit at 8:07: i just realized that i didn't really say how i was driving myself crazy. it's by checking to see if Danny is on every two seconds but not talking to him. this is ridiculous but whatever i don't have anything else to do. i would do the same thing if Adam was on but he is never on facebook chat for long.

edit at 8:48: right after i last edited that he was back on and awake. then i had to go eat dinner so i was offline and when i came back he was gone. and that's all. and no text message back. so whatever.

two parts.

this post is going to have two parts. why? there are two things i need to talk about. so i'm not going to capitalize, i'm just going to write. it takes took long to press that little shift button every time i want to say "i".

part one. stupid texting. so last night i texted Danny for the first time asking if he did his open water test (i called it in water and realized that later >.<) and it took him a while to respond. actually let me give you the whole play by play so you can get the whole thing. hopefully i don't look strange with my cellphone open and typing.

Molly: Hey did you take your in water test today? Sent: Sat, Aug 14 6:13pm
Danny: noo hahaha unfortunately it got rescheduled but it's k cause i need to chill after drivers ed Received: 8:03pm
Molly: Ahh well did you do something fun instead? Sent: 8:13pm
Danny: yeah totally a friend of mine left her cd case lying around and i'm downloading it! with permission of course Received: 8:16pm
Molly: Thats awesome. Does she have any good music? Sent: 8:20pm
Danny: yeah pretty good music too many artists to even start with! phew! :) Received: Sun, Aug 15 12:40pm

so let me dissect that a little bit. after i sent the first text message it took him about two hours to respond. that is sort of reasonable because maybe he didn't have his cellphone on him or was doing something. so i responded 10 minutes later. that is a good amount of time, right? then he respond 3 minutes later! 3 minutes! that is really good! so i respond 4 minutes later. then he doesn't respond for 16 hours. we go from 3 minutes to 16 hours. and i have no idea if he read the text message right away then just didn't want to respond for 16 hours or if he just got it this morning. so i don't know there.

when i got that last text message i didn't know how to respond so of course i asked Abby (happy birthday! it's her birthday today!) what i should say and she told me to ask if there was anyone i knew. which i liked that idea. so here is the next part of the conversation.

Molly: Anyone i would recognize? or anyone new you think i would like? Sent: 1:12pm

so i sent that like a half an hour after he sent that. he takes 16 hours and i take half of one. but it's his move now. if he doesn't respond that it's pretty much over. the way i see it i am sort of interested in him but if he isn't then whatever i'll move on. i just sort of want to know so i can know if i should waste my time on him or not. i'm not crazy for him so that is sort of where i am. i'll do this whole texting thing and see how it goes but i'm not really counting on anything.

plus next week there is a high probability that i will be seeing Adam.

now part two.

i went to a party. a surprise party for Abby. it was pretty good except for the fact that no one there was my friend except for Abby. so when Abby wasn't there it was really awkward. and everyone there felt like they were home when i had never been there before. i can't just make myself at home in someone's house who i barely even know. but it wasn't that bad. lookpark was enjoyable. and so was the movie, that was pretty much the first PG-13 "scary" movie i have seen. my family just doesn't watch scary movies so i never watch them. when the movie was done Avarie's dad and Jess came into the living room and were acting like teenagers with us. Jess came and sat right next to me and her breath smelled like alcohol. she would turn to talk to me and it was pretty overwhelming. that and her perfume. they kept asking me if i would ever come back and if i was scary. really i was exhausted and i just wanted to go to sleep. and truthfully i am probably not going to come back anytime soon. i'm not really friends with Avarie and it's her house. and then when we all made it to our beds they were talking the whole time. they thought i was asleep but i wasn't. i heard everything. i heard Casey and Avarie "arguing" i heard Casey yell out something that try to whisper something to me to blame Jordan. i don't know if they knew i was actually awake or not but whatever. then when i woke up Abby was already gone so it was reeeallly awkward. i didn't even have breakfast. i think i said "hi" when i woke up then an hour later i said i was leaving. and then i was gone. maybe the whole experience wouldn't have been so awkward if Nicole and Anna were there but they weren't. so i was sort of the one left out the whole time, with them talking about certain things that i had no idea, sure they would explain it sometime but you could tell they didn't really want to. but whatever. it wasn't like i was going to say "nope i don't want to go to my best friend's surprise party" and they were the ones who invited me. now i am home and i am probably going to do nothing today other than sleep and stare at my cellphone.

it has been 15 minutes since i sent that text to Danny and no response. but i have to think that he wants to talk to me because he responded. if he didn't want to talk at all he just wouldn't respond ever. so i'll keep texting him back until one day he just doesn't respond. and that will be that. ahhhhhh. i really need something to occupy my time.

I wish I had someone to text now.

Why? Because this iPod is almost out of battery and then I will have nothing to do while everyonne else are on their electronics. Maybe if Danny Hentz texted me back but nope but I'm not cool enough. I bet he would text Emily Larkin back. Oh that is an idea, I could text Emily but it is kind of late. Plus her and Danny are probably texting right now.

You know who I really want to be texting now is Adam but I don't have his number. He was not at the barn today and I didn't ask him for it before. Fuck all that guy asking the girl for the number, a girl can ask for a number just as well. Excuse my language I'm tired and some of the people I am with don't mind swearing. I think that might have been the first time I've ever used the work fuck, maybe not but you still get the mood I am in.

I want my phone to be vibrating every two seconds.

would like to bring to your attention to...

this lovely post and the people who liked it.

yep both Adam and Danny "liked" the same facebook post. of course Katie is in there too, but that's good maybe it doesn't make the fact that two guys like my status as noticeable to my mother. good thing my father doesn't have a facebook.

but that made me smile. the two guys that i like, liked my status. hahahaha.

it's too early. i barely got any sleep last night. i thought i was supposed to wake up early to go to the barn but my parents are up in their room and i'm the only one down here. wonderful. tonight i am going to be so tired.

it sort of just dawned on me.

it just dawned on me that the phrase "dawned on me" is really weird.

but i just realized that today i just got my first phone number from a boy and gave my number to a boy for the first time ever. that makes me smile. i'm growing up. hahaha. but still it is a very big accomplishment for me.

of course the only reason i got it could be because of Emily but hey you never know maybe he would have given it to me even if Emily wasn't there. either way I'm grateful.

maybe next time i go to the barn and Adam is there i'll get his too. tomorrow maybe?

yay. this week is over.

and it ended on a good note. today was a good day. not absolutely fantastic but it was good, very good. i have two a wonderful new cell phone contacts in my phone. chya! i passed and everything is fabulous. so happyyy. and it's friday the thirteenth so they that is pretty darn good for a day like today. now i need to go to the barn. and i did ride Pride yesterday in case you were wondering and he was fabulous. i love my baby boy.

i am going to try to decode my feelings and thoughts a bit. that means this will probably get very messy. just bear with me. roar. do bear's roar? see i've already lost you.

now i have to figure out where to start.
i think i will start here.
you know how in the last blog i wrote i said: ""wants to move forward but feels like he is moving too fast..." but i'm trying to convince myself that the status is about some scubagirl or maybe Emily but how am I supposed to know. but yeah." ohh i thought i deleted the Emily part and I was going to add it back in. so there goes that. but we were watching this movie Smashed which is very graphic so i decided to opt out of watching it so instead i drew a bunch of flowers on a piece of paper. but throughout the movie Emily and Danny would talk and I normally was not in the conversation. and when Emily would talk to me Danny would just face front. occasionally we would meet eyes or whatever and i would smile but that was really it. and at break and lunch he wasn't as talkative or i can remember once he talked to Emily about soccer. but then we were outside waiting for our parents to pick us up and i sort of blew that chance. i was going to ask him something about what i missed in the movie i decided not to watch but instead i sat on the ground next to him and he listened to his ipod. when i left i said "bye" and he said "bye" and then Maeve was in the car and I went to show her the room and i passed by him and smiled. i would have introduced her to him but then she would have asked about a million and two questions and i didn't want that. so yeah. that doesn't really explain my "feelings and thoughts" as I said earlier.

what's the criteria you need before you take the next step to be in a relationship with someone? you like them obviously. but that word "like" is the part that bothers me. what the heck does that mean? it doesn't tell you how you feel when you are with someone or what your conversations sound like. so how are you supposed to know? how does it work? i don't know. i just don't know.

so I'll keep going on Danny since I already started to talk about him. I think he is good looking. I think he is a good guy. I like his taste of music. I enjoy talking to him. I enjoy most of his sense of humor such as when he pretended he didn't know what Back to School Shopping was when Emily brought it up and she believed him. pause...i can't think of anything else. is that a bad thing? should i be listing so much. but that's all i really know. i high respect that he scuba dives and knows karate and he played soccer last year and he watched Glee and enjoyed it. i can't think of anything else. sometimes he tries to make a joke out of something in a movie that doesn't work out but that doesn't really matter because i say stupid things all the time that i regret later. am i supposed to feel more? what is supposed to happen?

now what about Adam. i really like talking to him. i think he is cute. i like very much that he is working at the barn. he goes to the same school as me. but that is really all. what am i supposed to feel like to say "i want to be in a relationship with him" and mean it? i don't know at all.

or how does it work now, you can go on a date with someone but you aren't "together" or "boyfriend/girlfriend" yet? i don't know. what even does "boyfriend/girlfriend" mean?

this is too complicated. seriously. why can't it just be an easy pattern that everyone follows that just makes it easy. and why can't everyone's feelings and thoughts be shown to everyone else. seriously.

tomorrow is the last day of driving school. i am kind of very glad. but the worst part is that I will probably never talk to Danny again and I might not talk to Emily very much either. It's different when you sit next to each other for six hours a day than when you are just out and about in normal day life when you don't see them or even if you do see them in school. it is just different.

i haven't ridden my horse is more than a week and i don't want to. i need to go to the barn eventually today and my mom said to tell her when i wanted to go but i haven't said anything yet. i don't know. why can't everything be easier and simpler?

do you remember back in ninth grade when I worried about boys all the time? i did the whole obsess thing. i did it on Matt Cabral and then i did a bit on Josh Rivard as well. so i have completely pushed Matt out of my head but hey all because I liked him before then didn't again doesn't mean that Josh is out of the picture, he sat next to me at bowling and helped me when my brain didn't function properly while adding.

i guess this blog was sort of pointless because all i can do is wait and slowly weave my relationships with me. not like "a relationship" but the other definition. just by existing and talking to them and being there i guess. just get through another day and see what that brings.

sigh.

so about bowling.

it was really fun. it probably would have been better if i wasn't falling asleep but that's just how things work sometimes.

i wish i had been able to talk to Abby more without other people listening. and i am kind of upset that Katelyn has a "crush" (hate that word) on Danny. really frustrated. when Katelyn has crushes it's not very pretty. she gets all like ahhaahhomgakahahahah and i don't like being in the middle of it. but i would like to believe that i have a totally have a better chance than her. but hey it's not like he is my only option. ha. it sort of feels good to say that.

you know before when i would complain about how i wanted there to just be a boy. now i have two. sort of. and hey at bowling Josh sat next to me. he could have sat wherever he wanted to but he sat next to me. made me feel pretty darn good.

yeah so it was a good day. i am hoping tomorrow will be better. it would be even better if Katelyn would lay off of Danny and find some other guy.

ha i do like how the tables have turned. seriously. i'm not complaining. now i have to watch Pretty Little Liars but not watching PLL got me talking to Danny some. and he posted on his facebook: "wants to move forward but feels like he is moving too fast..." but i'm trying to convince myself that the status is about some scubagirl or maybe Emily but how am I supposed to know. but yeah.

i am really tired. so tomorrow i am going to be falling asleep on my desk. only two days left then there are two possibilities either DI never talk to Danny again or I do. There you go. Now I need to finish watching Pretty Little Liars. ahhh.

today was a freakin good day.

and this is post 445 thank you very much.

edit: soooo far, i still have to go bowling which should be just as fabulous.

i want to sing. right now. so freakin bad.

and no i don't want to be a billionaire. actually i do but hey that was just an allusion to the song with the lyrics "i want to be a billionaire so frickin' bad" but you know anyways.

you see i enjoy singing but i am no good at it. i was just not blessed with a voice that people would enjoy listening to. i guess i could go to classes or whatever but sometimes you just have to take what you got. i am blessed with loads of other thing so i'm not really complaining. i accept that singing is not going to be a career choice for me and i will never get a solo in anything. that is okay dokay with me.

but i still like to sing. and i enjoy singing to people when i feel comfortable. like i could imagine myself singing along to someone's ipod during break during driving school. i sing in the car all the time. i sang during gym class when i walked around the track with Katelyn. i would serenade pretty much anyone that i felt comfortable doing to. seriously. you want me to serenade you? as long as you don't mind that it sounds pretty bad i will sing to you. simple as that.

i want to sing now but Maura is reading over there and my parents are upstairs. overall it is quiet and i don't want to disturb the peace.

you know i think about singing during driving school but when you plan something out like that, it never goes like how you plan it to so does that mean it won't happen at all? or what if it does happen, does that mean you can predict the future? thoughts are complicated. no one knows exactly how much they effect events and such, and if they even do at all.

but if i want to sing i should be able to whenever i want to. ehhhh. now i am just blabbering on because i don't want to go to bed. i would be watching Pretty Little Liars now but it didn't tape so i can't watch it until tomorrow and maybe not even then because i have a packed full day.

jeeeeeezus. oh no was that disrespectful using the z? i was just going to say jeez but then i added the "us". oh goodness. six hours of driving school each day is affecting me a lot. or effecting me? i don't know and i don't care to look it up or whatever. ahahhhhhhhahhahhhh.

i could really use a wish right now.

and i could really use a trip to the barn when Adam Munska is there thank you very much. and i could really like that driving school was over. i could really like if i got to know Danny Hentz more. i could really like if i didn't need to sleep. i could really use some food right now cause i'm hungry. i could really stop using the words "i could really" but heey if B.O.B. and Haley Williams can repeat it over and over again why can't I?

Abbbby I can not wait to see you tomorrow. Like really. Hopefully you are all caught up on these but you might not check before your big first day on the job and I can forgive you for that. You know where I will be all day.

I really don't want to go to bed.
I really just want to get through another day.
I really wish I knew what was coming so I could prepare for it.
I really wish I was...I don't know. I just don't.
I really wish i could tell my story to everyone so they would just know and i wouldn't have to do the whole getting to know them thing
i really wish everyone could just get into my mind, you know you are more than welcome to just pop in
i really wish i could find the right words because you know i can't
i really wish i could figure this whole thing out.
i really wish i knew what "thing" was standing in that last sentence.
i really wish i could stop doing this and go to bed.
i can do that.

Yoyoyoyoyo.

That was supposed to be "yo" like the greeting not "yoyo" like the toy and now dinner is ready, alrightt.

And now I was going to write some more but instead I'm going to go to the barn and not ride...i'm being a bad girl. and it's 7:08. be back. i have the hiccups and my mother just tried to scare me by saying "boo" and it didn't work. guess who is alone, yepp it's Danny. i'm going to pretend like he isn't. and if you haven't guessed i'm not going to the barn yet? why not? because i haven't gotten up out of this chair to go get some socks so i can leave and my mother is still doing stuff in the kitchen so i will wait until she yells at me. well not yell just tells me to get ready. ahh too bad Danny is already offline. what was that two minutes? come man show some love for the facebook chat.

if you can't tell this whole driving school for 6 hours a day is going to my head.

and Jenna recognized me. woohoo. first time she has seen me in years. since like little elementary school years. and apparently Danny is "sleeping" not that i'm checking facebook chat every two seconds or anything. nopeeee.

and i think i had something good to talk about on here but apparently not. my mother just said "whenever you're ready Molly" so i guess that means i need to get ready. now should i post this? uhhh yeah because when i get home i am going to watch Pretty Little Liars then go to bed. woohoooo.

driving school tomorrow. chyeahhh.

why hello there.

my back and my butt hurt from driver's ed/driving school. both of those words mean the same thing by the way; absolute torture.

the only thing that is making this whole thing worth it is i can look over at this guy who i find extremely attractive throughout the whole class. seriously that is the only perk. if he wasn't there i would be soooooo bored out of my mind. so thanks Danny for just you know existing and having good looks and sitting near me. it all works out well.

for the 6 and a half hours we are there we have 45 minutes of "break". 15 minutes in the morning, 30 for lunch, and 15 in the afternoon. so the first break we went outside for a bit, we meaning Katelyn, Kelsey, and I. Emily came out but then she went back in. it was Katelyn's idea to go back inside so we did and i spent the rest of break talking to Emily and Danny. wonderful.

then lunch i invited Danny to come sit with us and he needed some encouragement. like after i asked him i had to wave him over again to where we were. and then Aaron joined us as well. he's a bit weird. most of the conversation had something to do with driving school or cars or whatnot. but hey it was nice enough. we went back inside and we had like 10 minutes before class started again. Danny pulled out his ipod and i asked if i could see it so i went through all his songs. and half of them were songs that i have on my ipod and enjoy listening to. when i took it from him he was listening to "Hey Soul Sister" by Train and i absolutely love that song. but you can tell a lot about a person by what music they listen to, you know? but from his music it's looking good.

but then it was break and i just assumed he would come over with us but he didn't, instead he stood over on the other piece of lawn and listened to his ipod. i thought about inviting him over but it seemed kind of awkward. i don't really know. then Kelsey said something about why he was over there by himself. i said it was probably because we didn't invite him over and if i waved him over he would come over. but i really hated the way Kelsey asked it and the way Katelyn supported her or whatever. they were judging and i could tell it in their voices. i really don't like Kelsey at all and not really Katelyn either. sorry. but Emily didn't really say anything so i don't know. but then we went inside and he stayed out and i think he started talking to some of the guys because when they came back him one of them shook his hand. is that common? not really sure. but i think it is nice. like yesterday when my mom finally pulled up and Danny was still waiting i said bye and he said "it was nice to meet you Molly" which made me smile. i really do like it when people use my name you know? I always try to when saying Hi or Bye or whatever. people like hearing their name, it's just a fact.

but for the rest of class we didn't really have a chance to talk. i did share a story about how one of my cats died because it was under the car and my mom started the engine and how the other one had three legs. neither of them seemed to appreciate that story.

Katelyn probably hates me though because I talk to Emily and Danny instead of her. but i don't have anything to say to her really. sorrrrry.

now i am not sure what else to write. i'm hungry. you can take my words for what you want, whether that is what i meant or was thinking you don't really know unless you ask me. so there you go. i'm going to go watch youtube videos and maybe go through my itunes library so when i find it i will have a playlist of songs i actually listen to. well anyways.

hi. hey.

guess what i did today? i spent six hours in an uncomfortable chair listening to an old guy talk about a bunch of stuff that i don't need to know. otherwise known as driver's ed. it's not very helpful when you already have your permit so.

but hey remember at the beginning of the summer i had that list? i'm going to go find it now. alright i found it. it is a pretty fabulous list so i am going to copy and paste it. the original list will be in italic and my comments will be next to it in this regular font.

- learn to drive i'm working on it. my parents don't offer to have my drive often so maybe i'll just wait for those driving appointments
- crash a party i wasn't invited to has not happened yet and most likely won't but you never know i still have a little under a month left
- get an awesome summer wardrobe actually this is happening/has happened. two days of shopping have given me great new clothes. so i am happy with this one.
- have a summer crush, someone completely new (at driving school?) well there is one crush who isn't completely new but it is much more probable that it would be something more than just "i want to talk to him but i don't know what to say oh no there he goes" since i have talked to him and he has written on my facebook wall. the other one who would fall under the driving school crush i met today thank you very much and i did talk to him, thanks to Emily (so glad i sat next to her). we will see how tomorrow goes. and yes i'm already his friend on facebook.
- never say "no" or at least try to say "yes" as often as possible (to different events and such) i don't think i have said no just because i didn't want to go...yet but i am not sure about that. i haven't had many chances to say yes though.
- become a social butterfly if you count talking to two guys (two!) and talking to two girls i don't normally talk to counts then yes, if social butterfly means more than that...no.
- get my confidence up i think that is working. well i'm working on it.
- show my horse and win everything yeah no but we are coming along. next summer will be the "winning everything" part.
- work at Yankee Home Improvement i did a little bit and i think i am going to be able to do some social networking stuff at home once my dad sets it up
- make a new friend i would like to consider Adam a friend. and maybe Emily Larkin will be my friend at the end of 30 hours of driving school. and maybe this Danny boy.
- have fun sort of working, yeah, maybe?
- learn to talk i'm learning, i'm learning.

the weird thing is the other day I was thinking about the stuffed animal i had when i was little, Danny, and how i wanted to show him to my kids but i left him at a hotel. then somehow i thought about what if my husband's name was Danny then i would still have "my Danny". then guess what? this cute guy at driving school's name is Danny. and i remembered when i thought about that before. weird coincident? or do coincidences not exist? and i just remembered today at lunch before Emily talked to Danny, and me butting my way into their conversation, we were talking about braces which led to sucking thumbs and Emily mentioned how she had a blanket which made me think of my stuffed animal Danny again. weird.

now i have to eat dinner. then we have to go to the barn. goodness.

we're home.

now how do i know that we are home? well Finn just chased the neighbor's cat into the road. maura's on the computer. the garage smells like trash. but the dead give away? mommy is huffing around because she the house is a mess and she has to clean. the sighing and banging dishes around are just typical. it's not our fault you had three children and a husband who doesn't pick up at all. if you told us to pick up now we would - out of fear. now that she is storming around we are afraid to say anything so we just stay staring at our computer screens in silence. it's great to be back.

i should be at a concert right now but i'm not. why? because i just got home. we stayed an extra night. woohoo.

tomorrow i have driving school. not looking forward to it at all. i'll have to wake up early. all i want to do is sleep. seriously. i don't want to spend all day at driving school. ahahgakjahh.

i don't want to talk about all the random people i saw today. instead i'm going to become Allison's competition. she makes jewelry well i am thinking about starting up my own business and maybe i'll sell jewelry too. ha. but hey wherever there is a Burger King there is usually a McDonalds. why do i want to start my own business? well we went to a farmer's/flee market today but everyone that was selling stuff handmade it all. they made these amazing things so i said that i wanted to learn how to make something and then sell it. so now i just have to figure out what and get started.

it's kind of Sunday and i'm kind of ready to go home. not until some more exciting things in Boston.

but i do like the city because of all the people. but people don't talk to each other. a lot of them don't even look up. there were at least two boys i was checking out and neither of them even looked up. one because he was on his cellular device and the other just because the ground was more interesting than all around. i mean come on. why don't people talk to each other? but it is fun to see the different people and overhear some of their conversations. like the family next to us having dinner whenever Benjamin, the little boy, ate green beens the grandmother would clap and say "Yay Benjamin ate his green beans!" Did you ever think that maybe the kid wanted to just be called Ben?

there were three people i wanted to talk about that i saw when we were leaving Winthrop but we hadn't made it to Boston yet. i am not sure if i should start describing them now or if we are going to get breakfast soon. ohhhh i think we are leaving and taking all our stuff with us. i won't be able to describe them until we get home but just some info to remind me. - sweeping - pressing buttons - forgetting the third, forgetting the third, no no no no no no, i won't ever remember again. nooooooooo. darn it. REMEMBERED! driving lessons, parallel parking. i'll describe more later.

i'm kind of in a good mood right now.
why?
because of someone back home who is keeping my horse company.
facebook is amazing.
i'm also kind of tired.
why?
i've spend four days with my family non-stop, one of which included a two and a half hour bike tour.
at least the bike tour had a cute tour guide my age.
i sent him a message on facebook.
not creepy or anything.
but hey i'll see if he responds or not.
i have nothing to lose, i'm never going to see him again.
now i am going to go to bed.
nighty night.

i almost forgot.

so you know one thing about going on vacation when you live in a small town is looking for cute boys, right? well i have had absolutely no luck. seriously. there were no boys at the mall, except for one who gave me one of those blank looks when he walked by. there were no boys at the beach. there were no boys at James's t-ball game (well ones of an appropriate age. if James was more than 10 years older and on a baseball team instead of a t-ball game then maybe it would be a different story). we were driving home from the t-ball game and i was looking out the window and my heart did that little stop/fluttery thing where you miss a beat or stop breathing for a second. you know what i'm talking about? it's only a moment. but it happened when i saw this boy driving a car. he had just stopped at a stop sign on a road joining the road we were on. our eyes met as we drove by and that was it. he was freaking good looking. he had the messy blonde hair going on and was so just so good looking. i wish that he was at the t-ball game. i wish that he was at the beach. i wish that he was at the mall. i wish that i didn't have my family so he could have said hi. i wish that i could have said hi. i wish that i was in that car with him going out to get pizza instead of coming to my aunt's house with my family to eat pizza at home. but i will most likely never see that ridiculously good looking boy ever again. and i'll never get to tell him how i think he is extremely attractive and i would like to get to know him. i never will. and even if for some strange reason he happens to read this, he won't think it was him. but i'll give another description just in case. Winthrop, on the top of the hill where you can look out over the rocky beach, a smaller car in some sort of gray/silver/light brown call, wonderful blonde hair, a great looking face, and the ability to make my heart do that little thingamabober in one look, around 16 probably not older than 18 but i that's just what i thought, unless you looked young for your age in August of 2010. anyway.

jesus holy mary st. joseph.

i'm starting to get sick of this vacation thing.

i am so so so tired and it's not even 8:30 yet. my family is beginning to drive me slowly insane. the plus side? we are going home tomorrow. oh wait. never mind. we're not. why not? instead my father is bringing us to some surprise thing for the day on Saturday and we might spend the night Saturday someplace then come home Sunday. then what do i get to do Monday? go to driving school. yes. and what have i not been doing? the stupid AP summer reading. i don't really care.

i need to take a shower because i am covered with sand and my hair is disgusting. goodness gracious. ahahhahhhhhh. i'm going crazy.

i'm happy.

there is a chance i shall be seeing Taylor Mathews on tour because he is onto the next round.

it was those 110 votes that did it.

i stayed up until 1:30 in the morning. woke up at 5 in the morning, realized my monthly visitor had arrived, had a terrible time falling back asleep, woke up at 8:30 fell back asleep, then 9 something i woke up when on my computer, got ready for Boston, and left the house at 11. rode in the car for two hours with my back absolutely killing me while listening to the movie Happily Never After while my sisters watched it in the back seat. got my haircut, relaxed around my aunt's house, went to the beach, took some pictures, came back, and crossed my fingers as I watched Taylor Mathews move onto the next round.

now what i am going to do? i am going to wait and see who the last person to make it through is, you know to suss out Taylor's competition then go to sleep. oh and i posted on Taylor's fan page that he runs saying how I liked how he tried to like everything on his page and he actually commented back. and then i commented back. not sure if that is worthy of posting the exact quote on here or not. annnnd i'll let you know that after the audition before he performed in Vegas or Hollywood i had a nice little game going where i would ask him questions but it was supposed to go two ways and when i asked him to ask me a question he didn't have one so i just sort of stopped. no need to waste his time. but yeah. i better go watch the rest of AGT. i'll be seeing it live on October 29th at Foxwoods. that is once my mother buys the tickets but she said she would. cannn't wait.

Taylor Mathews you better love me.

it is 12:07am on what is now Wednesday August 4th. Why the heck am I up this late? Well it just so happens that earlier tonight, when it was still Tuesday, Taylor Mathews performed on America's Got Talent. So I watched the show from 9 to 11. This is the first time that I have ever watched AGT live. It is so long and has so many commercials so it is much more enjoyable when you can watch via tivo. But tonight I didn't. Why? So I could vote for him. AGT makes it so you can only vote 10 times per phone. So I voted 10 times on the landline. Then I voted 10 times on my cellphone. Then I voted 10 times on my dad's cellphone. Then I voted 10 times on my mom's cellphone. Then I voted 10 times on Maura's cellphone. I couldn't find Maeve's cellphone or else I would have voted on hers too. I have the number memorized. 1866604807. once I forgot a 6 and some lady answered. poor lady.

so that would mean i voted 50 times. ah but I didn't mention that you can vote online. so i voted ten times using my email address. then my other email address. then my old email address. then maeve's email address. then maura's address.

that means i have voted a total of 100 times for this kid. why do i care if he moves on? for one big reason: I want to see him perform live. Very badly. I am almost certain that I am going to watch AGT Live and the only way it will be the worth my time is if Taylor Mathews is performing. So he better be. Now I might go use my mom and dad's email addresses and some random ones i can find.

Now it's 110. And I'm watching Harry Shum and other LXD members on a live chat. YES! SO TIRED!

today i went to the barn early and was there from 9 to about 2. Adam wasn't there. Emily came and went but no sign of her brother. tsk tsk.

but i just wanted to show you something kind of weird. my birthday is 6-27. Adam's birthday is 8-7. you are probably wondering where i am taking this but hold on...okay. if you add 6+2 you get 8. so 6-27 turns into 6+2-7 which turns into 8-7 which is Adam's birthday. and you know im into the whole birthday date thing. like when the time is 6:27. but anyways isn't that awesome? it's like how Brian Edmonds's birthday is on the 27th (of March or May? i forgot). anyways is that cool or what? and the reason i figure that out is because for some reason i thought his birthday was today so i checked and it was actually the 7th and when i was outside today letting Pride eat some grass i started thinking about his birthday and such and for some reason i did that. anyways.

there will be no chance of me seeing him until Saturday and probably not then either because i'm not going to the barn in the morning. so yep.

and it was funny. today Carolyn was saying how she was turning part of the lower barn into a stall like thing for the Mule (4h wheeler, not a real mule) and she had "Adam, Emily's brother" helping her clean it out. it was just funny the way she had to explain who Adam was to me, like I didn't know. ha.

i think that is all i have to say. i am going to get a hair cut. just one. alrighty. i should read that stupid book but instead i'm going to watch tv on my computer and pack for Boston. chyeahhh.

i actually got to go out today.

today i wore white shorts. and two other people in my family decided to wear white bottoms too. yessssss. i put on mascara today. and it actually looked good. i don't know how it looks now. my hair looked very nice too until it got a bit frizzy out in the heat.

we went and saw a water show. it was a competition that went on all day but we just came for the last one. it was very good. there were a lot of cute guys around. i think Maura should start so that way when i get my license i can drive her to these things and hang around. then we can go to more competitions and stuff. yeah yeah.

there was a cute guy who was wearing a white shirt that had a black drawing type thing on the back and said "Wickford". he had blonde hair that almost looked like it could have been died a lighter blonde. he had a little brother also with blonde hair. they sat next to a girl and her mother. the girl was wearing a shirt that had like a design made with branches all around it and a bird. she had braces. her mother was wearing one of those big straw hats. the little brother sat between the girl and the guy. every once in a while they would lean over to say something to each other and i was able to see the smile on the girl's face. once the guy gave her a thumbs down when they were doing some dance thing. i hope they get together.

after that we went to friendly's. then to Westfield to the go-carts/batting cages/mini-golf/driving range/food type stuff. there were two cute guys running the go-carts, they were around my age. i said thank you after one of them tightened up my seatbelt. before they went around to make sure we were all set they did this hand shake. not like formally shaking hands. they did the whole one hand clasp then hit each other on the back sort of thing. like they were good friends type of thing. i am not sure if they do that before every time or if my presence influenced it. they never really said anything to me. but my dad was also right there, and my mother, and my two younger sisters. i was going to say thank you when we left but they were talking to each other about something. we were going to go back later but we never did. i wonder what their names are. i wish i could have figured out who they were type of thing.

so if you worked at the Westfield go-carts on August 1st (wait it's already August? crrappp.) from around 3pm to 6pm then contact me, alright? okkkayy.