i just want to fangirl a little bit more. okay how about we make a deal? i can fangirl until Thursday. and then i'll take a break until after Christmas and then i'll get amped back up for concert number two on the 30th. well, i'll try. and today is fangirling.

is it bad that i'm jealous over a tweet that doesn't really even specify who it is about? and that i have a boyfriend. probably but that's the life of a fangirl. (ha, i think i am funny for calling myself a fangirl because i don't really identify myself as one...but maybe i should just accept it because all the neon blinking caps-locked signs are pointing to fangirl) but anyways, Taylor posted this tweet: "she makes beauty look effortless." which is obviously not about me so i am jealous of whoever it is about. if it is about someone. of course it is, he is a 21 year old guy.

right don't remind me about the significant age difference. and how appropriate i am listening to R5's song "wishing i was 23" okay, i don't wish i was 23 but 21 would be nice, or make Taylor and Riker 18 or 19.

i'm just thinking about all the other girls who are out there that are just like me. watching videos. listening to music. thinking about different scenarios. getting pumped up for the concert. they love Taylor and Riker and the rest of R5 just as much as i do, if not more. we all have dreams of being best friends with them, if not more. but what are the odds of that happening? slim to none. i mean i went to freaking Disneyland with Taylor and we still aren't friends, he doesn't even follow me on twitter or instagram. we are blessed if he likes a photo we tag him in. so i really should stop thinking about...what if? i'll just be disappointed in the end.

where do fangirls go after they are done fangirling? do they always love their band? what happens when they are happily married? would they still want to be "Mrs." whoever? or have they moved on? or do they realize that they never really knew the guys they thought they did. ahh, i don't want to marry them. i don't want to marry anyone. i mean, i want to get married eventually, but i don't know to who yet. and i'm questioning the whole marriage thing now thanks to my parents. but back to the point. what is the point? that the life of a fangirl is hard. or what is the life of a fangirl? i'm new to this.

i don't want to over think it. this is what i want to do. i want to have my crush on Taylor and my crush on all the members of R5 (um yes, Rydel too). i don't want to think of it beyond that. i love their music. and i love who they are even more so. or who i think they are, which i hope is pretty accurate (and just throwing this out there, i would love to find out if i am or am not accurate but that's back to my previous point). and i want to get super excited when i meet them and take their pictures and have them sign stuff and i want to be really excited like getting one picture with them and getting their signature really means something. (which it might not, i mean, what really is a signature? i would much rather a few hours getting to know each other with the possible exchange of twitters/instagrams/numbers) and i want to sing their songs on the top of my long while jumping up and down in a sea of other girls doing the same thing. (okay i would prefer a serenade versus a concert but i do love concerts)

okay now i need to stop thinking about this, because i am overthinking it. i'm going to go back to my fangirling and watch youtube videos of the warblers so i can see Riker and old videos of Taylor on AGT and maybe i'll even watch Austin and Ally even though that might be one of the worst shows in existence, but i love Ross!

peace out, this has been a true account from a fangirl. (real fangirls might be mad at me for identifying as a fangirl since i am not at their level. i'm sorry! don't hate me!)