this post is going to be all over the place today.

i'll start with some quotes:

"I refuse to visit the nearby Oberweis because the owner, Jim Oberweis, is also an Illinois politicam with very different political views than mine" - Julie Halpern. She wrote this on her blog that I follow and it makes me really upset. I look up to this woman, I absolutely love her books. Seriously. I probably wrote a blog on it. That reminds me, I need to see if I can install a search bar on my blog so i can look for things like that. (i just added on but it's not working...i'll fix it later). But that annoys me so much. You can't judge a person just because of their political views. There is so much more to a person than that. Refusing to go to an ice cream store just because they think something different than you do? That's awful. I'm seriously considering not following Julie Halpern on blogger anymore but I know I still will.

I had another quote to talk about but now I don't remember it. That sucks. I wish I remembered because now I just lied when I said "I'll start with some quotes" because i don't have any other. and why do I keep switching from capital I and lowercase i it's just confusing and inconsistent.

so i've had an sort of internet "crush" (i use that term loosey because it isn't really a crush but i'll explain more) on Cam Cote ever since HE added me on facebook. I do not know why he did all i know is that he did and i accepted. and i follow him on tumblr (and he doesn't follow me back...ungrateful people that i follow). but it's more like i only know him through the internet but i'm curious about who the heck he is as a person. kind of like with Lucas Fitzpatrick (but at least he follows me back) and even other people who i am "friends" with on facebook. the great majority of my 200 "friends" (yeah! i have exactly 200! woo!) i don't even talk to at school and if i passed them in the hallway i wouldn't even smile at them. some of them i have never talked to before in my life. that's just how facebook works though. but anyways. i spoke to this Cam for the first time yesterday. he was at his locker with his arms full and he couldn't open it. so i told him that a bunch of us had the wrong combos so i wouldn't try too hard. i am not sure what he said because then i left. so i hope he actually had the wrong combo and it wasn't that he had the right combo he just couldn't open it. but anyways. he probably had no idea who i was but hey i'm just a creepy junior so it's all cool.

want to hear about my latest adventures in the world of working with a cute guy? well i'm not technically working with him so let me reprhase that. want to hear about my latest adventures of boarding my horse at the same place a cute guy in my class works at? that's better.

OHHHH
"you got so pretty over the summer" - Mrs. Clarke! or at least something to that sort. do you think that i'm pretty or that i got prettier over the summer? or is it just because i was wearing makeup (i need to figure out how to use makeup so it actually looks good. i'll figure it out eventually though)? anyways.

before i get back to Adam i want to mention my study hall. (i told you that this blog was going to be all over the place). i have study hall every other day and the other day i have chem (ahahahahhhh (that was an AHH not an hahaha)). so my study hall has mostly the kids in my chem class and the kids in physics next door. so katelyn is there so i talk to her. but Ryan Thornhill and his friends Sam Hanson and Hudson Cooney are also there because they have physics. anyways Ryan ended up sitting to my left because that was pretty much the only seat left (katelyn's sitting in front of me). so i can pretty much hear what they are saying and in turn they could hear what i am saying to Katelyn. but they were saying how the battle of the bands is tomorrow and how now would be a good time to promote it but they aren't good promoters. they said once a little louder "Everyone come to battle of the bands tomorrow" and that was it. then when we were leaving Sam said the same thing and i said loudly to Katelyn "Hey Katelyn want to come to the battle of the band with me tomorrow" in a joking manner but i don't think they heard. Katelyn's going to six flags for a concert anyways. I would tell Abby that we should go because it is at the Three County Fair but she is working until nine. This is the one time where I do not like the fact that Abby is working. Cause it works out perfectly we could just say we were going to go to the fair and we could do whatever we wanted...like go to a concert. So it sucks that the one day she is working is the one day they are performing. it would be a good conversation starter for study hall but whatever. with my luck we will probably end up going to the fair with my family so i'll be the loser walking around with my family and i will just quickly walk by that area. or i'll embrace my family and hold my head up high. anyways.

yeah at the barn is really nothing to say. when i got there Adam was already cleaning stalls (him with his car so he doesn't have to ride the buses and wait for them to actually leave. >.<). but i passed by the stall to go to the bathroom to "wash my hands" and to mostly fix my hair (hahaha at the barn that isn't going to last for long). he was on the phone so i waved at him and kept going. then when i came back by i said hi and asked him if his second day was better than his first. and he said yes and then he asked me how mine was and i said it was decent it's school and he said yeah how good can school be or something like that. then i said i had to go work my horse in the heat. so i did and then i was coming up to get shavings and he asked me what this was and showed me this old metal thing. i took it and asked him where he found it and he said in Flyboy's stall in the shavings. i looked in the stall to see if it looked like it belonged somewhere. it was way too rusty to be something from those stalls because they're only a couple years old. so i put it in the tackroom and wrote a note up on the wall. then i came back down to the lower barn to finish my stall and fill up the waterbuckets and i told him i wrote a note on the board and that was all i talked to him. then i was done and he was still working. it was going to be a while until my mother picked me up so i sat in the little "seating area" and read some AP history stuff. Adam walked by a few times and he did the whole walk really fast and look down to get by. or at leas that is what i got. i kept reading. i guess i could have looked up and said something but he was working you know? he did that maybe four times then he put his wheelbarrow away, wrote his hours down, then he was going to leave and i looked up and said bye and waved and he did too. and then i was looking down reading and he walked by again like he forgot something but i just pretended i didn't notice.

he seems so nervous though. not so much when i'm talking to him but it's like he doesn't know if he should say something to me or how he should act or whatever. i want him to just relax. i am...sort of. well i am more than i have been in the past around boys that have interested me. maybe it's because the barn is like my second home so i'm pretty darn comfortable there. but hey i've been talking to him at school when i'm put on the spot. i don't like the whole thinking ahead like "he's going to be coming by here, what should i say?" because that just drives me crazy. then i'll have a whole conversation of the way things could go then they definitely won't go that way because they i can predict the future. EXCEPT when i went to visit Abby on Wednesday i realized i was wearing my Glee shirt and i thought that she was going to say "i like your shirt" and i would say "i got it at a great concert" and she would say "really?" and then Brian would be there and ask something then we could explain. and when i got there she actually did say all of that and i responded with that! except Brian wasn't there. but i contribute that more to me knowing Abby well enough to predict what she will say.

i think Danny Hentz is avoiding me. yep i do indeed. he comes onto facebook for a second or two then logs out. i think he has those friends lists and is just going offline on the friend list he put me in. i didn't think i was that bad. jeez. of course i'm probably just overanalyzing. i don't really care. i'm pretty nonchalant about that. the other day he posted up an invite to his 16th birthday party (little child still 15) but it was only up for like ten minutes before it was deleted. so either he made it private so only the people he invited can see it or he deleted it for other reasons like it's not happening or change of plans. whatever. i have school now and AP and honor classes so i can't be worrying about a boy i met in driving school. chyeah.

i should be doing AP work but shouldn't i enjoy the free time i have now while i can? because i am sure i won't be able to post extremely long posts like this for long. Maura and Maeve both have a friend sleeping over so i can do work while they are running while, right? probably wrong. i thought about inviting Abby to sleep over but i'm not sure if she would actually want to with her sister here and Maura's friend. and i don't know if we could get her to work at 12 because i have my riding lesson and such. plus i don't want her to be sick of me so i can go visit her while she is working like i have all the other times she has worked.

now i am kind of getting bored of this but i don't have anything else to do. wonderful. maybe Abby should get online so then i can talk to her about all of this but she actually has stuff to do i presume.

oh and the search engine doesn't work because my blog is private. i would make it public but i'm terrified that this will get out and then change my life FOREVER. well it probably won't. who knows what would happen if it did get off. first of all no one would actually read it all. they would probably pick one paragraph where i bash someone or say something about someone and just that will circulate around. then i will be judged and hopefully Abby will still be my friend because i think a lot of people wouldn't like me anymore. but that's why we have thoughts so people don't have to know what we are thinking about them because if they heard every thought then they would get upset when they heard that one bad thought. but anyways. maybe it would be good if it got out. people would look at me differently. maybe i would make some new friends from people who respect this and are like "whoa this girl is cool". most likely not. who would think spending hours writing about nonsense is cool? that is why i will publish this when i am old when no one can be mad me at for having opinions. that's horrible isn't it? i can't tell people how i really feel and think because then they will overreaction and get all mad because of one emotion. people have feelings and those feelings change all the time. i can hate you one day and love you the next. or i can just hate you everyday. or i can have no idea how to correctly portray how i feel about you. right?

i really need to stop.

edit: this says that i posted this post at 4:54pm or something like that but that is incorrect. i actually posted this at 6:26pm. i started this post at 4:54. i told you i spend hours on here.