driving away today was the hardest thing. i was annoyed because i didn't get to spend as much time with him as i would have liked to because we had a long dinner where nicole, kristi, and sharon talked the whole time. then josh had to help load nicole's stuff. so we were finally alone after that. and then josh needed to help load more stuff up. and nicole and kristi thought they would come keep me company, so kristi told me her whole situation with nate, which i really didn't need to know. it was just awkward and i didn't know what to say. it was weird. finally josh came down but at that point i was just spent.

it was so sad though. i cried several times before it was time to leave. and then i started crying when i realized i had to put the car in drive and then leave. as soon as i started driving i said "fuckkkkk" and i was sobbing as i was pulling away and he was still standing there. now i'm starting to cry writing this. this is so hard. and i still haven't gotten it in my head that tonight is the last night i will get to sleep on this bed for a while and i will have to deal with roommates and new people and a new place all at the same time tomorrow. and i don't know how i'm going to do it.

and oh josh's grandparents came over too to say goodbye to nicole which reminded me that i forgot to go say by to my grandparents which made me feel worse and like i should be spending time with my family instead of listening to josh's family talk. so yeah today was not a good day.

but tomorrow i will be a college student and i will be moving forward on my path.