yay for ditching. yay for skipping. 4h of course. i would never skip or ditch school or anything. which you probably already know. my future is too valuable to do something stupid like that. anyways i had finished my homework before we had to go to 4h but i just didn't want to go. plus they are appointing officers today and Steph, our leader, wanted me to be president. but i said no. so i'll just avoid that too. this time last year if i was appointed leader it might have been a completely different thing. but right now i don't want to. last year i would have loved to but instead we still did that stupid voting thing and Bella was voted over me. because she is more likable than me. i'm the stuck-up bitch. woah. no. don't say that is a lie because i know it is true. right about now i would say i don't care and i sort of don't but i sort of do too. in science class i am sure that is the only word they know me by, bitch. i sort of just order around my group. yeah i do it on purpose but if i didn't then we would get nothing done and they have no idea what they are doing. i hate my science class. today our teacher handed out all of our tests but he was one short so he LEFT THE ROOM to make another copy. everyone started talking. "what did you get for number one?" i mean come on. what kind of teacher would do that? then we get a break in the middle of our double lab. most people weren't done with their test. he let us leave anyways. we could have went and looked up all the answers we needed. stupid teacher. i really don't like him. i really don't like that class.

so my days have not been getting any better but i shouldn't be complaining. the last thing i should be doing is complaining. but why i don't i just do that anyways. what if this blog is making everything worse because i am bringing all these feelings back up and reliving them. what if it is better if i just shoved them away and never thought of them again. i have no idea. but i'm doing this anyways. i wonder what Abby is thinking when she is reading this. does she think of me any less because of it? since i'm shoving my flaws in her face is she slowly seeing who i really am not wanting to be with me? what would other people think if they read this? would they think better or worse of me? i would like to think that if everyone read this then everyone would love me but i don't think that would happen. maybe some people who i don't normally talk to after reading this would want to be my friend or whatever but most probably wouldn't. but who knows. whoooo knowwwsss.

hm. now what else to talk about. i have over an hour to kill since i skipped 4h. i could do homework and such that is due on thursday but seriously who wants to do that? i have been kind of lazy lately. i wonder what this is the result of.

how am i going to raise a child? WOAHH. no. i am not pregnant but thank you for jumping to that incorrect conclusion. but seriously. think about. what are you going to do when your child's goldfish died. did it run away? how do you explain death? how do you explain sex? or do you wait for your child to hear it on the bus? i don't remember how my parents raised me. all i know is i see the results of parenting all around me everyday in every single teenager. i know who i want my children to be like and i know who i don't want them to be like. but how do i do that?