so sad.

i can't buy the Sons of Admirals' CD because i don't live in the UK. i want to live in the UK. everything is better there. i mean come on they have X-Factor and the Sons of Admirals. anyways i just wanted to mention that i really wanted to buy it but i freakin can't.

and i got absolutely nothing done today meaning tomorrow i am going to have so much to do. like completely revise an english essay. whatevs. "whatevs" is my new word. do you like it?

question: do i buy the song "Fuck You" or the song "Forget You"? they are the exact same song except every time the "Fuck You" song as "fuck you" the "Forget You" song says "forget you". They are completely different feelings. I mean if you are going to say "fuck you" to someone you aren't exactly forgetting them. maybe i won't buy it now. but i do like the song. it is definitely not the same song with "forget you"

and now i am even more frustrated because while i was on the UK itunes where i couldn't buy anything i was looking at the top singles and i listened to thirty seconds of a song called "Heart Vacancy" by The Wanted.

and now my dad just yelled at me because i didn't pick up the phone. he never said "Molly can you please pick up the phone" he just said "Maeve's that's probably for you" while he is sitting on the couch. and I said "Maeve's upstairs" and then he got off the couch and called into the computer room saying "Maura you in there?" and I said "Maura's right there." and then he said "why doesn't somebody pick up the phone?" to which i replied "why can't you?" and then he yelled at me saying that i was closer and i didn't need to answer him back. then he answered the phone, it was my mom, said maeve didn't need anything, hung up, and slammed it down on the table in front of me. then went back and watched his football. and i ran upstairs.

i think that settles it. i'm buying the Fuck You song.

can not wait until i go to college.

now i am stuck up in my room. i wanted to get my backpack together for tomorrow but nope i'm not going back down there. i wanted to get in the shower but now Maura is in there. she asked if i was getting in but that was right after daddy yelled at me so i just told her to get it the stinkin shower.

gah. bad mood. bad bad bad mood. why? because my father didn't want to get off the couch and stop watching football, he wanted me to get off the computer instead. selfish? or you could say that i am the selfish one because i didn't get up. at least i didn't yell. and he actually yelled. sometimes i say "yell" but really they just talked in that type of voice but nope he yelled. nice and loud. too bad the neighbors didn't hear and call the police. that would be nice. the policeman comes up and says "someone called saying there was some loud noise, what happened?" "oh don't worry sir, i was just yelling at my daughter because i didn't want to get off the couch and answer the phone. we are really just a loving and caring family. i just think my daughter is a lazy butt who doesn't do anything unless someone asks her first." OH YEAH DADDY? DO YOU THINK I GET FUCKING STRAIGHT As BY DOING NOTHING? YEAH?

sorry i am just really upset now. crying crying.

but i'm fine. don't worry. i guess i am lucky my father doesn't yell at me everyday. oh right he's working every other day. but yeah when he is home he normally doesn't yell. but i guess he just decided that not answering the phone is a worthy reason to yell at someone.

i have to go to school tomorrow. i don't want to. i just want to stop trying. but i will keep on going. tomorrow i will wake up at 6:30 and get ready for school. i will go to each class. i will do what i am supposed to. i will pass by Josh and Adam in the hallways and wonder what they thinking. i will deal with Steven on this project. i will smile and try to act positive. i will try to look good. i will walk through the hallways pretending that i have some confidence. i will do it. i just don't want to.

is maura out of the shower yet?

i need someone to cheer me up. no one will. maybe i'll watch that new video of Charlie's again because i'm lame like that. but i really just want to go to bed. such an awful mood. no one bother me.

okay going to get in the shower now and then go to bed. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

and this is proof that parents affect their children so much. to the extreme. just one little thing like that. that has scarred me for life. maybe not "scarred" me but definitely affected me. sorry father if you aren't living the life you always wanted but it's your fault i exist in the first place.

i really need to stop now and just go to sleep. oh right shower first. i have to be nice and clean for school. -_-