so i have a problem. not a huge problem. it's more like i should be studying for finals but i REALLY don't want to. so much so that i'm just not going to. i don't have any tomorrow but i have one friday. also i think i am going to the barn later to ride but i don't want to. i haven't rode since friday. that isn't good. but i don't want to. god. why do i keep saying that: "i don't want to". but it's not like i can change how i feel. or i guess i can but not really. i think my feelings can change but not really by choice. i can try to control them but what i feel is what i feel. i should own it. or should i? should i own my feelings even when they make someone else upset or make them feel bad in some way? or do you hide your feelings?

i do not know.

what do you think about fate?

i ask because i just finished the book "Something Like Fate" by Susane Colasanti. you know that golden rule that you don't go near your friend's boyfriend or exboyfriend or near any guy he likes? well what happens when that guy happens to be your soul mate and it is fate that you be together?

since i am jumping around topics, here is another one. i am going to put together a list. this list is for guys. it is a list that maybe will make it big time. you know like this blog will be become famous for it. hey maybe it will help a little bit. but unlike those fake facebook groups to join and see the 12 things girls like in guys, this one is legit. legit meaning real. of course this is just my opinion, other girls might think differently. and i'll add more to it as i go on in life - that is if i remember it. but i'll do it now for my 394th post instead of studying for finals or riding my horse. i'll even bold the most important parts for you.

The List All Guys Should Memorize.
1. Hold open the door for all females. All the time. Even if you don't like her, someone else might be watching you hold open that door for her.
2. Talk. Simple, just talk to her. Say hi.
3. If for some reason you mess up the first conversation then talk to her again. It doesn't matter what you say, it is more the thought and the effort. So talk to her again. Then again.
4. Be yourself. Pretending to be someone else just so she will like you so sort of disgusting. While the idea and effort is appreciated, she will probably never want to talk to you again when she finds out you are someone completely different then you said you were which leads me to...
5. Don't lie.
6. Ask her questions to show that you are interested. Ask her about what she does out of school. School-based questions are a good start but they get boring after a while.
7. Pay attention to what she says. At the same time don't over analyze every word, she sometimes chokes up and says the wrong thing too. But if she mentions something she is doing over the weekend, ask her about it on Monday.
8. Relax. Don't worry. (Not as important)
9. Ask Molly any questions you have because she will answer all of them to the best of her ability.

I'm not saying this list will get you a girlfriend or whatever but hey if I guy followed these rules then he would have a pretty good chance. Just sayin'.

Now my mother is home. She started to say "I think we should..." then she faded off so I don't know if she is thinking we should go to the barn or not. i still don't want to. i want to stay home and do nothing for the rest of my life. that last statement was false. but for today and tomorrow and maybe a week after that i would like to do the whole nothing thing. thanks.