if you really knew me.

Hi. My name is Molly. You might not know who I am because I don't talk during class often. That's my choice. Nothing has happened in my life that has made me never want to speak again. Because I do speak. To people who know me.

I would much rather type everything than speak. Why? Because with written words there is no pressure. I can take as long as I want to write something. I can use as many words as I want. I can't say the wrong thing because I can think about what I want to say before I say it.

If you really knew me you would know that I think more than I should. I have probably thought about you at some point because that's what I do. I

RESTARTING CAUSE THAT SUCKS.

I am extremely lucky. Beyond lucky. Yesterday made me fully realize that. I am wondering if I should even be writing this because my story is insignificant but that's not what this is about. This is about understanding each other. This is about opening your mind to other people and wondering what they their life is like.

I've always wondered what people's lives are really like. You do not know how many people I have wanted to talk to but never have. There is a good chance you are one of those people because I have believed for long time in the ice berg theory. But I don't have the courage to say anything. If I have never talked to you before there is more than a fifty percent chance I will never say anything to you. Because it's scary. I might think that you are a fabulous person from what I have seen but I still won't talk to you. Why? 1. I wouldn't know what to say 2. It would be beyond awkward. Imagine if I just walked up to you and said "hi" what would you think? You would be pretty shocked right? Because that doesn't happen at our school. You stick with your group of friends and that's it.

My home life pretty darn wonderful and I'm not complaining at all. That doesn't mean the pressure isn't there. While my family doesn't come straight out and say "You have to get all As" I can feel it. It's the hidden pressure. Everything in my family isn't said, but you can feel it. When someone is upset we don't talk about it. We just stay silent until it goes away. We don't tell each other everything. They won't be reading this.

I'm not sure what else to write. I guess I want to get out all because someone is quiet it doesn't mean that they don't want to talk, sometimes they just don't know what to say. And when you get into a habit it's hard to break it.

THAT WAS PRETTY SILLY. HOW COME WHEN I WANT SOMETHING I WRITE TO BE MEANINGFUL I CAN'T DO IT. WHEN IT MATTERS I CAN'T DO SOMETHING I'M SATISFIED.

so in case you can't tell i won't be posting that on facebook. let me give it one more chance. starting now.

I want to talk about something that I think goes along with "if you really knew me".

Do you have to tell a group of people your secrets to gain their respect?

JUST KIDDING STARTING AGAIN.

What would you do if on Monday I came up and started talking to you? Honestly think about what you would think, what you would do.

My guess is that you would be shocked. Why? Because I barley talk to anyone who isn't my friend. When I'm with my friends I'm one of the more outgoing and loud ones but you wouldn't know that.

Why am I writing this now? Because you don't know what it is like to be me. No, I don't have a story worth sharing in front of the whole school but that doesn't make me any less important. I am lucky. I am extremely lucky. I broke down during the assembly yesterday because that it really hit me how lucky I am and how I take that for granted and how unfair it is that I can have such a great life while there are other people who are suffering so much. It is so unfair. At the same time though everyone who didn't talk at the assembly have stories too. They might be quieter stories but they aren't any less important.

Now is the hard part. Successfully getting across my story. Honestly I don't think my story is even worth telling because there is barley one to tell. I could tell you how everyday I try to get up the courage to talk to people I don't normally talk to, but I never do. My heart starts racing and I don't know what to say so I just don't say anything. I can't even talk on the phone. That's why I have put off making my driving appointments, because I don't want to talk on the phone. I am also afraid of saying the wrong thing but at the same time I realize that sometimes it is better to just say something, even if it is the "wrong" thing, instead of not saying anything at all. But it's hard to break old habits.

I could talk more about me but let's bring this farther from me. Think about that quiet person in your class who only talks to one or two people. Why do you think they are quiet? Do you think the reason they are quiet is because they think they are better than everyone else? The answer to that is probably the exact opposite. What would happen if you took the first step and talked to them? You would probably make their day. Yeah you might have to endure an awkward conversation but you never know maybe you'll make a few friend.

People don't do that though. When was the last time you talked to someone you barley talk to, just because you wanted to? You don't just talk to different people. You have your friends so you stick with them. You don't need any more friends. But why not try to make a new friend? It might be the easiest thing you do. But it might be really hard too. It would be hard for me. Talking to people isn't my strong suit.

Now I need to try to wrap this up and get my point across.

All those people you walk by in the hallway and don't give a second look - they could be the most amazing people you will ever meet. You don't know unless you talk to them.

Here I am writing about how you should talk to someone you don't normally like it is no big deal. But that is a big deal to me. It is much easier to keep walking by. It is much easier to not put yourself out there. Maybe I should challenge myself. This would be the time to do it. But if I do it, you have to do it too. But now all the questions start pouring in. Who would I talk to? What would I say? How about I stop thinking and just do it. What about you?

THAT WAS KIND OF STUPID BUT NOT THAT BAD. GOODNESS THIS IS HARD. I'M JUST GOING TO POST THIS UP HERE AND MAKE ABBY READ IT.

edit: quote of the day "Live while ye may." – John Milton (1608-1674)