ah. <3

first and most important - I HAVE MY BLACK BELT AND MY MASK! I am a NINJA! (: okay. and the room is very dull and i can't even become invisible because i am not a member. poo.

well i went to the show. and it was nice. my mother dropped off sister and I and we just sat and watched. it was AMAZING. they are a really talented groups of people those Improvers - my twin included. the a capella was also AMAZINNNGGGG. omg. i have discovered something every important that will be crucial to the rest of my life. so important that it needs it's own paragraph.

i am a sucker for guys that can sing well.

omg. when Grayson - i believe that is his name, i don't know about spelling - sang first i was like ahhhhhhhhhhhh. it was great. like beyond great. like i almost died. like he was great. like omg if someone sang that to me i would probably faint. like i love both of the songs and it reminded me when David Archuleta sang Beautiful Girls at the concern last summer. ah. ah. ah. ah. of course the little kid who sang afterwards, Ben, and when Jonathon sings - not as good, not even close. Ben is alright but he messed up that song and Jonathon is just annoying when he sings. so yeah. <3

ooooo. bad girl.

guess what i just did? i drew on the wall. i made a little heart. but then i erased it.

my mother just called and she asked if i wanted to go to the thing at the high school tonight. woahhhh. she said that maeve wanted to go. so it looks like we might be going after all?

and i am sucking right now at club penguin. i have played 3, 4, or 5 games and i have only won one...I NEED THAT BLACK BELT. i also like messing with people that but that takes away from my black belt.

so it is a yes...

Wow. Someone actually does read this. My twin does. I really believed that I was the only one who ever read this. Knowing that someone does read this may affect how I write them...maybe? I'm not sure. I am going to hope that it doesn't but I know it will probably be in the back of my head. Not that it matters. Blogs are suppose to be read. 

We are doing a time capsule thing in health and in my note to myself I am going to put this address. the url to this site i mean. i really want to be able to look back on this and remember what i was feeling so i can see how i have grown and changed and so i won't forget when i was a little freshman.

so this Sunday is Horse Bowl and i am extremely nervous already. first off the questions are much much harder than last year because i am a senior this year. and you have to buzz in and say things out loud and if you get it wrong then you get minus a point. yeah. it is very nerve racking. is that even how you say it - nerve racking? either way i am nervous already.

then next sunday is another horse show. i am probably more nervous for that because i pretty much need to place if i want to qualify for regionals. i only need 5 points so if i get a 2nd i am all set. i can only show in two more horse shows. i would like to place in this one so my last show i don't have to get a second or higher. so yeah. i really want to qualify though. Maeve already did for jumping. last year i didn't even come close. yeah.

do you notice how i switch back and forth from capitalizing to not? at the beginning i did and now i'm...not. the beginning of this post. i tend to not capitalize more often. i wonder why...

we got back our English essays for A Separate Peace today. I got an 80. It is a decent grade for first real essay of the year and it being an honor's class. Most people ranged from a 60-75 i think. so yeah, i am happy with an 80. not really why i wrote about that. but i did.

i often will start thinking about writing blogs and what i will put in them. i actually thought about writing this and here i am writing it. but sometimes you just don't feel like writing about what you thought before or you forget or you word it differently. or whatever.

club penguin. probably one of the most stupidest sites i have ever been on. Maura has a membership. yes, she actually pays money so she can get all the special features of it. I use to be obsessed with it then i completely forgot about it until now when Maura got me back into it. they added a lot more things than before. like this card thing. it is sort of like super Rock, Paper, Scissors. you earn belts though, like karate. i have my brown. i almost have my black. i need to get my black. it is like an obsession but not really because if it was i would be on there now instead of writing this extremely long blog [ are you still reading it Abby? ]. 

right now my friend, wait my TWIN, Abby is at practice for the musical our school is putting on. this year we are doing The Music Man, last year we did Fiddler on the Roof. that was the first year we did it. but yes Abby is there now and then afterwards she is going to hang out with those peeps that also stayed after then she has LOL @ HRHS where Improvers Anonymous are going to preform. Abby is apart of Improvers Anonymous. she had to addition and she made it! wooohooo! so yes she is there. i most likely will not be going for the reason that i never mentioned it to my mother and i don't feel like stressing everyone out today and bringing it up...is that not very good of me? i sort of feel bad not being there for my twin especially because of the reason i am too chicken to ask my mother if we could go...and if we did go it would be my whole family...

i think i am out of things to say right now. i am sure if i keep thinking long enough i will think of something. i just did but i'm not going to write about it. i am going to be done...for now.

this probably isn't the right mood to be writing a blog in but I am. I am soooo frustrated. I can't even play a game of Mario Kart with my sisters without them bitching at each other. just SHUT UP! it is so infuriating! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. They can't talk nice to each other - instead they just scream and bitch. I kind of wish we did have school today that way I wouldn't have to deal with them.

Okay. now I need to calm myself down. I need to go to the bathroom but I don't feel like getting up and walking the 10 or less steps into the bathroom. Now I want to see how many steps it does take to get there...so I guess i'll be back. 

it only took 6 steps. then four steps to the stairs, so i could go up there and get my headphones so i could listen to my lovely itunes to calm myself. both the kitties were sleeping my room. i like seeing them sleeping in there.

so about that last post - Bella is still pretty much a bitch. she doesn't deserve to be president. not that i want to though. so yeah. i would love to quit 4H but I still like to do all the activities and the horse shows so if we joined another group that would give us a very bad reputation and yeah...but you know Bella probably could be a photographer - it doesn't take much thinking or good grades.

so i'm an office aid. which basically means i have to sign all the passes, answer the phone, deliver things, let people in, and such. there is a tenth grader working with me. she is nice. yeah. it is a new experience. i am still getting use to it. i get community service for it and I am there for about an hour everyday so i just have to be there for 30 days and i am all set for graduation. my dad thinks that the reason i am doing it is because of my great grades or something. it is just because the secretary, Ms. Clark, is related to Lisa and Erin and Lisa said something so yeah. word of mouth. but i like it even though i miss out on the conversations in the morning since i am in there for homeroom too. some of my friends are upset that they don't get to see me in the morning since i never get to see them during the day. but they will get over it because i think being an office aid is more important.

i have to make dinner tonight. wednesday. first time. really i don't think i have to if i don't want to but i probably should. mother does sooooooo much for us and she is at the barn with Maeve on Wednesday afternoons so yeah, i could make dinner...we will see how that goes. i think i am just going to have to put something in the oven...

i don't like being a teenager. at all. i can't wait until i am done with high school, done with these stupid teenage years. it's just gah. plus teenagers have a big reputation so even though i haven't done anything they are expecting me to any second. but think about it. i am growing up and going through those lovely awkward stages. i have school. homework. i have to deal with the social part of school. i have to deal with my family. i have to deal with riding and all that stress. i have these things called hormones. i am trying to figure things out. yeah, i don't have a lot going for me, just a lot against me.

it's 2:17. i would be out of school if it wasn't a snow day.

i still have homework even though it is a snow day. it is due on Thursday. i started it. it isn't done yet...blah.

today hasn't been a great day. it was just asdfjkl;asdfjkl; i don't know how to explain it. pretty much everyone's mood hasn't been great and i think it would have been better if we did have school. we needed the extra sleep though. well i just have to make it through a few more days. then a few more. then a month. a year. another year. the rest of my life.

BULL SHIT. BITCH.

"Bella Brogle is posibly going to be a photographer some day! :)."

i swear i am going to kill that kid. CAN'T YOU SPELL POSSIBLY CORRECTLY? and your pictures are BULL SHIT.

yes i swore a few times in here.

okay well i haven't posted in this for a while. honestly i forgot about it like completely. (i'm not suppose to use 'like' like that but i just did and i'm not changing it - ha!). well i should probably first update you on Colin - everything seems fine. completely absolutely fine. he came over Abby's house and it was wonderful. it just doesn't sound true to me. but i don't know. i barely see him ever so yeah. i don't really want to talk about that anymore.

can i talk about how much of a bitch Bella is? yeah, i just used the word bitch, though it could easily be replaced with idiot, retard, and any of those sorts of names. my mother was feeding on Monday night and Bella didn't empty out Tiger Eye's (she is leasing Tiger Eye, so she is responsible for him) water bucket and there was ice in it which isn't good for horses. so my mother was like "uhh Bella? are you planning on emptying Tiger Eye's water bucket. it is filled with ice." and she gave her some sort of crap about breaking it up. umm Bella - the point is to get rid of the ice completely not just break it up. anyways she gave my mother some more shit then went down to empty it. she came back up. then my mother and i went down to finish up and my mother checked Tiger Eye's bucket. it was EMPTY. she emptied it but she didn't fill it up! what a jerk! my mother filled it up but that is Bella's responsibility - not my mom's, my mom just has to top it of not completely fill it. she only has to do that with Carolyn's buckets. so we went back up and i was getting my stuff together to go home and mommy confronted Bella again. Bella gave her crap again saying how she couldn't carry a water bucket full of water. she couldn't even carry half a bucket because "her back hurt" or something. BULL SHIT. Maeve can easily carry half a bucket of water. could she have at least told my mom that she couldn't fill it because if my mom didn't check it then he wouldn't have any water. then Lori came over and asked what the problem was. UGG SHE ANNOYS ME TOO since she did such a great job parenting didn't she? doesn't she see who Bella has become. she is a huge jerk. but yeah i am mad at Bella and i really don't want to go to 4H and deal with all those jerks. jglkdjfgladksfjadls;

let's see i have a few more topics i want to cover including office aid, the other jerks at the barn, boring life at school, and more but i have to babysit. i have to walk because my mother isn't here - she is at the barn. it is cold outside. gah.

oh. wow.

i don't know where to start. maybe with the obvious. abby's boyfriend, colin is thinking about suicide. and i think i made it worse. and i hate myself for that. i told my mom and showed it to her. i think that helped a bit. not that we did anything but i didn't have to carry that all by myself. but still. gah. it is hard. i don't know what else to right other than the fact that today has not been a good day and i barely even know this kid. i am going to shut up now. i just wanted to make a note of this so when i look back on it maybe i can remember this feeling and such. it's asdfjkl;asdfjkl;asdfjkla;sdjfkldajgoiaergjdilfj now i will shut up before i make it even worse.

i guess i should talk about this stuff too...

guess what. we have a new president. everyone is so thrilled, blah, blah, blah. well while you are all celebrating i bet you only know one side of the story. seriously. how many kids out there have been educated about politics from both sides? i am pretty sure their parents told them one thing and they believed it not caring what the other side may be. in this state that was probably the democratic side. especially since almost everyone is liberal along with all the teachers.

my family is republican.

if that surprises any of you who read it well that just means that i don't go around shouting how much i hate Obama just because he doesn't believe the same things my family does, unlike some Obama supporters who all they do is bash Bush and McCain. you know Bush may not have been perfect, or McCain, but we are humans we know. Bush helped us get through 9/11. we are still alive today. he wasn't a dictator. we are safe and healthy. so really there is only so much bad stuff you can say about Bush because right now you are alive. 

honestly i can't say how much i really understand it all but at least i know that i am getting both sides. at school i get the democratic side mostly, even if they try to be unbias and at home my father tells me both. he tells me what he believes and what other people believe. i'm glad that i am in a country where i can be the odd one out, and be a republican, and not get killed.

but time will tell. we will see how this works out and maybe Obama will be a wonderful president, or he will be a horrible one. i am sure that the democrats will make some excuse for him, probably blame it back to Bush again, but we will see. 

and after reading that don't go and hate me because i believe something different that you. i don't care what your political views are. i don't care if you are gay, straight, bi. i don't care if you are black, red, white. i don't care if you are male or female. i don't care what religion you believe in. i don't think it should even be brought up that there is a difference if we are all the same. how come they are making such a big deal out of the first black president if we are all the same? how come they made a big deal about Sarah Palin being female if both genders are equal? should it matter?

well that is my political stuff. i can't wait until i am older and actually know what i am talking about and i look back on this. who knows what will happen.

oh i just want to add what happened on January the 20th. 1st period = study hall = t.v. on the whole time. 2nd period = English = t.v. on for second half of class. 3rd period = spanish = t.v. on end of class. 4th period = Geometry = t.v. on while doing homework. 5th period = gym = swearing in of president = no t.v. 6th period = science = after speech = nothing. 7th period = history = 1:30ish to 2:15 = no t.v., just talked about it the whole period. the next day = 7th period, saw the swearing in and speech.

wow. so much as happened. i just haven't brought myself around to writing it.

let's see...horse show. i was left out again. i always am. my mom tells me to make conversation but it is easier said than done. it was a really long day, the show started late. i don't really feel like writing this...i have been trying to block it from my memory and not realize think about it. but i had this speedy little pony and she picked up the wrong lead, i didn't realize it and i thought i heard Carolyn say "Go Molly Go!" so i went then i  heard my mom say "switch" by the time i got to the other side of the ring. i was on the wrong lead...she must have been saying "No Molly No!" it was really awful after i had been working so hard on my leads. i just blew it. i am so mad at myself. of course i didn't place. my one chance and i ruined it. i feel like crying right now. what makes it even worse is afterwards i cried, silent tears. i was mad at myself for that too. I look up to Dana. I am not sure if any of you know her, she goes to Northampton High School. She manages to fit in, not get upset over little things like me, talk to me and attempt to make me feel better. I wish I was more like her...well from what I see of her.

Then this morning i felt awful. i was so tired and i felt sick. i woke up at noon and read for a half and hour. then i had my riding lesson. i didn't want to go. at all. i went. i rode Dana's horse - Kiwi. She told me as I was taking Kiwi to get on her that she as going to be hyper today. she probably hadn't been ridden in a while. so i rode her and she wasn't perfect, she wasn't horrible either. i cantered in the first direction and it wasn't that great. she kept putting her head down and wasn't very consistent and i doubt i was doing a good job. Carolyn wasn't telling me much to do either. then the second direction i fell off. Carolyn told me to circle, so i was then Kiwi just stopped. i fell over her neck and somehow was facing the other way. so i was looking one way and Kiwi the other. i had my eyes open for part of the ride down and i remember what it looked like. i hurt my back. and it still hurts now. it hurt the most when i sneezed. Carolyn got back on her and rode her and she was fine. then she asked if i was ready and i was a wimp and said yes but i didn't want to canter. she was fine afterwards, just trotting around. when i was done Dana took her and rode her. i know that she felt bad that her horse threw me but it wasn't her fault. if it was anyone's fault, it was mine. and i am proud of myself that i didn't cry when i fell off. i almost did though when Mommy came in and started talking to me.

later when i was talking to my mom about it, she had gone back to the barn to feed and talked to Laura and thought it might have been Lacey, another horse in the lesson. When I circled Lacey was coming up on the long side. I had to turn early so I wouldn't crash into her. That was my last thoughts were about. Kiwi has something against Lacey. I also remember when Carolyn was riding she went over near Lacey and said "Do you like Lacey?" or something like that. Then when I was riding again the teenage Laura who was riding Lacey was trying to get her to stand on a bag and Lacey did something that made Kiwi stop or do something silly. So maybe it was Lacey but I wasn't a good enough rider to stay on.

People who aren't horse people don't understand falling off. It isn't good. i think they get that. but it is more like a question of your ability to ride almost. at least that is how i see it. i know that everyone falls off but still if someone else was in that situation would they have fallen off? i don't know. and really i just want to forget about it. but i am afraid of what will happen when i see Dana and all of them next. ahahadklfjlakdsjfkldsajfalks;dfjaskldfjklasdjfkldsjfkladsnbgjkdfnghsgjriael;jsdlkgn I have more i want to talk about but really i should stop and go to bed. it is 8:30 now. arggg. i wish there was someone i could talk to about all of this and would understand and wouldn't care if i cried and would support me. sounds like my mother but someone more my age, who would understand better. i have no one. but not really. i have lots but it is hard. do you understand me and my life at all?

asdfadjsflkasd

i am so tired. i slept until noon then read for a half an hour. i went to bed around 10. i feel sick. i sort of want to vent but not now. eventually i will tell all about the horse show but i really wish i could just forget about it. asdklfjadklf.

over 17 hours.

over 17 hours.

i am so mad and disappointed in myself.

"so are YOU alive?"

well i guess my glasses are okay. i like them a lot. i think i just needed to get use to them. yeah. anyways. i had a banquet last night. i got four awards. more by default since i was the only one who went to three required shows. it was okay. sort of...blah. but whatever.

so i should be doing homework now seeing as i have a horse show tomorrow and later we may not be here. but i'm not. i'm doing this instead and other insignificant things. i don't really want to go to the horse show tomorrow. we have to be leaving from the barn by 5:00am. ahahahahadskfjasdkljfkladsfj. thank goodness we don't have school on Monday. but i'm probably going to end up being left out again. me and Maeve. not mention i am the weaker of my team seeing as I am only doing flat, not jumping. sure there are two other girls at the same level as me, and in the same class...this may sound mean but i really want to beat them. i know i win a lot but i think Abby (one of the girls at the same level as me, who is in 10th grade) needs a kick in the butt to see that she isn't the best. it is a lot about the luck of the draw - which horse you get. hopefully i get a good horse. i am only in one class and pretty much i blow it or i do wonderful. if i get a 1st or 2nd place at this show that means i have enough points to go onto zones or regionals, not sure which one is first. plus i have three more shows where i can get those 5 more points. so yeah. i get to wake up at 4:30am and not ride until like 2pm. i'll probably rant about it tomorrow afterwards. no need to worry. and if you don't get any of that then that is okay. (:

are you kidding me?

i am so frustrated. if i said the word pissed i would say i am pissed. you know those wonderful new glasses i got and posted about early today? about an hour ago? guess what? i can see better with my old glasses. aasdkl;flasld. and i know that they cost a good bit of money for my mother, not enough for a dollar a day a year but still a lot. why can't i just get my lovely glasses and move on? i really was looking forward to wearing them tomorrow but now what is the point? it will make it even harder to see. i may bring both of them and just alternate. that might strain my eyes even more. right now they are freaking out of me and giving me a headache. aahahahaahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i have on my old glasses but i still feel awful. omg. ahahahadfjlaskldl;al;adfjlagkljvadsfkkdsgvjkadsfjkadskl;faklsdfkldasfklala;sdfasdfajskdlf;als and tomorrow i going to have to go back and i really don't want to. i hate to do things like that. now i just have no glasses on. why can't i just have my eyesight back that i had before? i really hate glasses now. hate them. alalksklsdlkfsadkl;adfskl;dfkl;safdjklfsjklfjajsdlkgjaeriohrjeaojkrdop'fbhijepodfj. grrrr ahahah falkdsjfklasas  gasslhgurfguaer;dfijlkbnjghafijdklaksdljfkaldjs

"i can see clearly now, the rain is gone" <3

yep. new glasses. right now i love them. i had a headache because of them for the first half an hour but now they are wonderful. i already have some smudges on them though...but they gave me some cleaner stuff at this place, they didn't do that at Target. anyways i like them. we'll see how they are. i wonder how many people will comment on them. in 8th grade i don't think many people did. but whatever. i had wanted to get contacts but my eyes are too sensitive. blah. but i think that is okay. maybe i look better with glasses? i don't know. i haven't had them that long, 3 and a half years, and this is my third pair. each time i have liked the newest one the best.

"eh okay sorta' got a brain made of scrambled eggs" I love you Abbs. (: 

my blogs have been shorter lately. there has been nothing i can ramble on about. i'm sure i could think of something if i tried really hard but maybe it will be nice for the people who read this, if anyone does, to get a short one today. so yeah. maybe i'll post a longer one later.

oh wait. i remembered something i wanted to talk about. is it bad that i have an 87 in honors science yet i want to get it up to a 90. i know it is an honors class and technically it is 10 points more but. people would probably be like "what is wrong with you?" if i told them that, especially if they consider upper 80s wonderful in a normal class. my sister Maeve doesn't like lower 90s on a test or anything. those are my expectations for myself, 90s. when i get them it feels good but it most likely doesn't feel as good as something who always gets low grades get an 100. but i am keeping those expectations up, no matter what anyone else says.

there is another topic i want to cover about expectations just for a different thing but i'll probably do that later today or tomorrow. (:

i'm still here.

well i survived the day. it wasn't that bad. just another day. boring. yeah. everyday stuff. nothing new. blah. yeah. wow. i can talk in sentence fragments. 

people are idiots. 4h is gahhh. i am wondering why we are still in that group. my mother is thinking of starting her own. but grrr.

i love my sisters. i can't wait for them to come to HRHS. Maeve is next year. (: then Maura when i am in 12th grade. one year for all three of us!

um. i really have nothing to write about currently. i probably will later today and post for the third time today.

watched American Idol last night. i was exhausted this morning and i am planning on watching it again tonight. i wonder if people on their actually realize how bad they are...especially if they have watched the show before. whatever. it entertains me.

i don't have any homework today really. just a test tomorrow and something due of Friday. this week has seemed so long. today is only Wed. gadlfja

welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. yeah. i'm sort of bored. i should listen to some music. but i think i am going to eat some leftover subway.

this was so pointless.

grrrrrrrrrr.

i am so tired. i feel awful. i do not want to go to school. i do not want to eat anything. i want to sleep. i can't skip school though cause i have a test in history along with the fact that i shouldn't miss school. so yeah.

just three and a half more years.

i get so frustrated at people. extremely. so there is a special needs girl who is older than me and her locker is near mine. she has a lock and key instead of a combination. she is extremely nice but some other people are not. one girl helped her unlock it right when i was getting there. this isn't exactly one of my friends - she is pretty much a snob like a ton of other girls in my class. so she went back with her big circle of friends ignoring everyone else. then Sheryl (i think that is how you spell her name, she is the special needs girl) needed help with her lock so she was saying "Can you help me?" to the girl and her friends who had helped her before and guess what they did - ignored her. they just completely ignored her leaving Sheryl there calling to them for help. guess what they did next - walked away. it was obvious they could hear her because they kept sneaking glances. it was awful. when they left i was pretty much furious at them so i went over to Sheryl and asked if she needed help and of course she did. so i did it for her then she was saying how it was cold outside and i was like yes it is very cold. and we went back and forth for a second while i was at my locker then she went her way and i went mine. why do people have to be so mean? i really do not like those girls one bit.

arg-ums.

my posts are always really long. i wonder how many people actually read all of them. i wonder how many people will read this then go and read all of them. i wonder how many people actually come on here. it's not like a publicize it or anything. it's not like i want people to read it but they are welcome to. this is more just a place for me to vent and get some of my feelings on paper and to just write.

well i had my riding lesson today. and i was left out like always. the other seven girls who were there had a great old time talking with each other and whatever they do. i was left out. the silent one in the corner. i guess that is fine with me but it gets kind of old being left out. i normally have my sister but not on Mondays or in a lot of my lessons now since i am in high school now. it's hard. to tell you the truth it is very hard to not have any friends there. that is all they see of me though so that is what they think - i am a loner who doesn't say a word and doesn't have any friends. then they can either add on to that if they think i am a good rider or not. it is awful. i am so glad that i have friends at school that i can be myself around. if only you guys would take up rider so i could have you at the barn too. they must hate me even more though because i was really early today so i was waiting around and then they came and i swear they just threw those saddles on without even brushing their horses because suddenly they were ready. i was the last one in the ring out of seven and of course i had stirrup problems. argggggg. and i have a horse show on Sunday but i don't think that will be as bad...maybe? but it is suppose to be cocoococcllldldldlddd.

what else...i don't know. my life seems crazy and like i am doing nothing at the same time. tomorrow will be busy, i have to babysit from 3:10 until 5:30 then i have 4H at 6:30 then American Idol at 8. i better not have that much homework or else no American Idol for meeeeee. there's nothing really exciting other than horses but that has been part of my life for almost 3 and a half years now. so yeah. i am just trying to survive each day, one day at a time. there are still people i have to deal with at school which i can just barely. it makes me think a lot about people. how they should act. what they should do. it comes down to the fact that they are people and they are themselves, they are no one else. we have to keep that in mind when we start to judge them. they are who they are so who cares. i am living on the fact that in four years i will never have to see them again. (:

"now when i caught myself i had to stop myself from saying something i should have never thought"

i managed to be on the computer all day and not come on here once. but of course i can't go by a day without posting at least once. i could never keep a dairy or journal. i would post a three page entry the first day. maybe another one the next day then never again. it is fun to look back at them and read them again...that is if i can read my handwriting. once i wrote in cursive and i couldn't read half the stuff afterwards which is sad. i like to laugh at my former self. (:

we went to go look at a horse today. he seemed perfect on the internet where he was posted and when we e-mailed the girl. when we went there though there was a bunch of red flags. i'm not going to go into details because most of you who are reading it won't understand and i just don't feel like it. basically we aren't getting him or leasing him or trying him or anything. we are done with him.

i think i got out of CCD today. seeing as it started at 7 and it is 7:25 now. yay! i'm not sure if it was because of the snow or my mother just forgot. i am guessing it is canceled because my mother doesn't forget things like that. i'm glad though. i don't like CCD. i sit around for an hour and a half doing nothing, learning nothing, and feeling left out. the rest of the kids are from Northampton and go to the same school and are friends and have stuff to talk about. i'm not from Northampton, i don't go to their school, i'm not friends with them, and we don't have stuff to talk about. of course they are nice - this is CCD class but you can still feel left out in a class like that. there is one girl who also rides but our conversations are short and formal. not to mention during class no one talks so the teacher basically has to kill us to get us to say one word. i don't think she likes it. oh i just remembered that i have a horse show next sunday...no CCD for me then either! wooohooo. i think i have gone to a total of two so far. yeah...

i am thinking you like the internet since you are reading this now. correct? well let me point you to two different sites and i will probably write a paragraph about each. 

first: iconator.com it is a site where you can get buddy icons for AIM and such which are 48 x 48 and then there are avatars which are bigger and would be used on fourms and such and they are 100 x 100. plus there are wallpapers and awaymessages. there are some really good ones there that you can use for free or upload your own. there is "A Day" for each of the categories. i would recommend checking it out. it is great for finding a new icon or whatever. so today i started making my own icons and avatars and uploading them there. they aren't great since i don't have a program to make them with. i use lunapic.com but that isn't the second site! they are still in moderation so i'm not sure how they will be received. it would be great if they got into the popular category but i doubt it since they are really simple. but that's okay. i had fun making them and one of them is my icon on AIM now.

the second site: Broken Northern (<-click). It is a roleplaying site. That is where you create a character (just in words) and you post like what they are doing and such. It may not make much sense or sound like fun but it makes sense to me and i like it. i would recommend checking it out. if you think i am a geek or nerd for liking something like that that's fine with me. i like it and it helps improve my writing skills so whatever. anyways i am officially the owner of that site. i created it using proboards.com and it sat around for each other because while i wanted to make another one i didn't know what to do. then i was on rpgcollection.com (which is a place where you can advertise your roleplaying fourm and such) i started a thread about maybe starting a horse/human roleplay and someone replied and i started IMing her. she is amazing. it is because of her the site is where it is. i couldn't do it without her. she is the coadmin and probably deserves to be admin more than me but she is soooo modest. right now it is slow but if you feel like looking at it and maybe joining i would help you the best i could. don't feel pressured to join at all. 

omg. omg. omg. omg. guess what song just came on shuffle? IN COLOR. it's by Jamey Johnson. it is such an inside joke. but ahhasdkjflsakdjvlkasdjflkadsjfklasdjflkasdahahahahahahah i can't listen to the whole thing. i just skipped it. omg or i should say omec. ahhhhh!

"itttt's threeeee o'clocccckkkk"

my computer talks to me. isn't that great? i can ask it what time it is and it will tell me. like i actually talk out loud to my computer and it responds. sometimes it ignores me but that is just because it loves me very much. it also tells me what time it is at every hour without me having to ask it. it is just so kind to me. oh! and it tells me if something needs my attention. i don't like calling it "it", he or she needs a name. have an idea?

i had my riding lesson today. luckily it was later and i got to sleep in. one of the fancy, high-class people at my barn (she just went to Germany and came home with two horses!) hosted a clinic with some European instructor. so it was crazy over there and we (the people who ride there twice a week or more) were forced to ride during their break. well i was glad for that because that was the reason it was later than normal. i started off riding this Fjord (google it. they are cute. and it is not the geographic fjord it is the pony/horse Fjord) who was new the barn and was only going to stay there until the end of February. i hadn't ridden him before and i was a bit nervous but i knew i could do it. he was a bit of a challenge but he was good. i liked him a lot. oh his name is Pharley. (: then we switched horses and i rode Revy who is taller and built completely different than Pharley and it was a biggggggg different. i normally ride Revy so he was a breeze and was perfect. much easier than Pharley. then we switched again and i rode my lover Herbie. Herbie is shorter than Revy but taller and Pharley and built different than the two of them so it was completely different again. for those of you who don't ride horses - each one is completely different, they feel different when you ride them, and you have to do basically the same thing but sometimes they do different things forcing you do to something else. make sense? anyways i showed Herbie all last summer, we leased him so basically he was mine. i rode him over three times a week. he was such a good boy. then our lease was up and there were no more summer horse shows and i have barely ridden him since then. i miss him so much. i was glad i got to ride him. he was sooooo perfect and made me miss him even more. next summer Maeve will probably show him and i will hopefully get my horse that i will buy and keep. (:

oh my goodness! Maeve is going to try hot chocolate! Maeve doesn't like hot chocolate but pretty much every winter she tries it because she always feels left out. she just said "it's not that bad but it burnt my lip. but i want some more whipped cream." we will see if this is the winter when she decides that she does like it! whoo! i am having some now and i don't know how anyone can not like hot chocolate or whipped cream. i lovvveeeeeee whipped cream. (: hot chocolate i think is the only reason i survive the winter. how do you make hot chocolate? we have a water heater thingy that we put water in and it makes it really hot but not boiling. then i put the hot chocolate power/mix stuff in a mug then pour the now warm water into in the mug and stir it until it is all mixed up. then i'll add some milk and mix that in. then the best part - the whipped cream on top! (:

i am going crazy with this blog thing. i already have a ton of posts and i have barely even had it for that long. yesterday i had two posts! maybe i will actually keep up with this. i do like it even though i talk about nothing and probably barely anyone reads it. in a while though i will probably look back on this and be like - i wrote that? that was how i thought? really? yeah. i can see myself doing that already. (:

"'Yeah. I'm a big believer in random capitalization. The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle.'"

I just read a whole book in like five-ish or more hours. idk how long. i just started reading and never stopped. it is really good. actually i don't know if it was as good as i think it is. i just think i really needed to read a book other than Great Expectations and all those other silly books. but still read it. it's called Paper Towns by John Green. if you can't find it at your library guess what? if you have a library card you can go here (<- click on it) and search for the book you like and it will come up with all the libraries in Western Massachusetts that have it. you need to login (w/ your library card number & create a pin number) to request it and have it come to your library. but it is prettttyyyy awesome. if you can't get it just contact me somehow and i'll help you. no worries. (:

i hear Nanny 911 in the background. i don't get how parents and children can be like that. the child is the results of the parents really. the thing is i still want to be a parent after babysitting and watching shows like this. i have seen the good kids too. (:

wow. throat still hurts. and i feel sick. no need to stay sorry though. it's fine. i'm better off than most people in the world. at least that is what i think. so yeah. i'll get some ice cream then some medicine and it will be okay. it will either be worse, the same, or the better tomorrow. so yeah. i know that. so we will see how it goes. i know it will eventually get better.

wow. everything just got better in the house Nanny 911 is at. it is Nanny Stella. i like Nanny Deb the best honestly. wow. i am tired-er than i thought...but guess what? i get two days off from school.

tengo dolor de garganta.

sorry about that awful background for a few days. i was trying it out and then when i tried to change it back it kept giving me an error code until now. grrr. but anyways it is back and i backed it up so i will be able to get it back even if i change it. so it's all good. (:

this has been a hard week for me. if you didn't notice i was grumpier than normal and snappier. guess it is just because it was the week after vacation. hopefully next one will be better even though it is a full one. so yeah. i apologize to anyone i snapped at or said some weird comment to. 

i was already planning this blog post when i was on the bus. i was going to talk about a girl in my gym class but i am not sure if i want to do. now i do since i mentioned her. i look up to her. she doesn't have straight As, or is great at gym, or anything like that. she is so sure of herself and she has made mistakes but she accepts them and she tells us about them. she is so open and even though we are ninth graders, and she is in eleventh she treats us all the same. all of us. you should meet her sometime. today in gym we were listening to Fifteen by Taylor Swift. go listen to it if you haven't. or if you have go and listen to it again. it happened to her. she was telling abbs and i about it. she may not be my best friend or could really even be considered a "friend" but you know. and i'm gonna include Taylor Swift's lyrics on this page, and just so you know i typed them all out:

you take a deep breath

and you walk through the doors

it's the morning of your very first day

you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while

and try to stay our of everybody's way

it's your freshman year

and you're gonna be here for the next four years

in this town

hopin' one of those senior boys boys

will wink at you and say you know i haven't seen you around

before

cause when your fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

you're gonna believe them

and when you're fifteen

feelin' like there's nothing to figure out

count to ten

take it in

this is life before you know you're gonna be

fifteen

you sit in class next a red-head named Abigail

and soon enough you're best friends

laughin' at the other girls

who think they're so cool

we'll be out of here as soon as we can

and then you're on your very first date

and he's got a car

and you're feelin' like flying

and you're momma's waitin' up

and you're thinkin' he's the one

and you're dancin' around the room when the night ends

when the night ends

cause when you're fiftenn and somebody tells you they love you

you're gonna believe them

and when you're fifteen

and your first kiss makes your head spin around

but in your life you'll do things

greater than datin the boy on the football team

i didn't know it at fifteen

when all you wanted

was to be wanted

wish you could back

and tell yourself what you know now

back then i swore i was gonna marry him someday

but i realize some bigger dreams of mine

and Abigal gave everything she had

to a boy who changed his mind

and we both cried

cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

you're gonna believe them

and when you're fifteen

don't forget to look before you fall

i've found time can heal most anything

and you might find who you're suppose to be

i didn't know who i was supposed to be

at fifteen

la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...

your very first day

take a deep breath girl

and take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

"i got your runaway smile in my piggy bank, baby. gonna cash it right in for a new mercedes. you were worth the hundred thousand miles. but you couldn't stay awhile."

life. that is such a complicated subject. i doubt that i am even going to start to cover it because the reality is i'm only 14 and i don't really get it yet no matter how much i think i do. you grow so much in so few years. so much to figure out. 

"yeah, i'm the first to fall and the last to know. where'd you go? now i'm heels over head, i'm hangin' upside down thinkin' how you left me for the deal, California bound."

my sisters are so strange. they were just playing around having a great time and now they can't go near each other. i'm use to it. it's easier if you just leave them alone, they will get over it with the hour. they can't get away from each other forever. they are sisters. we are family. maeve is singing in the bathroom now and maura just came downstairs and is probably going to go right back to what they were doing before.

"when you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me every thing's alright, when you are right here by my side."

sometimes i try to think what it will be like when i am done with high school. done with college. what will life be like. i imagine my family getting together. my children. my sisters' children. it is all too strange. really i just need to get through the next day.

"i'm 5 years old, it's getting cold. i've got my big coat on. i hear your laugh and look up smiling at you. i run and run past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides. look now, the sky is gold. i hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home."

i have been in a strange mood lately. i don't know if a snowday today was just a good idea. i have to do a science powerpoint. i have put it off as long as possible. i don't know if that is what is making me like this. now thinking about this is making me not feel great. i want to get it over with. today is going to be long.

"when i was younger i use to be wild. as wild as an elephant's child. no one could hold me down. no one could keep me around. now it's your turn, take a shot. baby show me everything that you go. maybe you can keep me alive. maybe you can get in my mind. but it's only a matter of time."

i need a lighter subject. how about our cats. we haven't had the two of them for long but they are wonderful and already seem like part of the family. we got Seamus first, the little black and white kitten. when we were at the shelter my mother wanted Seamus's mother but it was Maeve's cat and she wanted the kitten. he fit right in. when we went back to the shelter to drop off some stuff from our 4H group, the mother was still there. my mother took her. of course. but this was my mom's cat. she named her Lily. now both of them are part of the family.

"before i run away i need to take a holiday. maybe it's a fall from grace. i gotta find a new place. a holiday."

i don't think Lily ever played before. she is so young, only about a year and she already had kittens. she didn't have a life before she came with us. she isn't sure what she is suppose to do when we swing a piece of string back and forth when Seamus is attacking it. but for a cat that didn't have any human contact before she is extremely friendly. Seamus was born in a foster home so he had human contact ever since the beginning and he is a kitten. they are both amazing though.

"all the wasted time. the hours that were left behind. the answers that we'll never find. they don't mean a thing tonight."

heels over head - boys like girls. when you look me in the eyes - jonas brothers. the best day- taylor swift. holiday - boys like girls.

so. i made a blog.

so yeah. i made a blog. not really sure why. really i will probably just post some random thing than rant on about it. it is probably good for me. writing has always been good for me. i like writing. words are...something to me i can't think of anything good to put here that doesn't sound stupid. but that is is what this thing is for though, right? sounding stupid. (:

i'm watching a movie now with my sisters. it's an American Girl movie. the new one about the American Girl of Today. it's about a girl who moves to a new town and is instantly made fun of, and all of that by the three mean girls. the queen bees. the mean ones. yep, those ones that are in almost every movie, book, and yet still exists in real life. they take sneakier forms and may not be that obvious or even see what they are doing but they are there. in every grade. they just make you feel all dandy inside. the thing is they are easy to "defeat" just ignore them and not care what they think. i'm sure that is how this movie will end after all this crying. oooohhhhhh, the mean girl just got suspended for three days but then one girl that shouldn't have gotten suspended, did for a day.

so yeah. there was my rambling on for the day. i should probably mention a few things about this blog. i will most likely change the layout at least once if i can find one i like better. and don't feel like you have to read all of these. i will probably start by posting once a day but then...not. and yay one of the mean girl's followers just came to the good side! whoooo. good always wins! (: