i am sitting outside of my house on the little patio deck thingy. i just finished eating my dinner that i cooked for myself. it is the perfect temperature. the sun is setting. airplanes are flying overhead back and forth - some coming and some leaving. i hear the sounds of natures. the moon is already up and shining, a tiny bit more than half. and i'm the only one home. and i am happy.

a shift has happened where more times than not i'm happy to be home not doing anything. i choose to be here. i actually had a few options of things i could have done. but i wanted a relaxing evening at home. and i have really appreciated being able to spend it outside. it is so gorgeous out.

recently i have been seeing Erin get all caught up in her head and having expectations for people and getting let down by them and she is being bitter and upset all the time and is so focused on herself. i try hard to distance myself from all her drama and negativity because she doesn't even realize what she is doing. she is still such a great person and i am so thankful for her but i wish that she can find a happier place and not keep relying on other people to make her happy because she is going to be consistently disappointed.

but it is just a reminder that happiness is a choice and you just have to focus on the positive. i always have to remind myself that because it is hard. it is really hard sometimes. but i am so thankful and grateful for what i have and who i am and where i am and everything. life is so amazing and wonderful. and i am out here figuring it all out myself.

my life is going to change so much over the next few years. i have no idea how or where i will be but i know that i will be happy wherever i end up. because i will be with myself and i love myself and i am happy when i am with me.

wow it really felt good to type that. to full realize and understand that you are stuck with yourself so even if you are hard on yourself and even if there are some things you want to change or improve on, if you love yourself and you choose to be happy with yourself - then no matter where you are, who you are with, or what you are doing, you are happy.

in 6 weeks time i am going to be getting on a plane to go to Ireland to see my family who i haven't seen in years and to spend time with my sisters and dad. and then 2 weeks after that, 8 weeks from today, i am going to be on a plane to China where i will be for three and a half months.

it's scary. and i'm worried and nervous and often doubt if i made the right choice. but i am happy and confident in who i am and know that i will be successful and make the most out of every experience. i have a good head on my shoulders and i can handle whatever comes my way.

if the only thing i get out of this summer is truly believing and embodying this post then i have had a successful summer and it was all worth it.