i said i need to stop being negative but that failed completely. mostly because i'm being stupid and won't go out with them. why would i? i don't have a halloween costume and i'm too old to go trick-or-treating so instead i would be walking around like a loser with my parents. that is not fun. not at all. this SUCKS. i hate halloween. i don't even have any friends i can make plans with. my mother told me to go hang out at Abby's house but i don't want to invite myself over and plus it will probably just end up being extremely awkward the whole time like it always is when i hang out with my friends. it's so awkward we end up watching tv the whole time because we can't figure out what to do. i'm sure when they hang out with their other friends they have a grand old time doing whatever they want and they don't need to sit around watching tv. i'm just boringggggg so akdgjlksdfgjvkadsjfakl;djsfkl

and family i know you really want me to come but WHY? why maeve do you want me to come so badly? you are going to be hanging out with your friend and i don't freaking care if i am making the wrong choice or if i'm going to regret it. i made my decision and i probably did make wrong choice but do i even care? sorry but no. i'm the freaking loser who doesn't have any friends to do anything with on Halloween. so the sooner you accept that family then the sooner you can all go off and have fun and leave me home to do nothing. i'll watch tv. i have computer and internet. i also have homework i have to do that i can't do tomorrow because i have a horse show tomorrow.

i feel like a loser. and don't feel bad when you read this because most of this, actually all of this, is my fault. it is my fault i didn't go. it's my fault i'm boring. it's my fault i don't want to go over Abby's. it's my fault i don't have any friends. it's my fault i don't have a life. it's my fault i'm crying right now. it's my fault this night sucks.