speachless.

i am so lucky. i am beyond lucky. i am so grateful. so grateful. it is unfair that my life is so great while some people have to deal with some horrible things in their lives. it makes me feel horrible.

i'm not even sure how i should approach this because it was pretty darn amazing. at an average day in high school you walk past people every day and not give them a second look. you don't talk to them, you don't worry about what they are going through. if anything you judge. you judge them whether you mean to or not. i don't think anyone at HRHS will be judging people anytime soon.

when i first heard that there was going to be an anti-bullying seminar i was like "oh great we are going to listen to them talk to me about how we shouldn't bully but i already don't bully" but that was scary. after hearing what happened at the middle school assembly i was a little bit afraid but excited.

the beginning part of the assembly was like normal. they talked and such. and then Sam talked. if Maeve hadn't told me that he was going to speak and that he was ill, that would have came as even more of a shock. good god. he is amazing. so amazing. he has to go through everyday with a headache that doesn't go away. he can't sleep. and now he can't run. and i never would have guessed. i see him every other day in study hall, i see him play the drums - he is the reason why i want to play drums - and i had no idea he was in pain. constant pain. and then he thanked his parents and they were there and seeing him hug them. that's when i started to feel like crying.

then they showed the tv show If You Really Knew Me and i felt like crying during that show. but still it was just a typical assembly. then they opened up the floor for anyone to talk. it was afraid that no one was going to talk but then Michelle Jaskini came up. and she told us how she has depression and has been in and out of the hospital and how she tried to kill herself. and i knew some of that but not all of it. and seeing how brave she was to come up and talk to everyone as she cried. and then Trish came up and talked. thats when Abby started to really cry. and then Abby came up next. that's when i started to cry. it's not like Abby said anything that shocked me, but just seeing her in front of everyone telling everyone about her life and about Trish and yeah i cried. and pretty much didn't stop for the rest of the time.

people began to line up on either side of the stage to take their turn with the microphone. and i wish i could write every name of everyone that went up there. but i don't remember all their names. and there were a lot of people. every time someone else went and go into that line to speak my heart broke a tiny bit because them being up there meant that there was something in their life that affected them in such a way it was worth saying. but at the same time i was glad that they were going to get it out.

and the stories they told. oh my goodness. i didn't know any of that about any of the people up there. people told us about how their parents left them. how their parents died. how they don't want to go home. how they are abused. how they were raped. one girl was raped by her best friend. that's just one story. there were a ton more.

that doesn't even explain it. people were getting up in front of their whole class and telling all those secrets that they try so hard to hide. they wanted to be understood. abby said that and i agree completely. they want to be understood. they want people to know. everyone wants that but just now they have the opportunity. you don't have that opportunity often and if they did this again i don't think it would be the same. this was one of those special moments that you can't recreate.

i didn't say anything but if i did i would say: "Hi. I'm Molly, that smart quiet girl. If I don't have a class with you there is a good chance you don't know who I am. And I am lucky. So lucky. My life isn't nearly as bad as the rest of the people who have talked. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has spoken and tell them that they are amazing. Keep holding on." but Lucas pretty much said that at the end.

i have nothing that people need to know about me that is hidden behind the surface. other than this blog. there isn't a reason why i don't talk. that's my choice.

but i don't want this blog post to be about me. this is about how our class came together. but the real test will be if anything changes. honestly, i don't think there will be anything on the outside that will change. i think that everyone will still hang out with their friends and not talk to anyone else but there will be respect. we will respect each other so much more. or at least that is what i hope. i hope people don't just forget about this. i know i won't.

but i know that it affected them today. the amount of facebook statuses that i saw. and Sarah Whitley, who was saying she didn't want that to happen, in Chemistry she said that she cried and was glad it happened. and i heard people behind me at lunch saying how it was amazing. and i've heard that it is the best thing that happened to HRHS. so yeah it was a pretty big deal. and i still don't feel like i have been able to completely tell you what happened and how i feel right now. maybe i'll try again later but now i have to eat some dinner with my family. because i am lucky enough to be able to do that.