Bandaids have the best slogan ever.

Do you even know what it is? They don't use it often and I don't know why. But on the box of Band-Aid brand Bandaid there is a wonderful slogan. Go and google it. Actually I don't know if it will come up. Let me check. OHH if you just googled that you would have gotten the wrong answer. You would have gotten "I'm stuck on Band-Aid and Band-Aid's stuck on me" which is cute when if a two year old says it while swinging on a swing. goodness. i like the one on the box i have.

after i went to the barn i was ready to break down. but what did i do? i endured. and i think i will be just fine. maybe a bit tired tomorrow but i'll make it. i'll make it just fine.

and this time tomorrow i'll be in Virginia. how cool?

and yes i didn't tell you the slogan of the Band-Aids on purpose. just to put you in suspense. maybe you didn't even notice because you don't really pay attention to what i'm saying, you just read it. poo on you. i just showed you up. ooooh. maybe i won't tell you the slogan now because you didn't even notice that i didn't tell you. cause you don't care! nope i'll tell you anyways.

You're going to be just fine.™

the only exception.

listening to Rachel from Glee, or Lea, sing that to Finn, or Cory, made me want to cry. but not sadnesses or happiness, with emotion. do you know what i'm saying? i wish i had a Finn to sing a song like that to. you know if i was an amazing singer like Lea.

death bed test.

ask yourself "how will i be remembered?" if you only had one day left to live and are you happy with that answers or do you need to make a change?

today was the first day that i ate dinner while doing history homework.

i'm sure i'll do that again. but today it was because i went to the Big E.

Abby and I are going to have a fall/winter/whenever-we-get-around-to-it party. and it is exactly what it sounds like. we have no idea what it is going to be like other than it's going to be a party and we are going to host it and invite whoever we want. so if you want to come to this party you better be nice to us. because this party is going to be awesome once we figure out what this party is going to be. other than awesome because that's obvious.

today when we were driving home there was one patch of sky that was all lit up from the stadium lights from the soccer game. it was the coolest thing ever. i wish i was there watching it, even though it was raining. maybe Abby and I can go sometime, or Dana and I. Dana can drive people in less than three weeks! wooohooo! and then at one point when we were driving back we could see the tops of the lights over the tree line and that was so awesome. if i was thinking i would have taken a picture of it but i wasn't thinking. now i'm going to go look up when the next home game is. yeah i'm like that. okay they have home games Friday October 8th vs. Monson High School and Friday October 15th vs. Holyoke High School and Monday October 18th vs. Hopkins Academy and Thursday October 21st vs. Belchertown High School and Tuesday October 26th vs. South Hadley High School. that's the boys. i am liking the two Friday games but I would like to go to the Monday one verses Hopkins because I believe my old babygroup buddy is from Hopkins and he plays soccer so he may be there. anyways, Abby free any of those days? I know you work a lot of Fridays. anyways let's move on to the next subject.

the Big E. the best parts: quick change! the group Quick Change from America's Got Talent was at the Big E! They were in the circus! we didn't know that when we went and it was soooo awesome! I was so shocked they were there. the guy was the ring master for the day but i didn't recognize him until i saw him next to his wife. they were the same outfits they used on the show but it still so cool. and seeing them there as a surprise i mean so awesome! and another wonderful part was the 10 day old baby Alpaca. oh my goodness. he would go over and loving to his mother then run around his little pen. he was so adorable. i want one. and that's all that sticks on in my mind right now. so there you go.

OUR DEBATE TEAM WON! i'm very happy. it's not like i would have been devastated if we lost because i didn't really care but it feels good to say that we won. and we were down a member. but still that was awesome. and my opening went so well and Mr. Dewitt even called me out on how good it was. ahh. it was wonderful. i even took up a rebuttle which wasn't the greatest but it went fine. and that was fabulous. but i'm glad we won or else i would have felt bad that i didn't do enough. but apparently i did because my opening was much better than the other side. but i'm happy.

and just in case you were wondering my team consisted of, and will consist of for the next debate when we will be defending slavery: Cindy Morton, Steven Cowley, Dimitri Rizos, and Emily Larkin, who wasn't here today. Dimitri was wonderful during his argument. He had written on a peace of paper in red and blue the word "FREEDOM" and then during his argument he tore it in half and crumpled it in a ball showing on Britain had destroyed our freedom. it even made Mr. Dewitt laugh. Dimitri is one of those guys that i would like to talk to and know better but i probably never will (but i do realize he is on the varsity soccer team, yepyep) but hey AP may give me a chance to get to know all of those people in that class better. it's only September you know.

overall i had a pretty good day. yeah i'm happy with that. especially for a Monday. i'm smiling now. but now it's time to go to sleep so i can have another wonderful day tomorrow.

when you were little.

how come you could be so different? you had different morals and things had completely different value to you. you weren't worried about the spanish quiz that you messed up because you didn't have a spanish quiz. you didn't talk sarcastically because you didn't know what sarcasm was. you weren't asked questions about "what do you think about people being gay?" because you had never heard the word "gay" before. you didn't worry about if that guy liked you or what would happen if he did or why he doesn't talk to you, is it because he is nervous or does he just not want to? you didn't worry because either someone was your friend or you didn't care about them. they were either nice to you or they weren't. it was simple.

when does that change? when do we suddenly know what sarcasm and gay mean? or maybe some children have known it since they were little. now i'm going to go into some uncomfortable territory here. but for some reason my exhausted brain thinks i should talk about it just in case this blog does go someplace that way it's here. now i just made a big build up for something that doesn't need a big build up. but when do children know what sex is? do their parents tell them? or are they like me and some kid on the bus tells you and you are seriously grossed out. then sometime later in your life your parent reads you and your sisters a book about "your body". but when do you seriously get the meaning of it? and the whole relationship part? and how you are supposed to have a relationship with someone based on something other than sex? your parent doesn't tell you stuff like that. or at least mine didn't and still doesn't. we don't talk about that. it's just something we avoid completely. and that's why it's uncomfortable to me. and this wasn't the point of this post.

when does it become fixed in our mind that the sky is blue and the grass is green and everything else is weird? is it because we see it like that all the time so everything else is ordinary? so a white child growing up in a community full of white people would think that black people are weird? a family full of blondes would think that a red haired child was weird? probably not. they would just think that because of society then call them names such as "ginger" in a derogatory sense.

when do children start to not say what they really feel? when does "i'm fine" become the standard reply when you feel like crying? when does making a friend become a complex system of talking to people, trying to be too interested, how much you should talk on facebook, and if you should do this or that? why does going to a party full of people you don't know become awkward? when you were little you would have made friends with everyone in that party, except for that one that stole your lemonade.

random note. i remember in ninth grade when Stephanie hated Matt Cabral. really hated him. and i'm sorry to admit that her feelings towards him sort of influence mine. i'm actually kind of glad because Matt isn't the kind of kid i would want to be hanging out with now that i have seen him for more than two years. but now she seems like best buds with him. what's up with that? now back to that deeper stuff in life.

now i can't think of anything else. so. sorry for such a deep post. but i still want to be on dancing with the stars with Derek Hough. i probably wouldn't be that good at dancing but i would have so much fun. i'm sorry Derek if you wouldn't win again. i know you won last year, did you any other times? wikipedia! you know you have made it big time when you have a wikipedia page that you haven't contributed to at all. ohhh he's won twice. whoa. the first season he was in was season 5 and he made it to the semi-finals in week 9. season 6 he made it to week 7. season 7 he won. season 8 he made it to week 9. season 9 he made it to week 9. season 10 he won.

OH. he has a sister. Julianne Hough. I know her from Dancing with the Stars too. ha. yeah she was with Cody Linley! i loved them. and the two of them sing. how wonderful. now i really need to go to sleep. this blog kept me up an extra half an hour. good night. and hey Derek if you are reading this, hi.

now i'm going to have to do that whenever i mention someone famous in case they read this. how about i cover this now. if you are reading this right now i say hi. and if i actually know who you are i say hi even harder. if i don't know who you are, i would like to get to know you so say hi back. but if i do know who you are i would like you to say hi back as well.

hi.

edit: i just watched a performance of Derek dancing from 2008 and i didn't even realize the person he was dancing with was this sister. yep.

my new life plan.

1. become a celebrity very quickly.
possible ways to do that: have my mother run for vice-president and then get pregnant. star on a reality show and have fabulous abs. have a tv series. star in a movie. become a comedian. sell million of records. or just you know become a celebrity.

2. get on dancing with the stars.
because now i'm a star so people would love to see me dancing.

3. have Derek Hough be my partner.
or maybe Marksim Chmerkovskiy or Mark Ballas. but i would prefer Derek Hough even if he is nine years older than me.

4. win the show.
or at least not get eliminated on the first night.

i guess that isn't really a life plan but i would like that to happen. this is the first year i've actually watched Dancing with the Stars. too bad when i'm on Dancing with the Stars Kyle Massey won't be on. or Bristol Palin, i like her after watching that show.

being sick sucks.

but i still do my AP history homework.

smiling. (:

i want to make a music video.

i would love to do one for the song i talked about last post: Night Vision Binoculars. I could see it working well in the cafeteria. or you could go the really creepy route and have it be about an old guy following a little girl. but yeah i don't know if i want to go that route either.

but i would like to make a music video. with my sisters is alright but the last time i tried to do that they got upset and it didn't really work out. i wish i had a video production class so then i would have to make videos for a class. that would be awesome. maybe that will be one of the classes that work its way into my schedule next year. who knows.

i really was about to go to sleep.

i swear. but instead i wanted to share this song with it. it is creepy but it makes me smile. just listen to it and you'll get it.

it's called Night Vision Binoculars by Passenger

and here are the lyrics for you. i love the "i'm the boy..." part the best:

I see you nearly everyday.
I see you, but you don't see me.
I wish I had something clever to say.
And I wish I had something better I could be.

We touched hands by the coffee machine the other day.
I know you've forgotten already,
But I'm gonna take that moment to the grave.
To the grave.

Cuz I just wanna walk you home.
I just wanna walk you home.
Oh, yea.

I see you nearly every night.
I see you when you're down in your house.
With my night vision binoculars
I creep quiet as a mouse.

And I get jealous when I see you stroking his hair.
But it's okay, I tell myself 'cause I know
It's only I'm not there.
I'm not there.

Cuz I just wanna walk you home.
I just wanna walk you home.
Well I just need some time alone.
I just need some time alone.

I'm the boy who watches the phone.
I'm the boy who eats lunch on his own.
I'm the boy with the monotone.
I'm the boy who still lives at home.

I'm the boy with the ironed shirt.
I'm the boy who watches you work.
I know where you keep your skirts.
I know where your secrets lurk.

I'm the boy that's calling your house.
I'm the boy that's freaking you out.
With my thermal flask of tea.
Up there in your neighbor's tree.

I'm the boy that's crossing borders.
I'm the boy with social disorders.
I'm the boy with restraining orders.
I'm the boy, yeah.

Cuz I just wanna walk you home.
I just wanna walk you home.
And I know that's it not right to creep.
But I just wanna watch you sleep alone.

Cuz I just wanna walk you home.
I just wanna walk you home.

edit: do you think there is a boy like that who would be singing that song to me? probably not. i doubt there is any boy who even thinks about me outside of when i'm standing in front of them, let alone thinks about me like this. but hey it's nice to think about.

oh hi.

i'm really tired. i should be sleeping but i don't want to go upstairs. because that means that i have to go to sleep. and then that means i will have wake up in the morning. and then go to school. school isn't that bad but i just don't want to go.

i want to have something interesting to write about. my life is boring. i want it to be interesting.

you know back when i had all the cute boys to think about? yeah one has a girlfriend and the other one never talks to me. so whatever. i don't have any new friends to talk to. i am extremely grateful for the friends i do have. i don't have any interesting classes to think about except for how i'm terrified my pot is going to explode in chemistry class. and that isn't even excited.

i don't have anything good going on in my life. well not exactly but still. i need something exciting. something to put my energy in to make me excited to wake up in the morning. any suggestions about what this could be? seriously. i want to know. i want something or else these days are just going to drag by. these are supposed to be the best days of my life, right? or do they just say that about every time in my life? i don't know.

it's just boring. i guess boring is good. but i want something better than boring. better than boring does not include scary or nervous or sad or horrible. it does include wonderful and happy and excited and woohoooahahahhh:D. i don't have anything like that in my life right now.

boring boring boring. what am i going to go do now? get in the shower and go to bed. boring boring boring.

i need something. whatahathahattttt? i need a person really. i know myself and i know that i need a person to unboring it. but i don't know where to find that person. this is a useless post. Abby I am sorry you just read all of that and wasted all that time.

ahh. i'm bored and frustrated with my boredness.

maybe there will be someone interesting at this wedding i'm going to but they will live a plane ride away. i was thinking about having a bowling party and inviting Danny and his girlfriend or one of his friends or someone and having the Rivards, Abby, Katelyn, Jayna, and Mollie, and anyone else we want to invite go. but what's the point? Danny has a girlfriend so i really should just stop wasting my time on him. and it might be nice to get together out of school but i'm not really seeing the appeal right now.

maybe that's because i need to go to sleep. i'm so tired. if i told someone that i went to bed at 8:30 last night they wouldn't believe me or they would be like "Whatttt? i was up until past midnight! how can you go to bed that early!?!" well just watch me.

Hey Tom Richard, you can sing to me anytime.

Please and thank you.

I so love The X Factor. So much. Really. Maybe better than American Idol.

Oh and hi Harry Style. Feel free to sing to me too.

I wish I lived in the UK.

Liam Payne you are absolutely awesome.

ahh. why don't i live in the UK? he is so amazing. oh my goodness. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awhsOgmdq6w&feature=channel

i slept from 4:30 to 6:30 and i would have slept louder if my family didn't wake me up. they were screaming and laughing and being very noisy. i feel so sick. i'm staying home tonight.

fivehundred.

this is my 500th post. and i have a lot to talk about.

there's Danny Hentz's party. which was really just awkward all around. there were a bunch of people there but all the people knew each other. some of them were nice and talked to us. but they would talk to us then go and talk to their friends and just sort of leave us awkwardly standing there by ourselves. and then some of them just gave us looks and never said hi. Danny is just such a nice guy. he introduced us to some people. and made sure everything was alright. he got glowstick stuff in his eye because it exploded and somehow got in his eye. and then the speakers blew out. yep. and there was no movie like there was supposed to be. so we were just "dancing", talking, and eating food. pretty much. there was a pool but no one went swimming. he has such a big house and nice backyard with an inground swimming pool and a little bar thing and surround speakers. it was awesome. and Danny Hentz has a girlfriend and she was there and she was nice but she didn't go out of her way to talk to us more than a few times. at the end we were sitting around the fire and it was nice talking to some of the people. then we had cake and when we went back it was more awkward. we were just sitting there and there were all the couples. seriously everyone was in couples. but that's alright. i would have rather Abby was there because Dana doesn't do the whole talking to new people thing. i talked to people and it was pretty good there. and when we got there Danny was like "hi Molly and you're...Abby, right?" but nope it was Dana. but that was okay. and it was a good night overall. i am still not sure why he invited me though. i kind of want to ask him but that would be weird. anyways.

earlier that day i got a car. it's a black 2006 ford focus. and it's very nice. i like it. but the first time driving it they had me drive to Easthampton which is the farthest i have ever driven with the most cars. we were going down one stretch for a while and i had at least two cars behind me, maybe more. and when i turned they kept going straight and someone yelled at me "horrible driving" but hey it's not problem, it's theirs. i am learning how to drive so i would like to get to point a to point b safely please. but on the way back was better. two people passed me but i was going to speed limit so they were speeding. and i got gas for my car for the first time. my dad drove into the gas station and out of it for me but i had to fill it up. it cost $25 dollars to fill up 3/4 of my tank. it looks weird in the driveway. i don't like my license plate. it's 699 lv8. why don't i like it? cause of the whole connotation with the number "69". i don't mind the lv8 or "love 8" part but whatever. i have to wash it because it's sort of dirty and you can see all the dirt on a black car. anyways. driving to school will be scary with all those cars and school buses so i may not do that. but who knows. i just sort of have to do it.

i think that is all i have to talk about. i had a lesson this morning and it went so much better than my last lesson. riding Donnie wasn't a big deal. and it all went well. it makes me feel a lot better about my riding abilities. too bad i didn't ride like that in front of Taylor, Chelsea, and Alyssa. i had a nice lunch with Dana, Bella, Abby S, and my mom too. and it was nice having dana sleep over. she just left a little while ago and i think she should of left a bit earlier because i was and still am so tired and i didn't want to play host anymore. and i didn't know what to do with her, i just wanted to come on my computer and watch youtube videos. but that's alright.

i am trying to think of something else to say. happy 500. my "so-called" 300th post was in March and 400th was in June when I was talking about APUSH. which i should be doing now. i'm not going to though. i think i am going to read or sleep.

now let's put yesterday behind me and move on to better driving and better parties.

i feel like i need to do an interesting post.

i can't think of what though. darn it.

a list of some kind?

or i could talk about how i was the worst rider at my lesson today and it made me feel pretty bad. of course i have probably been riding the least about of years but it's hard when everyone is the same age as you and you aren't as good as them. gahh.

but that's now that i want to talk about. darn it. why can i think of something good to write about?

i didn't do any IDSs today because i didn't want to. Abby will get to see me do those tomorrow.

"here we go again. i kind of wanna be more than friends." that's the song i'm listening to. Animal by Neon Trees. i like it.

this is so pointless. why can't i be more interesting? i feel so socially awkward at school, at the barn, at home, and on the internet. did you notice that all of those started with "at" except for the last one that started with "on".

i need...something but i don't know what.

how about a car? tomorrow. tomorrow will be the day i get a car or i don't get a car. yayyy. yep this is the same girl that was freaking out about driving the other day. but after i drove that day i felt more confident. i would go driving right now if i wasn't about to go to bed. so i'm feeling a lot better about it than i was.

i need to end this post. that's what i need.

Hi Abby,

You are amazing. Seriously. I am so glad you are my friend. And I am excited to go do homework at your house tomorrow. It will be fabulous.

And I just wanted to tell you to keep your head held high. And just let those other people slip away. This will blow over soon. You will be a stronger person without them.

I believe that is all. I will see you in less than twelve hours. Nope just thought of something. I enjoyed talking to you on the phone, that was the longest phone conversation I have had in a long time, that's not a bad thing.

From, Molly.

AND ALL YOU OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE GIVING ABBY A HARD TIME - SHUT THE HELL UP. That was a bit aggressive but I absolutely hate seeing things like this as statuses:
Avarie Lynn Hanlon: Avarie Hanlon is not bestfriend worthy :p
25 minutes ago · Comment · Like
Mary Hurley: you will always have me snaves! forget about her!!!! :] love you
22 minutes ago · Like
Michelle Jasinski: ‎*DISLIKE*
14 minutes ago · Like

It's like they don't even think about how Abby feels about this. they just parade around thinking about themselves. seriously. stop a second, take step back, and then think about what happened. don't go and be all like that. and don't leave horrible messages on her formspring and such. that's just immature. talk to her in person or call her or something if you really want to know. or just leave her alone! if it doesn't involve you then just stay out of it. jesus.

and i never liked you Avarie.

people change get over it.

well 4h today made me decide that i am not going to "run" (as we are having elections this year compared to when Steph just picked who were the officers) for office. it's just way too disorganize and no one has any respect for anyone. all it is is bickering and people complaining and getting frustrated. we don't accomplish anything important really.

but what i really want to talk about are a few facebook posts that annoy me so so so so so much. i'll let you read them first:

ooooooh. someone deleted one of their posts. it was: "best friends my ass" and then people commenting and what not. none of the comments when i read them stand out in my mind but anyways here is another.

PERSON: AVARIE! im sorry people suck and best friends aren't really being best friends at all. im always here for you snaves! love you ♥

way to suck up. well i guess it is not really that. but still. it annoyed me a lot. "best friends" is such a weird term. it's like i'm your favorite friend and i'm always going to be your favorite friends. sorry to tell you this but people change and we meet other people who we might like better or show us that maybe you aren't such a good person as we might have though before. it's not the end of the world if someone isn't your "best friend" anymore. it's probably a good thing. move on. meet some new friends. just don't be "mad" because there must be some reason. try to see the reason instead of blaming and hating and giving the cold shoulder. if you were their "best friend" you don't just end that because they said they didn't want to be friends anymore. you still like them and their personality and such because they are still the same person they were two seconds ago when they were still your "best friend". maybe you get mad or upset for a second but i would be more devastated and would try to figure out why and try to fix the friendship if possible, if it's not possible i would be like "okay." because it probably wasn't the kind of friendship i would want anyways. then i would move on. i wouldn't drag other people into it. i wouldn't hold a grudge. i would give them a smile still in the hallway because i wasn't the one who wanted to end the friendship.

anyways. that's a bit of a rant. just because i saw that post on facebook. i'm not sure if i even really got my point across. but Abby I hope you are enjoying yourself serving people the best food in the world. at least ice cream can make people smile.

now i could rant about how all the t.v.s in school today at one o'clock was turned to CNN to watch President Obama's speech for kids going back to school. i bet you if that was President Bush saying that speech we would not be watching it. we would probably be talking about how much Bush sucks because that is what everyone in my school believes. why? because i live in Massachusetts that's why. it just frustrates me so much. well at least they offered the cafeteria if you didn't want to watch it. but still.

what else can i talk about? nothing. sounds like a plan. oh i could talk about how Dana might be coming to this Danny Hentz's party and how i had to fill her in. she could still be on crutches how. i hope not. if my second friends can't come either i might just give up. but anyways. i think i am going to eat some ice cream and read my Seventeen magazine. cause i'm a teenage girl and that's all we do right? and spend two hours doing our hair and makeup. yeah i'm lucky if i have five minutes to put on makeup and brush my hair.

OHHHH. i might be getting a car. it's getting checked and if it doesn't have any major expensive problems the car will be mine. oh my goodness. i'll know tomorrow. that is so awesome. so so so awesome. i'm excited. it's not yellow but it is black and it's cute. it's not really cute. but it's nice. and it can get me from place to place. and it's easier to drive than my mom and dad's cars so hopefully i will be driving more. so excited.

haha. (:

so you know people like a bunch of things on facebook. and there are entire sites dedicated to providing things for people to like. so someone just liked this:

Boy: Do you have a pen?
Girl: Yeah, here
Boy: Umm...it's out of ink
Girl: What?
Boy: It doesn't work
Girl: Are you sure?
Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, you try it...Go on, write you cell phone number right here...

i first i was like ha that's cute/funny/whatever. then i was like what if a guy said that to me? i probably would have grinned then wrote my number down for him. if i guy did that, i would be pretty impressed. but it would take a guy with a lot of confidence to do that. i don't need a guy with confidence because well i know how hard it is to have confidence but it would be nice. ultra super duper nice.

anyways. it's not very probable that a guy would say a pickup line like that to me. but it would probably work. any cheesy line like that. at least a good cheesy line. love those puns on words and cheesy jokes. anyways. thanks you!

tensions are really high in my house right now.

everyone keeps snapping at each other. and everyones tone of voice. you can't say anything without there being a snap-back (like a comeback but it's not a good thing). it must be because it's a monday and the whole school thing. but it's brining me down. i don't like it. this atmosphere is really awful. maeve snapped at maura and she ran upstairs. and maeve just said "maura come here" and i'm not sure how this is turning out. whatever. hopefully tomorrow is better.

My letter to future AP students:

Relax.

Do your work.

Any other concerns can be directed to Molly Ronan, one of the survivors of the 2010-2011 AP class.

just a quick note before i get back to history.

i just watched a video by the youtuber "nermion" who i follow but his name is Alex. he is Charlie's roommate. and him and Charlie went to Amsterdam! I absolutely love Amsterdam from when I went. They went to the Nemo science museum that i went to and they were standing at the top and had the camera and i was silently shouting in my head "I WAS THERE! I SAW THAT!" and then they went to the Anne Frank house and I WENT THERE TOO. i absolutely loved the Anne Frank house. so much. they filmed outside the house and i can saw that i stood exactly where Charlie stood. i could say that about Alex too but I like Charlie better, sorry. i wonder how many other people have been in that house too.

the big BIG dream of mine is to have this blog because huge like Anne Frank's diary. this is my life. my story. every little bit of it. even the extremely boring parts. and the parts that make no sense. they are part of me. and my story. i was the one who made this blog throughout my life. it's a piece of me. and i have put so many other pieces of me into it for you see.

but what's the odds of that happening?

update on post 500.

so i started to make my 500th post before i posted about September 11th but it was turning out really crappy because i was in a bad unmotivated mood and i didn't have anything to write about. so i X-ed out of the page and never posted it. but i think it still counted that one as my 500th because when i went to post the one about 9-11 it said there were 500 posts. i think that fake-500 post is saved under drafts so right now i am going to go delete all those drafts and then see how many posts i have.

-_- i only have 492 posts now. because i just deleted 8 drafts that i never posted but were still saved. there was one post about the Glee Madonna episode that i never posted so i posted that up. and then there was a post with the title "you're beautiful" with nothing else that i hadn't posted so i posted that.

but so much for the whole 500th post thing. and all those other 400th and 300th and 200th and 100th, yeah they are probably all lies. if you really care that much about what number each post is, you can count them yourself.

today is 9/11.

it has been nine years since the twin towers fell. it never really hit me what today means to so many people. i don't know anyone who was there when it happened. i don't know anyone who has family who was there. or anyone really with any connection to it. i don't remember when it happened. at all. i have never watched those films. it is just a day i honor when it comes up but then don't do much.

then i read Meg Cabot's story about when it happened. and that was the first time i felt like crying. i probably would have if Maeve wasn't there. oh my god. oh my god. oh my.

http://www.megcabot.com/2010/09/nine-years-ago/

but here are the parts that i almost cried at because i am going to read that whole thing again:

"Sirens started up. It was the engine from the firehouse across the street from my apartment building. It was a very small firehouse. All the guys used to sit outside it on folding chairs on nice days, joshing with the neighbors who were walking their dogs, and with my doormen. The old ladies on my street always brought them cookies.

9/11/01 was a very, very nice day. The sky was a very pure blue and it was warm outside.

Now all the firemen from the station across from my apartment building were rushing out to the fire downtown.

Every last one of them would be dead in an hour. But none of us knew that then."

"Another co-worker from NYU, my friend Jack, who used to train the RAs (he would ask me to “interrupt” his training with a fake administrative temper tantrum—“Why are you in this room? You never reserved it!”—and then he and I would “fight” about it, and then after I left he would ask the RAs what would have been a better way to handle the situation . . . and by the way, did any of them remember what I was wearing? After they’d all tell him, he’d have me come back into the room, and point out that every single of them was wrong about what I’d had on. This was to show how unreliable witness testimony can be) did manage to reach his spouse, who worked in the Trade Center, that day.

His wife had just walked eighty floors to reach the ground safely, only to realize the guys in her IT department were still up there, backing up data for the company (oh, you sweet, hapless IT guys). Once she reached the ground, and saw how bad things really were, she tried calling them to tell them to forget backing up and just COME DOWN, but couldn’t get hold of them.

So she went back up to MAKE THEM come down, because who doesn’t love their IT guys?

“Why did you go back up?” Jack asked her, when he finally reached her. By that time she, along with the IT guys, had become trapped in the fire and smoke.

“It seemed like the right thing to do,” she said. Of course it did. She was married to Jack. Jack would have done the same thing. She told Jack to say good bye to their twins toddlers for her. That was the last he ever heard from her.

I can never think of this, or of Jack’s happy, cheerful greeting every time I saw him, or the stunned looks on the RAs faces when they realized we’d pulled one over on them, without wanting to cry."

"But another friend–a girl I’d worked with when I’d been a receptionist in my husband’s office, a girl whom I’d helped pick out a wedding dress, and who, since the big day, had quit her job to raise the four kids she’d had–wasn’t so lucky. She never saw her husband, who worked at the Trade Center, again after he left for work that day."

"I set up my Playstation for Jake, who was seven or so at the time, to use, while Shai, just turning 4, and I did a puzzle on my floor. Both kids were worried about Mr. Fluff, their pet rabbit, whom they’d been forced to leave behind in their apartment, because there’d been no time to get him (their parents had run from work and grabbed both kids from school).

“Do you think he’s all right?” Jake wanted to know.

At the time, I didn’t see how anything south of Canal Street could be alive, but I told Jake I was sure Mr. Fluff was fine.

This was when Shai and I had the following conversation:

“Are planes going to fly into THIS building?” Shai wanted to know. She was crying as she looked out the windows of my thirteenth floor apartment.

Me: “No. No planes are going to fly into this building.”

Shai (still crying): “How do you know?”

Me: “Because all the planes are grounded. No more planes are allowed in the air.”

Shai: “Ever?”

Me: “No. Just until the bad guys who did this get caught.”

Shai: “Who’s going to catch the bad guys?”

Me: “The police will catch them.”

Shai: “No, they won’t. All the police are dead. I saw them going into the building that just fell down.”

Me (trying not to cry): “Shai. Not all the police are dead.”

Shai (crying harder): “Yes, they ARE. I SAW THEM.”

Me (showing Shai a picture from my family photo album of a policeman in his uniform): “Shai, this is my brother, Matt. He’s a policeman. And he’s not dead, I promise. And he, and other policemen like him, and probably even the Army, will catch the bad guys.”

Shai (no longer crying): “Okay.”

And she went back to her puzzle."

"While I was wondering if I’d ever see my husband again, Fred, Jen’s employee, the EMT who had ridden his bike downtown to see if there was anything he could do, found something to do:

He commandeered a city bus, and started cramming as many civilians onto it as he could. This was before the buildings fell, before anyone had any idea those buildings COULD fall, when the police and firemen were still streaming into them, thinking they could get people out.

While Fred was commandeering the bus, the crew that he normally volunteered with were inside one of those buildings, helping people down the stairs. Fred couldn’t find them, so someone told him to drive a bus they’d found. Fred was mad. He didn’t want to be outside driving a bus, he wanted to be inside, saving people.

Fred’s entire team was crushed to death.

Like many rescue workers who lost coworkers in the attack, Fred seemed to feel guilty about having survived, while his friends had not. Even when we all pitched in and bought him a new bike (after his old one got buried at Ground Zero), Fred couldn’t seem to shake his sadness. It was like he didn’t believe he’d done any good that day.

“All I did,” he said, “was drive a stupid bus.”

But that’s not all he did. Because remember Luz’s son?

Well, he showed up at my apartment not long after Jake and Shai and their parents did. Luz grabbed him and kissed him and shook him and cried, and when she finally let go of him, he told his story:

He had been heading towards—not away from–the towers, because he’d wanted to help, he said. A lot like Fred.

But suddenly, from out of nowhere, someone grabbed him from behind, and threw him onto a stupid bus.

“But I want to stay and help!” Luz’s son yelled at the guy who’d grabbed him.

“Not today,” Fred said.

And he drove Luz’s son, and all the other students from that community college to safety, just before the towers fell."

can you imagine all those people? walking down the street. running away. and the people who couldn't run? oh my god.

because this isn't a blog. this is more my life in written form.

i don't know where to start. all i have done today is sit in front of this computer and go to the barn. i think i have been here for almost three hours straight. it's a bit ridiculous. i don't really have anything else i want to do. there is homework. my father offered to take me driving but i don't want to. driving scares me. like it seriously does. i am afraid i'll make a mistake and then we'll get in a car crash and then someone will get hurt. and it will be my fault. just thinking about this is making me cry. next topic.

iea is starting. that team is an interesting sort of team. we don't rely on each other to win. i could win without any of them. you can't really do that in team sports like soccer or basketball or football. but we ride together. we practice together. we see each other fall apart and get picked back up again. in horseback riding there is a big fear factor. a big mental factor. bigger than most other sports. in soccer if you are scared you might make a mistake or two but the soccer ball isn't going to act differently because you are scared. a horse might. a soccer ball is the same no matter who uses it or what soccer ball you use. yeah no. different horses create something completely different for different people. there will be some days where the lesson just goes really bad. there is a good chance i could cry in front of my team members. i don't have to "like" my teammates and be friends with them necessarily but there is respect. there is a big respect factor. there is a sort of little bond thing that connects us all. you can't see it all the time because we don't hang out together and at horse shows we aren't all best friends. but i think we are still a team.

it's going to be different this year with all the new members. Alyssa Clark. Chelsea Cotton. Dvora Pader. Katie Wickline. and then there are the williston members but I don't know if there are any new ones that are riding. but it is going to be different. and Taylor isn't riding. i am interested to see who will be in my lessons. i know Bella will because she is riding the same days i am. Wednesday and Saturday. that means i won't be going to the barn after school on Thursday and Fridays which is when Adam and I along with any kids who got off the bus, were the only ones there. i liked it. but that will be gone now. and i will never have that chance again. anyways i was supposed to discuss IEA but i got sidetracked. now i don't really feel like it. i'll just mention that Chelsea is joining our team and she had a lesson with me, Maeve, and Bella today. it went well and we talked a bit afterwards as a group of people just sitting there on our horses. so we'll see.

goodness. i really haven't done anything today. i need to get off this computer. i need to do something but i don't know what. i am so unmotivated. i need someone to hang out with. the only people that is actually possible to do with is Abby and Dana. Abby is going over Avarie's house. i don't feel like contacting Dana because i don't actually have a plan. i wish i could just call up someone and say "i'm bored" and then they would be like "i'll be there in ten minutes" but yeah no. that doesn't happen. i need to make more friends cause it is pretty pathetic when there are only two people i would want to hang out with.

and now Abby may not be coming to Danny Hentz's party with me. and i am kind of really upset about that. abby feels bad but her mother just doesn't feel good about her going. can't her mother just trust that i would take care of her for one night? and sure she has to work and she would probably be tired but it's alright to be tired for one night. you can sleep as late as you want the next day. it's part of being a teenager. i want to embrace my teenagerness but i sort of need someone there. i'm not confident by myself. at all. there is no way i could walk into a party by myself full with people i don't know and be like "hey!" yeah no, i would feel left out for the rest of the night. Abby knows what to say to people she doesn't know. she is good with people. i am just...not. and if i spend enough time with her in situations like that then it is bound to rub off eventually, right? but i think we would have so much fun just bouncing through the party full of people we don't know. ah. i really want her to come. like immensely. i never go to any parties. ever. the last party i was invited to was that surprise party for Abby and yeah i was left out. i don't want that to happen again. i don't want to sit in the corner silently. come on i just want this to work. my summer wasn't that great. i'm not someone who goes and hangs out with her friends everyday. nope i barely see my two friends. it sucks. this really sucks. ahahakdsjfaklsdfjalksdkfajsdkfja;sld;kfja.

here i am complaining about my life when the date is 9/11. i'll shut up now.

i really need to do something on friday nights. and saturday nights because i am sure i will be doing the same thing tomorrow.

it's friday and this is post 497.

i was three posts off. that is if i don't post again today but who knows. i'm not doing anything else tonight so i might. but i'm not going to post three times just so i can reach 500. but i think i was pretty close with my guess. yep yep it was pretty good.

i don't really have anything to post. just kidding.

okay so Adam was here when i got off the bus and was getting changed into his work clothes when i came into the barn. so maeve and i were in the tack room and he came in and i said "hi adam" and he said "hi" and then he did some stuff with the time sheets and stall list then he went to go do stalls. then i got my horse ready to ride. every time he passed me in the aisle pushing his little wheelbarrow i would just keep doing what i was doing, avoiding eye contact, and silently wishing he would say something while acting like i didn't care and that he was just another person passing by. then i rode my horse. i would keep an eye out for when he walked through the aisle so then i tried to be doing something where he could see me. something exciting like cantering! then i finished riding and untacked my horse. and did the whole every time he passed by thing again. then my mother came up and told maeve and i that she had a great idea. Emily was feeling homesick since she just went off to college. so my mother decided to cheer her up Adam could ride Murray and film it and then put it on facebook for her to see. I was like "ahh-k mother" but i went down to the lower barn where Adam was working first and i warned him of my mother's brilliant idea. i can't remember what he said exactly but his eyes sort of widened and he didn't seem to keen on it. then i was going to go back to the upper barn when Kellie called me over. so i was talking to her and we started talking about colleges and PSATs and such and Adam piped up and said about how going to college in-state is so much less expensive and told us how much it was for Emily if she went in-state compared to where she went in RI. then my mother and sister can barging in and my mother announced her big idea. and he actually agreed. but emily is coming home this weekend (not good for a new college student, she won't want to go back to school! ):) so she will actually be here. so tomorrow morning = riding lesson, Adam riding, and Emily visiting. oh jeez. what am i going to wear?

i have this nervous knot in my belly. why? because of all that? or because i just started thinking about Danny Hentz's party next weekend. or maybe because i have a history quiz on monday.

i need to get off this computer and do something productive to take my mind off of everything. i don't have anything to do though. ahhh.

Dear Taylor Mathews,

Dear Taylor Mathews,
How are you doing? What have you been spending your life doing now? Who knows when you will actually read this but I'm treating this as an actual letter to you. I know that you will read this eventually. Years from now but you will read this. Okay? Okay. When I first saw you perform on America's Got Talent it made me smile. It still makes me smile every time I listen to you sing that song. I immediately when to my computer to look you up. I can't remember what I found out then but now I'm a fan of your fan page, I am your friend on facebook, and I subscribed to you on youtube. I have listened to your song "The Chase" a whole bunch on your website. I can not wait for you to release it once you have 10,000 fans on facebook. As I am writing this there are 7,921 who are part of your group. How many are there now? Anyways. The main reason I am writing this is because I feel bad that I didn't vote on Tuesday. I swear those 100 votes or so that I could have given might have sent you over the edge. At the same time if you won then you would become this huge AGT icon and not just Taylor Mathews who I used to send facebook messages with. I wish I never stopped that. Remember when I drilled you with questions like ketchup or mustard? It was supposed to be a give-take sort of thing so I stopped when you never asked any questions. I almost forgot about that myself. You are just amazing though. Or awesome. Do you know what that word really means? It means "creates awe" and awe is a sense of wonder and amazing with a little bit of fear. While you aren't scary you are this person who is able to connect to so many people through music. Isn't that a bit scary? Well not really but I can't think of how to explain it. It's late now. When I finish this letter I am going to sleep. I just saw that you have a blog. It's on wordpress but I am going to find a way so it notifies me every time you post. I just read them and what you talk about boggles my mind. I am too tired now to fully grasp it. I am going to read it all again tomorrow and then comment so maybe when you read this you actually know who I am. Or maybe I'll write another letter and actually send it into the mail to you but then I will probably just sound silly or stupid. I am not some inspirational story. I'm just an average "fan girl". It's not like I can create a story for myself just because it would bring attention to myself. I need to stop rambling. I better be seeing you on tour at Foxwoods. Family time at the casino thank you very much. Now I really need to sleep. But thank you Taylor Mathews and hopefully I actually get to meet you one day. And when I say meet I don't mean a quick "TAYLOR! CAN WE HAVE A PICTURE!" "oh sure" -click- "thank you!" and then we watch you run away with only a picture left. Yeah no. I mean actually talk to you away from millions of other screaming fans. But who knows if that will happen. And if it does I probably won't know what to say. Anyways. Good night.
From,
Molly
[i finished writing this at 8:57]

tonight would have been a good history homework night.

but i forgot my history book at school. we were going to stop and get it then my mother forgot. so it sucks to be me. whatever. i just won't do IDS. i finished my chart off of my memory and i am going to compare it to Katelyn's. so we will see. Katelyn is a good person to work with even if she annoys me often and she isn't my favorite person in the world. but not everyone can be one of my favorites.

i just remembered that i could do those readings for history. maybe i'll take a look at those.

i'll just mention a few things now. cause i'm in the blogging mood. when am i not? anyways. so at lunch Abby and I sit in the middle of freshmen boys. why the heck would we do that? we were there first. then they came. they were attracted to us because we are pretty juniors. probably not. it was probably because there was no one else sitting at the other end of our table then they multiplied. the only reason i don't mind this is because of Mike Rigali. i had heard of him before because he has a loud voice and i could hear him all the way from the third floor. hahaha not really but it's like a Lucas Fitzpatrick, sort of everyone knows who he is. anyways he's funny and makes me laugh. like when he told Abby that he was joining chorus and she got excited for a second and said "really?!" and he said "no. i was just kidding." just the way he was so serious was funny. that sort of sarcasm. even though i am never sarcastic i do appreciate every once and a while. AND THE BEST JOKE EVER. "two guys walk into a bar. the third one ducks." the funny thing is it took me a while to get it. abby had to explain it to me. it is absolutely hilarious though. so good. seriously so good.

ah what else? today my convo with Adam went like this "hi adam" "hi" ... "excuse me" "oh sorry!" (<- that was me saying oh sorry because i was in his way) "no problem" ... -awkward smile thing as we passed by each other- ... "bye" "bye" so yeah not very exciting.

jeez. i need to talk to people more.

and i just remembered that i need to give info to abby's madre in order for her to attend this fiesta with me. i could have just written that whole entire sentence in spanish (spanish 4 honors woo!) but those two words were fine. but i just sort of put together that danny responded "noo saturday the 11th!" on the event when someone said "this saturday?" last week. but the actually event says "friday the 17th" into what i guess would be early morning saturday the 18th if we actually stay that long. anyways. if it really was tomorrow we might be able to pull it off. it would be kind of hard in my family but it's not like i have anything else going now.

now i need to do something productive. like watch youtube videos. i'll probably be back later because i don't have a book to do IDSs with.

going for four.

cause there is no ice cream so i have nothing else to do and i really don't want to go to bed this is what i do. and it's pretty bad. poor Katie must think i'm crazy. i believe i'll be seeing her Tuesday? how wonderful. but this is what happens when i am exhausted and i take APUSH and two honors classes.

Me
katie! i have a question to ask you!
8:23pm
Katie
yesss? hahah
8:23pm
Me
do you know Danny Hentz?
8:23pm
Katie
yesss
whyyy?
8:24pm
Me
just wondering cause i went to driving school with him and now i have been invited to his b-party and i am planning on going but i'm ehehehhh like. i think i am brining a friend but yeah. i guess that doesn't make much sense. i'm tired.
8:25pm
Katie
hahahah
welll you have fun with thatt ;P
8:26pm
Me
yeahhh. i was sitting here not wanting to get in the show so i decided to should ask Katie what she knows about this guy.
8:27pm
Katie
hahaha alright. hes nice an dhe enjoys signing
but i have to go thougt byee ttyl
8:27pm
Me
*in the shower
alright! bye!
8:34pm
Katie is offline.

side note. i enjoy how Katie goes like "whyyyyy?" with all the yyyyys because that is what i do too on chat. yepppp is a common phrase of mine when i am chatting it up on facebook. anyways. now i have to sleep so i can pull off that skirt tomorrow.

this would be adorable, cute, and i would love to do it.

(third post today. woohooo. that's the spirit of september!)

but what is this thing that i think would be cute in the sense that i would like to do it and it would give me warm fuzzy feelings in my belly?

if/when i have a boyfriend i would love to go to his house after school on a set day every week and just do homework. yep. let's say Wednesday. every Wednesday either he would give me a ride to his house after school or i would drive there. we would sit at his kitchen table and just do homework. we would talk or we would just be silent and work in each other's company. maybe we would have another day of the week when he would come to my house and do the same thing. except it wouldn't be very quiet with all the children and pets and such. but maybe his house wouldn't be quiet either.

isn't that adorable and wonderful and i would so love to do that. it would be good for someone that i don't see often in school or whatever. don't you agree? ahhh the wonders of dreaming about better days with a boy in my life. but anyways. i need to eat some ice cream and go to sleep cause i'm hungry and tired.

i don't know what to do.

i think that i should be doing some homework but i don't know what to do. i have no motivation. and it's 6:27. goodness. i have to clean stalls. i think i'm going to wear a skirt tomorrow. and my new converse. so excited about those converse. every so often i will start thinking about Danny's party and get all excited and nervous and like ahhhh. i had a panic attack, well a mini one, when i thought he had a girlfriend for a second when i read Avarie's status but her little Danny having a girlfriend. thank goodness it isn't him. but why do i care? i don't even know the kid. i think it is hope. hope that he could turn out more than a friend or at least a good friend. my sisters are driving me crazy. seriously. i'm going insane. or maybe that is school. i need to turn up my music so i can't hear them talk to each other. stop with your sighing and complaining. and your fart jokes, they're ridiculous. Ryan Thornhill went to the library today during study hall and technically it's not even open yet. i'm guessing that is where he is going to be going every study hall. sucks for me. so you can assume that i didn't mention the concert to any of the band number and you would be correct. i sat directly behind Adam Munska today at the assembly i think he noticed but i'm not really sure. when i pass him in the hallway we exchange smiles. yesterday he was behind the bus when i got off at the barn. i waved at Kelly and he waved back. but then i waved at him again. and that is all that is. whatever evs. people need to stop complaining about junior year. okay it's a lot of work. get over it. seriously. this is a long paragraph. my brain is all over the place. it's in colonial america then it is in math class going over that packet. then i think about the lovely boys in my life. then i think about chemistry and then english and how we are going to have a pop quiz in that class which i am going to fail. and about ceramics and how it sucks how i don't have anyone to talk to but hey i did talk about inception today which either made me look good or bad in the eyes of all the seniors. well they will be gone in less than a year and i'll never see them again. peace out suckers. jonathan wickman needs to learn that he isn't always right. i swear that they do not called chips "fries" in England. especially not Ireland. i'm going to look it up. yeah every single site i just looked it says that English call chips "crisps" like i said. i don't know what England you went to jonjay, maybe New England? yeah so why don't you just leave Abby alone and sit with some people who enjoy your company. that sounded really bad. i don't mind him sitting with us that bad except for when he makes comments like that. but whatever. i'll get over it. i'll talk to my new freshman friend Mike Rigali. the other day i was walking all the way down to the bus and he was in front of me and saw me and said "Hi Molly" and I said "Hi Mike" and he said all shocked like "You know my name!" and I said "Oh my goodness, I do!" and then he got on the bus and talked to about a million other people. I swear everyone knows that kids and talks to him and loves him. Seriously. but i like him so far. he's one of those kids, you know? i'm just typing this while i am waiting to go to the barn. or waiting for my mother to tell me to get off my butt or ask me if i am ready because she is probably waiting for me. tomorrow's thursday you know. now she just said going to the barn in five. better get some socks on and maybe begin looking through my closet for something to go with my skirt. i'll be back at some point either today or tomorrow...and it's 6:45, which is of no importance but you can see how long it took me to write this.

this is sick.

do they really think all this school stuff is going to help us in the future? let me look that up. i'm sure there has been a study about it. after i do AP work...

I just wrote in my response notebook from eight grade.

i feel so happy.

today is saturday. yo.

so this morning i went to the barn. i rode my horse. then my sister rode my horse. while my sister was riding i talked to Rosemarie and told her everything she needs to know about horses. i talked to Tess who is a wonderful little girl. then Tess and I went to put stuff away in the tack room and Adam was cleaning a stall. I didn't even see him get there. So I said hi Adam and he said hi and asked how i was and i said good. and that was it. then i was hanging out in the ring some more. then i was sitting in that little sitting area with the other little girl Hannah and I was playing Barbies with her. i am sure Adam thought I was cool as he walked by. and then Hannah was singing Taylor Swift to me and I was jamming. I was impressed that she knew all the lyrics to You Belong With Me. then i left.

then i went to Mt. Tom's to visit Abby. poor Abby had to work NINE hours today. from noon to nine. that's a really long time. it was nice seeing her. i hope the rest of her shift went well. then we went geocaching which included getting into mischief at a church and looking cool at Big Y. we almost went into Big Y with our little GPS but instead we went behind that wonderful supermarket. then i stopped back to see Abby to make sure she had food to eat. then we went home. Mike Rigali added me as a friend on facebook. i thought that was an accomplishment.

talking about facebook in addition to having Mike Rigali add me i had Danny Hentz invite me to his sixteenth birthday party. that made me very happy. it was a private event on facebook so that means you had to be invited to be able to see it or say that you are going. and i was invited. yeahhh! i looked to see if Katelyn was invited but nope she was not. and there is no one who i know that is invited. unless Emily is but she doesn't have a facebook. except i believe Alex Blow is invited and he goes to my school but i have never met him and i don't actually know who he is. but anyways. i want to go but it's sort of tricky. the party starts at 8 and it is a fire thing and they are going to have an outdoor movie. i have never gone to a party of someone who my mother doesn't know. correction i went Cheyenne's party in 8th grade i believe. that was the night my granddad died. but that's beside the point. but this is a guy's party. oooo. that's daring. that would be the first guy's party i have ever been to. that would be the first guy's house i have ever been to during my career at HRHS. elementary school doesn't count. but still. so my idea is to bring Abby with me. sure Abby has never met this guy before but Abby is a very nice person who gets along with everyone. so i really would like this to work out. Abby might have to work. we could always arrive late but if she has to work another nine hour shift she might be a little tired seeing the event says the party is going to last until 12:30am. the other thing will be getting a ride home. but i think my parents will be willing. i'm not sure though. but if Abby says she can come then i'll ask Danny if it is okay if Abby comes then i'll ask my parents. scary.

then we went to the fair. so Maeve, Rosemarie, and I walked around like cool people. i saw a few people i knew. i said hi to Katie Yaggie (which isn't her real last name but i'm not going to look up how to spell it). i saw Mike Rigali but as i walked towards him he saw me and did the whole look away and pretend you are intent in your conversation. so i didn't say hi. i should of said really loudly "HI MIKE RIGALI" to embarrass him and Maeve and Rosemarie but i did not.

then i watched the battle of the bands. the first band was okay. the hampshire band was pretty good. they weren't FABULOUS but they were good and i enjoyed watching them. then Rosemarie and Maeve wanted to leave so we left. Jayna texted me and told me they didn't place. well that static back whatever sound didn't help them much. but anyways. at least i went and wasn't at home saying ah i wish i was there.

then i came home and i am here now. and i am watching Charlie on stickaid. then i'm going to go to sleep. then i'll wake up and do homework. then i may go to Woodstock Fair to watch people ride and such. i'm hungry though. so i should go eat some leftover chinese food. that actually sounds good. abby is probably sleeping now. maybe i'll get her response tomorrow. and then maybe i'll hang out with her on monday. but there you go. i'm going to go check that event from Danny and see if anyone has said anything or whatever. goodbye.

now i feel like crying. i'm tired. i just want to go to sleep. but i have to watch camp rock 2. maybe i won't and i'll just sleep. i sort of like that idea. it's day two and i'm already sick of this shit.

i can't believe i just completely forgot about my English homework. this is going to be great. i remembered to bring home my math binder to get a paper signed but English? nope. i better not forget about those history readings i have to do too.

ahahhhh. why am i doing this? can't i just drop out of school then have some huge successful business?

if i can't even managed my homework the first two days how do they expect me to survive the rest of the school year? i will end up failing all my classes and no college will want me.

savemeeeeepleaseeee.

This year is off to a great start.

I didn't do my math homework last night. Not on purpose. I didn't know she was collecting it so I decided to wait and do it over the weekend. She collected it. I think I did most of it during class so hopefully that is okay.

And now I just realized I left my whole freaking english binder at school. Which has an article I have to read and a paper I have to get signed.

FML.

I have never used that expression until now. AHHHHH.

i think i should of went to abby's house with her.

i would have even let her drive me there.

this post is going to be all over the place today.

i'll start with some quotes:

"I refuse to visit the nearby Oberweis because the owner, Jim Oberweis, is also an Illinois politicam with very different political views than mine" - Julie Halpern. She wrote this on her blog that I follow and it makes me really upset. I look up to this woman, I absolutely love her books. Seriously. I probably wrote a blog on it. That reminds me, I need to see if I can install a search bar on my blog so i can look for things like that. (i just added on but it's not working...i'll fix it later). But that annoys me so much. You can't judge a person just because of their political views. There is so much more to a person than that. Refusing to go to an ice cream store just because they think something different than you do? That's awful. I'm seriously considering not following Julie Halpern on blogger anymore but I know I still will.

I had another quote to talk about but now I don't remember it. That sucks. I wish I remembered because now I just lied when I said "I'll start with some quotes" because i don't have any other. and why do I keep switching from capital I and lowercase i it's just confusing and inconsistent.

so i've had an sort of internet "crush" (i use that term loosey because it isn't really a crush but i'll explain more) on Cam Cote ever since HE added me on facebook. I do not know why he did all i know is that he did and i accepted. and i follow him on tumblr (and he doesn't follow me back...ungrateful people that i follow). but it's more like i only know him through the internet but i'm curious about who the heck he is as a person. kind of like with Lucas Fitzpatrick (but at least he follows me back) and even other people who i am "friends" with on facebook. the great majority of my 200 "friends" (yeah! i have exactly 200! woo!) i don't even talk to at school and if i passed them in the hallway i wouldn't even smile at them. some of them i have never talked to before in my life. that's just how facebook works though. but anyways. i spoke to this Cam for the first time yesterday. he was at his locker with his arms full and he couldn't open it. so i told him that a bunch of us had the wrong combos so i wouldn't try too hard. i am not sure what he said because then i left. so i hope he actually had the wrong combo and it wasn't that he had the right combo he just couldn't open it. but anyways. he probably had no idea who i was but hey i'm just a creepy junior so it's all cool.

want to hear about my latest adventures in the world of working with a cute guy? well i'm not technically working with him so let me reprhase that. want to hear about my latest adventures of boarding my horse at the same place a cute guy in my class works at? that's better.

OHHHH
"you got so pretty over the summer" - Mrs. Clarke! or at least something to that sort. do you think that i'm pretty or that i got prettier over the summer? or is it just because i was wearing makeup (i need to figure out how to use makeup so it actually looks good. i'll figure it out eventually though)? anyways.

before i get back to Adam i want to mention my study hall. (i told you that this blog was going to be all over the place). i have study hall every other day and the other day i have chem (ahahahahhhh (that was an AHH not an hahaha)). so my study hall has mostly the kids in my chem class and the kids in physics next door. so katelyn is there so i talk to her. but Ryan Thornhill and his friends Sam Hanson and Hudson Cooney are also there because they have physics. anyways Ryan ended up sitting to my left because that was pretty much the only seat left (katelyn's sitting in front of me). so i can pretty much hear what they are saying and in turn they could hear what i am saying to Katelyn. but they were saying how the battle of the bands is tomorrow and how now would be a good time to promote it but they aren't good promoters. they said once a little louder "Everyone come to battle of the bands tomorrow" and that was it. then when we were leaving Sam said the same thing and i said loudly to Katelyn "Hey Katelyn want to come to the battle of the band with me tomorrow" in a joking manner but i don't think they heard. Katelyn's going to six flags for a concert anyways. I would tell Abby that we should go because it is at the Three County Fair but she is working until nine. This is the one time where I do not like the fact that Abby is working. Cause it works out perfectly we could just say we were going to go to the fair and we could do whatever we wanted...like go to a concert. So it sucks that the one day she is working is the one day they are performing. it would be a good conversation starter for study hall but whatever. with my luck we will probably end up going to the fair with my family so i'll be the loser walking around with my family and i will just quickly walk by that area. or i'll embrace my family and hold my head up high. anyways.

yeah at the barn is really nothing to say. when i got there Adam was already cleaning stalls (him with his car so he doesn't have to ride the buses and wait for them to actually leave. >.<). but i passed by the stall to go to the bathroom to "wash my hands" and to mostly fix my hair (hahaha at the barn that isn't going to last for long). he was on the phone so i waved at him and kept going. then when i came back by i said hi and asked him if his second day was better than his first. and he said yes and then he asked me how mine was and i said it was decent it's school and he said yeah how good can school be or something like that. then i said i had to go work my horse in the heat. so i did and then i was coming up to get shavings and he asked me what this was and showed me this old metal thing. i took it and asked him where he found it and he said in Flyboy's stall in the shavings. i looked in the stall to see if it looked like it belonged somewhere. it was way too rusty to be something from those stalls because they're only a couple years old. so i put it in the tackroom and wrote a note up on the wall. then i came back down to the lower barn to finish my stall and fill up the waterbuckets and i told him i wrote a note on the board and that was all i talked to him. then i was done and he was still working. it was going to be a while until my mother picked me up so i sat in the little "seating area" and read some AP history stuff. Adam walked by a few times and he did the whole walk really fast and look down to get by. or at leas that is what i got. i kept reading. i guess i could have looked up and said something but he was working you know? he did that maybe four times then he put his wheelbarrow away, wrote his hours down, then he was going to leave and i looked up and said bye and waved and he did too. and then i was looking down reading and he walked by again like he forgot something but i just pretended i didn't notice.

he seems so nervous though. not so much when i'm talking to him but it's like he doesn't know if he should say something to me or how he should act or whatever. i want him to just relax. i am...sort of. well i am more than i have been in the past around boys that have interested me. maybe it's because the barn is like my second home so i'm pretty darn comfortable there. but hey i've been talking to him at school when i'm put on the spot. i don't like the whole thinking ahead like "he's going to be coming by here, what should i say?" because that just drives me crazy. then i'll have a whole conversation of the way things could go then they definitely won't go that way because they i can predict the future. EXCEPT when i went to visit Abby on Wednesday i realized i was wearing my Glee shirt and i thought that she was going to say "i like your shirt" and i would say "i got it at a great concert" and she would say "really?" and then Brian would be there and ask something then we could explain. and when i got there she actually did say all of that and i responded with that! except Brian wasn't there. but i contribute that more to me knowing Abby well enough to predict what she will say.

i think Danny Hentz is avoiding me. yep i do indeed. he comes onto facebook for a second or two then logs out. i think he has those friends lists and is just going offline on the friend list he put me in. i didn't think i was that bad. jeez. of course i'm probably just overanalyzing. i don't really care. i'm pretty nonchalant about that. the other day he posted up an invite to his 16th birthday party (little child still 15) but it was only up for like ten minutes before it was deleted. so either he made it private so only the people he invited can see it or he deleted it for other reasons like it's not happening or change of plans. whatever. i have school now and AP and honor classes so i can't be worrying about a boy i met in driving school. chyeah.

i should be doing AP work but shouldn't i enjoy the free time i have now while i can? because i am sure i won't be able to post extremely long posts like this for long. Maura and Maeve both have a friend sleeping over so i can do work while they are running while, right? probably wrong. i thought about inviting Abby to sleep over but i'm not sure if she would actually want to with her sister here and Maura's friend. and i don't know if we could get her to work at 12 because i have my riding lesson and such. plus i don't want her to be sick of me so i can go visit her while she is working like i have all the other times she has worked.

now i am kind of getting bored of this but i don't have anything else to do. wonderful. maybe Abby should get online so then i can talk to her about all of this but she actually has stuff to do i presume.

oh and the search engine doesn't work because my blog is private. i would make it public but i'm terrified that this will get out and then change my life FOREVER. well it probably won't. who knows what would happen if it did get off. first of all no one would actually read it all. they would probably pick one paragraph where i bash someone or say something about someone and just that will circulate around. then i will be judged and hopefully Abby will still be my friend because i think a lot of people wouldn't like me anymore. but that's why we have thoughts so people don't have to know what we are thinking about them because if they heard every thought then they would get upset when they heard that one bad thought. but anyways. maybe it would be good if it got out. people would look at me differently. maybe i would make some new friends from people who respect this and are like "whoa this girl is cool". most likely not. who would think spending hours writing about nonsense is cool? that is why i will publish this when i am old when no one can be mad me at for having opinions. that's horrible isn't it? i can't tell people how i really feel and think because then they will overreaction and get all mad because of one emotion. people have feelings and those feelings change all the time. i can hate you one day and love you the next. or i can just hate you everyday. or i can have no idea how to correctly portray how i feel about you. right?

i really need to stop.

edit: this says that i posted this post at 4:54pm or something like that but that is incorrect. i actually posted this at 6:26pm. i started this post at 4:54. i told you i spend hours on here.

Facebook Status From My Cousin. I wonder what the quote is from.

Eric Hydeman ‎"Playing it safe is the most popular way to fail."
about a minute ago · Comment · Like

my fourteenth first day of school (if you include preschool).

yep and it's over. it was a typical first day, nothing special.
my predictions:
English, Spanish, and (MAYBE) History will be the best subjects.
Chemistry and Math will be the worst subjects. (but Kellie is in my math class! so excited! she is my friend from the barn who is a SENIOR, what?)
Ceramics depends on if i find someone to be friends with. right now i'm sitting at a table with two seniors who just ignored me and i just ignored them. i could sit with two other juniors who i don't really know and a sophomore. but i don't know. i just want a friend in that class. like Ally last year. ):

OH! today i had double lab so between periods Katelyn and I did a loop through the science wing and right when we came down the stairs to the first floor Adam was there with one of his friends, i didn't really pay attention to who it was. anyways i knew he was in Ms. Seymour's room in the science wing on the first floor because when i passed by i saw him. (NOT because i knew his schedule but i really don't have any idea other than he doesn't have any classes with me and has the same lunch as me). but he sort of acted like he didn't know if he should say something or not and i said "hi Adam" and he said "hi" and i asked if he was going to the barn and he said he was. and then i asked if he was in physics and he said how he was taking two science classes and he wanted to take three and how i was in chemistry. and then that was it because i had to go upstairs and him to his classroom.

then after i finally got on the bus that went to the barn i got off the bus with Maeve and Adam pulled in. thankfully he didn't run us over. and he didn't come into the tackroom where i was. then i came out to go get changed and i was only in my barefeet (HAHAHAHA. that was funny how i wrote that. i was only in my barefeet...hahaha) because i had blisters. i explained that to him as he put Flyboy up on the crossties then Maeve called me back so i talked to her and then i came back and he was cleaning a stall so i just got changed and such. then i was going to get Pride and he was dumping his wheelbarrow so i asked him how his first day of school was and he said it was horrible or terrible or something like that and i felt bad. i asked if he liked any of his teachers and he said no so i said it would be a fun year then. and he asked about mine and i said how it felt like i had never left and it was decent and expected (which is GOOD). and that was pretty much it because then the barn went wild.

first there was a wild donkey from across the street that we rescued and then he freaked out all the horses so i didn't get on Pride because i was helping Maeve and Pride was freaking out so I helped Kate bring him down to the lower barn and then right when i was about to get on Pride the lawn people come and they freak Pride and Flyboy out so Maeve said we should go down to the lower ring so i said fine which i shouldn't have done because it was extremely hot out and Maeve was scared of Flyboy so she just hand walked him even though he was fine but i rode Pride and he only had one freak out moment so it was all good and then my mom came and when i got off of Pride i almost passed out and i could barely make it up the hill and then i sat in the tackroom with the fan on me but luckily Adam was already gone. you can tell i'm in honors English because of that run-on sentence.

and that's all. i have another day tomorrow. then 178 after that.

tomorrrrow. we will see what happens. Seventeen magazine told me something was going to happen tomorrow. let me look it up because i keep all my magazines. okay my whole Seventeen horoscope for September is "With the sun in the most outgoing area of your chart, you'll be in a very social mood all month. But on the 3rd, Mercury will give you an extra boost of confidence to break through your Cancer shell and chat up a guy who usually gives you butterflies. He'll be psyched!"

now i don't know how much i should trust Seventeen magazine's horoscope but you know i kind of hope it is true. but I talked to Adam today and it's not the 3rd and he doesn't give me huge butterflies. but i really hope that I will be in a social mood all month because this month is important. well not really because everyone already sort of has their ideas about everyone including me. i don't know what they think of me when they look over me but hey i do the same to them.

goodness. i might not make it to 500 posts by Friday because of the homework i'll probably have. especially since i said fuck homework tonight. OH MY GOD DID I JUST SAY THE F WORD? OH MY GOODNESS DID I JUST USE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN? yeah you can see what kind of night i'm having. but i heard my mother say "fuck" the first time at the horse show. it wasn't just by itself. i believe it was either used as a verb or adjective. but yeahhh yeahh. i don't use that word very often. and when i say "i said fuck homework tonight" that means i didn't do homework i could have done. i did all the stuff due tomorrow but stuff due next week, ehh whatever.

i just don't want to get in the shower and go to bed so i am going to stay on the computer. i'm hoping Abby comes online. she just liked my status and commented on it. now i better go ask why. and i should post this up so i can tell her to read it. and i'm going to go eat some ice cream that she scooped for me yesterday. wow that was only yesterday night. it seems like forever ago.

so it's nine and i am about to go up to sleep but i would rather not because Danny Hentz is online and i don't want to admit that summer is over even

though i am really tired and i would like to sleep but i don't even know what i am wearing so i am probably not getting any sleep tonight but at least i had some nice ice cream scooped by my bestest friend on my last night of summer now i have to finish this run-on sentence that was too long for the title, goodness.

so in 12 hours i'll be at school as a junior.

that's not scary or anything.

that was obviously sarcastic.

but i'm not that scared. i am a bit. but you know.

i'm going to go visit abby now. good bye.