arg-ums.

my posts are always really long. i wonder how many people actually read all of them. i wonder how many people will read this then go and read all of them. i wonder how many people actually come on here. it's not like a publicize it or anything. it's not like i want people to read it but they are welcome to. this is more just a place for me to vent and get some of my feelings on paper and to just write.

well i had my riding lesson today. and i was left out like always. the other seven girls who were there had a great old time talking with each other and whatever they do. i was left out. the silent one in the corner. i guess that is fine with me but it gets kind of old being left out. i normally have my sister but not on Mondays or in a lot of my lessons now since i am in high school now. it's hard. to tell you the truth it is very hard to not have any friends there. that is all they see of me though so that is what they think - i am a loner who doesn't say a word and doesn't have any friends. then they can either add on to that if they think i am a good rider or not. it is awful. i am so glad that i have friends at school that i can be myself around. if only you guys would take up rider so i could have you at the barn too. they must hate me even more though because i was really early today so i was waiting around and then they came and i swear they just threw those saddles on without even brushing their horses because suddenly they were ready. i was the last one in the ring out of seven and of course i had stirrup problems. argggggg. and i have a horse show on Sunday but i don't think that will be as bad...maybe? but it is suppose to be cocoococcllldldldlddd.

what else...i don't know. my life seems crazy and like i am doing nothing at the same time. tomorrow will be busy, i have to babysit from 3:10 until 5:30 then i have 4H at 6:30 then American Idol at 8. i better not have that much homework or else no American Idol for meeeeee. there's nothing really exciting other than horses but that has been part of my life for almost 3 and a half years now. so yeah. i am just trying to survive each day, one day at a time. there are still people i have to deal with at school which i can just barely. it makes me think a lot about people. how they should act. what they should do. it comes down to the fact that they are people and they are themselves, they are no one else. we have to keep that in mind when we start to judge them. they are who they are so who cares. i am living on the fact that in four years i will never have to see them again. (: