i just binge watched a show on netflix called Mixology which is about 10 strangers and 1 night at a bar. and i just watched all 13 20 minute episodes in a row....so over 4 hours. and i enjoyed it a lot. it ended up working out more than real life would but that is why i liked it because it all worked out in the end. and yes, i have a long list of more productive things i could have done but i did not do those...

i am currently in a house all by myself and i don't think anyone is coming back tonight. Summer left with her basket of clothes so she is probably staying at Ben's. and Kristian isn't living here anymore and Corey isn't moved in yet. and Erin is back home for 10 days. so i am all alone. fabulous.

it's actually fine. i mean in some grand world i'll have friends over and we will have a great time and then they will all leave except one and he will come spend the night with me in my bed. but that will not happen. and as much as i would to just kiss someone, it's been over a year, and i am getting kind of restless, i am fine just being single with no potential guys at all.

wow that's kind of disappointing that there aren't even any "ehhh maybes" in my life. like let us break this down for you:

Joe - I have actually talked to him on the phone more than any of my other friends and texted him more than my other friends recently. but 1) there is the whole i'm not going to see him for more than like a day until senior year since he is studying abroad in the spring 2) i'm not attracted to him but i am getting desperate so we will see how long that lasts 3) i'm really just kidding, it wouldn't work, he is just a good friend, which is funny because at the beginning of freshman year i tried my best to avoid him and was actually unhappy when he was in my FME group but he is now one of good friends so funny.

Hanson - HAHAHA Molly, you never had a chance with him anyways and pretty sure he has a girlfriend now. yeah never was interested and he probably never will be. plus he is an alcoholic. but damn, is he a well put together successful alcoholic who gives me shots when he is an RA on rounds - oh right that happened.

Zach - yeah if he was interested last night would have been the perfect time to display some sign and there was nothing soooo yeah no. plus like i said it's still too awkward with him. so not going to happen. plus he probably has some girl that he is seeing anyways. but i'll continue to get him twitter followers - yeah!

there are really no others. like there are guys i met but none even worth talking about. wooooooooooooooooooooooooow molly. like i think i'm a catch. i'm not bad looking. sometimes i am even really good looking. i'm sane. i have goals and dreams and ambitions. i'm smart. i can be sarcastic and witty sometimes too. i'm a extremely good friend. yeah sure i can be too shy and timid and i'm not all that interesting and exciting but you could all do worse. so boys you better start jumping on this.

yeah you can tell i am kind of just lonely. i don't even remember the last time i kissed Josh. and i haven't seen him since then. we broke up via skype for crying out loud. it's not like i miss him miss him, but i kind of do. but when i think about if i want him to be here...i don't. so i guess i'm over him like completely. fuck. i hope he is doing well though, like actually.

alright so here is the truth about the boy situation. i was hoping there would be something this summer, just some sort of interest, you know some spark i could at least have fun with flirting with even if it turned into nothing. but that has not happened. and i have less than 4 weeks left, 1 of which Erin will be gone for and she is who brought me places and introduced me to people so basically this week will be spent by myself in my room binging on Netflix like tonight, another one of those weeks will be spent with my family so definitely will not be flirting with guys, and then once my family leaves i literally have one week until i leave and one week is not enough time to land a cute summer fling. so this summer was a bust in the boy department - except the whole working on myself thing so i can be ready or whatever

next i'll be in china. and if i am being honest here, it would be great to have some sort of thing going with a guy on the program. then i not only have someone who will always want to go and do things with me, he will look out for me, he will travel with me, i can talk to him, have fun with him. i mean i can do all of that with regular friends too, but you know what i mean. but at the same time that is in no way shape or form why i am going to china or what i am going to focus on while i am there.

okay this is stupid sorry for the boy focused post. i swear i am not actually boy crazy. just sometimes i little bit boy focused. especially when i am home alone in my bed. and it's 12:12 and i am about to go to sleep. and here we go again once i realized it was time for bed i really do not want to go to sleep even though i am exhausted. this is going to get to be a problem pretty soon. let's see which side of Molly will win tonight: the side that wants to never sleep or the reasonable side that is exhausted. the power is in my hands but who knows what i'll do.

please i just want to talk to cute boys but i can't even download tinder because i might see someone that i met on there and also because i found out my supervisor from work is on there so now i definitely can't. i guess right now i am just feeling lonely and want to talk to someone. you know what thought just went through my head to text Joe and see if he is awake. fuck no. gaaaaaaah this sucks, molly just go to bed and stop being a miserable little bitch.

sorry, no, i didn't just call myself a bitch. i am really just in this mood because i just watched all of mixology and it's all about relationships and hooking up soooo that's where i'm at. sorry.