i think i need to stop being so serious in my blogs. all i talk about is a bunch of serious stuff. well that is probably because that is what my life is filled with and this is the only time i actually get to break it down and look at it. this year was suppose to be my year. you know like that big transition year and all. didn't happen. i don't know if it will ever happen. i don't know if i ever care if it does or not. do i want it to? yeah but will it? probably not mostly because i don't have the guts or the courage to do it and i doubt a big physical change will help/happen.

being serious again. okay. i'm not sure what to talk about then since everything that runs through my mind would become a paragraph long dissection. i want to write a song. lyrics and all. ah. no i don't. i want to learn how to play don't stop believing on the piano which i think i will do now. maybe eventually i'll write a song. maybe eventually i'll write a book.

OH. i just have one more serious thing. today our english teacher was summing up the book Mice and Men which we haven't read yet and pretty much said "your dream won't come true" or something to that effect or like "your plan won't happen". it was kind of like a slap in the face. i have dreams and plans for myself. they are going to happen though. i will make them come true. it's not like i set up a map for my life - go to the bathroom at 4o'clock everyday. every wednesday go read outside. have a boyfriend by the time you are 18. ummm no. my dreams are bigger than that but realistic and i know i can make them happen. i have plenty of lee-way for other things to get in the way. but it's gonna happen. my biggest fear is that it will happen but then i won't be happy. WOAH THERE NELLIE. SERIOUS STUFF THERE. how old are you again? 15. righty-o. we shall not be opening that can of worms now. now i think we shall end this blog with what do you reply to when your teacher asks you "what's up?"