i'm a loser.

i'm doing homework on halloween night.
alright have to get back to that.
:(

i sent Taylor Mathews an email. now i'm freaking over what i said. what if i said something bad. would something different happen if i had said something different? i think i made it sound like i wanted him to come up here to visit during whole time and like Boston is not worth his time. but you know a day here and a day or two in Boston would be fine. but i didn't say that. but ah. i don't want it to sound like i'm some creepy stalker. but whatever. if he doesn't like the idea or whatever he doesn't have to respond or the worst that will happen is he will respond with some email saying "no way" and i'll be all sad and then i will continue on with my life and it won't really matter and i'll forget all about it.

but i really need to go to sleep now. it feels like it is midnight now.

Taylor Mathews, it was enchanting to meet you.

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I MET TAYLOR MATHEWS.

well it was one of those things where he came out and signed stuff. but HE KNEW MY NAME! what? what what? yeah that's what i said.

let me tell you the whole story. i would like to go to sleep but i think i need to document this now.

so Friday we went down to Foxwoods and I was wearing my Taylor Mathews t-shirt obviously. before we went down I posted on my facebook wall: "+ Maeve Ronan + Nancy Ronan + Taylor Mathews = [the event]" and I tagged all of us and the event but I don't want to write that out. And my name was before that. Anyways. on the way there Maeve made a poster that said "Taylor Mathews" with a big heart around it. And Maura was with us. And it was a grand ride down. The actual show itself was okay but the majority of people i think were old people. It wasn't the exciting concert-going crowd. So when Taylor Mathews came on we were the only ones screaming and no one was standing up or whatever. But he was definitely the best. Everyone else was good but he was for sure my favorite. Fighting Gravity is really cool so i have to mention them. And what I really liked was that you could tell that they were all real people. They weren't completely comfortable on stage. When 12 year old Christina was standing there while her sister was singing, she wasn't completely comfortable. She didn't know what do exactly. And when they talked it was obvious they aren't big stars but I like that. It's proof that these people were just average people. They were like me. And now they are on that huge stage. It shows that it is possible, you know? But anyways the show was pretty good. OH and during the intermission I was on my cellphone and I decided to check Taylor's twitter in case he went on it backstage. And he hadn't updated it lately but I @tagged him and said "@TaylorMathews1 just saw you sing live. We were the ones creaming in the back with the sign saying your name. 1 bird a stick & a stone <3" Just so you know "One Bird a Stick and a Stone" is the name of the original song he sang on the tour that I liked a lot.

Then after the show we waiting around in the Foxwood lobby near the Lion. Anna and Patryk came out first and I didn't even notice them at first. We didn't get their autograph or anything because the only reason we were actually there was because of Taylor Mathews. Then Jeremy the biker came out. Then when we were waiting for Taylor Mathews to come some guy walked by with a gray sweatshirt and these big silver headphones. And I told my mom that he is from Fighting Gravity so my mom yelled out "WOO FIGHTING GRAVITY!" and then every something screaming and cheering and the guy looked around and smiled and gave us a wave and kept walking. If it wasn't for me he would have just been able to escape without anyone knowing who he was. But he looked exactly like he did on T.V. he was even wearing the same outfit as he did in the interviews, he would always have those headphones around this neck. But since Fighting Gravity performs in the dark you don't get to see their faces.

Then Taylor Mathews came out. WOO! and there was a big crowd. and this one lady was like "you girls are so cute you have to get up there" and she helped us push our way up. we would have gotten there eventually but it was nice of her. and then right when we were about to get to him one of the people who works for the MGM theater yelled right in Taylor's ear to move back. so we all shuffled. then when we were all set i asked if we could get a picture and he said "yeah, Molly right?" and I was like "Yeah!" and he said "Oh don't you have a birthday coming up?" and I said "No..." and then he might have said something else, I'm not sure it was really noisy and people were saying stuff. But I said "But I got this t-shirt for my birthday" and he said something typical that you would respond like "Awesome" or "Oh yeah" or "That's great!" and I don't even remember. And then I got my picture taken. (And those pictures came out horrible. Well I looked horrible at least. Like really bad. Like I don't know if I even want them on facebook. My eyes were really wide and my smile looked so bad. But hey you can't blame me, I was in shock that he freaking knew my name!). And then as I was saying "Thank you!" he said "You're welcome! Oh do you want your shirt signed?" And I said "Yeah! Of course!" And he signed the back of my shoulder and guess what he wrote? He wrote "To: Molly! :) Taylor Mathews" I love that so much. He put my name on it and he put an exclamation point and I enjoy exclamation points. On all my binders after the subject I have a ! and for my name on my binders I just have "Molly!" and you know that I enjoy smily faces.

And then somewhere in all of this Maeve got her picture taken with him (which of course came out wonderful because Maeve always looks good in picture) and Maura got her picture taken with him (and yeah that one looks fabulous too) and then we got one all taken together (yeah i still look like crap). And then we were just waiting around and we held up the sign and starting cheering and he smiled and maybe said something. And we got him to sign the sign. Ha.

We were waiting around because we didn't know if we should leave or see if we could talk to him or whatever because the crowd was dying down. But I didn't know what to say to him. And as we were waiting Jeremy the biker was standing near and I noticed his sweatshirt said "Equestrian" on the back so my mom asked if he rode horse and yes he does. It happens he is the coach of a high school team, he even showed us on the front of his sweatshirt that it says "Coach". and he rides western and does drill teams and he taught his horse to lie down. And then my mom was asking about IEA and she asked if their team brought horses to their horse shows and he was like "yeah of course" so he probably thought we were crazy. but hey when we show we just show whatever horse we get. But then we wanted a picture with him. We didn't really care when he rode bikes but when he rides horses, yeah we want a picture.

And then we were getting ready to leave and my mom saw someone give Taylor a hug and she was like "Molly, you need a hug." and I was like "No way, let's go." I ended up winning and we just left. The reason why I didn't want a hug was because it would have been so awkward. You know he already wrote on my shirt and took a picture with me, I don't need a hug from him too. Maybe someday.

So we left. And we talked about it on the way home. Apparently back in June my mother had emailed Taylor asking if he would write me a birthday card and send it so I would have it for my birthday and it would be my birthday surprise. He emailed her back saying "Sure, I would love to!" and my mom sent back our address and stuff from her phone and he never emailed back or sent anything. And then maybe a month or so ago she emailed him asking if he was going to be signing and he emailed back and said yes he was. And then just a few days ago my mom emailed him again this time asking where exactly he was going to be signing because we had to drive back 2 hours and blah blah. and then mentioned how the girl who he was supposed to send a birthday card was coming and how he should wish me a belated birthday. And apparently he read it. But just got a little confused and thought it was coming up. But I had no idea that my mom had contacted him about birthday related things! I thought he got the wrong Molly had first.

But that was so awesome. So so awesome. Taylor Mathews knew my name.

WAIT. I'm not done. And then we got home around 1:30am and Maeve was on her laptop and said something like "Oh my god, Taylor Mathews commented on Mommy's status" or I thought he said Mommy but I think she said Molly. So I went and I looked through my mom status's on my phone and I didn't see any. But it happened to pop up that I had new emails so I went to check and I had an email that said Taylor Mathews commented on my status! OH MY GOODNESS! he hadn't commented on something that i posted on his wall. This was something i posted on my wall for all my friends to see and such and he commented on it! AHHHHH! take that Katelyn. anyways. that is almost better than meeting him altogether. but oh my goodness. that will be on my profile forever. And I took pictures just to make sure. I'll include them at the end of this.

But now I don't now how to comment back. And my mom wants me to email him and ask what he is doing for the couple of days he has off in Boston. and invite him to come up to Northampton and such. I might as well. Because while I want to make a good impression it's not like he is ever going to see me again. that was a lie. I am going to see him again. Yes indeed. Whether it is at another concert or actually talking and hanging out with him without a bunch of other people wanting to do the same thing. And maybe without my mother and father and maybe with friends? that would be nice.

He is shorter than me though. Which is sad. But anyways. It must be so weird for him to go from nothing to this. But I need to finish this up so I can send him an email which I am nervous about doing and then go to bed.

Today I woke up at 5am. Actually I was also awake from 12 to 2am. But you know. So i got three hours of sleep last night. And I would like to say that I can function with three hours of sleep. I always thought that I couldn't but I proved that wrong today. You know what? I won third place in my jumping class and FIRST PLACE in my flat class. I won my flat class. That makes me so happy. I won my flat class on three hours asleep and I had to go pee. So there you go. I'm just amazing. Maybe some of Taylor Mathew's amazingness rubbed off on my and helped me win that first place. I'll go more into the show tomorrow but now I need to sleep. Nighty night. It's 6:51 but it feels like 10:51. ahhh.

today is off to a good start.

that was sarcastic. yesterday was technically today and that was a very good start not sarcastically.

but i woke up at 5 am thinking we had to leave at 5:30. but nope we had to wake up at 5:30 and we're leaving at 6. oh okay. so i get to sit here and do nothing for a half an hour when i could have been sleeping. great. so great. the rest of today is going to suck.

quickly! i should be sleeping!

- i wish i was sleeping
- instead of going to bed i watched Modern Family and The Middle
- i didn't ride Pride
- rode Revy and then Cloud
- but no one else rode Pride
- and no one rode Max
- tomorrow is Friday
- i have to stay after to work on that project with Steven
- i am going to be very tired
- have a show to go to
- i am excited to go to that show
- the next day i have a horse show
- i am going to be very very very tired
- the song Innocent by Taylor Swift is a nice song
- in that song the lyrics are not "It's never too late to be brave"
- they are "It's never too late to be brand new"
- oh okay
- i'm in a good mood even though i should be asleep
- i am going to fall asleep until after ten probably
- wanted to fall asleep before nine
- wooohoooo
- love being a teenager
- that was a lie
- but i don't want to grow up
- do you like when i talk in bullets?
- well i guess these aren't bullets
- they are lines or dashes i guess is the correct term
- goodnight

i just watched a short on youtube about words. it was so awesome. then start with a clip of someone pressing a button that says "play" then they show a production taking place on a stage, then they show two girls running around in a circle on a playground, then they show a football coach talking to his team, then they show someone playing the trumpet, then they show someone's birthday party and more but i'm not going to list all of them.

now if you just read that it probably just sounds like a bunch of random clips. but it's not! all of the first clips mean "play". like the first one was obviously pressing play. then the next was a play on stage. then there were two girls playing. and then it was the football coach going over a play. then it was playing the trumpet. and from there it went from "play" to "blow" because he is playing the trumpet and blowing into it. so the next clip is blowing out birthday candles. and it is so just genius. they go through more words and there is always one clip that connects the word they were just showing with the next word. ah. i love it.

is it bad that i haven't ridden my horse in weeks? other people have ridden him but i haven't. i've written Max, Maeve's horse in my lessons. of course it is Carolyn who chooses who i ride and she has been putting me on Max and other people on Pride. i could ride him other days i guess but really i don't have time. ha. i can't say that i am busy or don't have time when i am writing in here because obviously i have enough time to write in here. yeah well this doesn't take two hours out of my time. but i may ride him later today because i am having a lesson at six and maeve's riding too so maeve will most likely ride Max so that means i'll be on Pride. i don't mind riding him. he has been very good the last two lessons and it's not raining out. so i would actually like to ride him today. i think my mom must of said something to Carolyn and that's why i haven't been riding him. but i don't know what she said. but anyways i hope i ride him today. he is still my baby boy.

and today in history we had to do a project where we made a utopian society. so i figured that Katelyn and I would get stuck with Heather and Ben but Emily wasn't here today so we worked with Jess and Cindy. it was good at first. Katelyn shared her idea of a "town crier" who is the only guy in a society and we throw rocks at him to make him cry. which was all good fun. but then it kept going back to katelyn and how she is so violent. and she would suggestion stuff about rocks. it was all joking and good fun but it got annoying. i don't think she contributed one good idea. actually i can say that pretty certainly. and then half way through the class Jess and Cindy starting sharing inside jokes and laughing and getting off track. so i just sat there awkwardly. we got it done but it was kind of annoying. there is a time for sharing stories about when you found out Santa isn't real and there is a time for working. in the middle of AP working on a project is a time for working. i can see a little bit of joking but really not that much.

anyways. i need to get ready for my lesson. tomorrow's friday.

560 yo!

yeah i wanted to be up in bed by now but i'm not.

just wanted to mention how earlier today i sent a message to Danny Hentz saying like "hey sorry i didn't respond to your wall post before, school's going well, hey we should do something, i might be having a party sometime, what do you think?, hey sorry this is so long, smilie face" and then just twenty minutes ago he posted "goodbye facebook for now! gotta life to get back to for a bit." and i was all like -_- because that means he must of read my message then posted that and that's it. thanks dude. no need to be inconsiderate to the people who don't have lives.

another thing i wanted to ask or discuss. you know that awkward second when you meet eyes with someone you weren't expecting to look at you OR you just happened to be passing by. those are two different things. the first one you are intentionally looking at but the other one you didn't mean to be looking at them which makes it even more awkward. but for that one second where eye contact is actually made each person is thinking about the other right? you have to think about who you are looking at. at least i do. unless i'm spacing or whatever but for that one second you are thinking about them because when you realize you are looking at them and they are looking at you, you immediately look away. right? this isn't just me? yeah but the reason i brought this up was cause it happened to me today. well it happens to me fairly often with different people but it happened to me today and i remembered it now. i was getting my stuff from my locker at the end of school and i stood up straight and i happened to look to my right and Josh was looking at me. or maybe he just happened to be looking at that way too. but there was that second where we were both looking at each other and i knew he must have thought about me for that one second and i was wondering what he was thinking. then i looked away. i am pretty sure i looked away first unless it was at the same time. for a while i tried not to look away but i sort of forgot about that. but yeah. it was just weird.

but now i am going to go listen to Taylor Swift and go to sleep. cause i was enchanted to meet you. SORRY that was an inappropriate use of that sentence. i am going to try to say that every time i meet someone and i was actually enchanted to meet them. but there are two different ways i could say it: (1) i was enchanted to meet you (2) it was enchanting to meet you

but other than those lines my favorite line, that i get stuck in my head all the time (i say all the time because the album just came out two days ago): "please don't be in love with someone else. please don't have somebody waiting on you."

today is october twenty seven.

i'm so tired. like too tired to do homework. so i am going to watch some youtube while i'm writing this blog. and maybe study. or i'll study during lunch. sounds like a plan.

oh i have a good line that could be good for a song. "If the sun decides to burn out, you got eight minutes." and you can run with the whole "eight minute" thing and it could have a catchy beat and be an awesome song. Mr. Cole you are good for something cause he was the one who said that.

just remembered what i was going to do. i'm going to tell you two stories.
story one: going to lunch Abby asked me to get her a milk for her cereal. i said sure. then i forgot. as i was paying for my lunch i realized i didn't get her milk. so i told her and she said "really?" and i was like "yeah, do you want me to go back up and get you one?" and she said "no no, i'll go get it" and she went and got her milk and that was the end of that.
story two: during science Katelyn asked if i had my IDS sheet and i said it was in my locker. she asked if i would give it to her during studying and i said sure. and then we went through the rest of science class and i went to my locker and she came with me. and then we get back to study hall and she turns to me and asks for the paper. and said "oh i forgot it" and she gives me a look and says "reeeeallly?" and i was like "yeah do you want to to go and get it?" and she was like "no. don't." and i told her to ask Jess if she had hers and she did and Jess didn't. and then Katelyn gave me more grief and i just got annoyed at her. it's not my fault she didn't have the paper.

did you see the comparison there?

but chyeah. and apparently yearbook order forms are due Friday but i never got a form and i didn't know that until now because the speaker is broken in my homeroom and the people in my homeroom are too loud so i can't hear it in the hallway. but whateves i have another day. i just have to remember to get the form tomorrow.

and i think that is all. here's my schedule for the next forever or two.
tomorrow: school, homework, riding lesson, sleep
Friday: school, staying after to work on the project, AGT show, meeting Taylor Mathews, sleep
Saturday: waking up too early, horse show, homework, sleep.
Sunday: sleeping for forever, homework, maybe halloween activities, sleep.
Monday and Tuesday: school, homework, sleep
Wednesday: school, riding lesson, homework, sleep
Thursday: school, AP test, homework, sleep
Friday: school, second half of AP test, homework sleep
Saturday: sleep, homework, Maeve's birthday
Sunday: horse show
Monday - Tuesday: school, homework, sleep
Wednesday: school, riding lesson, sleep, ALL NIGHT SKATE
Thursday: sleep, homework, sleep, sleep
Friday: school, Fantasia
Saturday: horse show
Sunday: sleep, homework, sleep

sounds like fun right? let me go finish my youtube videos so i can go to sleep at a ridiculously early hour.

edit: and i like the quote of the day
"The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;--
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed." – Charlotte Bronte (1816-1855)

sometime in my life i want to say to someone "I was enchanted to meet you" and really mean it. bonus points to him if he knows it is from a Taylor Swift song.

liliesarelike

Liliesarelike is the youtube channel of charlieissocoollike's mother. and I very much enjoy watching her. she makes me smile. and i just wanted to mention her and give you a little quote. so she made a whole video about "Teenage Love" and at the end she says "Would you like to say anything about teenage love Charlie?" and then Charlie who is off screen says "It's no good." so I guess ultimately it was Charlie who made me smile but i enjoyed hearing her stories about teenage love.

what do you do when...

you have an essay due tomorrow. you know it's not very good. you are tired. do you try to correct it or just print it off and hope that you get a decent grade? what if you know if you get a bad grade it could ruin your average? what if you are just afraid? what if i just want to print it off? does that mean i don't care?

whatever. i'm done with it. too tired to care. i'm sure i will care when i get it back.

so i stopped listening to Taylor Swift

to listen to The Wanted again. I very much like them. Their names are Max Geore, Siva Kaneswaran, Jay McGuiness, Tom Parker, and Nathan Sykes. when i watched the music video for Heart Vacancy i picked out my favorite right away. i just fought out that he is Nathan Sykes. and guess how old he is? 17. yep yep. everyone else is aged between 20 and 22. and the one that i picked out i liked the looks of the best happens to be a good age. he would be a senior if he actually went to high school. anyways. they are a fabulous band and are at the top of the charts in the UK. but i can't buy any other their songs in the US. illegal download? i hate doing that but i want to be able to listen to their songs on my ipod.

anyways. yo. homework time. correction. more homework time.

OHH. I almost forgot to mention. I just got back a test and a quiz and all my summer work in AP and I got As on all of it! YES! Seriously! it was like a 90, 90, and 92! do you know how amazing that is in an AP class! so happy. now even if i do horrible on the essay and not so great on the next test i'll still be okay!

and Katelyn is obviously bitter and jealous. i was going to go to my locker at the beginning of study hall and she whined at me and said "wait for meeee" and then was all like "cause i don't have free reign privileges" and then i was saying how i needed those since i lost my card or else i would be stuck here and she said "oh wellll" in the most annoying voice ever. and gaaaaaaaaaah. i don't need a friend like her. but i need a friend. so there we are. i hope she doesn't come to the all night skate. cause i am really looking forward to it and i don't want her to ruin it. but even if she does come i won't let her ruin her.

and now i'm listening to taylor swift again.

GUESS WHAT I'M LISTENING TO?

THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT CD! SO EXCITED!

night got even better.

decided to look up the song "Heart Vacancy" by The Wanted on Youtube and listen to it before i went to bed. watching the music video. and i love it so much. ah. okay going to see if youtube loaded it now.

i'm in a better mood.

i took a shower and rewatched Charlie McDonnell tell me why he is so nerdy. some other girl channelled him in a video to a "nerd-off" and he did it. i wish i was smart enough to have come up with that idea. but i made me smile watching it. and how he was all like "although i may not seem like it right now because i am quiet crazy and animated, i am in fact in person quite awkward and shy. being on youtube has built up my confidence quiet a lot but i am still pretty introverted. in fact if it wasn't for youtube i'd probably still now wouldn't know how to talk to other human beings. i'm just warning you if you ever do meet me in person, i'm not all DAHHH i'm more doohh."

me too Charlie me too.

and yes i did just rewatch that so i could make sure i quote him correctly. and yes i did have to pause it and rewind it a whole bunch because he talks faster than i can type.

and it's 8:20. goodnight.

so sad.

i can't buy the Sons of Admirals' CD because i don't live in the UK. i want to live in the UK. everything is better there. i mean come on they have X-Factor and the Sons of Admirals. anyways i just wanted to mention that i really wanted to buy it but i freakin can't.

and i got absolutely nothing done today meaning tomorrow i am going to have so much to do. like completely revise an english essay. whatevs. "whatevs" is my new word. do you like it?

question: do i buy the song "Fuck You" or the song "Forget You"? they are the exact same song except every time the "Fuck You" song as "fuck you" the "Forget You" song says "forget you". They are completely different feelings. I mean if you are going to say "fuck you" to someone you aren't exactly forgetting them. maybe i won't buy it now. but i do like the song. it is definitely not the same song with "forget you"

and now i am even more frustrated because while i was on the UK itunes where i couldn't buy anything i was looking at the top singles and i listened to thirty seconds of a song called "Heart Vacancy" by The Wanted.

and now my dad just yelled at me because i didn't pick up the phone. he never said "Molly can you please pick up the phone" he just said "Maeve's that's probably for you" while he is sitting on the couch. and I said "Maeve's upstairs" and then he got off the couch and called into the computer room saying "Maura you in there?" and I said "Maura's right there." and then he said "why doesn't somebody pick up the phone?" to which i replied "why can't you?" and then he yelled at me saying that i was closer and i didn't need to answer him back. then he answered the phone, it was my mom, said maeve didn't need anything, hung up, and slammed it down on the table in front of me. then went back and watched his football. and i ran upstairs.

i think that settles it. i'm buying the Fuck You song.

can not wait until i go to college.

now i am stuck up in my room. i wanted to get my backpack together for tomorrow but nope i'm not going back down there. i wanted to get in the shower but now Maura is in there. she asked if i was getting in but that was right after daddy yelled at me so i just told her to get it the stinkin shower.

gah. bad mood. bad bad bad mood. why? because my father didn't want to get off the couch and stop watching football, he wanted me to get off the computer instead. selfish? or you could say that i am the selfish one because i didn't get up. at least i didn't yell. and he actually yelled. sometimes i say "yell" but really they just talked in that type of voice but nope he yelled. nice and loud. too bad the neighbors didn't hear and call the police. that would be nice. the policeman comes up and says "someone called saying there was some loud noise, what happened?" "oh don't worry sir, i was just yelling at my daughter because i didn't want to get off the couch and answer the phone. we are really just a loving and caring family. i just think my daughter is a lazy butt who doesn't do anything unless someone asks her first." OH YEAH DADDY? DO YOU THINK I GET FUCKING STRAIGHT As BY DOING NOTHING? YEAH?

sorry i am just really upset now. crying crying.

but i'm fine. don't worry. i guess i am lucky my father doesn't yell at me everyday. oh right he's working every other day. but yeah when he is home he normally doesn't yell. but i guess he just decided that not answering the phone is a worthy reason to yell at someone.

i have to go to school tomorrow. i don't want to. i just want to stop trying. but i will keep on going. tomorrow i will wake up at 6:30 and get ready for school. i will go to each class. i will do what i am supposed to. i will pass by Josh and Adam in the hallways and wonder what they thinking. i will deal with Steven on this project. i will smile and try to act positive. i will try to look good. i will walk through the hallways pretending that i have some confidence. i will do it. i just don't want to.

is maura out of the shower yet?

i need someone to cheer me up. no one will. maybe i'll watch that new video of Charlie's again because i'm lame like that. but i really just want to go to bed. such an awful mood. no one bother me.

okay going to get in the shower now and then go to bed. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

and this is proof that parents affect their children so much. to the extreme. just one little thing like that. that has scarred me for life. maybe not "scarred" me but definitely affected me. sorry father if you aren't living the life you always wanted but it's your fault i exist in the first place.

i really need to stop now and just go to sleep. oh right shower first. i have to be nice and clean for school. -_-

hey i tried.

i tried doing some homework. i got through two IDSs. i was aiming for four. then i did nothing for some time between a half an hour and an hour. it wasn't working. then Taylor Mathews posted on his blog and i swear that kid thinks like i do. but whatever he is a famous pop star and i am sitting in my bedroom eating candy.

i can't even concentrate on this blog. i'm all over the place. gah.

maybe i'll work on that video. good idea molly.

i should be:
- working on my essay
- studying for a chemistry quiz
- studying for a math test
- doing IDSs

what i am doing:
- listening to music
- talking you guys

guess what? today i walked in the hallway without a pass. it felt so fabulous. that is probably the best part about being in academic society. except maybe the whole part that colleges like it. but anyways. it was fabulous.

i was in a good mood for some reason today. probably because it was a half day. and i had a fabulous outfit which i am still wearing. it is a big sweater that is oversized in certain spots and it just fits me well. it's not thick and chunky either. it looks fabulous with my skinny jeans and necklace. yeah i looked good. and i guess i still look good since i am wearing the same thing as before. i was disappointed that not many people got to see me looking so wonderful because it was a half day then the seniors in my study hall weren't there because they got to leave since i had study hall last today. sadness. but whatevs yo.

i'm going to go study for the chemistry quiz. yes yes.

thanks to a random freshman who goes to my school that i am friends with on facebook:

"Its what you do and say that makes you who you are. Makes you think about 'think about it'. Doesn’t it? Sometimes all it takes is one voice."

grumble grumble yeah i know. but it hasn't hit home yet because i haven't made a change have i? being silent is so much easier.

"music and ice cream are the two most popular things in the world...that's a fact"

that was a quote from Struan Shields in a little vlog he made. i think it is very true. duh he said it was a fact.

and relating to the music thing: we were all waiting in the drama room to do our little induction thing. (yeah i had to be "inducted" into the academic society tonight). well i was standing off to the side near the piano with Renee and Vicky, trying to ignore the stuck up loud obnoxious girls on the other side of the room (cough cough Katherine McKemmie). then Sam Hanson came over and played the piano. he was really good. then he went back with the rest of the seniors, because we were clearly divided by the seniors and juniors, except for Ian who hung out with the seniors cause they actually have guys in the academic society. then Sam came back over a little bit later and started playing and singing. guess what he played and sang? Hot 'n Cold by Katy Perry. it was fabulous. right before he stopped Katherine was like "is he singing?" and then he walked away and she said in her obnoxious voice "what were you singing?" and he said "nothing" and i just smiled quietly to myself (you can't exactly smile loudly) and she said "oh you're a good piano player" and he said "thanks" and then she turned back to the circle of girls around her and said "that was awkward". i just don't like her at all. the way she complains about everything and how she thinks she is the greatest. and she talks down everyone else and it just annoys me so much. gahh. but anyways Sam Hanson was wonderful. too bad this whole academic society thing includes obnoxious people like Katherine and we only meet once a month for a little bit. it's not like i'm going to really talk during this stuff because there are so many of us. but whatever. don't really care. maybe Sam with will Katy Perry again some day.

the actual induction went fine for all i know. whatever yeah yeah? my aunt Julie showed up and my gramma and grampa. ha. at least they gave me gifts. and then auntie julie starting saying how Ian had grown and how that tall guy over there has good looks, or something to that extent. i didn't turn around to see who she was talking about because it was obviously Ryan. we followed him all the way to the school. he pulled out of his driveway the same time we did and we followed him all the way there.

anyways. i jumped 2'9" today on Maeve's pony, Max, and he was so good. and that's the highest i have ever jumped.

so it was a good day. i didn't do any homework other than working on my essay. but that was all i had. i made sure that any homework i would possibly have i did before and it's a half day tomorrow. yippee.

so yo yo. i don't know what else to write. i don't really want to go to bed but I'm tired. this is a reoccurring theme isn't it? i'm thinking about getting some ice cream but i don't think i am going to.

i just became friends with Kelsey Platanitis on facebook because she added me. she is in the horse world and i've heard her name before but i am not exactly sure who she is. but anyways this was on her profile: "In my sport, there is no off season. My teammate is 1,000 pounds and we communicate without words. We practice for hours each day when we only get two minutes to shine. There are no timeouts. This is my sport. I am an Equestrian. ♥" There you go.

i think i am done now. i just sighed. my life. i wish that...i am not even sure what. that's the problem. i'm happy. i'm content. but maybe not to the fullest i could be. outside of my family there are only about five people who have seen who i really am. the rest see the bottled up silent Molly who is awkward. that's frustrating. but you know whatever.

i need to stop complaining i might sound like Katherine McKemmie. i bet you if she ever reads this she will start complaining and then she will start saying all these "heinous" words about me. don't really care. i am sure that everyone will know her opinion about her being mentioned in this blog.

i don't want to think about her. i need something good to end on. i can't think of anything.

it's 8:58 woohoo. "the club can't even handle me right now"

i have to do a project with Steven Cowley and i'm not really looking forward to it. the whole partner thing and we have to make a poster. why couldn't i have gotten Emily or Jess or Cindy or Dimitri or even Ian or Katelyn? whateves that project will be over in a little more than a week and i'll be on to other stuff.

it's 9:00 woohoowooohoo.

9:02

don't be shy - burnham

wasn't that long ago
that i laid my eyes on you
my heart skipped a beat or two
oh oh oh
now you're just catching on
what you're feeling is love
i guess this means i'm the one
oh oh oh
oh it's okay if you're afraid
that's natural
but first off baby let me say
don't be shy
cause i feel what you're feeling too
it's alright
i'll make the first move
and pretty soon you'll realize
those are all just butterflies
so don't be shy
just put your hand in mine
oh oh oh
baby don't be shy
oh oh oh
no baby don't be shy
i know you're feeling so
nervous and uncomfortable
it's okay just let it go
oh oh oh
cause there's a voice thats telling you
get up and try something new
that's the one that you should listen to
oh oh oh
oh it's okay if you're afraid
that's natural
but first off baby let me say
i'm here for you
so don't be shy
cause i feel what you're feeling too
so it's alright
i'll make the first move
and pretty soon you'll realize
those are all just butterflies
so don't be shy
just put your hands in mine
you can't use logic to justify
what's in your soul
oh there are some things you just can't find
so let love fly
don't be shy
cause i feel what you're feeling too
so it's alright
i'll make the first move
and pretty soon you'll realize
those are all just butterflies
so don't be shy
just put your hands in mine
don't be shy
cause i feel what you're feeling too
so it's alright
i'll make the first move
and pretty soon you'll realize
those are all just butterflies
so don't be shy
just put your hands in mine
don't be shy
baby don't be shy
don't be shy
baby don't be shy

_______

yes i just typed out all those lyrics. yes i listened to the song and then wrote the lyrics as i went along. yes i did have to pause a few times. yes at the end i copy and pasted a bit. yes this song is called "Don't Be Shy" by Burnham. yes it just came out today and yes i just bought it today. yes i know that is is very relevant to my life. yeah.

before i go to sleep, since i'm still up anyways...

shout-out to Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zain Malik, Louis Tomlinson, and Liam Payne.

(:

you didn't think that i was just going to post that once today?

actually i was planning on not posting at all today. it's a bad addiction or habit or whatever this is. but now this is my second post.

i don't have anything to say really but hi. oh. i guess i should talk about the academic society. i wish there weren't so many kids in it. there are like 17 new juniors so i just get lost in the crowd of all the other girls with a 92 or higher average. whateves. it's good that we have such smart children.

the induction ceremony is a little bit ridiculous. it's like walk here in a nice line. sit down. stand up. slide over. get your rose and such. sign a book. go back into line. slide over. stand there. turn to your right. stand there and have everyone stare at you. and that's it. you are now part of the academic society. meaning i have to maintain a 92 or higher average or else...off with my head.

hey at least Ryan Thornhill and Sam Hanson are in it so maybe i'll figure out who they are just in time for them to head off to college. coolio. but hey they have no idea that there names have even crossed my head let alone my blog. and let's keep it that way because this thing is really creepy in all sorts of ways. really. just creepy. i'm a creeper. well not really. instead of keeping all the thoughts i have in my head i just write them down in here. or type them in here. so everyone else has the same creepy thoughts as me.

i would like to quote my sister Maeve. my mom and dad are going to see a concert of the band Massive Attack tomorrow. so Maeve was looking up some of the songs and my dad told her to play one and she did and a little ways in she said "Oh I know this song!" then she paused for a couple of seconds then said, "It's horrible!" and I laughed.

i need to paint my nails. not sure if i will do that tonight or not. again i'm writing in this blog so i don't feel bad about doing nothing when i could be doing history homework or reading Ceremony. really i'm a slacker. and a lazy bum. but it's a secret. shhhhh. but i get my work done when it has to be done. i guess Ceremony was supposed to be done for today but it's not but whatever.

i forgot about this post. it's 8:32 now. the last time i wrote something was 8:04. i think that is a sign that i'm tired.

edit: think about this:
"Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence." – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
that's worthy enough for facebook

no motivation to do homework.

grumble grumble.

in march i had 71 posts. what the heck?

yeah i don't know what i posted so much then.

but i just went and read all the posts from the beginning of March to March 17th. i haven't changed at all. really. it's sad. but there was a cute paragraph when i beat myself up for not talking to Adam Munska during history class. and that was before he started working at the barn. so there you go.

i feel bad for Maeve. she invited Erika and Frankie to come to the spooky sleepover a couple days ago, they said they were pretty sure they could come. then she asked them again today if they could come and they said they were going to McCrays, which has a spooky hayride thing. And they made the plans after Maeve had asked them to come over to her house that day. And they didn't invite Maeve. So they pretty much said "Yeah I know you invited us over but we would rather go someplace else without you." That's one way to find out who your true friends are. So peace to you Franki, you won't be getting a "hi" in the hallway anymore.

that reminds me. i have school tomorrow. maybe i should get myself together and go to bed instead of reading stupid posts from March. but hey i was interested in those posts for a while but then i grew bored. so if you are some random person going through and reading all these posts, i don't blame you if you are bored and stop reading. i tend to ramble and talk about nonsense but every once in a while there is a good line in there like "i'm human, you're human, let's relate!" i just quoted myself from this blog in March. wow.

yeah i'm kind of sick of high school.

college seems a lot more appealing.

all the boundaries and expectations and stereotypes will just disappear. at least i really hope they will.

or i could be one of those amazing people and say "fuck boundaries and expectations and stereotypes, i'm going to do what i want when i want and i'm going to talk to who i want when i want to and say what i want and i am not going to give a damn what everyone else thinks." but i'm not one of those amazing people because i don't swear.

i need to stop posting in this blog so much.

it's weird knowing that other people are talking about you.

and it's weird not really knowing how you feel.

it's not like a want a relationship. i'm not looking for one. but i'm keeping my eyes open. i guess i really should be keeping my heart open but i don't think that is really happening.

so i'm not upset at all. or frustrated. or anything really. i'm like whatever. because all that has taken place tonight is a bunch of words were exchanged via little pixels on some sort of electronic device. sure feelings were shared but feelings change all the time. i'm not hoping they change but they do. and i think that face-to-face encounters speak louder than all this jazz.

but at the same time i am not sitting at the edge of my sitting saying "oh my goodness! he doesn't like me. he doesn't want a relationship. ah! my life is over! this is horrible! and he knows i like him! and he doesn't like me! this is awful! this is the worst ever!" no way is that me. not at all. i am probably pretty much the opposite. i couldn't care much less. yeah he has a good guess that i like him and while that does change how you think about people i don't think it is that big of a deal. it could be a good thing cause look at this: the only reason why this happened is because i found out there was a good chance that he could possibly like me. so there you go.

i'm trying to think if there is anything else i should say to make sure you understand where i'm at. and i don't want to get you tangled in all of this. but too late for that eh?

in summary i'll give you bullet points.
- i am not going to be up all night thinking about this. i will probably fall asleep the second i lie in my bed and sleep through the whole night.
- tomorrow i won't be thinking about this all day. i'll have more important things to worry about. BUT still text me please please please.
- i am not too worried all around really. like if something good happens then that's good. if nothing happens then whatever i'm not worse off than i was before.
- i don't like the word "like". it's more of a "possibly interested but we have never talked before i so really have no idea".
hahaha what if you sent that in a text. "You're asking because you know someone who is possibly interested but we have never talked before so she really has no idea." "You must know of someone who is possibly interested in you but you guys have never talked so she doesn't really have any idea." That would be a good conversation.
- Friends first people.
- Whatever yo.
- In the words of Seventeen magazine: "If something is meant to be with a guy, it will happen - you shouldn't have to work too hard."
- If I was to make a prediction about what is going to happen here my guess is that after one or two awkward meetings this will all slip away and make a wonderful story. but hey we won't know what will happen until we try, right?

crap. i still haven't cleaned my boots yet.

three things to mention.

let me see if i can remember all of them. i knew i should of written them down.

remembered.

Seventeen are you trying to say something? I took a quiz titled "Are you addicted to Drama?" so i have to read the statements and if it is true to my life i have to check it. because i find that some of these statements are so relevant to my life i feel as though i need to include them and a little response afterwards...
"It takes you a while to warm up to new guys - you feel most comfortable around the dudes you've known forever." Yep. And there are no guys I've known for forever so I guess just the first part.
"If something is meant to be with a guy, it will happen - you shouldn't have to work too hard." My mentality. Or at least the mentality I tried to tell myself.
"If your crush found out how often you check his Facebook profile, you'd be beyond embarrassed." Ha. For a while if you typed in "A" into my search bar on facebook Adam would be the first one who came up and the same with "D" and Danny. Actually let me check if that is true. You should be proud of me. For "A" Abby Lynn if the first one and Adam doesn't even appear and for "D" Dana is first and then Danny. Anyways. Yeah that does apply.
"You don't mind listening to your friends' gossip but you rarely tell your own stories - you like to keep your stuff private!" This one doesn't really apply because I don't have any stories to tell.
"Those guys at parties who seem like they're trying to show off on the dance floor or hit on every girl in the room seem totally fake to you." Preach!
So all of those statements were in the color pink so..."(mostly pink) you need MORE drama! You like to keep your relationships under the radar, but sometimes your laid-back attitude about dating keeps you from taking any chances. Next time you go out, text your crush or say hi to a new guy. It's scary to take yourself off the sidelines and play the game-but it's way more fun."

Now if this wasn't enough Seventeen had to say this in my horoscope: "Okay, so sometimes your shyness can get in the way of chatting up guys. Bu things will be different this month! When Venus and Pluto join up on the 1st, you'll take the initiative and post a cute comment on your crush's Facebook. Game on, Cancer!"

alright Seventeen. I think I get what you're trying to say. grumble, grumble. who knows if i will change my ways though. i don't really care. that was a lie.

that was number one.

number two. i really like watching youtube videos. i wish i could meet these people. like Cassandra in her nerdzrl blog. and Dan from Dan3.0 and Sam and Kurt and their music videos. watching them do D.J.'s Got Us Falling In Love Again made me smile a lot. so that's my random note. which leads me to the third thing.

i think i could be awesome in the music industry. not singing or playing instruments, even though i would like to be a singer/drummer. i think i would be good with the business and behind the scene stuff. i could be a producer or some organizer or i don't know. just do coolio stuff.

and i think that is all i have to say. kind of boring i guess. that's because i have no drama in my life. apparently Seventeen magazine thinks i need more.

so i may not own a horse anymore.

yeah i might be selling Pride to Carolyn.

don't want to talk about it. i don't want to cry.

going to read Seventeen magazine.

i don't want to build up a relationship that could happen.

i want a relationship to just happen. i don't want it to be forced. i want it to be spontaneous. i want to be surprised at how well we get along together.

that could happen with anyone. that's what is so cool. ehh?

this is contradicting my last post a bit isn't it? but hey even if i do build up something that could happen, it could happen, and surprise me that it happens so well and nicely and better than i really thought it would. so there you go.

since you care about my life enough to be reading this i'm going to tell you about it.

hey. -head nod and slight smile-
i'm molly. -bigger smile-
oh yeah?
i'll shut up now.

sorry. i'm tired.

but i had a wonderful time with Abby at the movies. the movie was really good. I liked seeing how facebook was put together. of course who knows who true that story actually is. i would like to be believe it's true.

the Rivards never showed up but that's perfectly fine. sure i would have liked for them to be there but them not being there didn't make me have less of a good time. if you can follow that. i enjoy seeing abby outside of school.

WOAH FACEBOOK JUST CHANGED AGAIN. i wonder who was wired in and did that. the groups have been updated and now the little friends on chat thing is all pictures instead of the names with the pictures.

anyways. hi. what was i talking about?

i need to watch the Rocky Horror Show, the original. I've never seen it before and Glee is doing a whole episode on it and if i don't watch it i won't get anything. i'll do that in my free time.

that was supposed to be funny because i don't have any free time. two magazines came in the mail today but i'm not going to have any time to read. tomorrow: wake up, go have my lesson, go right to Mt. Holyoke to help set up, go home, do homework, go driving because i have a reputation for not using my car and everyone is getting upset that i have a car that i don't use and i am also getting a reputation for not liking driving and katelyn apparently thinks i'm a bad driver because abby told her that but abby said she never did but whatever katelyn aggravates me a lot but i don't want to talk about her. then go to sleep. then wake up and go to the horse show for the whole day. next day is monday. i have a history quiz. then i have an essay due at the end of the week. and all the other school activities. then the next weekend is the 4h halloween party which i am supposed to help decorate for which i wish i hadn't signed up for, and then spooky sleepover. i am kind of hoping someone invites me to a better party so i don't have to be there for that. but whatever.

now what do i talk about? 1) nothing 2) random things no one talks about 3) something relevant to my life now and respond to abby's post, i could talk to her about it in person but we know how that goes. actually we don't know how that goes because we don't talk about things like that. we should. like we should talk on the phone more often like we did today except for the fact when i'm on the phone everyone can overhear what i say. anyways.

now i'm not sure what to say. i liked that last post. and i am trying to figure out exactly what i want to say. because what i say now may be referred to in the future and other people could eventually read this. so. Abby i want you to "set me up" or whatever. why? because i'm too afraid to do it myself. and because if abby thinks it could work then there is a good possibility something could work out. but even beyond that. if it doesn't work out at. i wouldn't be mad or upset at abby. i need to have things not work out or a "broken heart" because i have no experience. well i don't have any experience having my heart together...or whatever the opposite of a broken heart is. so that might be nice too. but i am getting way too ahead of myself. so i need to step back. and that is what i am going to do. i may not mention or say anything but i am paying attention. i will notice every time he is in the same area of me. and yes that is because of you abby. but hey there has to be some reason doesn't there?

i am not sure if that paragraph was a good thing to write or if i should of just went to sleep when i got home. but i am sort of on the edge of my seat. not literally i'm actually slouching with my back on the back of the chair and my butt firmly in the middle of the chair. anyways. it's the "if" and "what" and "maybe" and "when" that is killing me. that is why i want them to come so i could just see how it went the first time. just have something. the seed was planted in my head and it freaking grew.

but at the same time it's not that big of a deal. it just seems like it now because i'm talking about it. i would be perfectly fine if i never talked to josh again in my life. that's the truth. really. but i could be better than perfectly fine if i did talk to him. "could be". i don't know.

i want to get all my "what ifs" out. and since i'm already awake and on the topic why not. then i won't ever have to visit this topic again until something does happen. what if i find out i really like him? what if i find out i really don't like him? what if i find out he likes me and i don't like him? what if i find out i like him but he doesn't like me? what if i never find out? what if we go roller skating together and it is absolutely amazing? what if he read this blog? what would happen if abby copy and pasted this post and gave it to him tomorrow because she believed that it would be the best thing to do (even though it absolutely wouldn't because that would just create awkward situations because you need to establish a relationship offline and with spoken words before you can elaborate on that relationship through the written words, right? right)? what if nothing ever happens and i am sounding like an idiot right now talking about all this? what if in the future i wish i had never written this post? what if i'm so tired that i am letting my tired brain get the best of me? what if i'm not thinking of him as real person and i'm just thinking about him as an idea and i'm being stupid?

i can answer that last question.

this would write this post and post it at 10:36pm. in other words that is what happened.

in conclusion: ignore this post.

excited.

going to the movies tonight with Abby! yayayayyyy!

that was like a facebook status or twitter update. so unbloglike. but i'm posting it.

i would be dead right now...

if i wasn't breathing. or if the lockdown drill we had today was for real. because our whole class left before we were supposed to. the police unlocked our door and said we were "all set to stay in our classroom" but when the bell rang for third period we looked in the hallway and everyone on the second floor was out so we just left. turns out we were supposed to wait for the announcement. so that sucks. and it means our school sort of failed our test. we will probably have to do it again until we get it right. but anyways.

i am not going to the movies this weekend. looking up those movie times was a waste of me wasting my time. but whatever. i am not really mad at Abby cause she is babysitting and all she does is either work at Mt. Tom's or babysits or has some family thing. i'm more mad at myself because i pretty much have two opinions of people i would want to go to the movies with. in other words: i have no friends. ha. it isn't funny at all actually. but let me reasoning for why i think i only have a few friends.

1 - Katelyn is in all my classes so i don't feel the need to make new friends. I explain this a bit last time.
2 - I never know what to say to people. I really don't. Small talk doesn't really work for me.
3 - In addition to number two, I am too nervous to actually start a conversation. You know say that first sentence. Walk up to someone out of the blue and just talk to them. People don't do that at my school.
4 - I don't "need" friends. Well anymore than I have. If Abby decided she didn't like me anymore then I may be in trouble. Like emotionally or mentally, I would probably break down. Then if Katelyn decided she didn't like me anymore, I mean less than she might now, then everyday would just be so much worse. And if Dana decided she didn't like me anymore then riding would just be torture. But other than those three friends I'm fine.
5 - I'm scared.

Look at that. I'm actually making lists and organizing my post instead of making giant paragraphs. Congratulations. Yes, I just congratulated myself. BUT HEY i tried to talk to Keith Cotinor today because we were the only two in 3rd period because everyone else was still in lock down. I said "Keith, what class were you just in?" and he just walked out of the room. I was just like "whatever Keith, just walk away." but I didn't say that out loud. I didn't really care and it wasn't that important, I just thought that I would let you know that I did try to start a conversation.

So I decided that I am going to sit back and wait for people to come to me.

But not really.

Why not?

Because I'm scared.

But I'll elaborate on that. I'm scared that I will miss out on someone amazing. Boy or girl, boyfriend or friend. Like because I didn't say Hi to them then they will never say Hi to me and then we will never get to know each other and I just let an amazing person leave my life. But the thing is I'm not acting on thoughts that maybe that person would be a cool person to know. Instead I beat myself up because I don't talk to them. But yeah.

I think that is all. I should do some IDSs. or some math homework. or not. or maybe so. or ahhh. just kidding. i'm not actually screaming or "ahhh"ing about this. i just don't want this blog post to end. but it's going to. right now.

third post today. you know it.

and i don't even have anything major to talk about. i'm just in a good mood. because i wasn't overwhelmed by homework and everything went right today. hopefully the rest of the weekend will as well. i wouldn't want it to go left.

but look at the quote of the day via blogger: "There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time." – Edith Wharton (1862-1937)
i liked it. it made me think. it's like to be comfortable where you are then stop trying to be "happy". she takes it one step farther and says that if you decide not to be happy then hey you'll be comfortable all the time and "have a fairly good time". i think that is a good way to think about. stop trying to be happy and just accept what you have. then you'll be happy in a sense. got it?

like i should stop worrying about all the guys and other people and stop trying to get that happy life. partly because i am happy with my life currently but also because i should be happy. so good thing i am. i guess i will stop trying to get the better life. i don't know it actually don't really apply to me. whatever. i'm scattered minded or whatever. tired. yeah that.

someone made a guide on how to be your favorite glee characters for Halloween. too bad i don't have a party to go to and i don't go trick-or-treated. well i am going to a 4h party but i don't really want to do it for that party. yeah i don't know. i don't even know who i would be.

abby i can't believe you actually read this and enjoy it. actually i don't know if you enjoy reading this? i don't know if you like it when you visit my blog and see there are five posts you haven't read. maybe you're like "oh great now i have to read all of this just so i can know what is going on with molly". appologizes if that is the case but i'm not changinnngng. if it's not the case then i am glad that you like reading this.

i guess that would be the real test of if a guy really belongs with me. if he can endure this blog. like if he can read this and actually likes to read it and it makes me smile and go like "molly you are so amazing and awesome and wonderful and i can't believe you write such an amazing and awesome and wonderful blog" or something along those lines. but the thing is i can't show this blog to anyone. he has to endure tests before that. that last sentence sounds so bad like i'm going to "test" him. give him a set of obstacles to go through or a multiple choice test. question number one: if Molly is playing with her necklace what does that mean? a) she is bored with you b) she is nervous c) nothing d) it depends on the situation, what she is saying, and what is happening around her e) none of the above. and then if he gets a 90 or above he is deemed worthy. sorry but it doesn't work like that. not at all. it's more if we get along, or if we get on. like the Kate Nash song. after i'm done listening to this Glee song i'm going to go listen to that Kate Nash song. anyways. but i guess he does have to prove himself in a way. but he does that by being himself not by a series of multiple choice questions and open response. but hey that would make it a lot easier. give every guy in the world and whoever scores the best wins. but that wouldn't work because he would have to spend time with and be able to understand me and just get it. like he would see me playing with my necklace enough times that when that question came up he could give me a long explanation about it because he pays attention. or whatever. see this is just my mind going crazy because i'm tired and i'm lazy and don't want to get up and go to bed. no wonder i'm so tired every day, i just don't go to sleep. instead i waste time on this stupid blog. this whole giant paragraph is ridiculous.

but Charlie McDonnell's blog isn't ridiculous. his is wonderful.

OH I NEED TO LOOK UP MOVIE TIMES in case i actually get to go out on Saturday. let me write them all out here so it takes longer before i go to bed. and it's going slow so yay even more tired tomorrow. ladida it's not loading. well it is but it's going really slow. oh it's loaded. oh i clicked the wrong button. now i have to wait for it to go back and load again. which it just did. now i am going to press the correct button. okay the Social Network which would be a good choice if there are people joining Abby and I is at 4:20 and 7:15 for possible times. I would like the 4:20 showing time the best. Easy A which i would like to see if it was just Abby and I is at 4:25 and 7:30, again 4:20 being the ideal time. there is another movie out that i had never heard of before It's Kind of a Funny Story which is about a boy who goes to a mental hospital and the trailer looks pretty good and the ideal time that one is at 4:50. but the Social Network at 4:20 is still my top choice of a movie to see. i really just want to get out and do something fun. or really something not relating to horses or homework or my house. i want to get out of my house. and lately the only time i do that is to go to the barn. i want to put on some makeup because i'm going out. even if i don't see anyone i know other than abby who sees me when i look like a mess. actually she doesn't see me when i look like a mess as much as the barn people do because i really don't care what i look like when i go there.

okay now i need to sleep so i will have energy to do homework tomorrow so then i won't have as much to do on Saturday and i can go to the movies. alright. sounds wonderful.

another accomplishment

accomplishment: I just went to scratch off my iTunes giftcard to redeem it and I actually had a coin. You know how it says "scratch off gently with a coin" well before two seconds ago I have never had a coin and I have to find something else to use or go searching around for a coin. I actually had a coin in my pocket. So proud of myself. I'm glad I bought those goldfish today so i would have that fifty cents.

life goals and current accomplishments.

Life Goal: Meet Charlie McDonnell. (requires talking to him and making an impression so he can say "I just met Molly Ronan" and then he can remember me and be like "Oh yeah, I know Molly Ronan" and then find that he enjoys being in my presence so much that he says "Hey Molly Ronan, want to come hang out with me and my wonderful friends, Alex Day, Tom Milsom, Edd Plant, and any other amazing people that we are hanging out with?" to which i would reply "Yes please and thank you.")
More Realistic Life Goal: See Charlie McDonnell With My Eyes (doesn't require actually talking to him. just seeing him from a distance so i can say that i saw Charlie. could include going to a concert or some sort of youtube meeting or whatever he does in the future)

Current Accomplishments: I am listening to the Sons of Admirals, which includes the people mentioned above, sing the theme song of Arthur in an amazing way. I so much love this wonderful band. And I love Tom's blue hair and pink hat and Charlie shirt and glasses. And I love Edd's voice and song, You Are Not There, which I am actually listening to now because the Arthur song ended. And I love Alex's wonderful presence and tambourine and whistling skills. And I love Charlie's skills on the egg shaker.
Another Accomplishment: I did seven IDSs today. Before that I was way behind on them but now I am closer to being on track. So I am happy that the only homework i had to do was that and study for vocab quiz which will be a future accomplishment. so i am doing good and i might be able to go out on Saturday eveningish instead of doing homework. and i will be horse showing on Sunday so i won't be doing much homework then. so another day like this tomorrow most likely.
Another Thing I Want to Mention: I love Tom's green ukulele that he is playing and i love his rendition of Radiohead's Creep.
Accomplishment: I avoided having to tell Katelyn about doing to Danny's party that she wasn't invited to because she thought I just sent him a gift for his birthday. Ha. She was talking about what he wrote on my wall about driving stuff and it was obvious she brought it up because she was jealous and then she was like "and that gift you sent him for his birthday" and i was just like "yeah" and changed the subject. so i have never actually lied to her, i just haven't told her the truth. so there you go. now the only time this might be a problem again is if Danny, Katelyn, and I are at the same event and he brings up the party, or I do by mistake, and Katelyn's like what party? and i will be like "I thought I told you about that" or "yeah i went to his birthday party" and she would be like "noooo" or "why didn't you tell me?" and get all angry and i'll be like whatever be angry. but she will still be my friend because if she isn't she would have no one in Spanish, Chemistry, English, or History. but neither would I. that sort of frustrates me. if Katelyn wasn't in all those classes i would be forced to make some new friends but instead i just talk to her and that's it. but the two classes i don't have with her i don't have any friends in and i'm not making any new ones so whatever.
Accomplishment: Today was a good day. My spanish presentation went well and I didn't do anything stupid or anything that could possibly prove to be stupid in the future. At least I don't think so.
Accomplishment: I'm about to go eat dinner.

it's beginning.

i could easily stay up until midnight doing homework tonight but i'm not going to. why? because i'm tired and working on my spanish project in this state will not be good. i will just wing it and whatever i get as a grade i get. i think my health is important unlike those girls who will stay up all hours to do homework. i'm sorry but i can't do that. if i get a low grade on my spanish project then i do. like on my chemistry quiz, i got a 79. i don't really care. i had fun going to that powderpuff game. and one quiz isn't that big of a deal. it will get to be a big deal if i get Cs on everything. a very big deal because now i am expected to maintain a 92 average to stay on the Academic Society and i need good grades for college. so. but i am not worrying about all of that tonight. i am going to write this post and then go to sleep.

today we had PSATs but the PSATs weren't my concern. guess what was? boys! ha. yeah. by reading this post you would have no idea how dedicated i actually am to school. but anyways. yep. there were three lovely boys in my room. i probably shouldn't have used that word "lovely" and there were more than three but only three concerned me. Josh Rivard sat to my right, Adam Munska somewhere behind me, and Dimitri Rizos to my front. Dimitri probably shouldn't count because i don't really have a chance at becoming friends with him, well i could if i talked to him but i am not really concerned with him. i'm more concerned with Josh and Adam. funny how that happens. earlier this week i barely paid attention to Josh. well i would see him and sort of acknowledge him but i didn't think that he thought about me so just went on. now it's like "oh. there could be something here." and i'm not sure if i like that. because it gets me thinking too much and worried too much and acting differently and yeah. but whatever. and Adam is just a little boy who needs more confidence. he needs to talk to me because i'm not going to go out of my way every time to say hi to him first. i have said hi to him first so many times that he should know that i want to talk to him. he probably doesn't. silly boy.

but yeah that was why i was frustrated. during break when everyone was talking to each other i was just sitting there by myself. anyone could have talked to me. but no one did. Josh turned the other way and talked to someone else. Nicole turned the other way and talked to Casey and Renee. Adam went with his friend to get a drink and go to the bathroom. Dimitri walked over to the other side of the room. anyone else i could have possibly talked to when to the bathroom. so i was pretty much open game for Josh to talk to me or for Adam to talk to me when he got back or for Dimitri to talk to me when he came back to his seat. did they? did anyone? nope.

you know that song "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To" I Want You To) by Weezer? yeah it pretty much applies to my situation right now. i guess you could argue that i should talk to them or whatever. and in the case of Adam I have multiple times but i always have to start the conversation and keep it going which is just annoying. it would be nice if he started a conversation once or he was the first one to say hi. and i don't even know what is up with Josh, Abby just has my mind all freaked out. and i'm not upset or angry about that. but i just don't want to do something stupid and that want will probably make me do something stupid. it's like i want to know where i stand and i want to make progress towards some kind of relationship (remember relationship can be friends or enemies, not just bf/gf). why don't they talk to me? in the case of Adam it is either because he doesn't have the confidence or he doesn't want to. in the case of Josh probably because we have never really talked before so why start now? old habits are hard to break.

so that is why i was frustrated. and still am. but hey it gives me something to think about and it will be a nice story to tell in years to come.

oh and then i made a bit of a fool of myself sixth period. i went down to Mr. Dewitt's classroom to makeup a test and he has a study hall. oh guess who is in that study hall. Josh. ha. he was sitting in the back corner. Mr. Dewitt gives me the test and i can sit wherever i want. maybe it would have been smart to just sit in the front but i was sort of used to going to the back to stay out of the way of the class but hey it's a study hall so that was stupid thinking. so i ended up in the back next to Josh which was just silly of me. he was on his laptop the whole time and then put his head down on his desk and probably fell asleep while i was gong through this horrible AP test. either he was like "oh great here comes this girl", he didn't even notice, or he appreciated my presence. i vote one of the first two. i should of sat next to Mollie.

but i'm just playing mind games with myself. i really have no evidence of anything that i have seen with my own eyes from any guy. only inferences which i shouldn't trust. and a bunch of guesses based off of my wonderful imagination. i'm probably screwing myself over. whatever.

Abby want to go to the movies this weekend? yes even after all this i would like to go maybe with some young gentlemen friends. but i have a horse show on Sunday and i have to help set up on Saturday so i am not sure what time will actually work. so not sure how that will happen. but i am sort of nervous if it does happen because it is sort of like the evaluation day, judgment day. if it goes well then great it goes well, but then if it doesn't go well then it doesn't go well. i will be paying attention to everything really trying to judge and see what i think and putting it in my mind for later. you know what i'm saying? but i guess it is better to just find out then to be guessing. right? been guessing since eighth grade on and off. that's more than three years. well that sounds dramatic. you should pay attention to the on and off.

i really need to go to sleep now. it's 8:44pm and i'm exhausted. tomorrow is another day with Spanish presentation and Chemistry test and all.

Edit at 9:05pm via my iPod:
I forgot to mention that I think I might of scared the guys of because I was wearing my wonderful Taylor Mathews tshirt. While it is wonderful it says " do you believe" on the front and on the back "in love?" While I think that is wonderful other people may not think so. But hey if they were afraid to talk to me they could of just walked up to me and said "yes" to which I would of grinned and said " me too" and then I would of had a ton of respect and admiration for that person. But that is just my imagination getting the better of me. Time to go to sleep and dream up some more ridiculous scenarios.

this is the excitement i was talking about.

you know how i always say my life is boring and i want something to happen then i quickly say how i am so grateful for my life? well now i have something that sort of happened this adds "drama" but in a good sense. something that makes me happy and nervous but happy nervous. you know what i mean? something to think about but something good to think about.

Abby sent me a text last night which i got this morning stating this: "I know you wont respond to this tonight, unless you are up, but were you ever at all interested in josh?" to which i was like "what? yes." so the answer to her question is definitely yes. ever since he came to this school in eighth grade and was in my algebra class. yeah i am that precise. but then he started dating Avarie and i sort of stopped paying attention to him and i didn't have any classes with him. but i guess i didn't completely stop paying attention to him as you can see in my last post when i mentioned him. and when we went bowling and how i mentioned how i liked that he sat next to me.

anyways before i talk about what i think now i am going to review some old posts. so i'll be back in a second. crap i didn't have any good posts. so disappointed. i guess i wasn't as open back then. but you can sort of tell by the way i mention him since i had history class with him and that one scary non-fire drill fire alarm day. but anyways. yeah i definitely had a crush, or whatever, on him in ninth grade. i swear i must have talked in my blog at least once about how i used to think it would be so cool if Abby dated Colin and I dated Josh because Abby and I are like twins and they are part of a triple and yeah. i still don't believe i never did. maybe i didn't use his name and that's why. but anyways. yeah i was interested in him and then he started dating Avarie and continued dating her for a long while.

but what about now because apparently his mother volunteered me up when they were having the "let's think of girls Josh could date" discussion. now i am debating if i should type up Abby's note that i forced her to write for me. i am still trying to figure out how to destroy that. yep i'm going to write it out so Abby you can just skip this next part.

Molly,
So, my reasoning for asking my slightly personal questions as of late is because yesterday you came up in conversation topic being how Josh is girlfriend-less and Sharon asked if I knew of any girls who had a thing for him. I said there were a few who last I knew did (then being few weeks ago, and it was based off of how they acted) and then they threw a ton of names out and yours had been tossed out and Josh's whole mood changed and (im not sure how, he is hard to read) I wasn't sure if you did so I stopped and was ike "i'm not answering" meaning I had no idea, but I guess it was taken as you might. So then I needed to know so then I asked you, heading to PSAT's now!
-Abby

There you go. And then I asked Abby who it was that threw my name out and she said it was their mother, Sharon, and Colin had whispered to Abby earlier. but yeah i am sort of glad that my name was brought up. if i had heard of this conversation and my name wasn't brought up i might have been kind of sad since i have always kept Josh sort of as a possibility, along with a list of other guys.

but now i think Abby sort of wants to know what i think now. right? the thing is i am not really sure. it is definitely a possibility. but i would like to get to know him better cause i can't say any more than that right now. you know how i am about getting to know someone or what not. it would be nice just to have him as a friend if nothing else ever worked out. but now it is sort of awkward. like even today at the PSAT write-your-name-and-fill-in-the-bubbles thing i wasn't sure what to say or how to act around him and it was like i was nervous about what to say or do because i wanted to make a good impression or whatever. i guess that is a good thing? or it means that if i can't be myself around him then it will never be more than an awkward "hi, how are you? good." (coughcoughAdamMunska).

so Abby go ahead with whatever scheming you are doing. just know that i will most likely feeling nervous, but a good sort of nervous, and i am afraid that i will blow whatever chance i have. and i won't know what to say and i will be extremely self-conscious. even more so now that i know there is a chance that he could actually like me and thinks about me when i am not standing right in front of him. maybe don't for the whole "hey Josh want to come out with Colin and me? hey Molly want to come with Colin and me? oh look at you two!" cause i think that would be awkward to an extreme. maybe if you added Nicole or someone else? i am not sure. especially since i don't know him and i am not sure if i even like him. i like the idea of him more than the actually person currently. but maybe that could change.

now what do you think? any questions?

one of those moods.

i wish i knew who you are. i wish i could just know everyone. and be friends will all those people i would like to be friends with. you know? and i wish everyone knew who i am. like they look at me and they see who i really am not just what they think i am like. that's just molly the smart quiet girl. okay so i'm smart and i can be quiet, do you care enough to find out who i am beyond that? because that's a very small part of me.

it's frustrating.

i want to have a part. my father bought some surround sound so it would be pretty awesome with the music. maybe i could have a new years party. that would be awesome right? but don't people have other plans for new years? maybe it could be a day before new years party. ha. i like that idea. oo. December 31st is on a Friday this year so if i had a day-before new year's party it would have to be on a Thursday. or i could do it on January 1st. or i could do it earlier and have a holiday like party. i'm not sure how that would work though.

who would i invite? Abby, (hi Abby), and probably Colin which would bring about Josh and Nicole. I always wanted to be better friends with them but that has never worked out. i had fun bowling with them that night when i was so exhausted. Dana and Bella. I could tell Dana that she could bring along Claire or someone if she wanted. I could invited Lydnsey too but i don't know if she would come. I could invite Danny and tell him to bring along his girlfriend or a friend of his. If i actually talked to Adam I could invite him and tell him to bring someone. but that still isn't a lot of people. That's only...10ish people. Not a lot. Who else? I don't have that many friends. Do i need a lot of people? Nah. i would introduce all of them and it wouldn't be awkward at all because i wouldn't let it be.

i would just have to figure out how to get rid of my family. i think my parents are going to have a tv in their room.

oh i could invite Mollie Clayton or Becca. and Jayna. I could invite Williston kids like Chelsea, Alyssa, and Abby Szat but if i invited Abby S it might get kind of crazy and i could see Chelsea and Alyssa feeling even more awkward since i barley talk to them anyways. but hey in a few months. i could collab with Maeve and invite some of her friends but i would rather not. but hm.

scary. someone just rang the doorbell and my dad answered the door and there was no one there so he just went outside and he came back to let finn out, probably to find whoever it was but she wouldn't go out. and then he just went back out. and he wasn't in a good mood. i'm scared. why did he go out there? why couldn't he have just left them and left us safe inside with all the doors locked.

so freaked out. i was going to go up to bed but now i am going to stay down here because i am the only other one down here. now i think i am going to go upstairs with the rest of my family. good night. i'm really nervous and scared and worried. and ah.

i've wasted my day watching youtube videos. YES!

10-10-10

yeahhhhh.
i slept through 10:10:10 on 10-10-10.
that would have been just a wonderful minute.

now i'm waiting for Abby to come over.

Boys Hope Girls Hope

I just watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and this is the first time i have ever seen them not focus on a traditional family, instead they focused on a group of kids, who i believe are a family. they are part of the program Boys Hope Girls Hope. the boys of Baltimore had a home but the girls didn't so extreme home makeover made them a house. and it is amazing.

but i like the idea of the organization Boys Hope Girls Hope. they provide a home for kids who want to focus on education and they can't do that in their house. they could be from a neighbor with high crimes, drug dealings, and just not a good place to live. they are good students though. they have to be good to get it because it is a hard program to get into. their parents want them to have a better life and they know they can get it through this program. BHGH give the kids a place to live and focus on their education so they can get where they need to go. 100% of the kids who went through BHGH went to college when most of them probably wouldn't have if they had never went to BHGH. it's giving this kids an opportunity to be the best they can be.

i am extremely lucky. i have a home where i feel safe. i live in a good neighborhood. i have parents that support me. i have the environment i need to do well in school. i know that. i am extremely grateful. i'm making the best of what i have. but there are kids who are like me, who want to do well in school, that don't have the environment i have. just because of the life they were born into they can't become someone. their parents try their hardest but they are in a tough situation. they don't have the money to move so they just try their best.

i want to help those kids. but what can i do? donate money but money doesn't have lasting effects. well it can but the money itself is gone pretty quickly. i would love to go there and hang out with the kids. i'm saying kids but they range from ages 10 to 18. i want to do more. but the closest house is in New York. and my dad and maura who watched it with me have already moved on, they are outside playing. maybe if i can get my mom and maeve to watch it we can come up with someone.

i have always wanted to support some sort of charity but i haven't found one that i really support. this is the closest i have ever been to finding that cause i want to support. i don't have any thing that happened in my life to want to support it. exactly the exact opposite, i have had the life that those kids would love to have. and are going to get through BHGH. i don't have a friend who is in BHGH. i have no personal connection. you know how like people will support cancer research because a friend or family member has cancer? i don't have that connection to BHGH but i still want to help. but i'm only 16. i don't have a job, i quit that so i could focus on school.

maybe it's just the emotion in the tv show that is getting to me. but i do want to find a cause i can support fully. while there are a ton that are worthy i need to feel something that will really make me want to help. i have watched a lot of Extreme Home Makeovers but i don't think i have ever written a blog post about it, well not like this. i don't know though. i guess the next step is telling my mom and Maeve about it or having them watch it.

or it could be doing some history homework because i am lucky enough to have the environment where i can do homework.

so much pain.

i have been in a lot of pain this week. the pain that came with the lovely itching which is still not completely gone. right now my leg is pretty much driving me crazy with the itching. goodness.

now i fell off my horse and i slammed into the fence so i have a nice red line along my back and the beginning of my butt. the worst is right past my pants so no one can even see it. disappointment. half the fun is the nice bruise to show everyone.

i'm going to bed now. good night.

i'm drowsy.

i'm not tired. i'm drowsy. because i had some medicine for my itches. they were itchy. but the medicine helps. even though it makes me tired and unable to do my history homework. it feels like it is nine o'clock right now but it's not. it's five thirty. so i apologize if this doesn't make any sense. not that i normally do.

i think i am going to talk about God. faith. religion. because Glee did. i am going to tell you my views and i don't expect you to agree. i am just telling you. i don't care what you think or what you do this this information.

I am Catholic but I don't really know what that means. I don't know how it is different from other religions and other forms of Christianity. I went to CCD but honestly I think it was a waste of time. They talked about applying God to your life and such but I barely remember anything they taught us. I don't know what the main points of the religion are. I barely know anything.

But I firmly believe in God. I think that there is someone up there looking over all of us. I think He is with each and every one of us at all times. He can hear what we are thinking, He knows what we are feeling. He helps us and guides us. He knows what our life is going to hold but He doesn't completely control it. Make sense?

What about all that science saying God doesn't exist? I don't believe that. I believe God controls all that science. Evolution? That was God's doing. God has had this world his plan all along. Back when we were colonists in this country He knew what this country was going to turn into and He knows what it will be in the future. Good so far?

And praying. I think God listens to you all the time but when you pray you are having a direct conversation with Him. Every time else He is sort of listening in to check up on you.

Heaven and Hell. I don't think you have to believe in God to go to heaven. I think that everyone goes to Heaven to a point. If you want to be forgiven for your sins then God will forgive you and you will go to heaven. Because that is what He does, he forgives. Maybe if you don't want to be forgiven then He won't be able to forgive you and you will go to Hell. I'm not even sure I believe that Hell exists.

That is pretty much where my certainty of my religion ends. It's not a lot but it's what I believe and now you have it in writing what I thought as a 16 year old on cherry liquid medicine.

So tired. Oh! Why do I capitalize His name? Not really sure, everyone else does and it just seems right.

i am itchy.

i have some sort of itch. i thought it was a reaction to my shampoo but it's not. it's getting worse and spreading down to my legs. it's all red where i itch and it's raised up. it's not pretty. and it's all over. and it is really itchy. and it's annoying. i can't concentrate on anything. so that's why i didn't do the history homework i should of done today. i'll just do it all on Thursday night. ha.

ahahahahahahhhhh. itching. ahahahhhhhh. driving me crazy. ahahhhhhhhhhh.ahahaha.asdlfkjadslkfaldjga.s

i have a new song i enjoy listening to. "Mouthwash" by Kate Nash. and i also enjoy her songs "Merry Happy" i believe and i think the other one i liked was "We Get Along" but i'm not going to double check.

and i wrote that like two hours ago. it's 9:37 PM now. and glee was alright tonight. i love it every night but it wasn't one of my favorites. i think next week will be though because Sam is joining Glee club! i am so freaking excited. so so so so so so so excited. he hurt his arm so now he can't play football so he is going to join the club and ahahahh. so happy. but i have to wait a week. not so happy.

and i am still itchy. i need sleep. and i have another day of school tomorrow. gr.

Taylor Swift is well loved in this household.

on my itunes her sons have been played a total of 2,288 times. whoa. i just decided to add up the play count of all my taylor swift song and it just happened to be my favorite numbers, 2 and 8. if i decided to do that yesterday it wouldn't have been that number. if i decided to do it two seconds later it wouldn't have been that number either, because now it's actually 2,289. but that is so weird. and that's a lot of taylor swift. i can pretty confidently say that she is the artist i have listened to the most. in my list of most played song she ranks number 2, 4, 5, 6, 12, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 22, 24, 25, 29, 32, 35, 38, 43, and 50 in the top 50 most played songs (she's also 51). all the other artists in the top 50 have maybe one or two or three other songs in the top 50 or they just have that one hit. not even close to Taylor Swift's 19 songs in the top 50. that's almost half. but there you go.

now i really have to do more history homework.

this whole blog thing is kind of creepy and weird.

one direction.

i'm in a wonderful mood. why? because i just watched all The X Factor clips. and i absolutely love the newly-created group. apparently Simon has the power to create groups and he did with five boys all aged 16-18. and they are so amazing. two of my favorites are the lead singers of this group, Liam Payne and Harry Styles. The other three I had never heard of before, Zain Malik, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson. but i love them all. i'm afraid they have less of a chance of winning since they were just sort of thrown together. but i hope they stay together after the show and maybe tour the us. ohhh i just read a comment that said they dropped a few of the mikes which makes a lot of sense because i was trying to hear this one guy who looked like he was singing in the background but i couldn't hear him. that's annoying. very annoying. but they can't do that on live shows can they?

but yeah i guess i should be talking about how our flight in Virginia was delayed so when we got to Philadelphia we missed our flight. the plane was right there but since they had already closed the doors they wouldn't let us on. we could of waited another three hours in hopes of maybe getting on another flight but what are the odds of five people making it on a completely book flight and fourth in line of stand-by? so we drove home from Philadelphia. it took more than four hours. we drove to the airport got our car then drove to our house. we got home around 3 in the morning. so i didn't go to school this morning. but now i have to go to school tomorrow.

and the whole weekend is pretty much behind me now. slowly and surely i shall forget all about it until someone brings it up and i will be like oh yeah-i remember that. but now i have to face what my everyday life is.

annoyed.

i'm pretty annoyed right now. why? because my families are loser. they just sit there and sulk instead of dancing and then they leave early. i had no one to dance with because maeve wouldn't and then everyone was "tired". gahhh. so frustrating. especially since there was one cute guy i wanted to dance with but i had no one to support me in this because i had no one to dance with. my mom tried at one point to bring me over towards some guys but the one i actually wanted to dance with wasn't dancing at the time because he was getting some soda. so i'm just freaking annoyed. i don't even know the guys name. why can't i have a family that enjoys dancing? Jill and Kristy were dancing but i barely know them so it was pretty awkward. gah. i'm just frustrated. mostly because i didn't get to dance with the guy and it ended badly. when i had someone to dance with and it was a song i knew then it was wonderful. and right when we were leaving the cotton eye joe came on which i had been waiting for all night. they were all like you can stay but i was pissed off at that point because who the heck was i supposed to dance with because my sisters were party poopers and my dad had danced with me for like two songs and then he was done. i'm just really mad. maybe i'll go through Sean and T.C.'s friends lists of facebook and look for this guy. then what? like i'm going to send him a message after i didn't go dance with me. so mad. and frustrated. and tired. but at least Sean and T.C. are married. and i'm just sitting here in the dark typing on my laptop frustrated.

but hey if you went to Sean and T.C. Moynihan's wedding and you were wearing a dark gray/black shirt with a tie and you had the sort of Justin Beiber hair-do going on, but it looked much better - then hi because i was too chicken to go say hi earlier today.

i didn't find the guy i wanted to dance with but i found another cute guy who was there but he was shy and wasn't really dancing. his name is Alex Gross. hey Alex.

just through Sean's 123 friends and T.C.'s 261 friends and no luck. now let me go look at Alex's friends. i only got through the A's of Alex's friends and i gave up. why do i care anyways?

now i am even more fed up because maeve just asked me to "go somewhere else and type because it is really annoying" and i responded with "no" so now i am just typing slowly and gently.

but seriously why do i care? i am never going to see them again. and apparently they live in ohio. and i missed my chance.

now it's time to go to sleep and sulk.

correction.

charlieissocoollike's birthday is today. when i wrote that last blog post it was today in London. they are five lovely hours ahead. yep. and it still sucks. and i don't think you really care.

and i saw a celebrity crush of mine together. don't get all excited because i saw him on t.v. i was sitting getting my nails done (oooo. yeah the last time i did that was three years ago not including today but hey it's a wedding) and there was a tv and the show called "Ellen" which starts the woman named Ellen with the last name DeGeneres and she had the woman who started in Dirty Dancing as a guest star. and guess who showed up? Derek Hough. yep and he danced with her on the show. so i saw him on tv on a show other than the show he is on.

and now i really need to go to sleep cause i'm tired.

i'm excited for the wedding tomorrow.

this is the first wedding i have ever been too. well i haven't gone to it yet.

i went to a non-traditional wedding when i was little and all i remember is blue lights, a stage, and bubbles. and getting my hair stuck on the button on my cousin's shirt. and when i was a baby i went to my uncle's wedding but i obviously don't remember any of that.

i am excited though. even if there are no cute boys my age it will be nice to get pretty and go out and see my cousin get married. and there will be some cute little girls there, T.C.'s (my cousin's wife as of tomorrow) nieces. but yeah i need to sleep.

charlieissocoollike is no longer a teenager.

that sucks.

and i'm in Virginia.

and it's raining.

and i wonder who you are. (yes i still have that idea in my head that one day lots and lots of people will read this, i know, crazy, right?)

no. (it's not crazy)

it's 12:49 AM (that's all)