surprise!

And they gave me a surprise. I turned around and there they all were. I was like "Oh, hi". I really had no idea. While I am not a huge surprise person I was glad they came. It was fun. Now I am so so so so so so so tired. I need to go to bed. I have horse camp tomorrow. I'll post a more detailed report tomorrow. Alrighty. I'm happy. (:

secret.

it's 10:49 am on June 27th and I want this day to be over.

and Auntie Lorrie, my favorite Aunt, isn't coming to my "party".

The Day of Birth.

Today would be mine. I'm happy but not AHAHAH IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Why do we celebrate birthdays so much? It's a big deal when it is your birthday. Is it just the fact that you have been alive for another year or has our society just built it up and made it what it is. It is a nice holiday though because everyone has their own. But not really. A guy named Nate who goes to my school as the same birthday as me, but he is a year older. That sort of makes me upset because he is stealing my birthday thunder. Whatever.

Since I have a summer birthday sixteen doesn't seem like a big deal. So many other kids in my class are already sixteen so it isn't a big deal. I already have a friend who has her license, meaning she is sixteen and a half. But now I'm sixteen. That big sweet sixteen. It doesn't seem that big. But then again I have never been a birthday person. Or maybe I use to. I would have huge pool parties with my whole class...total of 16 kids.

I am having a family party at the pool. I kind of don't want to. It means that I have to be on my best behavior. I always am but since they are over that means I can't just lounge around in a chair reading for hours. I have to talk to them, make conversation. You know that stuff. And then when I have the cake they will all be looking at me and I have to blow out the candles. That is high pressure. And then I will probably have to open up all the presents so I have to look like I love every present and I'll say thank you a million times. It will be wonderful. Not really.

I was excited for a bit yesterday because I thought Dana would be crashing my family party and then we might have gone to a movie afterwards but her mom said she is busy. Which sucks. So I get to spend my sweet sixteen birthday with my family all day! Woohoo! No huge sweet sixteen party. I am glad though. I guess. I don't like surprise parties. If I had one I would not be smiling I would probably be like OMG NO. Yeah so don't do it.

Today will be my big sixteen celebration and that's it. Then I shall move on with my life like my age never changed.
:
I'm tired. Why did I wake up so early? 9:00am is early. It was the fake excitation of the birthday.

Alrighty. Now I have to go and say "Thank you!" to a bunch of facebook posts but I have a system. Whatever they use, I use. If they use my name, I use their name. If they use a smiley face, I use a smiley face. You get what I'm saying?

Anyways I have things to do, places to go. Not really. I kind of want to go back to bed.

followup post.

Ben and Jonathan, who we knew as Johnny accepted so Johnny posted on Dana's wall "dj wants your Phone number". Dj was the nicest and yeah I can see where that is coming from. Dana was the most talkative and I think she is the prettiest. i'm a bit jealous that i didn't get a post like that but hey it's okay. i'll find someone eventually. but i haven't written on either of their walls to say sorry for not jumping off the diving board but whatever. i think the most awkward part will be the next time we go to the pool and if Dana isn't with us. if we are supposed to go and say hi to them if they are out? what if it is Ben and some different kids? anyways i won't have to worry about that until maybe Saturday or Sunday. today my mom has a lesson at 2 and then we are going to a campout with our 4h group. i don't think there will be time for the pool. saturday i'm babysitting from 10:30 to 2ish so maybe after that. then sunday i don't know what i'm doing. then the next week is horse camp so maybe after horse camp on a really hot day or something. but anyways. i always hoped they would be outside or see me or something but it is different now that we have actually talked and such. but whatever. one part of my summer. hopefully i will have a lot more.

and another followup. Finn is back in our house. apparently this morning while i was still sleeping on the way to Maeve's orthodontist appointment, her and Mommy put flyers in people's mailboxes and Amy Avakian was out. so they were talking to her and apparently some guy and his girlfriend were going around door to door with a dog trying to find her owner. obviously Finn. so then when they got back home Mommy was calling around and found out someone from Chesterfield had her. they found her in Westhampton then brought her back. so my mom went and got her and now she is home. and now Maeve has her out on a lesh to go potty because we don't trust her.

i had a dream last night that two houses down from my gramma a truck pulled out and in the back were two dogs, one of them looked like Finn and had her collar on. so we yelled at the truck to stop and we took the dog out but it wasn't Finn. it was just a dog that looked like her with her collar. so then we started yelling at the guy, demanding to know where our dog is. then i think he went inside and i threw the collar at the window and it broke and an alarm went off and i heard Finn bark. then i forced myself to wake up. it was scary. it took me a little bit to fall back asleep.

and that's all. now i am going to eat breakfast in the form of lunch. 11:16. thank goodness for summer.

okay. so today was kind of weird.

so today was Maura's end of the year pool party so we had about 20 5th, soon 6th, graders in the pool. boys and girls. and my grampa didn't mine. Maeve had her two friends Erika and Franki over and I had Bella and Dana over. we played some beach volleyball over the badminton net we set up in the front yard. the six of us just sort of hung out in the front then would go in the pool for a bit and it was all cool. it was fun. i got some silly bands. seven to be exact. they are sort of addicting.

then when everyone except for one boy from Maura's class were gone, the boys next door were out playing. i think it was Dana who had the idea to invite them to play. i think they threw the ball over there and when one of them came to give it back Dana asked if they wanted to play, because our teams were uneven. ha. they were even enough. but anyways they guy said let me go ask the other guys. we suspected they might not even come back but they did. three of them came over. so i said guys on one side, girls on the other while i sat on the sidelines. they were nice. typical boys. then Ben came over, he is the guy who actually lives in the house. then two more boys walked over, one of them lived in the house. their names were (not sure about spelling) Johnny, DJ, John, David, Peter, Ben, and their little brother Sam. we played some beach volleyball which we ruled at and some badminton, not so much. so we switched up the teams a bit. my team lost, the guys were supposed to do pushups and the girls cartwheels. instead i challenged boys against girls for volleyball and if the boys won they could jump off the diving board. then i looked and grampa had already covered the pool. we played anyways. we won but then there was big controversy so we went back a point. then they won. but the pool was closed so they didn't get their reward. then they had to go eat anyways. so they went to eat then we got some ice cream and came back to swim.

my mom knew that when we came back we were going to open up the pool and invite the boys over to swim, because they did win...sort of. so my mom dropped us off at the pool then went to pick up on chinese. so we started to open up the pool then my grampa came out and was like "you're going back in the pool? you're wearing clothes!" well we had our bathing suits on under our clothes. so he helped us get the cover off the pool then he went inside. then gramma came out and we asked her if the boys next door could come over and use the diving board. she hesitated for a bit then she said sure. so we invited them over. they didn't even make it into the pool when grampa came storming out and yelled at them to "GET OUT!". they ran away pretty quickly. my grampa was upset at him because she had already said yes. but he didn't want them over.

i have no idea why he didn't want them over. he had just had a bunch of kids over early, more than that and there were boys and girls there. was it because they were older boys? what if i wanted to have a pool party with boys and girls and invited them over? was it something that happened between grampa and the neighbors before? but i felt really bad and it was kind of scary. i always knew my grampa was grouchy but i don't remember ever seeing him that bad. i probably should have asked him first but i was scared of him before that even happened. i especially didn't talk to afterwards.

but we didn't talk to the boys again either. once they started chanting "David, David" and I think they wanted us to join but we were playing a game where you couldn't give away your location. like Marco Polo without the Marco Polo. Maeve started chanting a bit. but that was it.

i still feel bad. we tried finding them on facebook. we think we found all of them except for DJ and DJ was the nicest. but Dana and I added the other boys. i'll pretty good at facebook stalking. anyways we left without talking to them. but maybe now that the ice is sort of broken we can talk to them again but i am not sure if i want to with my grampa like that. i am not sure if my grampa even knew they were in his front yard playing with us. and if Dana isn't there i might not have the confidence. Dana was the one who talked to them mostly. but not completely. when we were playing badminton us girls were kind of just quiet most of them time but whenever the guys thought they were leaving us out out they would make sure they hit the birdie to us, or at least DJ did. once Ben and Peter's dad came over like to make sure that it was okay the boys were playing with us. i said, yeah we were the ones who invited them over. and their dad was like "are you sure you guys can go over. did Joe say it is okay?" before they came over to swim so maybe there was something that happened before.

but if you erase the last part when my grampa yelled at all of them it was a good day. a good start to the summer.

except for now. my dog is missing. once before when only my dad was home she ran away but we were in the car on the way home and we saw her in the middle of the road so we got her in the car. now the same thing happened. my dad let her out, went to get the mail, and came back and she was gone. when we were driving home we looked for her but didn't see her. my mom called her and she didn't come. then she went back out in the car to look for her and didn't see her. i'm not sure if my mom or dad is out there now. but that is kind of scary. but i didn't kind of scary than my grampa yelling.

goodness. i guess that is part of it. make new friends but have them get yelled at by your grampa and have your dog go missing. for every good thing there must be a bad thing to balance it out.

so i'm either going to go to bed now or talk to Dana some more online. it's 10:17pm on the first full day of summer. yeah man.

edit: wonderful quote of the day today. i sometimes was at a loss for words with all the boys today. but it wasn't that big of deal. Ben was kind of quiet but in a cute kind of way. sometimes it is better to be quiet than obnoxious. anyways the quote: "Who has words at the right moment?" – Charlotte Bronte (1816-1855)

Well Charlotte, I never do.

so tonight is the last night where i have school tomorrow. goodness i'm tired. i have one final. this one sounds like it is going to be the hardest. i studied a little bit but not nearly as much as i should have. i'm done with school. the only worry is when i get my final report card back the place for "final" will have a horrible grade and everyone who my mother shares my report card with will see it. but any studying i do now won't help. i'm too tired.

after i decided that studying was going to work, my head was already done with history and thinking, i watched Pretty Little Liars, a new tv series. well they have me hooked now. if there wasn't school tomorrow i would be watching the next episode right now. but one thing about it that i don't like, all the girls who are supposed to be 16 look so much older than 16. like way older. college girls old. i don't like that. and the show is creepy. like really creepy. but good. very good. they are based off of books, i think my mom checked them out of the library a while ago. they have crappy covers so i never felt the urge to pick it up and read it. my mom started reading one and she said it wasn't that good. well this tv show series is good.

i think i'm just going to go to bed now and not even take a shower because i'm a rebel like that. one more day of school. one more. actually only an hour and a half. then a riding lesson. then three days till my birthday. then my permit. then horse camp. then summer.

APUSH.

what an appropriate 400th post. i am pretty sure once i start eleventh grade i won't have any time for this waster of time. currently it is wasting time that should be used to study for finals. yep. that ain't gonna happen next year.

so APUSH stands for Advanced Placement United States History. a.k.a it is a really hard class about stuff in the past that no one cares about.

so i just read all the letters of advice from kids who took APUSH this year and the year before....i am sick of hearing the words "Time Management". seriously i am pretty sure every single letter said those two words. but i get it.

the letters sort of seemed like they were from some secret club that you had to be invited into. i'm excited to be taking it next year. yes i am excited. i am excited to get that million page book that i have to read and read it. i'm not too excited to answer the questions about the book but i'm going to do it. i'm also excited to start my first IDS. i'm also excited to kick this class's butt before i can kick mine. i am going to try my hardest to do the whole two IDSs a night. i am going to try to stay on top of everything. everyone said that Mrs. Schott's class is killer but i survived with an average higher than 80 on every report card and for quarter three i had a 90 thank you very much. so i'm ready to go.

i am also excited to write my letter for the next year. i am already seeing myself at the finish line. i'm also excited to create the "family" in the class. maybe this class will help with the whole "she doesn't talk" thing. or it will do the opposite. whatever. i'm still excited for the class.

i think the most annoying part of the class will be the complaining. i'm not a complainer. i think complainers should shut their pie hole. such as Katelyn who has already posted as her faceook status: "Already starting to dislike APUSH." Why the heck are you taking the class if you get your summer work and you don't like the class? Why don't you just quit now because i don't want to listen to you complaining all year.

Katelyn's dad did give me a ride to the barn today but i kind of wish she didn't because then i could have walked with Ian but that could have proofed awkward but still. when someone offers you a ride you don't refuse because you would rather walk. doesn't make sense. not when you are carrying a 40 million pound APUSH book.

anyways happy 900th post, first day of summer, and all of that stuff. i only have two days left. stupid 7th period final. Maeve's done after tomorrow. whatever. can i just get on with my two months without school?

now i have to study. i don't want to. so i'm still rambling. ramble. ramble. ramble. wow. i have no life. at least next year i'll have AP to take up the time.

Fun Day.

today i participated in my 11th fun day. fun day is basically an afternoon where there are different stations set up and you pick the three you want to do and you just go and have fun with your friends. i have done that ever since kindergarden. i'm in 10th grade now. now of course i help out instead of actually doing everything. i've been in charge of jump rope before and this year i did scavenger hunt with Bella, Maeve, and my mom. most of the kids were just off and that was it. sometimes you would have to help them. and after the three sessions you went and watched a camp of kick ball, teachers vs. sixth graders. throughout this day i made a lot of new friends. most of them were in kindergarden, 1st grade, or 2nd grade. they are the kind of friends you should have. i'm gonna list them for you. Keenan, Kelsea, Olivia, and Carly were the younger kids who hung out with me during the kickball game. in addition to Cadence who i already knew. i never felt like i had so many friends until then. seriously. two girls just walked up to me and i started talking to them. and when we were doing the scavenger hunt people would come and ask me questions and i would help them out. it made me feel good about myself. i wish i could see what all those kids are going to be like as teenagers, adults, and what their kids are going to be like. they are some pretty good kids.

i think about what some of them will be like as teeangers. Keegan, who is in 3rd grade this year, he is going to be extremely good looking. Kyle M. who is in sixth grade this year too. seriously. why can't they be 7 or 4 years older?

anyways i like little kids a lot. i should get a job at a daycare somewhere instead of working in an office. but now i have to study for finals. ew.

guess who it is. it's me. molly. how do you guess?

so i saw an improv show. last one of the year. i love improv shows. so much. they make me smile. and laugh. and make me realize how i can never think of suggestions. and abby were you pointing at me when you said you know what my favorite improv game is or were you trying to point at someone else but you were blinded by the lights so you couldn't really tell because i do not know what my favorite improv game is.

anyways in addition to the wonderful improvers the insingerators, aka the HRHS acapella singing group, sang. they were so good too. i wish i could sing like they do or at least sing somewhat well. i don't. i enjoy singing but not everyone enjoys listening to me. but the person who i think did fabulous job was Cam Cote. that was the first time i had ever heard him sing and it made me smile a lot. he's one of those people who if he was a year older and i actually had classes with i would like to get to know him. i still do want to but that is kind of hard. but i did leave him a message on his facebook wall saying how i think he did a fantastic job. sure i never talk to him on facebook but what the heck i'm never going to see him again until September and he deserves to know he did a fantastic job. ah. i think that is it. but he did a very good job.

and another person to add to my list of regrets (not Cam but you could add him too if you want) is Courtney H. who was new to this school this year. i have no idea why i didn't try to become friends with her but now i realize i should have.

now time to eat ice cream and watch tv because i don't have school tomorrow.

So tired. I have given up studying. I didn't get as much studying done as I should of. Oh well. I paid attention all year. I should be fine. It's multiple choice. Gah. I'm really tired. It's because I stayed up later than I normally do this week. Now it catches up with me. Nighty Night. Wish me luck on my final tomorrow. And just so you know, I'm not stressed - just tired. I think I might eat some ice cream. That doesn't require thinking.

the end...

of classes for sophomore year. i still have finals but i never will walk through those hallways on my way to a class a sophomore. i will never eat lunch as a sophomore again. i will never be a sophomore. lie. i'll still be a sophomore until wednesday when finals are over.

i want to do a few things in this blog. one: regrets. not for myself, just more so people are aware i guess, hopefully for the future because Abby pretty much already knows. just in case this blog does make it. two: revisit old blogs back when ninth grade ended or when 10th grade started. three: celeeebrrratteee!

now babysitting. it is 3:11pm now. i will return soon.

it's 5:11 and i'm back. i should be studying for my spanish final tomorrow but i'll leave that later tonight. can you tell i'm not worried about finals? okay so let's move on to my regrets.

my biggest one is not talking to more people. meeting new people. making new friends. sure this is high school but who says you can't do that now? i already sort of mentioned this in a previous blog when i made the resolution to talk to more people next year. but i'm going to be more specific now. like list the people that i think i could have actually been friends with had i opened my mouth. i'm not talking about "crushes" (while some of them could have turned into crushes/already were) but these are people i truly believe i could have been friends with had i made an effort. i didn't though. darn it. but here you go. wait do you want a reason too? of course you do. this blog is famous for including juicy details (what?).

Dan J. Or Daniel but no one calls him that. Yeah. I had the same art class as him. Ouch. I had to use "had" I'm use to saying "have art class" that is so so sad. but anyways back to Dan because this is his 15 seconds of fame. unless next year...but this isn't next year. this is my regrets for this year because i do have regrets even though you aren't supposed to have regrets. but seriously back on topic. i heard him talk to Mr. Smith and some of the other kids in the class and he just seemed like a genuinely good kid. but that sounds corny. he seemed really nice. i probably could have gone up and struck up a conversation any time and it would have been fabulous but i didn't. shucks. why not? because i'm a coward. that's the simple explanation and probably the most accurate. anyways. i guess i should move on. WAIT. today i was passing him in the hallway and we did that whole thing when you meet someone's eyes and i am pretty sure he smiled a bit but then we moved on. but it sucked when i saw him talking to Rachel or asking for the junior (soon to be senior) Sam's number. it really did suck because that could have been me.

Scott L. This goes along with Dan because he also was in my gym class. I don't regret talking to me as much as Dan since Scott is a year younger than me. Why does age/grade mean so much in high school? It doesn't when you get older. James Madison was around 17 years older than Dolley Madison. anyways. just another note.

Emily L & Jess Nardi. I just grouped those two together but they are just two very nice girls who I would have loved to talk to. I did say a comment here or there but that was it. Just some people you know.

Adam M. Another one of those nice guys I probably could have talked to at any time but I never did. He sat behind me in history for basically forever and I never said anything. My fault.

And a bunch of other people but I am getting sick of listing people. Those are your main people up there. If you are wondering why you aren't at that list, don't worry you probably should be. I probably would have loved to talk to you this year.

This year kind of sucked. It was easy academically but socially it was boring. Yep. Boring equals sucky. I should be thankful that nothing horrible happened and I am but you always just hope for more. Enough regrets. Let me just mention that my overall regret was that i wish i had spoken more altogether. It's hard to do though when you have been quiet for such a long time.

Now I want to go and read old posts. That is fun.

So here is what you need to know from June 2009. On Friday, June 5, I said "i'm done." Then on June 17th. Wow. Exactly a year ago. Not a coincident. On purpose. First post at 2:46pm I had a nice big rant about who I am compared to how people see me. Nothing has changed there. But here is a paragraph I wrote a year ago today.

"next year i will be a sophomore. that is going to be my transformation year. that is going to be the year that people look at me and say, "is she the same Molly Ronan that was here in 9th grade?" it will be next year. so take a good look at me for these last two days of classes and four days of finals because after that i'm not going to be the same. i'm just not. i won't allow myself. and Abby - all those "you"s up there were not directed to you. i'm sure you can imagine who it was directed to. i love you Abby. thank you for being here for me. get ready for next year cause i'm not putting up with another Molly like this year. everyone is going to know my name next year and not because i'm the kid with swine flu. thank you."

That was a fail. That did not happen at all. And guess what, I am thinking the same this year about next year. Isn't insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different result? Yeppers. There you go.

Now the same day, 4 hours later, I had my typical clear up post where I say that everything I said in my last post was because my emotions were controlling me. That still happens now.

Not an half an hour later from that post where I said I was in a better mood blah blah I write:

"i don't know if i can do this. these finals are bring me down once again. i feel overwhelmed."

Hahahahaha. I'm not feeling overwhelmed at all. Maybe next week I will but hey whatever happens during finals happen. I ain't stressin about it. Ha. I better not be writing that sentence on my english final.

Now a day later from when I wrote:

"it really has just sunk in that i will never be a freshman again after tomorrow. except for finals. tomorrow will be the last day that i will walk those hallways this year. tomorrow will be the last day of my little freshmen routine. can't i just stay in this year forever? can't i just stay in my comfort zone? no. i can't. i'm going to be a sophomore. i'm going to have to take that first step. no one else can do it for me. so yeah. it is just starting to sink in now and it is scary. extremely scary."

Sophomore year wasn't scary at all. It was easy and normal and wasn't out of my comfort zone. There you go. And I never write another blog post until July 3rd and school is discussed once on July 20th when I was all excited about maybe some teenagers renting out our old house and going to the same school as me. Weird that now the people who are renting out our house is right behind me in the doorway. Maeve was babysitting the little girl and the mom just came to pick her up. Yep.

then on August 30th i wrote:

"in a way i can't wait for school to start but then i really don't want to go back to that hell hole. i want a routine again. i don't want to be eating dinner at 8:30 every night. i don't want to wake up and be stuck home until 6 o'clock when my mother comes home and i see her for the first time that whole day. i don't want to be riding at 9pm. i want to have my normal schedule. but i also don't want to wake up at 6:30 everyday. i don't want to be stuck at school and deal with all the awful people and work though i miss my friends. i said that this was going to be my transformation year but it probably isn't. maybe i'll at least make some new friends and keep the ones i already have. if i had a friend in each class that would pretty much make my whole year and currently that isn't the case so i might want to change that."

which is fairly accurate except for the fact i didn't make any new friends. I mention the word "school" a total of 16 times during the month of August.

Then September 2009. The beginning of sophomore year. I wrote 40 posts during that one month. The only other two times I wrote more than that was March of 2010, 71 posts, and April of 2010, 46 posts. But still you must realize that in one month there is only 30/31 days. But I'm not going to reread September posts. Those are just reminders of what I use to be. No need for that. I'm going to change and become confident and talk and HAHAHA. that's what I said last year. You know whatever happens happens. If it does, great, if it doesn't, i'll be fine.

There you go. Time to study. Maybe. Eh it's only 6:16.

395?

two more points.

1) a lot of world cup players are very good looking.

2) another point to add to The List for the boys/guys/those of the male species:

10. Invite her to one of your games/performance/whatever. That way she will feel welcome but don't take it personally if she can't make it because maybe she just can't make it.
11. So invite her again.

so i have a problem. not a huge problem. it's more like i should be studying for finals but i REALLY don't want to. so much so that i'm just not going to. i don't have any tomorrow but i have one friday. also i think i am going to the barn later to ride but i don't want to. i haven't rode since friday. that isn't good. but i don't want to. god. why do i keep saying that: "i don't want to". but it's not like i can change how i feel. or i guess i can but not really. i think my feelings can change but not really by choice. i can try to control them but what i feel is what i feel. i should own it. or should i? should i own my feelings even when they make someone else upset or make them feel bad in some way? or do you hide your feelings?

i do not know.

what do you think about fate?

i ask because i just finished the book "Something Like Fate" by Susane Colasanti. you know that golden rule that you don't go near your friend's boyfriend or exboyfriend or near any guy he likes? well what happens when that guy happens to be your soul mate and it is fate that you be together?

since i am jumping around topics, here is another one. i am going to put together a list. this list is for guys. it is a list that maybe will make it big time. you know like this blog will be become famous for it. hey maybe it will help a little bit. but unlike those fake facebook groups to join and see the 12 things girls like in guys, this one is legit. legit meaning real. of course this is just my opinion, other girls might think differently. and i'll add more to it as i go on in life - that is if i remember it. but i'll do it now for my 394th post instead of studying for finals or riding my horse. i'll even bold the most important parts for you.

The List All Guys Should Memorize.
1. Hold open the door for all females. All the time. Even if you don't like her, someone else might be watching you hold open that door for her.
2. Talk. Simple, just talk to her. Say hi.
3. If for some reason you mess up the first conversation then talk to her again. It doesn't matter what you say, it is more the thought and the effort. So talk to her again. Then again.
4. Be yourself. Pretending to be someone else just so she will like you so sort of disgusting. While the idea and effort is appreciated, she will probably never want to talk to you again when she finds out you are someone completely different then you said you were which leads me to...
5. Don't lie.
6. Ask her questions to show that you are interested. Ask her about what she does out of school. School-based questions are a good start but they get boring after a while.
7. Pay attention to what she says. At the same time don't over analyze every word, she sometimes chokes up and says the wrong thing too. But if she mentions something she is doing over the weekend, ask her about it on Monday.
8. Relax. Don't worry. (Not as important)
9. Ask Molly any questions you have because she will answer all of them to the best of her ability.

I'm not saying this list will get you a girlfriend or whatever but hey if I guy followed these rules then he would have a pretty good chance. Just sayin'.

Now my mother is home. She started to say "I think we should..." then she faded off so I don't know if she is thinking we should go to the barn or not. i still don't want to. i want to stay home and do nothing for the rest of my life. that last statement was false. but for today and tomorrow and maybe a week after that i would like to do the whole nothing thing. thanks.

do you know that feeling when you are very tired but you don't want to go to sleep? yeah that's me right now. i know i should go up and get in the shower and go to sleep but that would be like admitting i still have school tomorrow. i don't want school tomorrow. yes we only have two more days of classes (two!) but i still don't wanna go. and then i have finals but i still have to wake up early for those. i am so so so so so so so so ready for summer. i'm already in summer mood. where is summer? gah. go by quickly last six days of waking up at 6:30am. please. i am done with sophomore year. so so so so so so so done. sos.

haha.
hah.
ahahah.
i'm tired.
i really wonder if this blog will go anywhere. go places. i really hope it does. then everyone can see how a teenager girl's mind works when she is tired at 8:55pm. do you know that some people my age think that going to bed at ten pm is early and they normally go to bed at midnight? hahahaha. ten pm is late for me and i wouldn't be able to function properly the next day if i went to bed at midnight. i would break down crying in some class or trip someone. seriously. i need my sleep. then why i am still here typing when i should be sleeping. you know that is a good question. and i have one answer for you. i don't wanna. i don't wanna. hahahahahaha. i'm so tired.

i blame school. school is driving me crazy. literally. i am going crazy right now. so sick of this. i only have to go through this one more time, not including this time, then the time after that i'll be a senior and i'll be heading off to college. goodness.

i would like to get my permit first.

11th grade. read this. k?

this isn't really about 11th grade because i don't feel like a junior yet. juniors are old. i'm not old.

this is about a resolution i am making for 11th grade. this is if there is someone in the class that a) i think would make a good friend b) is very cute c) would like to know better d) for some reason i just want to talk to...i will talk to them. i will talk to them more than once. i will make an effort to get to know them. not just an effort. a big effort. unless i find out there are a completely jerk/creeper/dud/woahno. because i could give you a list of people this year who i would have liked to have gotten to know but i didn't because i never took the first step and said hi to them. so nothing happened. next year, i'll talk to everyone though and i won't miss out on anyone.

there you go. now i am going to get something to eat and go babysit because this resolution does not effect me until September 3rd 2010. boom.

read books. they speak the truth.

so i just started reading this book. and i just read this paragraph and i stopped reading immediantly after i read it to come and post it up here because it is completely true. it's from the book "Something Like Fate" by Susane Colasanti. it has a big purple couch on the front = awesome cover.

"In a school as small as ours, you know the names of everyone in your class. there are seventy-three people in our junior class. Most of us have got to school together since first grade. But that doesn't mean we actually know one another. I know people by their reputations and who they hang out with and how they act in class. These judgments aren't based on truth. You can't ever know the real anybody unless you're friends with them. And sometimes not even then."

yeah. scary accurate.

i feel cool. why? 1) because i am wearing a silly bandz currently and 2) i just watched the USA vs. England world cup game. i saw Tim Howard save USA's butt over and over again. i saw Green make the mistake that will change his life. i saw Dempsey make the goal made out of luck.

pretty much. today is sort of a sucky day. i haven't seen the sun yet. i haven't accomplished anything other than making pancakes for the first time in my life. now i'm going to go to the barn. peaaacceee outttt.

Quotation!

Todayyyy the quotation is:
"He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god." – Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC)

soo hey there. like i didn't know it already but today i found out i really like it when guys play music. matt played the guitar during english today and i thought it was fabulous. of course i have already had a crush on matt and that's gone so too bad. but if it was any other guy playing the guitar i probably would have fallen in love with him or something like that. you know what i mean. i could imagine myself lying around the house while my boyfriend played his guitar for me and while i am singing along. pretty much.

but it's not like i have to have a boyfriend who plays music. really. i could also see myself sitting on the bleachers watching him run around a field during a sports game getting all sweaty. or i could see myself sitting in the audience biting on my sleeve while he delivers his lines on the stage. but i guess what i'm getting at is they can't sit on their butt all day doing nothing - goals, activities, and such = important. dancing is amazing too.

i have two new online crushes. nooooo not like that. one is a youtuber and another was on america's got talent. Seth, or aquaticsh33p, is on youtube. i like his videos and personality. according to his twitter, he likes Glee too. so chhhyyeahhh. i look forward to another video from him. but someone who i like even more know is Taylor Matthews. he was on America's Got Talent and when he first started talking i was reallllyyy hoping he would do well. he did absolutely amazing. you know after Glee covers a song normally no one else can do it as well. Taylor did. he sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. it was a wonderful version and he sang it wonderfully and i absolutely loved him. i still love him. i looked him up online and he has a newly created website which you should go see here and ah. he is lovely. he is playing a show tomorrow but it's in Louisiana so I shall not be going to see. but now i have to watch America's Got Talent. and let's add him to the list of people i want to meet one day. there you go. now i have to go scrounge the internet for more information about this Taylor Matthews and watch more America's Got Talent for other talented people worth my attention. alrighty.

really really loves glee.

ah.

i think i am going to try to talk about something important. you know. something other than my passing teenage fantasies. why you ask? because i'm bored and i don't feel like getting up and doing anything but i want to do something. this is something. maybe one day this will actually be important. now where to start. oh. let's give you some instructions.

1. stop. whatever you are doing. stop. except breathing and performing normal bodily functions.
2. breath.
3. think. or stop thinking. think about the bigger picture. not about school. not about him. not about her. think about life. think about your blessings.
4. smile.
5. relax.
6. continue. but slow down. and try not to worry so much. you know. just go with the flow.

that wasn't anything really important. but maybe it is. do you ever just stop and look around and admire how fabulous everything is. seriously.

do all people do that? that meaning worry about the little things. get worked up in the little things. like a guy. i do that often. i could give you a list of all the guys i have spent more time thinking about then was probably worth my time. do you want that list? now i'm trying to decide if i should list them or not. that would require digging into my past. but i wanted to make this post about something important. guys that i have thought about and guys that have caused butterflies in my stomach are not important. but does everyone get caught up in the little things so they forget? like that test you have tomorrow and you so aren't prepared for it. so you freak and you don't get much sleep. but really a year from now that test will be forgotten and that will be that.

this blog was pretty much a waste. i'm going to go into the shower and move on with my life. maybe practice for my history project tomorrow or maybe not. i am done with school. i couldn't care less about the rest of my projects. seriously. spanish project? Keith i don't really care if you do what you are supposed to do. if my grade suffers, oh well. i am done.

i'm fourth in the class and all i got was one award for outstanding achievement in mathematics along with 20 other people so it barely even counts. gargums.

go read my other blog to see what i think about awards. i just couldn't mention my frustration about the above topic in that blog. identity secret and all.

hey,
last night i was i just one in a football stadium. just one little girl sitting in a seat on the floor looking at all the people filling all those bleachers. all those 55,000 people there to see Taylor Swift. i was just another one. no one special. just someone to fill in one of the seats in the sold out show.

that was last night. eventually i will be more than that. i will be more than a number. i will be somebody. so take what time you can from me now because it won't be there forever. nope. one day i'm going to be more.
- molly.

go listen to the song "Words" by Train right now. go. what are you waiting for?

babygroup!

awww. it sounds wonderful doesn't it? the baby group. because babies are so cute and adorable. what happens when they turn into teenagers?

i think i may have mentioned the babygroup before when i discussed Dakota, who by the way I still haven't seen performed - this summer? anyways they all magically appeared on facebook. first one of the girls from 4H who i am friends with on facebook was tagged in a photo. i don't know why i clicked on it but i did and the girl next to her was Kelly McDonald who is the sister of the girl who was in the original babygroup. crap i never said what the babygroup is. all of our parents were in the same birthing class together and they kept in touch and they forced all of us to get together and play. anyways. so i find this Kelly girl and i like woahh. so i find her sister and add her as a friend. she accepts. now we are friends. i was going to post something on her wall but then i never did. and she never did for me. that was a while ago. now my mom posted a movie up of the glee concert and she tagged me in it so i got an email when someone commented on it. so i read it and would you fancy that it was from the mother of the only boy in our babygroup. so of course i look on her profile and Chris is listed under her Children so i add him as a friend. and i just got an email saying he accepted my friend request but then when i went to his profile i wasn't his friend. -_-. so either he added me, then deleted me, or facebook made a mistake. so i send a friend request again so we will see. but if he just doesn't want to be friends me that makes no sense since he has over 700 friends. anyways. on his wall, which i can see even though i'm not his friend, Elana another member had posted because apparently she had ran into him after driving school the other day and they were talking about a sweet 16 party for the babygroup. so i added Elana as my friend and she mentioned Avery and Jenna so i looked them up on facebook. Avery was there so I sent her a friend request but Jenna didn't have one. i'm trying to think of who else there was. i think that may have been it.

but they are all so good looking. Sierra is absolutely beautiful and she has a boyfriend. Elana and Avarey are also gorgeous. I am sure Jenna is as well, I always thought she was the prettiest. i'm just me. i don't think of ugly, but i don't think i am amazingly amazing in the looks department like they are. not to mention Chris is absolutely adorable which i am sure all the other girls in the babygroup think as well so there he goes to the rest of the amazing girls. and you know they say "yes let's get together!" but i can tell you right now what is going to happen. all the parents will get together and talk and pretend like they are so happy they got back together. Jenna, Avery, and Elana will most likely be all over Chris which will leave me the loner who is her mother's shadow. i don't know about Sierra or whoever i'm missing because i sure i am. but Elana and i were close for a while but then we shshshshhh drifted apart i guess. Dakota was always my closest friend but she is off in Vermont. so i'm having mixed feelings about the babygroup get together. i won't organize one but if there is one i will probably go.

this was pretty much a waste. i just don't want to do my history project which is due on Monday. i am going to a Taylor Swift concert tomorrorrroww! i am so excited! Dana had two extra tickets to the concert and she invited me and Bella. i was actually shocked that she invited me but i'm so excited. my sisters are jealous but hey. i amamamam soo excited. but that means i need to practically finish my project today. goodness. i should go do that and stop thinking about the baby group and why Chris decided he didn't want to be my friend.

i am so lucky.

so i debated not even writing a blog about this because it is such a huge topic. but here i am.

this was an emotional roller coaster. i'm big on sleep and i didn't get much so that just make me even more over the top. i kind of wish we could have just jumped to the concert then jumped back. the worst part: getting the trivia question wrong. -_- seriously. that sucked so much. i panicked under the pressure. whatever. the whole pre-show party wasn't too great. the only good part was winning the raffle, too bad i didn't win the t-shirt that was signed. the other low part was nearly falling asleep outside of the London hotel for two seconds of seeing them. I hope they saw when I waved as they drove away in their Diva car.

but the concert was soooo amazing. Radio City Music Hall itself is amazing. it is so huge. 20,000 people? and the actually concert was aahahahahhh. we were so close. we were so lucky we got seats that close. we were literally 5 normal sized steps away from the stage, three rows back. you could see their faces so well. I could see Cory Monteith's sweat on his face. Oh my goodness. and I could see the Jonathan Groff spitting as he sang with Lea. ohhhhh. it was so great. they all looked exactly the same as they do on tv and it was just fabulous.

we waited outside from 11:30 to 3 for them to arrive and when they did they just walked right in then they came out for a brief signature session. Maeve and Abby were up front but i had to leave them because i nearly passed out. but when they came out for signatures they blocked off the road and i was able to get up front there and Kevin/Artie wished me a happy birthday! woohoo! and he signed my sister's shirt and Dijon signed mine and Puck almost signed mine but then the security guard took him away.

so i have a new reason to become a very successful businesswoman. so when i wait outside for hours to see someone they will actually stop and talk to me. so i won't be just a face in the crowd. so i will be someone worth stopping for. i'm a human just like the glee cast yet people will wait outside for hours just to see a glimpse of their face for two seconds, me included. they will pay hundreds of dollars to just see them perform. i waited outside their hotel for hours and they didn't even look at me. so one day that is going to change. one day i am going to become so successful that i will arrange a meeting with them and they will treat me like an equal, not just some fan. too bad our society has it set up like this so i will never be able to have the opportunity unless i "become somebody" but don't worry that will happen.

in case i forget the glee cast (i would never!) here they are (in no particular order): Cory Monteith, Lea Michele, Kevin McHale, Dianna Agron, Chris Colfer, Jessalyn Gilsig, Jane Lynch, Jayma Mays, Matthew Morrison, Amber Riley, Mark Salling, Jenna Ushkowitz, Naya Rivera, Heather Morris, Harry Shum, Jr., Dijon Talton, and Jonathan Groff.

so there you go. now back to my everyday life like Sunday night never happened.