this is the excitement i was talking about.

you know how i always say my life is boring and i want something to happen then i quickly say how i am so grateful for my life? well now i have something that sort of happened this adds "drama" but in a good sense. something that makes me happy and nervous but happy nervous. you know what i mean? something to think about but something good to think about.

Abby sent me a text last night which i got this morning stating this: "I know you wont respond to this tonight, unless you are up, but were you ever at all interested in josh?" to which i was like "what? yes." so the answer to her question is definitely yes. ever since he came to this school in eighth grade and was in my algebra class. yeah i am that precise. but then he started dating Avarie and i sort of stopped paying attention to him and i didn't have any classes with him. but i guess i didn't completely stop paying attention to him as you can see in my last post when i mentioned him. and when we went bowling and how i mentioned how i liked that he sat next to me.

anyways before i talk about what i think now i am going to review some old posts. so i'll be back in a second. crap i didn't have any good posts. so disappointed. i guess i wasn't as open back then. but you can sort of tell by the way i mention him since i had history class with him and that one scary non-fire drill fire alarm day. but anyways. yeah i definitely had a crush, or whatever, on him in ninth grade. i swear i must have talked in my blog at least once about how i used to think it would be so cool if Abby dated Colin and I dated Josh because Abby and I are like twins and they are part of a triple and yeah. i still don't believe i never did. maybe i didn't use his name and that's why. but anyways. yeah i was interested in him and then he started dating Avarie and continued dating her for a long while.

but what about now because apparently his mother volunteered me up when they were having the "let's think of girls Josh could date" discussion. now i am debating if i should type up Abby's note that i forced her to write for me. i am still trying to figure out how to destroy that. yep i'm going to write it out so Abby you can just skip this next part.

Molly,
So, my reasoning for asking my slightly personal questions as of late is because yesterday you came up in conversation topic being how Josh is girlfriend-less and Sharon asked if I knew of any girls who had a thing for him. I said there were a few who last I knew did (then being few weeks ago, and it was based off of how they acted) and then they threw a ton of names out and yours had been tossed out and Josh's whole mood changed and (im not sure how, he is hard to read) I wasn't sure if you did so I stopped and was ike "i'm not answering" meaning I had no idea, but I guess it was taken as you might. So then I needed to know so then I asked you, heading to PSAT's now!
-Abby

There you go. And then I asked Abby who it was that threw my name out and she said it was their mother, Sharon, and Colin had whispered to Abby earlier. but yeah i am sort of glad that my name was brought up. if i had heard of this conversation and my name wasn't brought up i might have been kind of sad since i have always kept Josh sort of as a possibility, along with a list of other guys.

but now i think Abby sort of wants to know what i think now. right? the thing is i am not really sure. it is definitely a possibility. but i would like to get to know him better cause i can't say any more than that right now. you know how i am about getting to know someone or what not. it would be nice just to have him as a friend if nothing else ever worked out. but now it is sort of awkward. like even today at the PSAT write-your-name-and-fill-in-the-bubbles thing i wasn't sure what to say or how to act around him and it was like i was nervous about what to say or do because i wanted to make a good impression or whatever. i guess that is a good thing? or it means that if i can't be myself around him then it will never be more than an awkward "hi, how are you? good." (coughcoughAdamMunska).

so Abby go ahead with whatever scheming you are doing. just know that i will most likely feeling nervous, but a good sort of nervous, and i am afraid that i will blow whatever chance i have. and i won't know what to say and i will be extremely self-conscious. even more so now that i know there is a chance that he could actually like me and thinks about me when i am not standing right in front of him. maybe don't for the whole "hey Josh want to come out with Colin and me? hey Molly want to come with Colin and me? oh look at you two!" cause i think that would be awkward to an extreme. maybe if you added Nicole or someone else? i am not sure. especially since i don't know him and i am not sure if i even like him. i like the idea of him more than the actually person currently. but maybe that could change.

now what do you think? any questions?