when you were little.

how come you could be so different? you had different morals and things had completely different value to you. you weren't worried about the spanish quiz that you messed up because you didn't have a spanish quiz. you didn't talk sarcastically because you didn't know what sarcasm was. you weren't asked questions about "what do you think about people being gay?" because you had never heard the word "gay" before. you didn't worry about if that guy liked you or what would happen if he did or why he doesn't talk to you, is it because he is nervous or does he just not want to? you didn't worry because either someone was your friend or you didn't care about them. they were either nice to you or they weren't. it was simple.

when does that change? when do we suddenly know what sarcasm and gay mean? or maybe some children have known it since they were little. now i'm going to go into some uncomfortable territory here. but for some reason my exhausted brain thinks i should talk about it just in case this blog does go someplace that way it's here. now i just made a big build up for something that doesn't need a big build up. but when do children know what sex is? do their parents tell them? or are they like me and some kid on the bus tells you and you are seriously grossed out. then sometime later in your life your parent reads you and your sisters a book about "your body". but when do you seriously get the meaning of it? and the whole relationship part? and how you are supposed to have a relationship with someone based on something other than sex? your parent doesn't tell you stuff like that. or at least mine didn't and still doesn't. we don't talk about that. it's just something we avoid completely. and that's why it's uncomfortable to me. and this wasn't the point of this post.

when does it become fixed in our mind that the sky is blue and the grass is green and everything else is weird? is it because we see it like that all the time so everything else is ordinary? so a white child growing up in a community full of white people would think that black people are weird? a family full of blondes would think that a red haired child was weird? probably not. they would just think that because of society then call them names such as "ginger" in a derogatory sense.

when do children start to not say what they really feel? when does "i'm fine" become the standard reply when you feel like crying? when does making a friend become a complex system of talking to people, trying to be too interested, how much you should talk on facebook, and if you should do this or that? why does going to a party full of people you don't know become awkward? when you were little you would have made friends with everyone in that party, except for that one that stole your lemonade.

random note. i remember in ninth grade when Stephanie hated Matt Cabral. really hated him. and i'm sorry to admit that her feelings towards him sort of influence mine. i'm actually kind of glad because Matt isn't the kind of kid i would want to be hanging out with now that i have seen him for more than two years. but now she seems like best buds with him. what's up with that? now back to that deeper stuff in life.

now i can't think of anything else. so. sorry for such a deep post. but i still want to be on dancing with the stars with Derek Hough. i probably wouldn't be that good at dancing but i would have so much fun. i'm sorry Derek if you wouldn't win again. i know you won last year, did you any other times? wikipedia! you know you have made it big time when you have a wikipedia page that you haven't contributed to at all. ohhh he's won twice. whoa. the first season he was in was season 5 and he made it to the semi-finals in week 9. season 6 he made it to week 7. season 7 he won. season 8 he made it to week 9. season 9 he made it to week 9. season 10 he won.

OH. he has a sister. Julianne Hough. I know her from Dancing with the Stars too. ha. yeah she was with Cody Linley! i loved them. and the two of them sing. how wonderful. now i really need to go to sleep. this blog kept me up an extra half an hour. good night. and hey Derek if you are reading this, hi.

now i'm going to have to do that whenever i mention someone famous in case they read this. how about i cover this now. if you are reading this right now i say hi. and if i actually know who you are i say hi even harder. if i don't know who you are, i would like to get to know you so say hi back. but if i do know who you are i would like you to say hi back as well.

hi.

edit: i just watched a performance of Derek dancing from 2008 and i didn't even realize the person he was dancing with was this sister. yep.