"we're gonna lose our minds tonight."

"5am turn the radio up."

just kidding that was Wednesday night/Thursday morning. so mind already lost and radio already turned up. and then back down again.

"so raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways."

that is true. i keep sneezing. i'm sick. or allergic. i need a tissue. got one. actually toilet paper cause we're not cool enough to have actual tissues. actually i think i have one of those minipacks upstairs somewhere and there is some in the car. too lazy to get those.

on the way to the equine affair yesterday i wrote a nice long blog post. and then AndroBlogger had an "unexpected error" and I had to force quit. which sucks. so you will never see what i wrote thing. and i got a headache for nothing. but it wasn't a bad headache. my mother probably thought i was writing a novel to Abby. which in a way i am since she is the only one who can read all this. but you know that eventually i want this to be for everyone.

but as you can tell i have been thinking about the allnight skate a lot. not like analyzing it but just remembering different things and how it was fun. it makes me smile. which brings me to Casey O.'s facebook status: "If it makes you smile, do it again". Oh okay why don't i go do that all night skate thing again tonight. hahaha. that's funny. i should be sleeping now but my sleeping patterns are so messed up i feel like i'm about to pass out one second and the next i'm wide awake. but to analyze that status. i think it is true but at the same time if you do something over and over again it loses some sort of magic and it might not make you smile. honestly i think if i do another all night skate it will never be as good and it will make this all night skate not seem as good. you get what i'm saying?

so yeah that was all i thought about Friday at school and then at various times throughout the day Saturday and Sunday.

but today i was almost reminded how scary this whole riding thing is. a girl fell off and had to go to the hospital via ambulance. that girl could have been me. but it wasn't. so after she got taken away to the hospital what did i do? i jumped a horse i had never seen before and then rode another one what decided he was going to zoom around the ring on me but not for anyone else. yeah. people rode that horse before me and after me but he only decided that he wanted to be zippy when i was on him. great. and i was the point rider for that class and everyone else that could have been point rider did better than i did.

whatever though. i'll forget about this show soon enough. just like i'll forget about a lot of other things.

in the post that got deleted i sort of responded to your latest post Abby but now i am not sure if i really want to. let me go read it again...okay i am. i am going to respond. hope you don't mind.

i'm smiling thinking about it again. just in case you were wondering.

and yes i am glad that the first convo-like-thing is over but now the hard part will be the next conversation because we don't know where the other stands. in the sense that i don't know what he thinks about me and he doesn't know that about me either. and then the next conversation will be hard too until it doesn't become awkward. because that whole conversation/talking thing wouldn't have gone as well as it did if Abby wasn't there. cause we both feel comfortable will Abby so we automatically felt comfortable kind of thing. and it could be it was at a weird hour of the day. but i will know that this whole relationship/friendship/whatever will work out when talking to him isn't a big deal. when it would be weird if i passed him in the hallway and didn't say something. like with Abby. when i see her in the hall i'll bump into her or say hi or something. okay yes, there are sometimes when i don't because we are doing our thing and we'll talk later. but right now conversations are like this big deal. which i don't like. it makes it seem like they are...big deals.

i'm curious Abby, if you know and if you want to answer (you really don't have to, okay? and any questions i might ask from here out, you do not have to answer or even acknowledge that i asked), why did Colin not want to talk to us? It just seemed really weird because we sit together at lunch and get along fine and the only thing different from lunch is you take out Jon and put in Josh. so yeah that was weird. but it wasn't terrible either. i am glad it didn't turn into some big drama thing that ruined the night.

Abby it's okay to depend on other people. I wouldn't be who I am not if it wasn't for you. That sounds so big and dramatic but it's true. You have made me a much more confident person than before. Did you know that today I walked around the horse show will a belt wrapped around my waist over my shirt? why? because i wanted to and i thought it looked fashionable. and i hung my pink fifth place ribbon off it so i could show it off even though most people don't show off fifth place ribbons and i ate my sandwich like that in front of everyone. i never would have done that before. and just talking to me. okay so maybe i can't say it is all because of you. but you helped a lot. so while that is different than you and Colin, i think it is sort of similar, right? that's the closest thing i have because i haven't had a guy like that.

and it's okay to be worried just don't let it control you and make you become paranoid. not that you would. just mentioning for the sake of mentioning. especially since i don't know everything that is happening. which is fine by me. honestly. i am perfectly fine being included only as much as you want me to. because the only thing that is my business is my friendship with you, not your friendships with other people. i'm not noisy. cause curiosity killed the cat. even though i'm not a cat.

just to note i have no idea what you last sentence means. i'm not sure if it was directed towards me or not. you don't have to tell me. i can just wonder for a few minutes then forget about it and maybe think about it once or twice more and then it will probably not cross my mind again. oh here's the sentence. which is a lovely sentence just separate like this: "Just please don't be unlovely with someone else."

so i'm just going to finish up this blog and then go to sleep. and then tomorrow i'll do homework. think a little bit too much. carry on. and not really worry about anything cause what happens happens. and no one will be able to tell on the outside that this is how i think and that i even care about all of this and that this blog even exists and that i get nervous and that i do wonder and care and contemplate all this stuf. cause it's cool to make it look like you don't care. (why? but that's for another post) and that's how i roll.

IDEA. Abby ask me questions. Text me, or talk to me on facebook, or make me a blog post filled with questions you want to ask me. All of those ones that pop up when you read my blogs but you are too nice to ask. Ask me those. That way I actually can write about something that you want to read. I write what I want to write or what I think my future readers want me to write but how answer the questions that you want to know. Of course i'll answer them in blog form because i'm not smart enough to answer them in actually speech. jeez, what do you think i am? a human? plus in blog form for some reason i manage to...haha i almost said get my point across better, what a lie. i mean i manage to convey my feelings better? not sure if that is what i am trying to say or not. but if you don't like that idea then just don't do it. or if you don't have a questions be like "um what's your favorite color?" but of course you have questions. who doesn't?

okay it's 9:03pm and i felt like falling asleep before 6 so now i'm just mushy mush of a brain.

nine oh five.

just kidding. two things. i love Taylor Swift's song "Ours" which i listened to via youtube but i should be getting the actual song soon. and the song that was playing at the all-night skate that i was attempting to sing along to but i didn't know all the words is "Our Song" by Spill Canvas.

so the plan? i'm listening to Ours by Taylor Swift now so i am going to keep listening to that and then when i am done i am going to listen to Spill Canvas until i shut down my computer. and i'm going to post the lyrics to both of them because this post isn't nearly long enough. that was sarcasm.

"Ours" Taylor Swift
Elevator buttons and morning air
Strangers' silence makes me wanna take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now, my tongue is theirs

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care, cause right now you're mine

And you'll say don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and your hands are tough but they are where mine belong and
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you

Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
Cause my heart is yours

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

"Our Song" Spill Canvas
Be kind when you rewind the story of the two of us
Sometimes you wish we were a little more mysterious
When you look at me with your cinematic eyes
I wanna play the part but I forget the lines

I do it all the time
I never get it right

One daywhen you replay the slideshow we know
Pictures won't show villians and heroes
It's just me killing time with you
Butter knife's dull but it still cuts through

We never were
We'll never be

Strangers kissing in the pouring rain
Chasing after your leaving train
But we know that's not how our song goes

Your'e a waitress in a cocktail bar
And I'll save you cause I'm a big rock star
But we know that's not how our song goes

It goes like this

You didn't like my friends and your mom didn't trust me
I thought I was slick but my moves were rusty
Bought you a 12-pack promised you sushi
Sorry if I wasn't straight out of a movie

We never were
We'll never be

Strangers kissing in the pouring rain
Chasing after your leaving train
But we know that's not how our song goes

Your'e a waitress in a cocktail bar
And I'll save you cause I'm a big rock star
But we know that's not how our song goes

Be kind when you rewind the story of the two of us
Sometimes you wish we were a little more mysterious
When you look at me with your cinematic eyes
I wanna play the part but I'm messing up the lines

We never were
We'll never be

Strangers kissing in the pouring rain
Chasing after your leaving train
But we know that's not how our song goes

Your'e a waitress in a cocktail bar
And I'll save you cause I'm a big rock star
But we know that's not how our song goes

It goes like this
It goes like this