sorry, i'm very moody recently.
my family has had three weeks to cope with everything when i was at school not thinking about it. but still they aren't that good either. maeve cried today when she saw that i had decorated everything. then later that day she said she was the happiest she had been in a month. we really are like a train wreck at my house. we are trudging through though and trying. it's just so hard to be so strong all the time.
and i don't know why i don't want to do anything. like i'm just sitting at home really but i feel like i shouldn't be anywhere else. like i shouldn't be having fun when this is happening. not really but something like that. i don't know, i have all these weird sickening feelings that i'm not used to.

but i just need to focus on the R5&TM concert. mommy got this email from Taylor's manager, Marisa (who is awesome):

Nancy,

You and the girls (will your husband be joining as well?) are set for both the Boston & NYC shows for whatever you need. Have you already gotten tickets? Or do we need to include you on the list? 

We will be sure to also set aside some time before both shows or whichever of your choosing to visit with Taylor. I've cc'ed Amudha who will help coordinate. 

Amudha -- Please make sure Nancy and her family are taken care of. Thanks, Nancy, and I hope you ladies have a wonderful time! 

Very best

ahh so i'm excited. and then Maeve was saying "what are we going to talk about or say" to which mommy was saying how Taylor and I would talk and have plenty to talk about and how they can just be the two little sisters. I really hope that is the case. I was telling myself that I just have to pretend like we are best friends and talk like we are catching up. How was your first show? Are you excited for the rest of the show? Okay, be honest, tell me what R5 is really like. And just being excited and open and talkative and happy. I really hope it goes well. And can I just share some more of my hopeful thoughts? Okay so Taylor and I will hit it off right away and he will want to stay in touch (as in maybe follow me on twitter or instagram, or maybe even numbers which would practically complete my life) and then maybe he will ask what we are doing after the show to which i was say, we have nothing really planning why do you ask? to which he would say, well if you are interested you could join us in times square to grab a bite to eat. and then i would be like, well my sisters might be too tired but my dad is okay with it, they could go back with the hotel with him and i could hang out with you guys as long as you could get me back to my hotel. and then i could just party with the band all night. be a groupie, yeah? XD

i know, i know. realistically this is what would probably happen. somehow we will be escorted to meet Taylor before the show. he will ask us some questions, i will try to ask him some questions. it will be sufficiently awkward. maybe we will catch a glance of R5. then we will go and watch the show and have a fun time singing along and bopping around. then i will go back to the hotel with my family without any word from Taylor or R5. and then the same thing will happen at the Boston show. but maybe i can make the most out of those two talks. i want to be friends with that goofball. he acts like he is a cool LA upandcoming star, but i know he is still the same goofy kid that was on America's Got Talent. which is why he is so awesome.

but you know, anything can happen.

i just have to hold onto Taylor and R5 and my X-Factor lovlies (I've been listening to Fifth Harmony's version of Anything Can Happen and Emblem 3's versions of Hey Judge and Baby, I Love You Way) and they will get me through. only 4 days until I get to see Taylor and R5!