i like how you are posting everyday Abby! and yeah i'm trying to avoid parties and big goodbye scenes. but i think our family are coming over to hang out at the lake house on sunday, so that will be sort of the goodbye thing. i don't see them usually anyways so it's not that big of a deal...well in their mind it might because they always have had the option to see me when i was home, but once i am gone then that option isn't there anymore.

but i just watched a charlieissocool like video about him publicly announcing he has a girlfriend! and it made me happy because he just seemed so happy talking about her. like seriously happy. even after they have been together for a year he was all excited and cute talking about her. i don't know, it just made me happy listening. and it makes me want that back in my relationship - actually josh probably still talks about me like that, but i feel like i don't as much. did i ever? probably...

i don't know. right now i'm sooo tired. i stayed up late saying i could just sleep in but i couldn't because some energy audit guy came to change all our light bulbs and such. so i was up at 8, slept for a bit more and then was up and out of bed around 9. so i'm tired.

i am going to go see josh today. hopefully i'll be able to talk to him about everything. sometimes it's hard because a) i don't know how to bring it up, especially if i have a lot of random topics b) if i say anything critical or questioning our relationship he either gets really sad and crushed, or he brushes what i say away saying that it won't happen or everything is fine c) he won't understand exactly what i say because i don't know how to put it into words so when he responds i will just be like...sure, but uhhh not what i'm talking about.

but we will see how everything goes today. i haven't just really talked to him in a while.