i think i need to update you all.

OH I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE A NOVEL TO WRITE. yeah i forgot about it. but i want to write in here so i'm gonna. uh huh uh huh.

now i don't know what to write. figures.

i guess i want to write about the soccer game that i went to with Bella. she asked me why i wanted to go, or which boy i was there for. i didn't tell her at first but eventually i did sort of. well that's because i wasn't exactly there for a boy i just wanted to go and see what it was like. but i did want to see Dimitri because i think he is very nice and all and he's in my history class.

and now it's time for dinner so i will write more in a bit. but when you read this there won't be any pause. i think i'll probably talk more about Dimitri but it feels weird talking about him. i talk about other guys all the time so why am i feeling awkward about this? anyways i'll figure that out after i eat my spaghetti and meatballs.

i'm back. i bet you didn't miss me at all. i want to prove my point that for some reason it is harder to talk about Dimitri. you can't really tell because you can feel what i am feeling and hear what i am thinking in addition to what i write. so here you go. Adam Munska needs to man up yo. he ended up going to trash can to put his tray up and throw away his trash at the same time as me and Abby and he didn't even say hi. sure i was talking to abby but he could have smiled or waved or whatever. but he didn't. then again i didn't either but whatever yo.

okay so keep in mind that ease of that paragraph if you can even see it because i don't really know. but yeah now i don't know where to start. too awkward. ah. going crazy. not really.

but Dimitri has always been on my...scope? that is an awful word. radar? but i always saw him as a nice guy who i would like to get to know or you know. but i didn't really think about him until he was in my APUSH class. and then i was in ceramics class and at the table to my right is Janelle G, Lauren L, Will C, and Justin C, and all they do is talk and gossip and i like to listen in. Will is on the varsity soccer team with Dimitri so they were talking about a previous game. and apparently Dimitri got a yellow card and he felt so bad about it. and he kept apologizing to his coach. and Janelle was saying how he is just such a nice guy and how most people wouldn't even care about the yellow card or whatever. and how after he was helping the guy up who he did something to do deserve a yellow card and was making sure he was okay and whatever. i think actually listening to that conversation made me sort of pay attention to him more. and some days he comes into ceramics because he is an office-aide and it makes me smile to see him and he is just sort of quiet like he doesn't want to intrude or whatever. not really sure how to explain that.

but it comes down to this. i can think what i want to him and i can hand papers back to him everyday in history class but i haven't actually talked to him. ouch. but i can change that, right? will i change that? who knows. looking at past experiences, the answer is no. but like taylor swift says "who you are is not where you've been". but i always miss opportunities. i just don't think of it. like now i can think of at least one time today where i could have said something to him but i didn't because i didn't think of it then. i thought of it now.

and then the other thing it comes down to is he probably never thinks about me at all. he probably doesn't notice me when he comes into ceramics. and when i pass things back to him he is probably just glad he gets the paper. so there you go.

and all of this is the same with a list of other people. and then nothing comes of that so i am like okay whatever so i find someone knew. it's pretty sick of me actually. but maybe one of these days something actually will come of it. or something good will happen that i completely wasn't expecting.

i also want to note that when Steven is nervous he rambles on and on. we had to present our poster today and when he was explaining his part he talked on and on about things that weren't necessary and he repeated himself. i just wished he would realize what he was doing and correct himself. it's like when people go up to speak and i can tell they are nervous then i can't look at them. it just tortures me to see them up there nervous and when their hands shake it is even worse. i use to be like that but i have gotten so much better. like today my hand wasn't shaking at all. i did stumble over what i was saying a few times but that was because i didn't have it planed out and i was just winging it. but hey i'm getting better yo.

i can't think of much else to write other than i have successfully wasted all of my NaNo time. it's sad that i am not motivated to write. i should force myself. that's the NaNo spirit but whatever. i'm really tired too. it must be daylight savings time. which is just weird. it shows you how man-made time is. the actually day and when the sun rises and such doesn't change but we decide that we just want to put all the clocks back an hour. it's just really strange. so on sunday morning it was 2:02am twice. which is just weird.

should i write about something else? nah. i think i am going to eat some cake and maybe read some and then go to sleep. i am too tired. it's 7:14pm but last week at this time it was actually 8:14pm. too weird.

okay something else i want to mention. i don't get how some girls can put on eyeliner and make it look good. if i put it on me it just makes me look weird. and the eyelashes on my left eye always look like crap. they won't look like they are supposed to and they don't match my right eye. my right eye looks beautiful all the time though.

anyways. i need to stop this nonsense.

i didn't even say about the soccer game how i went with Bella and we were loners and we were freezing so when normal time ended 0-0 we just left cause Bella wanted to and we didn't really realize they were going into overtime cause it was the playoffs. and it went into like double overtime and then to penalty kicks. and i missed it. i was very sad. why couldn't bella have worn some warmer clothes? but whateves yo. no one even knows i went because first i sat with the Palmer people and then we sat behind all the bleachers on the little fence thing. cause we're cool.

why do i do this stupid blog?
not going to answer that or else i'll be here for another ten minutes.
it's 7:20 en el noche.