Tom from Warner/Chappell & Frank from Carnival Music

I really did not do well with my interviews today.

The first one i went to the wrong building and then once i got to the right place i was 20 minutes late and it last 5 minutes and it was not very helpful. and he had told me when he emailed me back that he didn't think he would be much help. but really i think it is my fault for asking the wrong questions. like when he mentioned he used to do managing why didn't you jump on that?!

anyways so i met with Tom and he works at Warner/Chappell which is a production music company, so the music you hear in films, tv, etc. that aren't hit songs. They create, represent, and license that music. he is in charge of licensing and has 10 people in his team. he has to bring in revenue. he calls on clients and works with offices around the world. it's about maximizing opportunities, getting in front of people. he personally spent 30 years in radio stations but then the radio industry changed about 7 to 8 years ago. so he was involved in artist management and label promotion. and then he has been here for a year. this is completely different from what he did before. the number one thing across the board is to make sure the team is motivated and maximizing their potentially and getting all the opportunities.

the second one was better but i also missed out on a lot of questions i could have asked. i had a hit successful producer in front of me and didn't ask him about that. and he founded the company i was in and i didn't ask him about that since he sort of didn't mention the whole founding part. what the hell, molly? you really missed your chance here...

so i met with Frank Liddell (who also just won an award) from Carnival Music. it is a publishing company and he also produces records. they have 12 songwriters and they write songs everyday. he is from TX, went to boarding school in MA, college in TX. ended up in Nashville, started producing records. he started at Bluewater and then was at Decca records for 4 years worked as a publisher pitching songs and in A&R. he doesn't like the whole meetings, would rather listen to music and stay in the studio and check in on people. he doesn't know at lot. he isn't doing anything a lot differently from 24 years ago other than he doesn't pitch as much because he has other people do that, he works with the songwriters.

he says the music industry is bigger than you think, you feel closed in on music row but it is actually huge. recommended the book by Passman. he said that people forget that the music is by people and the whole humanity of it. musicians are people and artists and their art is important. you want to work with music and stuff you are proud of. how do you progress and not forget how you started. he said he doesn't know anything now that he didn't know when he first stated. you want to work with music and people you love. and there is the whole reality of what they do and how you can talk about something but it is a whole new thing to actually do it. failed a lot. about 90% of his success came from his heart and using his brain didn't always work. he knew it wasn't adding up but entered into bad situations anyways. he wished he would have protected what he believed in. don't get into something if you don't think it is 100%. to love music and to love the people and believe in them. not just be yes people. come with your sense of purpose and music.

yeah so i didn't ask him about founding a company or producing music so i'm stupid. but you live and you learn i guess.

Ben & Emiy from Ole

i've had an extremely lazy past two days. like i haven't left the house. but i've read two books. the day before, Friday and before that, Thursday were both good! one of the groups on Rounder was playing at the Ryman and i was asked if i wanted to go so i went with Corey and it was really cool to be at the Ryman and everything. and after that we got ice cream and chips and queso and walked across the bridge. it was fun. and then Friday was spent with Corey again as she was getting her car fixed so we hung out at a coffee shop while i made phone calls to hotels to try to book places for Taylor's house show tour - another story - and then went to the opry hotel and walked around there and had dinner at Johnny Rockets! so it was fun.

but then she had to babysit yesterday. and our church had their sunday hangouts today and i thought we were going to go to together but no response from my text and she didn't answer my phone call...i probably could have just went, she was probably there. but i wasn't feeling confident enough to take on an event full of beautiful, happy, confident, successful people in Nashville - because that is what our church is made up of. i mean i am sure they would have been nice and taken me in but i didn't want to have to deal with the awkwardness. and Corey will probably be like, why didn't you just come? but i'm still working on my whole confidence and not being shy thing. usually i'm pretty good once i get somewhere but i usually need someone there with me just to get me out of the house and you know. i am not going to beat myself up and get mad at myself for not going. i am who i am and i didn't go so that's okay. i will have more chances to put myself out there. and in three weeks i won't be here anymore anyways. i'll be galavanting across ireland and then living in shanghai.

but i was about to start binge watching netflix and i told myself i have to be at least a little bit productive. i haven't written up the last meeting i went to so i have to do that. then i might do a chinese lesson and maybe write a blog post. and then i can be lazy for the rest of the day. and then tomorrow i have to make more phone calls to hotels and i have two meetings.
____

okay so i went to Ole and met with Ben first. he told me about Ole (music publishers), started in Canada in 2004 and they have 3 offices (Canada, Nashville, New York) and had a 15% ROI. so they manage the writers, schedule co-writes, use songs on records, and pitch songs to records. so a lot of cold emails, networking, meetings with A&R, artists, and managers. it's all about developing relationships and pitching actual songs. so in the Nashville artists they focus on country, LA is more pop. he mentioned that Josh Dorr, Zach's roommate is signed to them. they are acquiring catalogs too, they have Taylor Swift's. so for Ben actually he went to school for music business. he was bartending and met someone from Song Records and went to work in their mail room and then in the tape room and then the assistant to A&R but then his company wanted to get into publishing so he was moved to work on that which because Sony ATV and then ended up at Ole. he said that publishers also act as managers before songwriters have a manager. he said the business is about getting a job and working two times harder.

then i met with Emily who was absolutely adorable and i really liked talking to her. she showed me the cool writing rooms that songwriters will go and write together in. she went to Belmont and she wanted to help songwriters. so that is someone how she got here because she loved helping songwriters. she helps set up co-writes and strategically puts together different people. she will often have pitch meetings and have lunch with publishers to get writers together. she was just so sweet and i really liked her.

this meeting really opened me up to this kind of music publishing, not just old catalogs or whatever. but working directly with the songwriters. i wouldn't mind working at a place like that!

so i told Zach that i went to the place where his roommate is signed to. and he was all excited asking who i met with. apparently he is buddies with all of them. so then i few days later he says: "Ben had nothing but amazing things to say about you. He was so impressed with the fact that you emailed them and met up with em. Keep going Molly!! ... Yeah he's one of my buddies. he was super impressed. Said you have a big future ahead of you" so it was awesome to get that kind of feedback. but then of course since then i've been sitting on my bum not doing anything. well i do have two meetings tomorrow but i haven't been sending out any new emails or doing anything great. but at least i have done something. and even if i'm feeling kind of stuck and blahh here and feeling like i can't really do anything else since i will be leaving soon - i'll be in china and hopefully be able to explore the music scene there. and i'll just figure it out one day at a time. i have time. even though it feels like i'm wasting time and like i should be doing something, i don't have to have my life together right now. i don't have to be doing big things right now. i'm learning and seeing. right? or is that just an excuse for sitting like a bum in my room all day? could go either way.

guys i did that thing again where i was exhausted and ready to fall asleep at 7 but just stayed up until 2am. whoops.

I just talked to Maeve and i feel so much better about everything. she saw things from the side of Joy wasn't being a very good friend and was being manipulative and that it was fine that i didn't invite her over. when i talked to Maeve i had already left Joy a message and told her she could stay if she wanted to. but if i had talked to Maeve first i probably wouldn't have. i haven't heard back from Joy but i am hoping she won't want to come. but i forgot how good it is to just talk to someone, it was awesome talking to Maeve. i should really call and talk to her about what is going on in my life more. usually i only talk to her when she wants to call to talk about all the shit she is going through. which i will do whenever and it is important but it is also nice to just talk about what is going on in my life and figure that out as well. because i realized other than Maeve i don't really have a close friend that i can call and talk to. i don't want to unload all of this on Ellie or Amelie because i have barely talked to them anyways. i really should text them just to see how they are doing and all. but i don't feel like i can just talk to them about all the shit in my life because then i am complaining and i don't want them to have to carry that or worry about me.

but basically i should have called maeve yesterday. i feel so much better after talking to her. i am going to stick to my guns and just go with it. we will see what happens. but it is good to have the reminder that i will always have her to rely on.

now i have to figure out if i clear my plates or if i can just leave them...coffee shop problems.

i feel sick. i'm a horrible person. i left joy to sleep in her car last night. and it's my fault. god. i feel horrible right now.

it was 10:30 and i was exhausted and wanted to sleep but summer wasn't texting me back and then kristian was here so i went and talked to her and basically talking to her convinced me not to have her stay. and then i basically broke down because of all of this and all the stuff that is going on at home and stuff. and she was just like you need to sleep, don't take on all of her stuff, you don't need to bring her into the house. and just now i feel like shit and don't know what to do. she still need a place to stay for like 3 more days and she texted me all this stuff like how it really hurt our friendship.

okay now let me get mad at her. we are barely even friends. she through this all on me. and stressed me out so much. i have other shit going on.

it's hard for me to be mad. i don't know what to do. this was horrible. i should have just let her come over because even then if i had to deal with that and that was messy at least i wouldn't feel like a bad person...i kind of want to talk to Maeve or someone but i really have no one. Maeve's probably still asleep. it's 7:13am in the morning and i'm up so early because i am meeting another intern for coffee at 8 but at least this woke me up, no way i could fall back asleep.

hi i really want to be asleep right now but i need work through this dilemma.

okay so i have this friend Joy, who is really Erin's friend and i met her through her or whatever. but she and Erin just had a big fight and i'm not going to go into details but basically Joy has not been a good friend to Erin and is blaming Erin for everything. and i haven't heard from Joy in a while even though i had texted her saying we should hang out a while ago. but then she texts me tonight and she needs a place to stay because her roommate is away but her roommate's ex-boyfriend is coming to get his stuff and is staying in the house and she doesn't feel comfortable staying there with him. but when i talked to Erin about her staying here Erin said she would feel uncomfortable if Joy was here even though Erin isn't here. and Summer i think is at her boyfriends house but i wouldn't feel right about having Joy stay here without asking her. and i don't know what to do. i feel like the big obvious choice is to just have Joy stay here but it isn't my house so really i shouldn't be making that decision. but it is also midnight and i just want to sleep. would I believe a horrible person if i just ignored Joy's texts and went to sleep...the answer to that is yes but i still really just want to do that. i am so tired. i can't deal. and i think Corey is upset that i didn't go to the belonging tonight. and i am starting to get stressed out by this but i really don't want to.

okay i have to text Joy back otherwise i'll feel horrible. i'll see if i can figure something else out for tonight. and then i'll talk to Corey tomorrow and make sure she isn't upset and see if she is moving in or what.

Erin just texted me and i feel bad that Erin has to deal with this now too because she is supposed to be on vacation. all i really want to do is sleep. i'll wait and see what Erin says then text Joy and either leave the door unlocked for her or i will sleep.

OMG she doesn't even need a place until Wednesday, why am i still awake! ahahahahahahah i just lost like half an hour of sleep and stressed over this when i can figure it out tomorrow. gaaaaaah.

I have been spending money like crazy lately...$50 for Kristian's utilities, $20 for a present for Corey, $30 for Hanson's kickstarter, $45 for Abby's fund, $30 for Kyle Reynold's kickstarter, $60 for new face stuff cause the stuff i bought isn't working...and I still want to buy a $100 backpack and I have a list of things I need to buy for China and I need to go grocery shopping today...

but i have to remember that everything i spent and give to other people so $170 will come back to me somehow...like the tickets to the Fray and some people in front of us paying for our ice cream (which we should have continued and paid for the people behind us! so frustrated i didn't! worse that Zach is the one who pointed out that i should have)

i shouldn't be worried about money because i have enough but i just see myself spending it all and i have no income...which is kind of scary. but i'll be okay. i don't want to be restricted by money and have it control my life...i already missed a concert by the Neighbourhood because of that. 

oh wow, i just read that Ricky isn't going to Europe with David and Jose for their tour...that is kind of shocking. i was so proud of them for pulling that off and doing it all themselves. i wonder what is going on in his life. i hope everything is okay. i wish him and the rest of the boys luck. goodness.

anyways i also left the oven on all night which i am beating myself up about, especially because that means the electric bill will be higher and that affects people other than me too...

but still thinking about KTK, reminder that other people have a lot going on in their lives. i am grateful and blessed that i have the life i have and can afford to help other people as i do.

that's dream you know: to help other people's dreams come true and if i can do that by $30 that is great. eventually i want to be able to help more. fund a whole kickstarter. be the manager behind a band that blows up.

anyways i should get out of bed and maybe try to be somewhat productive today. it's 1:12pm.

let me write a list of what i should do today:

- shower

- grocery shopping

- library

- Chinese lesson

- blog post

- start getting friends addresses together

- start clearing out Babtop

- write up about last music industry visit

i think if i do all of that i will be happy. so let's go!

omg. i just found the perfect song. i was trying to find the right song before going to sleep. and i was listening to Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy and scrolling through tumblr and an Olly Murs song came up "I Need You Now" so i stopped Almost Lover to play this song and it is my life right now. it's perfect.

I wonder how you kiss first thing in the morning
Before you go, go to work and you're smiling at me
Do you laugh at my jokes, even the ones that you've heard before?
There be times when everything's not perfect, when we fight
Do you say things like I hate you or it's all your fault
Or do you say nothing at all

I don't know who you are
Don't even know your name
I wish we could talk but I don't have a number to call
So hold your hand up if you hear me,
I've been searching but all that I found
Is everywhere that I go, is standing alone in the crowd

Maybe you're right here in front of me
Am I looking too hard, it's hard to see
Oh, give me a sign; I'm starting to wonder if you've lost your way
I've been right here waiting patiently,
Your lane should be right here next to me
I need you tonight, think of you all of the time

I don't know who you are
Don't even know your name
I wish we could talk but I don't have a number to call
So hold your hand up if you hear me,
I've been searching but all that I found
Is everywhere that I go, is standing alone in the crowd
And I need you now... I need you now

I wonder how you kiss, how you fight, how you laugh, how you smile
All of the time

I don't know who you are
Don't even know your name
I wish we could talk but I don't have a number to call
So hold your hand up if you hear me,
I've been searching but all that I found
Is everywhere that I go, is standing alone in the crowd
And I need you now... I need you now

you should all not fret. i just had a jam session in my underwear and bra. i just danced around my room. and now i am sitting in on my bed criss-cross with my laptop on my lap just wearing underwear because my bra was annoying me.

can i just say that i am hot. and i am attractive. so the next time a boy tells me that i should believe him because i just watched myself dance in front of a mirror crazily and i am attractive and hot and maybe even beautiful too.

would you like to know what songs got me dancing around the room?

P.T.L - Relient K
If I Don't Feel Like This - Jordan Gable
I Choose You - Sara Bareilles
Desperate Measures - Mariana's Trench
I Want Crazy - Hunter Hayes

and then I just put on Best I Ever Had - Gavin DeGraw as i sat on my bed to write this because do i really do anything if i don't write about it in my blog? i have the answer to that, and it is yes, i do. i have a whole life that goes on when i am not writing about a small portion of my life.

now i will decide if i still have more energy to dance around naked or if i am content enough that i can happily go to sleep.

but before i go to sleep, which i think i will be doing shortly, can i just say to any boy in my future: i am a catch and if you ever see me dance like that you are lucky and better hold onto me tightly because i am crazy, beautiful, smart, attractive, witty, intelligent, motivated, and an amazing freaking badass.

i just binge watched a show on netflix called Mixology which is about 10 strangers and 1 night at a bar. and i just watched all 13 20 minute episodes in a row....so over 4 hours. and i enjoyed it a lot. it ended up working out more than real life would but that is why i liked it because it all worked out in the end. and yes, i have a long list of more productive things i could have done but i did not do those...

i am currently in a house all by myself and i don't think anyone is coming back tonight. Summer left with her basket of clothes so she is probably staying at Ben's. and Kristian isn't living here anymore and Corey isn't moved in yet. and Erin is back home for 10 days. so i am all alone. fabulous.

it's actually fine. i mean in some grand world i'll have friends over and we will have a great time and then they will all leave except one and he will come spend the night with me in my bed. but that will not happen. and as much as i would to just kiss someone, it's been over a year, and i am getting kind of restless, i am fine just being single with no potential guys at all.

wow that's kind of disappointing that there aren't even any "ehhh maybes" in my life. like let us break this down for you:

Joe - I have actually talked to him on the phone more than any of my other friends and texted him more than my other friends recently. but 1) there is the whole i'm not going to see him for more than like a day until senior year since he is studying abroad in the spring 2) i'm not attracted to him but i am getting desperate so we will see how long that lasts 3) i'm really just kidding, it wouldn't work, he is just a good friend, which is funny because at the beginning of freshman year i tried my best to avoid him and was actually unhappy when he was in my FME group but he is now one of good friends so funny.

Hanson - HAHAHA Molly, you never had a chance with him anyways and pretty sure he has a girlfriend now. yeah never was interested and he probably never will be. plus he is an alcoholic. but damn, is he a well put together successful alcoholic who gives me shots when he is an RA on rounds - oh right that happened.

Zach - yeah if he was interested last night would have been the perfect time to display some sign and there was nothing soooo yeah no. plus like i said it's still too awkward with him. so not going to happen. plus he probably has some girl that he is seeing anyways. but i'll continue to get him twitter followers - yeah!

there are really no others. like there are guys i met but none even worth talking about. wooooooooooooooooooooooooow molly. like i think i'm a catch. i'm not bad looking. sometimes i am even really good looking. i'm sane. i have goals and dreams and ambitions. i'm smart. i can be sarcastic and witty sometimes too. i'm a extremely good friend. yeah sure i can be too shy and timid and i'm not all that interesting and exciting but you could all do worse. so boys you better start jumping on this.

yeah you can tell i am kind of just lonely. i don't even remember the last time i kissed Josh. and i haven't seen him since then. we broke up via skype for crying out loud. it's not like i miss him miss him, but i kind of do. but when i think about if i want him to be here...i don't. so i guess i'm over him like completely. fuck. i hope he is doing well though, like actually.

alright so here is the truth about the boy situation. i was hoping there would be something this summer, just some sort of interest, you know some spark i could at least have fun with flirting with even if it turned into nothing. but that has not happened. and i have less than 4 weeks left, 1 of which Erin will be gone for and she is who brought me places and introduced me to people so basically this week will be spent by myself in my room binging on Netflix like tonight, another one of those weeks will be spent with my family so definitely will not be flirting with guys, and then once my family leaves i literally have one week until i leave and one week is not enough time to land a cute summer fling. so this summer was a bust in the boy department - except the whole working on myself thing so i can be ready or whatever

next i'll be in china. and if i am being honest here, it would be great to have some sort of thing going with a guy on the program. then i not only have someone who will always want to go and do things with me, he will look out for me, he will travel with me, i can talk to him, have fun with him. i mean i can do all of that with regular friends too, but you know what i mean. but at the same time that is in no way shape or form why i am going to china or what i am going to focus on while i am there.

okay this is stupid sorry for the boy focused post. i swear i am not actually boy crazy. just sometimes i little bit boy focused. especially when i am home alone in my bed. and it's 12:12 and i am about to go to sleep. and here we go again once i realized it was time for bed i really do not want to go to sleep even though i am exhausted. this is going to get to be a problem pretty soon. let's see which side of Molly will win tonight: the side that wants to never sleep or the reasonable side that is exhausted. the power is in my hands but who knows what i'll do.

please i just want to talk to cute boys but i can't even download tinder because i might see someone that i met on there and also because i found out my supervisor from work is on there so now i definitely can't. i guess right now i am just feeling lonely and want to talk to someone. you know what thought just went through my head to text Joe and see if he is awake. fuck no. gaaaaaaah this sucks, molly just go to bed and stop being a miserable little bitch.

sorry, no, i didn't just call myself a bitch. i am really just in this mood because i just watched all of mixology and it's all about relationships and hooking up soooo that's where i'm at. sorry.

hi it's 2am and i'm still awake. 2:07 to be exact. i have just been watching videos and stuff. and now i'm listening to johnnyswim. i don't know why i am awake. i guess i just don't want to get up and get ready for bed and i don't want to sleep.

i kind of wish Michael would just come knock on my door and we would just talk and hang out. he is staying here. but yeah that would probably be really awkward and weird so just as well.

alright. molly you really just need to go to bed. your sleeping schedule is going to be all messed up.

it's 2:23 and i still haven't gotten up. but exhaustion just hit me. great job molly. you just stayed up doing nothing all night. okay stop, not going to be hard on myself. i'll get up now.

goodnight, world

okay so i was going to go see the fray with Corey but then she had to babysit...i was thinking about asking my friend Joy and then Erin had a friend Michael who was staying here and he was super excited that i was going to see them so i was thinking about asking him too. but then Zach texted me responding to something i had texted him earlier and said that we should do something this weekend...so i was like do you like the fray? so Zach ended up coming with me. Erin kept saying it was a date...but it clearly was not a date. plus Zach and I get along but we don't really hit it off. i forgot what it is like to just really get along with someone. i got a bit of that with Michael this weekend, he brought me to Taco Bell...or I guess I drove so i brought him there and he bought me some tacos...and then we talked afterwards and stuff and it was easier to talk to him. i don't know, maybe i'll just an awkward soul and can't talk to people. because being with Zach isn't like when i'm with my friends and it is just easy. i don't know.

but i was wondering if i would hear something from Abby since i gave her $45 but nothing. and i won't dare look at her tumblr or anything. even though i'm really curious. and now talking about this makes me really want to check. okay yeah i'm going to. nothing. maybe she didn't even see yet. i really need to forgot i even did that and move on. it's pretty easy to do since i am surrounded by different people and i'm pretty busy. but isn't it crazy that i used to be best friends with her and there are posts on here about how close we were and all...and now i am giving her $45 on a whim and wondering what she is thinking and yeah it's just so strange.

my roommate Erin is going back home for 10 days tomorrow...i'm going to miss her but she really needs a break. she gets so wrapped up in other people and lets them stress her out. so it will be good for her to have a break. but i will be back having to fend for myself to find things to do...oh wait, no! Corey will be moving in actually because she got kicked out of her house...so i am super pumped for her to be here! she is leaving in 2 weeks though so i will miss her a lot after she leaves but at least i will be able to see her as much as i can before since i'll be living with her!

i wish Michael was staying longer because i like him and that's the first time i've made friends so quickly. but it is what it is. maybe i'll make some more new friends before i leave...if not i am happy with the friends i have. they are awesome. i am going to have a lot of thank you cards to send.

but it's 1am so i should probably go to sleep even though i really don't want to...just one of those nights where i don't want to sleep even though i'm tired. gaaaaaaah.

this is what happens when i'm exhausted but i don't want to go to sleep...i creepy on my ex-best friend Abby's tumblr. i literally went through from today until december to the post that i think is about me but i don't really know...i'm sure i've posted about it here before. the one that says "you know I miss you too. i miss the old you. I could try and like the new you. i doubt i'll ever get to tell you though."

it could not even be about me. because she did unfriend me on facebook and basically cut me out of her life...so she never really made an effort to try to like the "new me."

but the thing is i don't need her. at all really. i am happy. i have friends. today i went out to dinner and ice cream with Corey who is such an amazing person. tomorrow Erin and I are hosting a bonfire at our house. i am confident. i am accomplishing things with my life. no, i'm not perfect. but if i am a "new me," i am a much better person than i was in high school. so i'm not sorry. i wish i could be there to help you though and give you support. because i still care about you. obviously, i just stalked your tumblr. but maybe you don't need me either.

but i am still going to support you and give you money for your Hawaii campaign. right now she is at 855...and no one has donated for two months and she is just back at recampaigning so i am going to get that up to 900...like i got Zach's twitter followers up to 900 today too!

and i have to buy Corey a bracelet as a gift...so lots of money spending for other people. but it is okay because i know it will come back to me. like a nice man paid for Corey and mine's ice cream today...so i am not worried.

okay let me go grab my credit card then i'll go to sleep like i should have over an hour ago.

okay hi again everyone. so i believe in god.

i have been trying to win tickets to see the fray on saturday for a while. i was trying on a site called tunespeak and i got close but didn't have the time to stick with it. and entering on radio stations and such. but i basically came to accept that i wasn't going to go. the tickets were expensive and yeah it's alright because i got to see fall out boy and new politics.

then today i was driving to church with Corey and she told me how a random guy in trader joe's was following her around and finally he started talking with her and asked if she wanted tickets to go see the fray. and of course when she tells me this i am freaking out like whaaat?! and she was just like yeah, i think it was god telling me not to judge people and all. so i tell her well if you are looking for someone to go with you, i would love to go. and that was pretty much it, she didn't really say that i could go - i assumed she already asked someone, which was fine.

then at church it was really good today. i got an image of our family standing on this square concrete or stone and we were really little like outlines of people and then the stone starts crumbling and breaking and there are huge cracks and Maeve is falling and she is barely holding on and we are trying to pull her back up, but then a piece of the stone comes back up under her and lifts her back up. and while there are still cracks left they are small and we are all still standing. and then i had another image of god just wrapping a blanket around Maeve and keeping her safe and protected. as you can tell i have been worried about Maeve a lot so it was good to know that God is looking after her.

but i really just want to stop making things about me and start looking towards God so i can reflect him. so i can transform - wait it's about me again. so i can let him transform me to do his good. and i am going to try to read the bible some. and i will talk more about religion and my thoughts on it later, it will be a long post and right now i am tired and haven't gotten to the best part of my story yet.

okay anyways so we are leaving and Corey says she will walk me to my car and Kristian was going to bring her home. but anyways she says she has something for me and i am just like...awww you are so nice. i saw earlier that she had given Kristian a bracelet so that is what i am thinking it is. anyways, Kristian gets distracted so i end up giving Corey a ride home and she says then she can give it to me now. and she gives me her tickets to the Fray. and i am just grinning and so excited. and she is saying how God told her she was given them to give to me. she realized it when she was at church and god was telling her that she needed to give them away. and i am just so grateful and thankful and i'm telling her that i will bring her if she wants to come. and she is just like take them and bring whoever you want. and i am just so shocked. i had given up complete hope on those tickets. and now i am holding them. and it's so amazing. and i am so excited. and oh honey is opening for them and they have been the theme song to my life lately and i can't express how grateful i am.

wow. and the price of one of this tickets was about how much i paid for Kristian's utilities. so look how it comes back to you. it's so amazing. and i am so thankful. and wow. just wow wow wow. definitely going to start paying more attention to god.

sometimes (okay maybe a lot of the time) i really just don't want to do anything. i have been in my bed all day and it's 1pm now. but like even more than that. i don't want to have to work or deal with people. like i'll just go home and maybe get a stupid job and just live at home for the rest of my life. like i don't have to be big and ambitious and want to do everything. i am happy right now just in my bed.

i really don't want to have to deal with life.

and like i told my roommate Kristian that i would pay for her utility bill and now i am having regrets about that and it is giving me anxiety and freaking me out and i don't know how i am going to pay for it without my other roomies judging me because they just think she wastes her money. and now i wish i never told her i would. plus it's like $50 and i already have to pay my $50 plus $600 for rent so now i'm like what the hell am i doing.

and then i could go to the lake with some people at 4 but then i have to be social and idk if any of my roomies are going so it would be awkward because i am not really close to any of them. and i will most likely just stay home all day. maybe i'll go for a walk. and maybe i'll start to learn chinese but that might freak me out. why the heck am i going to china again? and then on monday i have to meet with more people from the music industry and i don't want to do that either. i don't want to put myself out there.

guys it's times when i am like this that i think i am never going to do anything that i want to. but i guess the first step would be to go take a shower even though i don't even want to do that. blahahahhhh.

okay so you know how i am going to Ireland so now i wont have time to go to babson to see Ellie and Amelie and all of them. so i told Ellie. and now she wants to see me. we get in a 11pm on the 27th and i leave at 6am on the 30th. she said i am worth driving 3 plus hours just to have lunch with me. and i was annoyed. maybe because i don't really miss her yet. i already had my Ellie fill two weeks ago. and plus my two days i'm home i don't think that i want to spend it with her. i am going to be stressed out packing and i'm going to be so jet lagged. like packing is actually a concern because i barely have time before i leave for ireland to pack for ireland let alone china.

and i realized that i am doing the same thing to ellie that i did to josh. push them away. she is all like i'll drive that far to see you. and i'm all like, no i'm not worth it, i don't even want to see you that badly. and it is basically the exact same thing i would say to josh when he wanted to come see me. so wow. not sure what that says about me and relationships and friendships and everything.

but i think i came up with an idea. since i am staying over auntie lorrie's the night before i leave, i might be able to stop by babson and see them. but it's a long shot since it depends on what time i head up to boston and if i'm awake since i'll be jetlagged and if i'm packed and it's crazy but we will see what happens. in a little over a month. woooo.

Randy & Brownlee - Bluewater Music, Cassie & Amanda & Kelly & Misha - TKO Artist Management, Katrina - Carlin Nashville

i had four meeting today and met 7 people. all in the music industry and all who were willing to talk to me and share advice so here it goes.

okay so i talked to Randy at bluewater music first. so he started by explaining that there are three types of music publishing: 1. full publisher 2. sub-publisher 3. administrator (collecting money and licensing). initially bluewater was a full publisher with lots of number one hits and a large collection. but then publishing and sub-publishing wasn't as profitable so they started to join societies directly, including 24 foreign counties. they also added management. but now they have over 40,000 copyrights, and have worked with NeedtoBreathe and the writer for Imagine Dragons. Randy overseas sync licensing and royalties and helps sign and maintain clients. he had a meeting with a client after me about modifying their contract or something. he went to MTSU and studying music business and first he interned with a talent buyer and then they hired him. he saw a job opening here at bluewater and someone he knew, knew them so he had her call them up which helped get him the job. he really likes his job and he doesn't want to do anything else. he said networking is the key because it is hard to find a job posting and everyone wants a job in the music business. 

also the US is the only country the handles music publishing the way it does. they are on a 200% scale and everyone else is 100%. the US is also the only place where the label pays the publisher directly, others have mechanical.

he also suggested that bands keep their own publishing. with an admin deal they only take 10% versus the 50% that a publisher gets. all that the music business will probably keep falling until 2018-2019. but Japan is reluctant to take on the digital and streaming because they are still making money off of things like ringtones.

After I talked to Randy I was waiting in the conference room to talk to Brownlee, the CEO of the company. and he walks in and asks if i'll go for a drive because he has to go buy a book. so of course i said yes. i could have defended myself if it went south so i was confident, plus i decided to trust him.

but he is an interesting guy. he is definitely a CEO, businessman. he reminded me of my dad a lot. so i was kind of intimidated. but he said no notes, plus we were in a car, so i have to try to remember. i think i started with asking him about management. oh okay right. so he was saying how the music industry was changing and how he had to change his business model and he moved towards artist management as well. and how he does stuff all day and is usually tired by the end of the day. there was more here but i don't remember it and it wasn't the important stuff. but then i asked him how he got into the music business...and he was basically like that is a stupid question you should ask me how i am successful and started a business. so i said "let me rephrase my question..." and i did and he approved and told me how started a business is two things: 1. finance and 2. personality. so on the finance side you have to make money last. so you have to know what to spend it on and basically last as long as possible because that is what a business needs: time. so the longer your money last the more chance you have of being successful. and then on the personality side was determination and there was a certain word he used but of course now i can't remember...i need notes. but basically it was like sticking it with and such gahh i don't remember. anyways. so that was good. what else. somehow we started talking about how i was interested in management and Taylor came up and i was telling him a bit about him and he asked me social media numbers and i told me twitter and that i wasn't 100% sure about facebook and he was like those are good numbers for a manager to know. and i said i'm not his manager. and he said you should pretend like you are a manager. so if you were managing him or some band what would you do. which was good advice. (btw i was right about his social media numbers). and then he talked about how you never stop working and how you are always thinking about the next thing and everything relates back to work and how you are always coming up with ideas. (which i already do). and he talked about how he doesn't go to shows anymore unless he can get something out of it. he won't just go for fun because he will see all the things wrong with the show and what he would do differently if he was managing the band and it just makes him frustrated. he barely ever sees a show where he wouldn't change anything. he also talked about how when you have a conflict with your act you are managing in the first 6 months, he first big conflict that it will determine a lot. like with his act, Kink Ador, they had a deal with Red Bull on the time and they offered a shitty deal and she wanted to take it but he said they needed to compromise because they wanted her songs forever but he said there needed to be a time limit. and ultimately they all got a deal they liked, but that could have destroyed the relationship but instead it strengthened it. but he was fired by another act. this act was surrounded by cheerleaders who all said great things about his music. so it started with Brownlee emailing him to sort of wake him up and the act took it badly. and then soon after he says he doesn't want Brownlee to give any input into the music - the music that Brownlee is going to be marketing and promoting. so Brownlee said no, that won't work, and then he got fired. so that conflict ruined the relationship,

i know we talked about more - oh right he called me shy for the music business, but then said that's alright. and i told him i know and i'm working on it. i am really. the fact that i am even going and talking to all these people. every time it's time for me to leave i don't want to go, afterwards i am usually happy i went though.

okay so after that i went to TKO artist management and i actually talked to four girls: Cassie, Amanda, Kelly, and Misha. it was like a round table style and they were awesome. they gave me actual advice and such. let me go look at my notes. okay so they look at management as the center and then surrounded them are different parts of the industry, like promotion, etc. they also compared management to like a firefighter and just spending your time putting out different fires. their biggest act is Toby Keith and everyone sort of works on his projects but the rest are sort of split among them. one of the girls, Kelly got an internship there by calling and calling and emailing her resume until they finally hired her. and then she just stayed around until she got the job. she sounded like the perfect intern though who would go above and beyond and everything (made me feel like a slacker in my internship and like i'm not doing enough...). but i'm just going to go through some of their advice and what they talked about.

you have to be your own advocate and how it is all about the relationships. it's the little touches and going above and beyond that set you apart. you need to be openminded. you really don't know how to do the job until you do it, they don't teach you that stuff in school. social media is so important to know because people over a certain age don't want to deal with it so if you know the backend and can understand analytics, etc, that is great. the industry is changing so quickly that you won't find it in a textbook. read biographies to see how they did it. it's important how you say things in relationship in order to maximize and get people to do what you want them to do. fake it. everyday you are making it up. it's about managing stress throughout school and beyond. make mistakes and own up to them and don't make the same mistakes and when you own up to them have a solution. be present. be vocal about what you are interested in and ask for more projects (i really need to work on this). volunteer. go to different groups and meet people. also add them all on facebook (which i did).

really what i got from them is that i am doing the right thing by networking and meeting this people. but also that i am failing at my internship right now. they will probably forget me. i should work on making a better memorable impression. that's hard for me because i like to just be quiet and get my work done. it's a small office too and it's kind of awkward. i don't know. i am going to try to just do a few extra things and put myself out a bit at the office. if i am not the world's best intern this summer that is okay, i will know for next time. 

okay then a little bit later i met with Katrina who works at Carlin which is a music publisher. they represent songwriters and own the copyrights to songs and pitch them. so the label owns the master but each song has it's own publisher. and when the song is used by someone half goes to the publisher and half go to the artist. or the artist can keep the rights to a song and they get all the money. Carlin has a lot of vintage music. their base is in New York but there is an office in London and the one in Nashville where two people work. they focus on creative ways of pitching and finding new ways to pitch their catalog. Katrina came from North Carolina with no background in music but she wanted a job in the music business. she worked at 30 Tigers and then in publicity for a bit but she really likes publishing because you are so close to the music. she is able to have creative freedom. and publishing is more slow and steady working on something instead of putting out fires. 

the typical way that publishing works is that there is a list of people looking for a song, like a big artist is putting out a new record. so all the publishers pitch to them. but since Carlin has a lot of older songs it is different. the way Katrina approaches it is that she wants to make them a fan of the music. so she will send them songs for them to listen to. and if they don't use it for this project then maybe they will use it for the next one. she wants to send music that they will like and that will inspire them. she doesn't need to be the one who came up with the idea for an artist to work with a particular song, they can be the hero.

it's also important to see what music stands the test of time, learning music versus a fad. i need to take the time to study music to see where it came from since a lot is just a derivative. oh it's also cool that one of Carlin's songs was just used in a Kayne West song. and i just realized i forgot to thank her in the thank you note for the CD she gave me. oh well. that's alright i guess. not worth rewrite and wasting my notecards.

wow that was a lot. but i hope i captured a lot of the wisdom shared with me. i'm really thankful that i was able to talk to everyone i did.

when your sister texts you about how she is depressed and sends you actual text conversations between her and our dad and you start crying. it is still really bad and i didn't realize. and i wish i could just go fix it all.

instead i'll stay here and listen to Taylor sing Let This Be Your Soldier and just pray that it will get better for Maeve and my dad will stop being a dick.

Lee Olsen - VP of KCA Artists

today i went and talked with Lee Olsen who is Vice President of Keith Case & Associates Artists. they are representation agents with also some management.

so i figured i should talk about my experience a bit. while once i got there, as i was late because i put 7th ave in my phone instead of 17th so there's that. but it was kind of awkward. he just expected me to ask questions but he answered them all. really the opportunity was more just to get me face-time with different people in the industry to just sort of start getting out there. i'll send him a thank you card soon and now if i am ever looking for a booking agent for someone i am managing maybe i'll go to them. or you never know how connections may come back.

He manages the Northeast when it comes to booking artists. When they say they want to tour in the Northeast he will send out an e-mail blast to his list of contacts (in the thousands) to see who is interested. From there he will start to put together a tour. Different agents in his company book different parts. Basically they just try to get any shows or gigs for their artists that they can.

He got started by being in his own band. He learned how to book bands by booking his own band. From there he booked other bands as well for commission. He was making a living, but he wasn't making any money. It was actually at a blue grass music convention where he met Keith and came to join his company. Really he learned everything just from doing it and by trail and error. He didn't have any background or training in business. In college he had an English degree.

He also managed a band called The Fairfield Four. He became their manager because he was there (I believe they were already using his booking services) and they needed a manager. He came on before they had some deals with Warner. He told me a story about how they were doing tracks for Garth Brooks but there was a point where one of the singers didn't know how to hit a certain note. So they had to trash everything and find someone else to do it. So after that he hired a music direction in session and made sure they were prepared. Also, they had them in headphones but they are an a capella group so they sing the best when they are singing together and can hear each other. So that's another time when Lee stepped in as manager and he arranged so they didn't have to use headphones and since then they didn't have a problem. He tried to get them into the studio whenever he could. He was given advice for that band to take every opportunity they could get and every time they had to hit it out of the park. Since that they always made sure they were prepared before they went into the studio. He wasn't making much money from being their manager until they ended up in a movie and had a few deals. It was more a labor of love.

He also talked a bit about music distribution and different deals that are more popular now. I didn't catch all of that so I am going to have to research music distribution a bit more.

He discussed also how when he first started that he would send letters to venues with a return envelope in order to book bands. Then there were phone calls. And now emails. So he spends most of his days in his office on the phone and emailing.

I think that covered everything. It lasted about 15 minutes, I didn't want to take up any more of his time. I appreciated that he took the time to talk with me. I have two more scheduled for Friday and I'm emailing a few more people. So it's excited going out and talking and meeting people and just learning some more. So yeah, woohoo!

i am sitting outside of my house on the little patio deck thingy. i just finished eating my dinner that i cooked for myself. it is the perfect temperature. the sun is setting. airplanes are flying overhead back and forth - some coming and some leaving. i hear the sounds of natures. the moon is already up and shining, a tiny bit more than half. and i'm the only one home. and i am happy.

a shift has happened where more times than not i'm happy to be home not doing anything. i choose to be here. i actually had a few options of things i could have done. but i wanted a relaxing evening at home. and i have really appreciated being able to spend it outside. it is so gorgeous out.

recently i have been seeing Erin get all caught up in her head and having expectations for people and getting let down by them and she is being bitter and upset all the time and is so focused on herself. i try hard to distance myself from all her drama and negativity because she doesn't even realize what she is doing. she is still such a great person and i am so thankful for her but i wish that she can find a happier place and not keep relying on other people to make her happy because she is going to be consistently disappointed.

but it is just a reminder that happiness is a choice and you just have to focus on the positive. i always have to remind myself that because it is hard. it is really hard sometimes. but i am so thankful and grateful for what i have and who i am and where i am and everything. life is so amazing and wonderful. and i am out here figuring it all out myself.

my life is going to change so much over the next few years. i have no idea how or where i will be but i know that i will be happy wherever i end up. because i will be with myself and i love myself and i am happy when i am with me.

wow it really felt good to type that. to full realize and understand that you are stuck with yourself so even if you are hard on yourself and even if there are some things you want to change or improve on, if you love yourself and you choose to be happy with yourself - then no matter where you are, who you are with, or what you are doing, you are happy.

in 6 weeks time i am going to be getting on a plane to go to Ireland to see my family who i haven't seen in years and to spend time with my sisters and dad. and then 2 weeks after that, 8 weeks from today, i am going to be on a plane to China where i will be for three and a half months.

it's scary. and i'm worried and nervous and often doubt if i made the right choice. but i am happy and confident in who i am and know that i will be successful and make the most out of every experience. i have a good head on my shoulders and i can handle whatever comes my way.

if the only thing i get out of this summer is truly believing and embodying this post then i have had a successful summer and it was all worth it.

the quote of the day just seemed accurate with all the boy drama that is happening to the people around me:

'Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel. –William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863)

let's just say i'm learning from then what not to do in certain situations.

hi, it's late and i should be asleep but i kind of felt like i hadn't posted here in a while and wanted to come do that. i am not completely sober, i had two drinks but i'm definitely not drunk. my fingers are just a little slower than usual, but that could just be because i'm really tired.

the thing i am most excited to tell you about is that i met Struan Shields. way back i posted a video of a cute little stop motion video and it was to one of his songs. i discovered him and his music four years ago. Katelyn liked him too. we are both facebook friends with him because he added all his fans back in the day. i have both of his EPs, one that came out in 2010 and the other in 2012. and i do remember a good amount of the words to his songs even though i haven't heard them in forever.

but i had seen that he was invited to one of the same events as i was a while back and i was like...what?! and then i looked and sure enough he was living in Nashville. and he was invited to a few more of the same events i was but i kind of forgot about him. until i saw him at Jordan Gable's show, the first time i saw him play. and i took me a second to register why he looked familiar. then i was like...oh my god. it's Struan Shields. i didn't say anything to him then and i didn't meet him then or anything. he is friends with Jordan, who i did meet then. which apparently i talked about last time. anyways so i went to another show of Jordan's and Struan was also there i believe, but again did not talk to him.

okay now fast forward and i am at Julian's house concert (more on Julian later) and Erin and I go to talk to Jordan and then Struan comes up and introduces himself. and the 16 year old inside of me is fangirling and i'm just like...is this real life? some random guy i listened to and was a fan of 4 years ago is now at the same party as me and is introducing himself to me. it sounds so crazy but stuff like that happens all the time in Nashville. anyways i didn't really talk to him too much then. and i might have been making stuff up but it seemed like he was looking at me a lot during the show. but most likely i just making that up because you see what you want to see. he is very attractive. but he has a girlfriend who is back where is his from, Virginia and they are adorable together. still i would like to be his friend. he did say bye and it was nice to meet you when he left. so i am hoping i have another chance to be at the same event as him so i can talk to him. i'll probably tell him eventually that i used to listen to his music because he may eventually find out we are friends on facebook and wonder why. but anyways it made it soooo happy to meet him.

okay Julian. so i found out that the girl he was into is Rebecca, who i had met a while ago and who actually sort of helped me get this apartment. this is all told to me by Erin by the way. but so Julian and Rebecca were hanging out a lot together (we were at Rebecca's house when i first met Julian and they were sitting next to each other and i did wonder if there was something there but anyways) but nothing actually happened. then Julian told her that he had a lot going on in his life and didn't really want anything. so fine. but then actually at Jordan's Show Number Two we (including Rebecca) saw Julian there with another girl. apparently a girl he had blown off before to hang out with Rebecca. so that was awkward. and he was with here at his house show as well. so they are a thing now. and i do not want to get involved in any of that drama so i am glad i did not talk to him at any of those shows because he just seemed like trouble. plus he doesn't look as attractive anymore and i expected to like his set more than i did. it was good, but i guess i was expecting more. he was sick so maybe that was it.

but can i just tell you the little friend group that Jordan, Julian, and Struan has going on is awesome. they have a huge bromance. and they all support each other and show up to each other's shows. when Jordan played on night two everyone ran up to the front and was jamming out and when he sang his most popular song everyone sang it so loudly. and the same at Julian's show too. it was crazy how everyone was singing along. they are really awesome friends to each other.

umm i could talk about how Erin is going through boy drama as well and is kind of crazy and about tonight but i am kind of ready to sleep now. but kind of not. i am listening to Struan's EP from 2010 right now.

oh by the way now i am not going to be home for two weeks before going to China, i'm going to Ireland instead. so there's that.