just throw a wrench in things why don't you?

that's just the first title that came to mind, it really doesn't apply but hey.

first of all i couldn't open my locker this morning. -_- so i had to go to the office and i was good for the rest of the day. but after i got it open everyone was in homeroom but Josh came and gave me my stuff that i gave to Abby so i didn't have to carry it around. i think he said "here you go" or "here's your stuff" or something like that and i said something like "oh thank you very much" and then he left. pretty awesome, eh? but seeing as i just embarrassed myself by not being able to open my stinkin locker. but actually i see not being able to open my locker as kind of a blessing in disguise. sort of. but Josh waited around with Abby and Colin while i stood in front of my locker trying to get it open like a fool. he could have left at any time but he waited. that could be because he had to give me back my book i gave him last year probably around this time. a year later isn't that bad. but that was that.

but then i was talking to Abby when i finally got to homework and thankfully Mr. Cavalon is cool and was like "you're all set". and Abby said something along the lines of "you're going to have another encounter with Josh today" and i was just like "whatever, i'm not going to worry about it. if it happens it does. right now i am exhausted and i just completely made a fool of myself and it's monday morning so that's not a great start so what else is going to happen?" but to myself. but of course i couldn't just forget about it. so as I'm taking my math test i am thinking about what Abby has planned. and i actually called myself out on it while i was taking my test, i thought "Molly you should be focusing on your test instead of thinking about this nonsense" but i didn't call it nonsense, because it isn't really. it is the important part of my life. sarcasm. but it is the most interesting and exciting.

and then during lunch Abby randomly asks me, "What's the title of your book?" and I say "My book I wrote last year or the one I completely failed on this year?" and she said "Last year" and then i was all like "Coaching" and then she was all like "oh right, i couldn't remember" and then i was all like...actually i didn't say anything of importance after that. i just wanted to say "and then i was all like" one more time.

but then later when Colin was off talking to someone i asked Abby what she meant earlier during homeroom because even a math class couldn't keep me from thinking about it. and she was all like (okay i'm going to stop saying that now) "i meant, he should have an encounter with you" which means they were talking about me. score! right? i don't know. and then we had a conversation where i figured out that for some strange bizarre (that's one of our vocab words this week) reason he wants to read my book. i sigh just at the mention of my book because it is complete crap. honestly. the story line is horrible and the characters are underdeveloped and the main character's voice is horrible and there are errors everywhere and i just ramble on and it is not good at all. there is a reason why my mother is the only one who has read it. i was so proud of it before but now i can see all its flaws, and there are a lot of them. but that's okay because this is my stepping stone novel, get the first one out of the way so the next one will be better. well there wasn't one this year, which makes me sad.

but the awfulness of my story is beside the point, the point is, or points are, 1. Why would Josh want to read this story? 2. How does he know about this story? I mean, it's not a secret, but I don't broadcast it either. 3. I was the topic of discussion at one point 4. Abby wasn't supposed to tell me something, which I'm not sure what exactly that is - meaning I don't know if the whole "he wants to read my story" deal was what she wasn't supposed to say. 5. I was going to give Abby my story to read first because I'll let her read anything I write even if it is as awful as this story is, and then she would give it to him. But I am thinking of making him ask me. Because if he asks me there is no way I can say no because he actually talked to me. -gasp- 6. I am not sure what this whole thing means. Back to point number one.

If you haven't figured this out, I like to know everything that is going on. Abby can't have a secret from me, I'll figure it out or make her tell me (but in return I tell her everything, I don't even try to hide anything from her, that's why she is reading this blog right now) I also want to know people's motives or why things are. I like to feel like I am in control. But I may have to give that up some. I tried to. I said to myself "Okay I am going to back off the whole Josh thing and see where things go" and that worked up until something happen then I ran to my blog to write about it. So at the same time I like to be in control and know what is happening I realize that isn't always going to be the case. It isn't possible to know what everyone is thinking and why people say things, but that's part of the fun isn't it? If I knew everything I wouldn't feel so excited and happy at the possibilities. There wouldn't be any room to make things seem better than they actually are. The nervousness and not knowing is part of the fun. It drives me crazy for sure but it also makes me smile a bit.

Two things. I need to go get my book and I want to get a magazine and write a quote from Taylor Swift. be back soon but you won't even know I was gone.

Okay I'm back. So it is Seventeen magazine which is just a fabulous magazine. You can decide if that was sarcasm of not. But here is a quote. I'm quoting the magazine which is asking Taylor Swift questions, TS means that I am starting Taylor's response so here you go: "17: Are you the kind of girl who falls easily? TS: No. I get infatuated pretty easily, though. I think that giving someone your affection and giving someone your trust is a different thing. You can think about someone all day long and put his picture as your phone background, and even though you don't trust him yet, you're hopeful that he could be someone in your life." just replace the whole picture as your phone background with write a blog post or two about him.

And I found my book and honestly just the idea of it makes me not like it at all. but my name is on it and i wrote it. i should be proud of it but i'm not. i think the story i was writing this time around just much better...wait i'm forgetting what i was writing about. oh now i remember. maybe i'll include what i have written from that and the other story i started over the summer in the back of the book. that's a good idea. i'll ask Abby. or i'll have her read this whole big thing. because before i do anything else i need to do at least one IDS, hopefully two.

edit: i don't get the quote of the day, do you? "A man's desire is for the woman, but the woman's desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man." – Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834)