sometimes i wish that i could be the new girl. it would most likely be a horrible experience but it would also give me the chance to start over and be with people who don't know who i already am. would it help my confidence? maybe not. but you know it's nice to imagine that it would be better because if i found out that nothing is better than where i am now then it sort of makes the whole world seem sort of thumbs down because hrhs ain't too great of a high school. i still use ain't. nuff said.

i imagined myself getting cancer and talking to my classmates via webcam. the whole tenth grade would be in the auditorium and my face would be on the new screen and i would talk to them. i would tell them about how i would never be that quiet smart girl, i would be the girl with cancer. and i had pretty much a whole speech planned out while i was on the bus.

is that horrible? i think it is my inner self crying for attention. crying to be heard and listened to by people other than in my circle. crying for people to hear my story. so i don't want cancer. and i love how i can just say outright exactly the reason behind things in my life. so does that mean there is another secret reason even farther down? probably but i've done enough digging for one night. cause that whole crying stuff up there, i just thought of that now while i was writing it. and now i have to go watch some glee because i love that show very much.