i'm so tired.
i was about to tell about what happened but ahhh exhaustion just hit me.
just come on Taylor, why do you make me like you so much?! you come sleep over my house, interact with my sisters more than me with (mostly because i'm just so starstruck still and don't even know what to say), and then just off you go to Syracuse and then back to California. blahhhh why are you such an amazing singer and amazing guy and so good looking?
i mentioned how my friends from Babson and I were talking about going to California for spring break to my mom and she was all excited and thought I should. even if i didn't end up going with any friends from Babson i could stay with Vivian who lives in Disneyland or my mom's friend Lisa or see if Lou would let me stay with her. and i would just hang out in Cali, hopefully be able to hang out with Taylor and i don't know. i still feel like Taylor and I will never be as good as friends as i would like.

and i feel freaking bad about not going to josh's but i really don't want to. all i want right now is to sleep and be home. i don't want to have to deal with driving there and deal with his family and have to be happy and make conversation with josh and plus i would get no sleep sleeping on the couch with him because it's just so uncomfortable and small. and i don't know what is going on with him because honestly i never feel the motivation to plan something to hang out with him. texting him and seeing him are becoming something i have to do, not something i want to do.

so tonight is new year's eve and i'm going to be in bed most definitely before midnight and i don't care about that whole midnight kiss thingy because honestly it's just another day.